by Carol Oates
Caleb draped an arm around my shoulder, keeping me at his side. Ben will be here early in the morning, he said. I could feel his pulse vibrate where his wrist touched my arm.
I know. Samuel moved to the couch and sat down, motioning for us to do the same. Joshua will pick him up and bring him here. The Council isn’t aware of the recent changes, and I’d like to keep it that way for the time being.
I sat silently beside Caleb, holding his hand on my shoulder and trying to keep my breathing even.
That’s good, at least, Caleb responded. They shared the same deep, smooth voice.
Samuel turned his eyes quizzically to me, making me blush. Now, you are a bit of a mystery, aren’t you? I returned his gaze, confused. There is no trace of your real parentage in existence, no history. My eyes darted from him to Caleb and back. What do you mean? I know who my parents are, my aunt and uncle
Aren’t your aunt and uncle, he interrupted. They are human. Someone has gone to great lengths to keep you and your brother hidden. I couldn’t breathe; this was getting more ludicrous by the minute. Foolishly, I’d thought Caleb and I were free to be together now, but it seemed it wasn’t like that at all, and yet more obstacles stood in our way.
I need to call my family, I whimpered, rubbing a hand roughly on my knee.
No, Caleb barked, keeping hold of me. They can’t know anything about this. You don’t want them involved if they don’t have to be. I stared at Caleb for a moment. My eyes glazed over. You — they didn’t kill you — the Council. You were involved with a human, and you’re still here. His eyes flashed to his father and back to me, and his brow creased. It’s different, Triona. His cheeks colored. My father and I, we made a deal. I glared at him, and he looked away, mortified. Samuel’s eyes lowered.
What kind of deal? I demanded. I shuddered; something inside me told me this couldn’t be good.
Caleb swallowed hard, clearly debating whether he should tell me, and Samuel seemed unwilling to interfere with his decision.
I want to know, I insisted, but before I could take another breath, my body began to shake. My eyes widened. No. You can t!
I did what I had to do to keep you safe, Caleb retorted.
You bargained your life for mine! I exclaimed, aghast. That’s what Seth meant — one of us has to die.
Samuel’s eyes darted up, his expression distraught for such a brief instant that I wasn’t sure I’d seen it at all. My stomach twisted violently, and it hurt to breathe. They’re still coming for you, aren’t they? I forced out.
Caleb’s lips pressed together in a straight line, and then he frowned, ignoring my question. You can’t call them yet. There are no allowances made for humans raising Guardians in secrecy. The room was closing in on me; I needed to get away. I stood and made my way to one of the garden doors.
Carmel and Lewis are safe for now, Samuel added kindly. I’m sure he thought he was reassuring me. We have no idea what they know, and it’s better the Council doesn’t think they’ve been hiding young Guardians, knowingly or not.
I gripped the window frame for support and concentrated on calming myself. My heart slowed, and my breathing eased. I’m getting better at this, I thought, controlling my temper.
How did I change into one of you? I turned and focused my eyes on Samuel sitting on the couch. Tell me everything you know. Now, I demanded.
He looked taken aback by the force behind my demand. I was too.
Triona, he explained softly, glancing over to Caleb’s worried expression.
There is so much you have to learn. Normally, you would be aware of this from a very early age.
Tell me, I insisted again.
Okay, Samuel exclaimed, holding his hands up. First, you didn’t change into one of us. You’re either born a Guardian or human. He lowered his hands. We live for four hundred years, give or take a few decades, but we only awaken to our true selves when our bodies fully mature. It’s usually a slow process, and sometimes even painful.
I thought of the migraines I’d been struggling with.
With you and your brother it seems accelerated. He looked at Caleb and back to me. Caleb watched you.
I know, I said flatly. From the time we first met I could sense when he was around. I half smiled to myself. I could feel him every time he was near. Caleb caught my eye, a look of guilt radiating across his face before he looked away.
Well, Samuel continued, he recognized some of the signs of awaken-ing in you, but we needed to be sure, so we began to research the records of the Council and, as we expected, found no trace of you. Even so, you are obviously one of us.
