I don’t know what I want to do yet. I mean, if she’s alright with it, I’d love to pick right back up where I left off, but then, I’m all about change at the moment. I’m trying my hardest not to fall back into my old habits.
I want a healthy life which means letting go of the negative and I haven’t really decided if working full time in my store, trying my hand at being a designer, and working till midnight every night behind a bar is really the best way to promote change. It’s a recipe for disaster and I know I’m going to have to slow down at some point.
I just don’t want to.
I make it to the end of the hallway, right where Rylee’s door is and I find myself peeking in and getting a good look at her to try and get a feel for the kind of mood she’s in. She sits behind her desk, looking beautiful of course. Her head is down, stuck into her work just as I expected and from the look of it, she’s so far doing good. Though, this is before she’s seen me. That could very well change in the blink of an eye.
I bring my hand up and gently knock on the door before giving my best friend my undivided attention. “Hi,” I murmur as her head whips up.
A million emotions cross her stunning face. Happiness. Relief. Anger. Sadness. But the worst one of all that cuts me right down to the bone is the betrayal that shines right through.
“Can I come in?” I question a little hesitantly.
She doesn’t say anything, just stares, so I go ahead and step a little deeper into her office. “I’m busy,” she finally tells me.
Those two words tell me everything I need to know. After being her best friend for so long, I can read her like a map. She’s angry with me, but more than that, she’s hurt. “I’m sorry,” I tell her. “I had to go.”
She continues staring at me and the weight of her gaze nearly makes me crumple to the ground. “You said you would get in contact with me. I needed you like you couldn’t possibly understand and you weren’t there. I went to your apartment to find you gone, and I waited. For weeks, I waited, but you never called. You didn’t email like you said you would. You were just gone.”
“I know,” I say as I hold back the tears again. “I’m sorry, but you have to understand why I did it. I wasn’t ready. I was broken and I needed to breathe.”
“And what about what I needed?”
I look at her and search her eyes. “I’m sorry,” I tell her again. “You have Cole. I thought you’d be alright.”
Her lips press into a tight line as she watches me. She lets out a sigh as she slowly shakes her head. “You haven’t got a damn clue what I’m talking about.”
I look at her confused moments before she stands up.
My mouth drops open as I take in her protruding belly. She must be at least seven or eight months pregnant and it suddenly becomes very clear.
I was gone while she was learning that she was pregnant and she’s had to go through all of this without her best friend by her side.
She waited every day for me to reach out for her, right when she needed me most and I failed her. I wasn’t there for her.
“Rylee,” I whisper as I continue taking her in.
She doesn’t say a word, just walks around her desk, crosses the room, and stands beside the door before indicating that I should be going. “I have work to do,” she tells me flatly.
I search her eyes once again but she looks away, not letting me in, though it doesn’t take a genius to know that the betrayal is still there.
I walk back to her door and place my hand on her shoulder before leaning in and pressing a kiss to her cheek. “No matter what, Rylee. You’re my best friend and I love you. I know I’ve hurt you and I promise you, I will make it up to you.”
With that, I walk out into the hallway and listen to the sound of the door closing behind me.
I’m hardly even out to my car before the tears start rolling down my cheeks.
How could I have been so selfish? Not once did I think about the people I was leaving behind. Well… apart from Jace, but that doesn’t count. I thought Rylee would have been fine. I knew she would have been pissed that I left, but I thought she had Cole to keep her grounded while I was gone, and if she needed a girlfriend, there’s a whole heap to choose from now.
Never did I think about the possibility of a pregnancy. Never did I think that something could happen in her life where she would need me right by her side. How fucking stupid was I to leave and not think there would be any consequences?
Me not being by her side would have destroyed her. She didn’t get to announce her pregnancy in some goofy way like she would have wanted. She didn’t get to send me the picture of her first scan. She didn’t have her best friend there holding her hair back when she was throwing up.
I was thinking only of myself and my needs.
I can only imagine what she must be going through. She would have shown up on my doorstep, bubbly with excitement so she could tell me her news. She would have used her spare key when I didn’t answer, and she would have walked in to see that I wasn’t there.
She would have been crushed.
I’m her best friend for fuck’s sake.
She must truly hate me right now.
I get in my car and get myself to the home that now seems so lonely. I walk into my kitchen, grab a bottle of water, and slide myself down the kitchen wall until my ass is firmly planted on the cool tiles.
It’s as though both Rylee and Jace have moved on with their lives. I left and the world I left behind just kept spinning without me. Maybe I shouldn’t have come back at all. It seems as though everyone else has moved on with their lives, but the universe keeps wanting to fuck with mine.
I don’t know how long I sit here enjoying my pity-party, but eventually, the delivery driver comes and drops off my furniture and shopping. He even goes as far as to put the new mattress on my bed and gives me a hand dragging the old one out.
I thank him and he gets on his way, allowing me to put my new bed together. I look down at it, pleased with the new sheets I’ve picked out today and am about to fall straight into it when there’s a knock at the door.
I look longingly at the bed, wishing I could just get in and fall into a deep sleep as that way, I won’t be thinking about just how shitty of a person I am.
