by T. J. Kline
“You waited twelve years, Ty. Twelve. Why now?”
“Because I couldn't wait any longer.” He closed the distance between them, letting his hands fall to her waist. Not pulling her to him but not letting her run away either. “I spent every night of the last twelve years thinking about what could've been, what should've been.”
“You lied to me.”
“I know.”
“Did John know?” The muscle in his jaw ticked but he didn’t answer. Her heart stung at the thought of John lying to her as well. “Did he?”
Ty shook his head. “I never said anything, and he never asked, but I think he always suspected my reasons. Rayne, that night was the only time I've ever lied to you.”
She pressed her hands against his chest, needing space—to think, to breathe, to comprehend the fact that everything she'd believed about the last twelve years had been wrong. Instead of pushing him away as her mind wanted, her heart controlled her limbs, and she pulled Ty closer, her fingers clenching his shirt.
Logic begged her to do the smart thing, the safe thing, and walk away. Reason had been the one consistent she could rely on. Science, numbers and common sense ruled her world. They didn't change. Those things had carried her through veterinary school, through her failed marriage, and led her back to the one place she felt safe. And now, twelve years later, she finally understood why Ty had left. He’d been eighteen and suddenly injured, and while it could have been far more serious, it must have slapped him in the face with the fact that he wasn’t indestructible. In his young man’s mind, common sense meant doing what was best for her future, rather than their future. What might have seemed like sound judgment then, had been a huge mistake, which made the emotional pleading of her heart seem like the best choice to follow now.
It pounded out a rhythm against her ribs, matching Ty's heart beating beneath her hands. The man she'd grown up loving, had always loved, was telling her he'd never stopped loving her. She wanted to tell him what a mistake he'd made, to tell him there were so many other ways they could have worked their situation out, but she didn’t say either of those things.
Instead, Rayne wrapped her hands around the back of his neck, letting her fingers curl into his thick dark hair, in desperate need of a trim, and pulled him down to her mouth. As their lips met, she kissed him with every ounce of the passion she'd denied since he’d left. A soft growl of desire rumbled from his chest as he circled his arms around her, his hands stroked her back, pressing her close, but still not close enough.
The restraint she'd clung to since his return snapped as her hands moved over him, desperately needing to touch him, to memorize every hard plane she'd been denied for too long. Ty's lips were everywhere at once—her mouth, her neck, her collarbone. She couldn't tell whether the heat was rising from him or scorching her from within. He lifted her off her feet, walking backwards toward the house, and she wrapped her legs around his hips. The movement sent a shiver of desire rolling through her, and she could feel the evidence of his arousal. He wanted her as desperately as she wanted him.
“My room,” she whispered against his face, loving the feel of his unshaven jaw against her lips. “Down the hall.”
Dragging her shirt to one side, he pressed hot, open-mouthed kisses over her shoulder and chuckled. “I remember.”
Of course he did. He'd spent many a night at her window, even after John had threatened to kick him off the ranch if he didn't get back in the bunkhouse. But they'd been too young and in love to care, assuming that they could conquer any circumstance life threw at them. How naïve they’d been.
Ty carried her into her room, not even looking around as he walked straight to the queen sized bed in the center. None of the decor had changed since John had first set the room up for her, but for her, everything had changed. She'd achieved the dream she'd had for herself, but it had still felt hollow, as if a piece of her was missing and, until now, until Ty's return, she hadn’t been able to put a name to it.
Rayne dropped onto the balls of her feet, tugging at his shirt, tucked into his jeans, when his hands fell over hers, halting them. “Woah, baby. Are you sure you want to do this?”
“What?” She almost laughed, would have if not for the solemnity in his dark eyes. “Why wouldn't I?”
Ty leaned forward, pressing a tender kiss to her forehead, over her eyelids and brushing his lips against hers. “I can't just make love to you, Rayne. It's all or nothing.” Her eyes lifted to his, dark and hungry, and completely vulnerable, baring his heart to her. “I need to know that we can go back to what we once had. That we can love that way again.”
In that moment, she found herself torn. As much as she wanted to tell him what he needed to hear, she couldn't turn her back on who she was. She couldn't lie, even to keep him.
“I can't just go back, Ty. I can't pretend the past didn't happen.” Despair seemed to fall over them like a weighted curtain. His fingers immediately held her tighter, as if he was afraid of her next words. “What happened might be the past, but it changed things between us.”
Ty took a step backward, shaking his head, as she reached for him.
“Ty?”
“It’s too late, then.” He ran a hand through his hair, turning his back on her as he moved towards the door.
“Ty, wait.” Her arms wound around his waist, her hands splaying over his flat stomach as she pressed her cheek against his back. “I can’t make you any promises about the future, but we can have tonight.”
She sounded needy, desperate, and she couldn’t help herself. Her heart wanted Ty to stay, but she also knew that, come tomorrow morning, her head was just as likely to regret the decision.