I wrapped my arms around my body and blew out air. What about my memories of the fire, and why aren’t there more of you running around?
Why not just make more little Guardians to overthrow humans? I didn’t mean the harshness in my voice.
Your memory His eyes strayed to Caleb sitting with his head in his hands.
I’ll answer that, Caleb said, turning his head away. When Seth hurt you, I panicked. I’d failed you, and I knew I couldn’t protect you. I was ashamed of what I am. I didn’t know how to comfort him when I hated that he left me. Joshua arrived at the house too late to help with Seth, but I had him move you to safety. It wasn’t hard to make it look like I died in the fire; we’ve covered our tracks before. I sneaked into the hospital and used a kind of persuasion to hide your memories of that night. It was difficult. I’d never used anything so convincingly before, and don’t know if I could ever again. He lifted his face to look at me, regret in his eyes.
Why not take all my memories then? I sneered, lifting my eyes to him.
Why not make me forget I loved you at all?
The misery in his expression overwhelmed me. I couldn’t trust myself; even my words had more power than I was used to. I hadn’t meant to hurt him so deeply.
I tried, he explained. I wasn’t strong enough. I’m too tied to you, too selfish to wish for you to forget me. Samuel moved nearer to place a soothing hand on his back. Caleb winced, shamefaced.
Reproducing, his father finished for him. It isn’t as easy as you might think. Because of our extended life, the cycles of a female Guardian’s reproductive system take longer. There aren’t many windows of opportunities, you might say.
Caleb stood and approached me, tentatively putting his arm around my shoulder. Enough for the moment, he said firmly.
No, I argued, removing his hand from my shoulder. My body was rigid.
Samuel remained seated, watching our exchange. Concern for his son was clear in his face.
The prophecy, I continued. The one Seth believed was about us? They both flinched at Seth’s name, and Caleb returned to where he had been sitting. Samuel stood and began to pace the floor, inhaling deeply.
I’ve spent years studying it, and I don’t know — No one knows much except that a queen of the DÈ Danann wrote it, and it concerns a child, born from both races, returning to the seat of power. We don’t know, despite what Seth thought, if it’s a dark prophecy or if it’s true at all. The Council will never allow such a child because they refuse to take a chance either way.
It’s one of the reasons I found it difficult giving up my position. I stared at my feet, feeling the blood pound inside my head.
You’re not human, Samuel concluded, so it doesn’t relate to you. That is all we know. I’m sorry, he added sincerely.
It should have been me apologizing. I’d robbed him of his son. I looked up and colors seemed to dance around him for an instant, flashes of green and silver, and somehow I felt his honesty.
Okay, I said, sounding assured and strong. We’ll wait for Ben, and he can fill in the rest.
Caleb and Samuel exchanged a troubled glance and looked at me. How do you know? Caleb questioned
I don’t know. I shrugged. I just feel it. What else could be so important he would fly across the world to tell me in person? As I looked at Caleb, a clear, vivid red color began to engulf him. I felt the passion he was
experiencing suddenly overwhelm me. I couldn’t understand what I was seeing or how my mind translated it to such a rush of extreme desire. Was I seeing the emotion or feeling the colors? I had no idea.
It could have been either, or both, or maybe they were symbiotic as if one couldn’t exist without the other. I just knew they were real and they were coming from Caleb. The room began to spin and darken; my legs couldn’t hold me upright any longer. Someone caught before I reached the floor.
A woman’s voice calmly announced. Looks like I got home just in time. I tried to focus my eyes and realized I was sitting on the floor. Caleb and Samuel both crouched over me, but smaller feminine hands held me.
I turned to see the most exquisite silver colored eyes framed in an angelic face with long, flowing blond hair. She smiled.
Are you okay, my dear?
I closed my eyes for a second and opened them again. Yes. I’m — it was the colors — they took me by surprise.
She lifted me easily to standing, and Caleb and his parents exchanged a look I couldn’t comprehend. Caleb’s hands held me by my waist.
What colors, Triona?
