I So Don't Do Makeup

by Barrie Summy

  “Tricking Will sounds like a great plan.” The frown is back across Lacey’s forehead. “But how’re we gonna fit that in before Fantabulous You!?”

  “We can’t,” Junie says. “Which means he’ll be on the loose and looking to do damage at the event.”

  We move into a discussion about security and safeguarding the makeup products and keeping Will away from the kiosk.

  “Nick and I can tail him on Saturday,” Josh says. “Constantly.”

  “Sprinkle baby powder all over the kiosk at closing each evening,” I suggest. “Then it’s easy to see if anything’s been touched.”

  “We’ve already had a huge response to our Fantabulous You! classes.” Lacey’s voice is shaky. “Any makeup mishaps, and it’s the end of my business.”

  “But if everything goes right, Naked Makeup will totally take off,” Amber says, her eyes sparkling. “You guys should tape Fantabulous You!”

  “Sherry and I could take over Will detail when Nick and Josh start taping,” Junie says.

  I nod slowly. This is getting complicated.

  “To really do it right,” Nick says, “we’ll need two cameras. I know a guy who’ll lend us one.”

  Nick and Josh take off to borrow another camera.

  Lacey’s cell rings. Another client for a Fantabulous You! morning slot.

  The picture of a certain someone and her long gray braid pops into my mind. “Can I reserve a spot for my grandmother?” I ask. “She’s finally ready to update her makeup and hair. Well, to start wearing makeup.”

  “Absolutely.” Lacey writes down Sherry’s grandmother. “Consider her in.”

  Amber sends Junie and me out to the parking lot to slip flyers under the wipers of each car.

  I stop distributing flyers when Brianna calls.

  “Sherry, big news!” Brianna says.

  “Your parents broke down and are giving you a clothing allowance?” I say.

  “Well, not quite that big.” Brianna pauses. “I quit the Janes.”

  “Smart girl!”

  “Actually, they asked me to leave. I’m fine with it, though. I was starting to cheat a little with my mascara wand. And, uh, my new palette of eye shadow. And a very, very light application of rose lip gloss.”

  “It was a strange club, Bri. Even the Latin club would be better.” Then I tell Brianna all about Fantabulous You!

  “I’ll call for an afternoon appointment,” Brianna says, all excited. “I can’t go in the morning because I’m getting my hair cut up to my chin.”

  “Seriously?”

  “Yeah, I’m tired of being an oblong. I want to live life as an oval.”

  “I don’t think a haircut will actually change the shape of your face,” I say slowly. “But it can minimize your oblongness.”

  “Don’t wreck this for me, Sherry.”

  I can see what she’s saying. Because Brianna’s had a tough few days, with learning the truth about her face shape, suffering through ravaged skin and joining the Janes. She so deserves a break.

  “I’m calling Lacey right now for an appointment.” She disconnects.

  I go back to passing out flyers. And I’m mid-wiper when it suddenly hits me.

  There’s one other person I need to consult.

  chapter

  twenty-nine

  I arrive home to an empty house. There’s a note from my dad propped up against the sea salt and pepper on the counter.

  Sam is at baseball practice. Paula and I will bring him home. Love, Dad

  I do what any self-respecting thirteen-year-old detective with a ghost mother and a bunch of worries would do. Grab some coffee beans and barrel out to the pear tree in the backyard.

  I’ve barely got the espresso beans in the air when there’s a whiff of coffee, a big tremble of the tree and a thud. My mother has landed. I think she’s missed me as much as I’ve missed her.

  The branch where I’m sitting shakes as she settles in. It keeps right on shaking, but gently. I’m guessing she’s jiggling her leg, a habit she’s had for as long as I can remember.

  “Mom, I have to admit something.” I’m nervous, twirling my hair around my index finger.

  “Okay,” she says slowly.

  And I spill. All about how I’m still investigating the makeup mystery. Even though Mrs. Howard told me to stop. And how my goal is to wow the Academy and every single spirit who surfs the WWWD so that the foreign Academy that’s considering my mother will also consider me. And how I want five minutes of Real Time. Then I fill her in on all the details of the mystery.