He turned slowly to face her. His hands cupped her jaw as he looked into her eyes. “I want you, Rayne. I always have, and I always will. But I can’t settle for just one night. I want your heart. All of it. I know I broke it, but together we can be whole again.” He captured her lips in a kiss so tender and sorrowful that her eyes misted with tears. “I won’t pressure you, Rayne, but I’ll be waiting for you if you decide to take the risk.”
Ty turned and walked away. Again. Only this time, she had rejected him, and it didn’t hurt any less.
CHAPTER NINE
Ty loped the mare across the pasture, letting her have her head and go where she wanted as he tried to forget that it had been two days since he'd last seen Rayne. Two days since he'd told her how he felt, how he'd always felt, about her. Two days since she'd admitted that she couldn't put the past behind them, and he’d walked away.
He'd lost her again. He’d done too much damage to their relationship when he betrayed her, and coming back had only made it worse. This time, there were no second chances, no do-overs. He should have heeded John from the start and never lied to her. If he’d told her the truth, they would have talked it out. They could have figured out some solution. He’d been stupid and arrogant and he’d thrown away the best thing that had ever happened to him.
There was no sense in reliving what he should have done differently. It was over.
He'd come back expecting her to have moved on, wanting to find her happy, and now he had to stay out of the way and let her make that a reality. Even if it meant suffering with the agony of his heart being ripped out each time he saw her. He deserved it, for his sheer stupidity alone.
The mare slowed to a jog and he pulled her up. “Easy, girl. Don't want to work you too hard before I take you to your new home.”
Ty ran a hand over the mare’s sleek neck. She would have been a wonderful start for his breeding program, but he'd purchased her with the hopes of building future rodeo stock with Rayne. He'd always intended to give her to Rayne as a gift and saw no sense in not following through with it, even if it meant, like Rayne, she’d never be his. Hell, if he knew what was good for him, he’d leave this broken down ranch, get out of Saddle Creek again and head somewhere—anywhere—else.
Walking the mare back to the barn, Ty realized he had to face realit
y. It was time for him to move on with the rest of his life, even if it meant doing it without Rayne by his side. He couldn't make her forgive him. It was time to let go. She didn’t want him, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t still use the only other thing that had made him happy to forge a future, albeit a lonely one. He could still ride and train horses.
He just didn’t want to if she wasn’t by his side.
After unsaddling and grooming the mare, Ty tossed hay into the feeders and headed for his house. He stopped cold when he saw the truck in the driveway. Rayne's truck. His pulse immediately sped up, but he forced himself to remember that this was likely just a follow-up on his gelding. She'd made it perfectly clear that there was too much water under the bridge for them to have any sort of future together. But, even that, didn't stop the vision of her, hair mussed and lips swollen from his kisses, from filling his imagination.
He glanced into the truck but didn't see her. Nor did he find her waiting on the porch as he'd expected. He'd just been in the barn, so he knew she wasn't in there. “Rayne?” he called, pausing as he listened for a reply.
When there was no answer, he entered the house and looked in the kitchen and living room. “Rayne?”
The stillness of the house enveloped him, making his comfortable domain seem eerily silent. He tried to push aside his anxiety. There was nothing that could happen here. If Rayne had come by, she'd probably just headed for the pasture and he'd just missed her. “Rayne?”
“I’m in here.” Ty heard her voice, sweet and tentative, coming from behind his bedroom door. Turning the knob, he pressed the door open.
His gaze immediately fell on Rayne, lying in his bed as she grasped the sheets to her chest. Her very bare chest.
Ty could see the dark lace of her bra through the white sheets and wondered if she realized that her efforts weren't really hiding anything from his view. His mouth dried up, and he couldn't speak as he let his gaze follow the line of her bared shoulders, past the rounded curve of her breasts and to the hint of ribs he could see as the sheet dipped in over her hips.
“I...” She looked down for a moment, as if gathering her courage, before her gaze met his again. “I changed my mind.”
“What?” The question didn't begin to encompass the confusion swirling through his mind.
Rayne rose from the bed, sending every bit of the blood flowing to his brain south, below his belt leaving his body throbbing with need as she approached.
“I can't forget everything that’s gone before, but you have my heart, Ty. You’ve always had it.”
Rayne was beautiful, all curves and crevices he longed to explore, to taste, to love. She wasn't the same girl he remembered. She'd matured into a woman and with that came everything that had happened after he pushed away the girl he'd known and loved. They were different people now, had traveled different paths, but it had led to this new vision that stood before him. He fisted his hands at his sides, needing to touch her and just as worried any movement would make her run away. He held his breath as she moved closer.
“I don't want to change our past, Ty.” She laid her hands over his forearms, separating them and stepping between them, putting his hands on her bared waist. “Our past is how I know you so well, how you know me. We loved one another, and I understand now why you made the decision you did.” She lifted her sky-blue eyes to his. “I don't agree that it was the right decision, but you were doing what your eighteen-year-old brain thought was best.”
Heat slowly inched up his arms and into his chest, thawing the ice that had surrounded his heart when she'd rejected him days ago. He didn't trust himself to speak.
“We can't go back. What happened can't be undone.” She slid her hand to his nape, pulling his face toward hers, her mouth grazing his. “But we can love better.”