What did he mean? I stared back at him, disconcerted. The colors around you — around your father. Surely they could see them as clearly as I did; I presumed it was a Guardian trait I hadn’t learned about yet.
Caleb and Samuel exchanged the same shocked look again.
Caleb, his mother called, disturbing his mental deliberation. Get yourself together; the child needs to rest.
I looked up, but the colors around him were gone, and I couldn’t in-terpret what he was thinking. I felt so tired, and then his strong arms lifted me, cradling me to his thundering heart. My eyes closed.
I awoke in darkness and sat up with a jolt. I must have slept through the whole day. Once my eyes adjusted, I looked around to take in my surroundings. I was in a bed, a big bed, alone and wrapped in cream-colored covers. Several doors were set into the walls, but nothing distinguished my whereabouts. I slipped over to the side of the bed; someone had undressed me, leaving me in only my underwear. I scanned the room quickly but couldn’t see my clothes, so I dragged the sheet from the bed and pulled it around my body. One door hid a sound system and CDs, another door concealed a TV, but still no wardrobe. Gripping the sheet tightly in a ball to my chest, I walked to a glass door that led into a garden, pulling back the layered, cream, toile curtain a little. I could see across to the sitting room of Caleb’s parents house, but it looked unlit and empty.
The warm breeze felt good on my skin. Still holding the curtain, I turned back to the bedroom and didn’t have time to take my next breath before a hand rested lightly on my shoulder. A sweet scent saturated the air, and soft lips tenderly brushed the back of my neck. I turned to Caleb, smiling. My heart gave a start when his hand grazed along the side of my face.
How do you feel? he asked.
I feel great, I said truthfully. What time is it? What happened? His hand slid from my face to my neck and came to rest on my shoulder, sending shivers through me. He smiled. You slept, perfectly normal.
There are lots of changes in your body, and we sometimes need more rest during daylight hours. A throwback to living in darkness underground for so many years.
Oh. I had so much to learn. My clothes? I asked, acutely aware of his hand on my bare skin.
They’re in the wardrobe, he replied, then kissed my cheek softly.
I clutched the sheet closer. I couldn’t find the wardrobe, I grumbled indignantly. Who took them off?
He looked away suddenly. It was hot, and you were tossing and turning. I jerked my shoulder away from his hand and my heart raced. You did? I exclaimed, mortified.
He laughed gently. I acted in your interest, I assure you, he said. I behaved. I could have sworn he winked, almost too fast to see.
I saw something earlier, I said, grimacing at him.
Caleb returned his hand to my shoulder and with the other he lightly traced circles along the arm I wasn’t using to cling to the sheet.
What did you see? he inquired in an intrigued voice, watching the hairs on my arm rise as he brushed his fingers toward my hand. My breathing grew shallower.
I saw how much you want me, I said truthfully. I saw how much you desire me. It — it was sort of — overwhelming. His breath caught, and I could hear his heart beat faster. I guess I can’t keep much from you anymore. He laughed almost inaudibly.
Where have your parents gone? I asked, aware of his eyes focused on my skin where his fingertips lingered.
In town for the evening. They won’t be back for hours, he answered suggestively. Then he added breezily, We are trying to maintain the impression of normality.
I don’t feel normal right now. I sighed, adjusting the sheet and pulling it upward again. Despite the warm air, my skin shivered, and goose bumps rose on the back of my neck.
Caleb was so close I couldn’t breathe anything but him. I couldn’t hear anything except my own heart. Exhilaration clouded my head. He stared intensely into my eyes. I pulled my eyes away to look at the ground; it appeared to be shaking. His hand slid up my arm and over my shoulder gradually as if tasting my skin with his fingertips, then to the back of my neck where he curled his fingers through my hair.
My heart thundered as he eased my head back so that I gazed into his sapphire blue eyes. His breath came in gasps similar to mine. His other hand moved from my shoulder to my waist, bringing me closer to him; his body was preposterously strong and firm against mine. He leaned in to touch his smooth cheek to the side of my head, and I closed my eyes, enjoying the sensation and tingling all over. I could feel every caress with shocks of pleasure. Caleb inhaled deeply, and I lifted my hand and eased it slowly around to his back. So smooth, powerful — perfect. His lips touched my hair, and then, barely brushing my skin, they moved to my forehead and down the side of my face over my burning cheek, flushed with pleasure.