  When I’m finally done, I take a deep breath. And wait.

  My mom clears her throat. “That would be great if we were teamed up for the foreign Academy. Logistically, it would be tricky to work out. With you in school and me a secret. But it would truly be amazing.” The branch bobs as she shifts. “Your work on the makeup mystery is impressive. I’m proud of you.”

  “Why don’t I feel better about it, then? Instead of like I’m about to take a huge important test at school and I never studied.” A shiver snakes up my spine. “I keep going over all the details for Saturday. It seems as though we have all our bases covered, but I have a bad feeling.”

  “Listen to that feeling.” Mom’s voice is serious. “You’re honing your detective’s intuition. Remember we were at Pat and Oscar’s restaurant the night I died?”

  I nod. Even when I’m wrinkled and gray and my false teeth are clicking away in my mouth, I will recall the details of that night.

  “Sitting there with you, Sam and Dad, a migraine hammering my head, I had the kind of bad feeling you’re describing. I ignored it. Granted, I didn’t realize things were going to turn deadly. But let’s just say I’m a huge believer in detective intuition now.”

  Ack! Eek! Ike!

  I freeze. Even my lungs are frozen solid and I can’t get a breath in or out.

  “Sherry, I’m not trying to scare you. I don’t for a second think the makeup mystery is a life-or-death situation. Just be grateful you have that bad feeling, and trust it. Which means you should be extra careful, extra vigilant, extra on-guard for the event.”

  “Thanks, Mom.” And I can breathe again.

  “Sherry, would you feel better if I hung around the mall for a while on Saturday?”

  “Seriously? Even though Mrs. Howard said you couldn’t help?”

  “I’ll be there for moral support,” Mom says slowly. “That shouldn’t cause a problem with the Academy.”

  “How’s everything going for you?”

  “Great. I’m really pushing myself skillwise with the animals. Although it’s hard constantly being observed.”

  My phone rings.

  “See you tomorrow.” My mom flies really close to me. “I miss you, pumpkin.” She takes off. I flip open my phone. “Hi, Josh!”

  “Whatcha doin?”

  Sitting in a pear tree, chatting with my ghost mother. “Just thinking over Saturday.”

  “It’s a rockin’ plan. Nick and I can totally tag-team Will. My mom gave me money to buy some of his hot sauce. I’ll take my time choosing.”

  It’s so adorable how he’s getting into the investigation.

  I hope he’s right about the plan rockin’.

  I hope nothing goes wrong.

  chapter

  thirty

  On Saturday morning, the sun rises early and starts doing its thing. It’s already toasty by the time I’m traipsing over to the mall.

  I arrive just as security is unlocking the doors for the day. A knot of worry coils in my stomach.

  When I get to the Naked Makeup kiosk, I suck in a breath. The kiosk is totally transformed and überbeautiful.

  On top, there’s a wide shiny pink and lavender banner announcing FANTABULOUS YOU! Plus there are matching balloons. Each side of the booth has two chairs, making four stations. Amber will man one side while Lacey handles the other. Speaking of which, they’re nowhere to be seen.

  And the stations? Überc
ute in shades of pink and lavender. Draped over the chair backs are smocks for the customers. A few items, like palettes of eye shadow and pots of blush and different brushes, are lined up perfectly. Metallic confetti in butterfly shapes is sprinkled along the kiosk counter. Each station is equipped with a long-handled round mirror lying facedown, ready to show a client her stunning post-appointment self.

  I have an incoming text from Josh.

 

  As I’m texting back , a text from Junie comes through.

 

  I drop my phone in my purse. I sniff for coffee. No Mom yet. I’ll worry less with her here. Maybe.

  “What do ya think?” Lacey’s walking toward me, carrying a case of mini water bottles. Amber’s on her heels with a large purple plastic bucket.

  “Amazing.” I give a thumbs-up.

  She beams, then drops the case by the end of the kiosk.

  Amber places the bucket next to the case and disappears to the other side of the kiosk while Lacey starts transferring water bottles into the bucket.

  “Anything show up with the baby powder?” I ask as I pick up a couple of bottles and drop them in the bucket.