Hope flared in his chest, burning hot and bright. “What are you saying, Rayne?”
“I never stopped loving you, Ty. I want us to try again, but no more making decisions without discussing them, okay?”
“You're willing to start over?” Ty couldn't quite believe what he was hearing.
She shook her head. “No. But I'm willing to continue forward from here.”
Move forward. Not forgetting the past but embracing it – the good and the bad – and letting it shape who they would become together. A slow grin spread across his lips. “Are you trying to seduce me, Rayne?”
She wrapped her arms around his waist, pressing her body against his. “Is it working?”
“Yeah, it is.” His hands dropped to cup her perfect rear, lifting her. Ty carried her to his bed. “I love you, Rayne.”
“Good, because I still love you, too.”
“I've waited a long time for this.” He let his gaze skim over her body, taking in every inch he planned on exploring before the night was over. “I just hope you realize that this first time might not take too long.” He jerked his shirt over his head and cast it aside before yanking his belt off and crawling onto the bed, loving the mischievous smile that curved her lips.
Rayne reached for his waistband, letting her fingers trail over his abs down to brush his erection. Ty closed his eyes, groaning aloud.
“Just like a rodeo cowboy.” She rolled her eyes playfully. “This ride better take longer than eight seconds,” she warned.
“It won't if you don't quit doing that.”
He reached for her hands, pinning them to either side of his pillows. Before she could protest, Ty closed his mouth over the taut peak of her breast, swirling his tongue over the material. Rayne cried out, arching her back, and he smiled against her. They might be different people now, but she tasted the same, just as sweet as he remembered. She wiggled her wrists loose from his grasp and wound her fingers into his hair, freeing his hands to stroke her body, to find the places he knew would drive her wild, and a few new ones.
Ty explored the length of her, letting his fingers toy with her even as his lips tempted and his tongue teased her to new heights. Rayne whispered his name, gasping as he carried her over the edge of ecstasy, and her body trembled against him.
When he moved to lay beside her on his back, Rayne curled against his side, trying to catch her breath, letting her fingers play over his chest.
“You're still wearing these.” She plucked at the button of his jeans. “We need to take care of that.”
“You should probably let me.”
With agonizing slowness, she ran a fingertip over the zipper, as well as the bulge below straining to be freed, and Ty let his head fall back onto the pillow, closing his eyes. “God, help me.”
“Too late for that.” Rayne popped the button free before jerking the denim over his hips with a wicked smile and tossing them off the bed. She reached under the pillow to pull out a foil package she must have stashed there.
“You came prepared?”
“I told you I was here to seduce you,” she reminded him. Rising over him, straddling his thighs, pinning him beneath her, she carefully, tortuously, sheathed him in the condom. Ty groaned as she grasped him, but the sight of her, skin flushed with the heat of her desire, was his undoing.
Ty lifted her, rolling over so that he hovered over her, pressing at the entrance of her heat, and kissed her with every bit of the passion he'd been holding back. “It's never too late, Rayne. Not as long as I still have a breath in my body. I will always be yours.”
CHAPTER TEN
Rayne lay with her head on Ty's chest, listening as his heart beat under her ear. It was such a strong, comforting sound, and she felt herself wanting to drift off in the euphoria after their night of love-making, but sunlight streamed through the windows, making sleep impossible. She squinted at the glare, wondering what time it was. Her clinic was normally closed on Mondays and, luckily, she didn't have any animals there that needed feeding. It was a rare free day, and she was looking forward to spending it in bed with Ty.
“I need to feed the horses.”
His voice was still husky with sleep a
s he ran his finger down her bare back, sending a shiver of desire rippling through her again. She wasn't sure how she could still want him after spending most of the night relishing their reunion, but it didn't make the yearning any less intense. Her fingers trailed over his skin, drawing random lines, inching down his body toward his thigh.
“Then we can talk about what happens next.”
Rayne’s hand froze. She knew this was a discussion they needed to have but she wasn’t sure she was ready for it yet. She wanted to put off reality as long as possible. Lifting her gaze to meet his, her heart stopped. Ty held his finger and thumb in the air but between them a delicate diamond ring glittered in the light filtering into the room.
“Is that—”
Ty nodded and smiled down at her. “The very same.”
She stared at the engagement ring Ty had given her so long ago. She knew she’d left at John’s ranch. She hadn’t been able to bring herself to get rid of it, but it had disappeared while she was away at vet school, and she assumed she’d lost it. She’d been heartbroken, but hadn’t wanted to admit it.
“How did you…where?”
“John.” The dimple creased his cheek and his eyes shone. “About eight years ago, I tore a muscle pretty bad and had to take a week off. I came back to see John.”
“You knew I went to school?” She pressed herself up to her elbow and looked down at him. “Then why did you act like—”
He shook his head in denial. “I knew you weren’t here. But when I asked, John wouldn’t tell me more than that, said I didn’t have any right to know, but told me I should hang onto this.” Ty stared at the ring between his fingers. “It was almost like he knew I’d need it again someday.”
Tears burned in the back of her eyes. John had faith in their relationship even when she didn’t. He’d known that someday they would work this out and come back together.