A low moan escaped my lips, and his fingers tightened at my back. His breath was on my face, and I inhaled his scent. The fingers entwined in my hair loosened and glided over my skin to my neck, and his body tensed, reacting to the blood pumping hard from my heart through my neck against his palm. His other hand traced a line purposefully up my spine, and my back arched with pleasure at his touch. He groaned seductively, continuing to brush his lips over my face. Caleb’s hand followed the curve of my shoulder, stopping just below my ear. He leaned in, kissing his lips to my ear.
I. Love. You, he whispered.
My heartbeat quickened, and my body ached for him. His lips remained pressed to my ear, breathing long, deep breaths, and my knees almost buckled as wave after wave of ecstasy washed over my body.
Caleb pulled his lips away, not moving his body. I opened my eyes and stared into his, swimming with desire as my skin seared under his touch. I couldn’t breathe or move, and my body quivered. He closed his eyes and brought his lips down on mine. My hand moved smoothly over his back to his shoulder. His lips gently moved over mine, and with one last brush, he pulled back, leaving all my senses in agony for more. Keeping his eyes closed, he moved back a few inches, his hands lowered to my shoulders. My breathing was fast and shallow. He opened his eyes and smiled adoringly.
I couldn’t tear my eyes from his gorgeous face, his golden skin. It seemed lit up from within.
What is it, my love? His expression was full of concern, and his eyes burned into me.
I pulled myself to him and stayed there for what seemed like an age until a car passed by on the street outside, breaking into the silence.
I’m sorry.
He held his hand to my head, kissing my hair. Tell me, he pleaded, barely hiding his anxiety.
I kept my face pressed to him. I’m more afraid of this than anything else, I murmured into his chest.
He chuckled and kissed my head again. You don’t have to be. Everything will be at your pace, he promised.
No, I insisted a little too strongly. I couldn’t think of anything I
wanted more than to be as close as humanly or in our case inhumanly possible.
I want to. It’s just I’m afraid to love you. I’m afraid my heart can’t take it if — Caleb eased my face back to look at me and examined my expression; his hands kept my head still. He gazed at me with such intensity my heart froze. Don’t you know by now you are all I want? I could feel his conviction in each word, so sure of his love for me.
There was still the lingering fear that something would take him from me again, but I knew it wouldn’t be of his own volition. I felt as sure as Caleb right now. Yes, I know.
The room was still dark, but from where I lay on my stomach in Caleb’s bed, I could see a tiny crack of light seeping through the opening of the heavy curtains. Caleb lay next to me, tracing a fingertip up and down my bare back along my spine. My heart fluttered with each movement, but I stayed perfectly still with my head resting on my hands, reluctant to change anything about the moment.
Triona, are you sleeping? His voice was hushed and sweet, barely a whisper.
I didn’t answer, wanting to stay here like this a little longer, not allowing the future to take anything away from this perfection. His lips grazed against my shoulder, sending thrilling shocks speeding through my body.
I involuntary shivered.
You are awake. I could hear the smile in his voice.
I compromised by turning to face him but not moving my body. Even in the darkened room I could make out his form clearly: the contours of his bare chest, his flat stomach, his gorgeous face gazing at me affectionately.
I love you so much, I sighed.
He smiled, his eyes creasing at the corners, sending my heartbeat racing as he continued to trace my spine. This is like a dream, being with you again, he breathed. I wanted to die when I left you. I wished I did for a long time.
The only thing that kept me alive was the fear the Council would change their minds and come for you. His expression turned agonized. I’ll never forgive myself. I’ve made so many wrong choices from the beginning — I placed my hand on his heart to feel it beating. It skipped and then returned to normal. This is all that matters right now, I assured him. We are here together, and nothing can change that. So please try to enjoy this moment with me.