  “Thanks,” Lacey says. “Nothing. The powder was totally untouched. I just brought in the Hair Repair Extraordinaire from my trunk. Amber’s unpacking it now and mixing in some basic flower scents.”

  “Why don’t you let Sherry handle the water?” Amber peeks around from her side of the kiosk. “You can do the giveaway samples.”

  While I’m loading up the water, I glance at Amber and Lacey. In matching lavender capris, fitted pink T-shirts and heels, they’re as beautiful as the kiosk. The whole place reeks of sophistication.

  Shoppers begin drifting by. They slow down to stare at the kiosk. A few ask questions and sign up for the remaining makeup appointments later in the day. The morning sessions are booked solid. A circle of people, mostly girls and women, mill around the kiosk. They’re browsing and chatting, waiting for the show to begin.

  I keep an eye out for Grandma and Junie. I keep a nose out for Mom.

  Lacey pushes a stray strand of hair behind an ear and says to me, “We can pull this off without a crisis, right?”

  “We’re good,” I say, but the worry coils tighter.

  “Sherry!” Grandma clomps toward me, her frizzy gray braid swinging from side to side. Her face is completely au naturel, her eyelashes short and stubby, her eyebrows uneven, her skin drab. She needs a makeover more than most people on the planet. Probably she won’t recognize her transformed self in the mirror.

  Lacey shows Grandma where she’ll be sitting. “I’ll be your cosmetician,” Lacey says.

  “Glad to meet you.” Grandma squeezes my shoulder. “Sherry talked me into this, and I have to say I haven’t been this excited about trying something new since I switched to Egg Beaters.”

  “You’ll love the results.” Her head to the side, Lacey’s assessing Grandma’s face. “We have the perfect foundation for you.”

  “Well, this old body is ready for some changes.” Grandma narrows her eyes at Lacey. “And you’re sure your products aren’t tested on animals? Especially not on birds?” Grandma frowns, like she’s imagining someone infiltrating her backyard to coat mascara on her precious birds’ feathers.

  “Definitely no testing on animals.” Lacey straightens already straight product on the shelf. “I’ve never heard of anyone testing on birds, but Naked Makeup doesn’t test on any animals. Period.” Lacey smiles her confident, megawatt smile. “You’re safe with us.”

  “I’m counting on it.” Grandma clunks to the counter. She hunches over bottles of product, holding them close to her face to read the small print.

  Where are Junie and my mother?

  Crystal arrives with a pair of drinks from Jazzed-Up Juice. She pulls straws from her shirt pocket. “Amber, Lacey, I had them squirt in an extra ounce of energy supplement. You’ll need it with the busy day you have ahead.” She strides back to where Amber’s screwing lids on bottles of foundation and pitches in.

  My cell pings with a text from Josh.

 

  My pulse quickens. I step away from the booth and see a tall chili pepper prancing toward me. Josh and Nick trail behind him.

  You’d think keeping track of a dancing chili pepper would be easy. But nooo. Will is in constant motion. He dashes and darts among the meandering shoppers, slowing to moonwalk by the Hallmark store’s window display, then picking up speed again with a salsa move. Next he crouches down to retrieve something from the floor.

  The next thing I know, I’m squinting and shading my eyes. I can’t see him anywhere!

  I leave my post by the giveaways and the water and jog down the aisle. Maybe he cut into the Hallmark store? Negative. The food court? Negative. The restroom? Can’t check there.

  I’m a few feet from the kiosk when I spot the familiar pepper costume. I jet over. Will’s hopping from one foot to the other, opening bottles and sniffing.

  Totally engrossed with customers, Amber and Lacey are oblivious!

  “Will! What? What? What?” I sputter. “What are you doing?” I grab the bottle he has up to his nose. “You can’t just go around opening stuff,” I say in a loud voice, like I’ve got some authority. Not that it’s ever easy to be thirteen and pull that off.

  Where are Junie and my mom?

  “What’s going on?” Crystal pops up from where she was crouched under the counter by an open cupboard. Both her hands are filled with mini mascaras. With her heel, she closes the cupboard door.