Instead, I walk out of my bedroom and answer the door.
The first smile I’ve given over the last six hours graces my lips when I see Imogen, Izzy, and Lexi standing in my doorway.
I instantly welcome them in and they fall into my arms. “Welcome home,” Imogen says as she holds me tight. “We heard what happened to your apartment so we thought we’d come and help you out.”
“I don’t think she needs the help,” Izzy grunts from beside her before pushing her out of the way and pulling me into a hug.
“No,” I tell them. “My neighbor came over yesterday and we put it all back together. There’s still a lot of crap that needs to be thrown out, but I’ll wait until the weekend.”
The girls come deeper into my apartment and Lexi closes the door behind them. “How are you feeling?” Imogen asks, unable to help her therapist tendencies as we sit down on my new couches.
“Well, yesterday was a disaster,” I tell them. “I tied looking for Cole and ended up with a pissed off Jace and then I spent the night cleaning with major jetlag issues. I thought today would be better until I went to see Rylee.”
“Shit,” Imogen curses. “So, you know?”
“Yeah,” I sigh, averting my eyes down to my lap. “It’s a bit hard to miss that bump.”
Imogen reaches forward and squeezes my hand. “She’ll be alright,” she tells me. “She just misses you.”
“I know,” I agree. “But I hurt her when she needed me the most. I’ve never not been there for her. It’s like an unspoken rule and I broke it,” I explain. “How far along is she?”
“Eight months,” she tells me before pressing a hand to her own stomach and giving me a warm smile. “I’m four months.”
&n
bsp; “What?” I gasp with wide eyes. “You’re pregnant too?”
“Sure am,” she says.
“Oh, hell,” Lexi says from beside us. “You guys are bound to find out sooner or later. I’m cooking a little bun too.”
“What?” Imogen, Izzy, and I all shriek at the same time before we’re all up on our feet jumping around and giving each other hugs.
I can’t help but feel the sting of jealousy. If I had my way, this would have been me and Jace. We would have been happy and starting a family, but it’ll never happen for me. This is just something I’m going to have to learn to live with.
“So, let me get this straight. Rylee is eight months,” I say before turning towards Imogen. “You’re four months.” I turn to Lexi. “And how far are you?”
“Still new,” she says. “Only about ten weeks. We weren’t planning on telling anyone just yet because of my history with miscarriages, but something feels different about this one. It feels good.”
“Yeah,” Izzy scoff. “Because you have a decent man by your side rather than an asshole.”
“True,” she says with a smile that rips across her face as she starts daydreaming about Luke.
“So, is anyone else about to pop out a baby, or is it just you three?” I question.
“Just us three,” Lexi says with a giggle. “Well, just us three that I know of. Though, with Xander and Charli’s wedding next month, I wouldn’t be surprised if he tries to knock her up.”
“Agreed,” Imogen says. “He’s been extra clucky since Rylee fell pregnant. It’s as clear as day that he wants it.”
“I bet,” I say as I stretch my legs out. “He’s going to make a great dad. Actually, all the guys are going to be great daddies.”
With two pregnant, soon-to-be mommies in my home, I try my best to remember my hosting skills and manage to pull myself together enough to call for dinner.
Twenty minutes later, we’re eating our dinner and the second they walk out the door, I fall into my bed.
After having such a huge sleep last night and only waking up from it nine hours ago, I find my mind wandering. I’m not surprised when Jace is the one who pops into my head. He’s always the one who appears in my mind. No matter what I’m doing or what’s happening in my life, it’s always him.
I squeeze my eyes a little tighter, hoping it will magically make him disappear from my head, but all that does is make me realize just how pathetic I am.
The only saving grace I have right now is that this is my new bed. It’s comfortable and warm, and what’s best is that Jace has never been in it. This is all me. Me, myself, and I.
The exhaustion of yet another emotional day quickly catches up to me and I soon find Jace fading from my mind as the unconsciousness takes over.
Chapter 5
Jace
Cami, Cami, Cami.
Why the hell can’t I get Cameron Drew out of my head?
She’s been back for all of twenty-four hours and I’ve already gone crazy. Since the second I walked out of her apartment last night, I wanted to turn right around and go to her.
The only problem is that I don’t know what I want. Do I go back and hold her, apologize, and tell her I’ll never leave her side, or do I go back there and lose my shit about where the fuck she’s been over the last seven months?
I sit at my desk at the new Rebels Advocate club in the city. Me and the boys bought this place and have turned it into the next big thing. It’s been officially open for four months now and it’s so far been incredible.
There was a shit load of work to put into it and I volunteered myself to stay here full time while we got the place up and running. We’ve hired a whole heap of staff and have had to iron out a few kinks, but after putting the effort in, it’s really starting to pay off.
We’ve had so many inquiries and new members joining that I’ve had to put on a third administrator to help keep things running with all the paperwork that comes along with each new member.
The joy of that is with everything up and running, I can finally start reducing the hours I put in here and get back to my home club. I mean, I love this new club, but this isn’t where my clients are. It’s not where my friends are, and it takes a fucking hour to get here each morning.
Though, it came at a good time. The new Rebels Advocate has kept me so busy over the last few months that it was able to keep my mind off a certain woman… well, for the most part, it has. Don’t get me wrong, every time I stepped away from my desk, she was right there, so I did my best to bury myself under a mountain of work, and it’s paid off.
We have a handful of trainers who the boys and I have handpicked due to their skills in MMA and their experience as trainers. We have some new fighters who have the potential to make it in the MMA world, but time will tell with that. We have the regular personal trainers who have put together a killer schedule for group classes which have so far been really popular, and we have a constant string of new faces walking through the door.
Though, what’s best is when those people walk through the door for the first time, getting to see the look of astonishment on their faces as they take it all in. I mean, Rebels Advocate is not your regular gym. It’s fucking epic and the second you walk in, that fact is crystal clear.
When you walk in, you can feel the family vibe, though it’s not as strong as the vibe you get from the original Rebels Advocate, but it will come with time.
It’s past eight at night when I pack everything up and get out of here. The doors don’t close until eleven, but a few of the trainers will be staying late and freeing my night up.
I say a quick goodbye and make sure they have everything sorted for the night before heading out the door.
As I sit in my truck and drive the hour back home, I find myself desperate to go to her, but I can’t, so instead, I pull into The Dark Room.
As I walk through the door, I find Rylee working behind the bar so I start making my way over there. I resist saying anything about the fact that she’s eight months pregnant and should be sitting down, rather than working a bar, but no matter what I say, or Cole for that matter, she’s going to do what she wants to do.
Rylee and I have had a bit of a strained relationship lately. At first, she blamed me for Cami leaving, and to be honest, I blame myself too, but the longer she was gone, the less angry Rylee became with me and the more she became with Cami. Now, we’re just about on the same page, though, she’ll never forgive me for breaking Cami’s heart.
“What are you doing here?” she questions as I drop into the bar stool before her.
“Drowning in my sorrows” I grunt.
Rylee reaches under the bar and pulls out a glass before filling it up and sliding it in front of me. “Yeah,” she says with a sigh. “She came to see me today.”
I look up and raise an eyebrow. “How’d that go?”
“Not great,” she says as she busily goes about her bar. “I could have been a bit nicer.”
“Yeah, me too.”
“Oh?” she grunts as she looks up at me. “You’ve seen her already?”
“Yeah, she came by Rebels yesterday looking for Cole and well… I couldn’t help but be an ass. I had my niece with me and she thought she was mine. I didn’t correct her,” I explain. “I let her think I’d had a kid.”
“Shit, Jace,” she says with a sigh. “Were you trying to tear her heart out and squish it?”
“I don’t know,” I say with a shrug. “I was just so pissed off with her.”
“I can imagine,” she says. “Why was she looking for Cole?”
“Some dickhead was squatting in her apartment. She got home to find him there and couldn’t get him out,” I explain. “You should have seen it, he absolutely trashed her place.”
Rylee presses her lips together as she leans forward on her bar. “So, you’re telling me, after flying home from wherever the hell she’s been, she found a squatter, her place was trashed, you’ve yelled at her, she thinks you’ve got a kid,
and I’ve been a bitch?”
I cringe. I hadn’t quite thought of it that way. “Here,” I say, sliding my empty glass back across the bar towards her. “Give me a few more of these.”
“Why?” she questions with furrowed brows as she takes the glass and begins refilling it.
“I need a reason not to drive over there tonight,” I explain before digging in my pocket for my phone and giving her that as well. “You better take this too.”
She slides the glass back across to me and grabs my phone off the bar. “In that case, drink up.” I do as I’m told but she doesn’t take her eyes off me. “I know I’m angry at her right now and it may seem like I don’t give a shit, but you better stay away from her, because I swear to God, Jace, if you break her heart again, I’m going to break you.”
“Staying away from her is not that easy,” I tell her.
“I swear, Jace,” she repeats. “I’ll break you.”
I hold up both my hands in surrender. “Alright,” I say. “I’ll stay away.”
Her eyes study me for a moment before finally deciding she must like what she sees. “Here,” she says before sliding a shot glass filled with who the fuck knows across the bar. “You better drink this. Cami’s had a shitty time and the last thing she needs is you barging through her door.”
“Agreed,” I grunt before taking the shot and throwing it down. Ahhh. Bourbon, my old friend.
The night goes on just like that. Rylee busily tends to her bar while continuously pouring drinks down my throat in her attempts to keep my ass glued to the seat. She tells me all about her pregnancy and I do my best to listen in to all the gory details. It doesn’t go unnoticed that this is probably all the shit she should have been telling Cami over the past few months, but I sit and listen. After all, had it not been for my actions, Cami would have been here.
It must be past midnight when a familiar voice clears beside me. “What the fuck is going on here?”
I turn towards the sound and find my best friend, Luke, hovering beside the bar, watching me and Rylee in amusement. “What the fuck is going on with you?” I throw back at him.
Jace: Rebels Advocate (Book 4) Page 4