  “He’s opening bottles.” I work hard at not shrieking. What’s with all these people hanging back here on a day when we’re trying to keep the makeup safe?

  “I was just sniffing. Who buys without sniffing first?” Will points to the banner on the roof. “What’s going on anyway?”

  Crystal spills the mascaras into a small wicker basket. “Lacey wanted more giveaways,” she says to me. She grasps Will’s elbow. “It’s an all-day cosmetics extravaganza. Lacey and Amber are providing makeovers.” She steers him toward the crowd. “You should stay and watch.” She glances over her shoulder and gives me a thumbs-up.

  “Hi, Sherry!” Josh calls from the side of the kiosk with Lacey’s stations. Next to him, Nick is hunkered down over a zippered camera bag.

  I wave.

  Will wrestles his elbow free from Crystal and stomps over to the guys. “You’re taping them too?” he says, his voice raised in annoyance.

  Josh doesn’t flinch or look up from where he’s kneeling, fiddling with a tripod. He’s so cool, even under pressure. Maybe from all those tense water polo games with close scores. Or maybe he was just born cool.

  “Yeah, dude,” Josh says. “Remember we told you how the mall manager wants us to interview all kinds of mall personnel so he can run different tapes at the information desk?” Josh twists the tripod legs tight.

  “It’s in your best interest for us to garner a decent-sized audience.” Nick’s pulling cables from the camera bag.

  Why does Nick always sound like he swallowed a dictionary?

  “Sherry!” Junie’s running toward us, her red hair streaming out like a tail.

  Suddenly, the smell of coffee gusts next to me. My mom!

  “Sorry I’m late, Sherry. Academy stuff. Everything under control here?”

  “I think so,” I whisper. If under control is a knot threatening to twist up my entire insides.

  “How much longer do you guys need?” Lacey says from the center of a circle of customers.

  “Five minutes max.” Nick’s screwing a camera into the tripod. “We got that extra camera, so we can record on both sides of the kiosk and get you and Amber doing makeovers at the same time. And we got the cordless mic set up like you wanted.”
r />   “You guys rock,” Lacey says.

  Amber makes her way over to Lacey and hands her a spray bottle of Hair Repair Extraordinaire. “I ended up going with gardenia.”

  Junie skids up next to me, panting. “Sorry.” Pant. “My mom.” Pant. “Chores.”

  “Sherry, Junie,” Lacey says, “could you grab the Naked Makeup business cards and giveaways and start distributing them?”

  “Where’s your grandmother, Sherry?” Amber asks. “She wandered off.”

  What? She’ll miss her appointment. And keep her sad gray braid for another two or three decades.

  I glance at Will. He’s still next to Josh, hands on his hips. Well, if chili peppers have hips.

  “Watch Will,” I say quietly to Junie. “And just so you know, my mom’s here.”

  Wiping sweat off her shiny forehead, Junie says, “No prob. I can keep an eye on him while I’m handing out stuff. You go find your grandmother.”

  “I’m on it too,” Mom says to me.

  I nod thanks to both of them, then take off for the closest dorky store. Birkenstock Shoes.

  I’ve barely rounded the corner when I spot Grandma at the front of the store near the display window. She’s bent over, trying on clunky, square clogs. “Come on, Grandma.” I grab her hand. “It’s time for your makeover. Maybe we can go shoe shopping together later.”

  “That would be lovely, Sherry.” Grandma slips off a pair of lame new shoes and slips on her lame used ones.

  “Heels would really slenderize your ankles,” I remark.

  Grandma shoots me a sharp look.

  At the kiosk, Lacey’s talking into the microphone, giving a brief history of makeup and Naked Makeup to an ever-growing crowd of shoppers. Crystal’s hanging at the back of everyone, out of the way. Doing that twisty thing with her earring. Will’s sitting cross-legged in the front of the audience.

  Mr. Peabody’s here too. Like a squirrel’s, his eyes are bright and alert and flitting around. He’s taking in the number of interested customers. A small smile plays on his lips. When his eyes pass over me, he doesn’t even wave hello.

  The three other makeover clients are already seated.