Lessons of the Past
Page 6
Javier lay on his back with one leg bent and the covers slung off his body. His opposite arm was behind his head while the other rested at his side. The moonlight highlighted his beautiful facial features, accentuating his perfect cheekbones and full lips.
I let my fingers drift over his chest and down his stomach. Licking my lips, I felt my desire and knew I had to have him. I wanted to have him in every way possible. I flung the covers away and moved to straddle his legs.
While pulling down his boxer briefs, he stirred. “What…?” he began as I ripped his underwear down his legs and licked my lips. His large cock hardened even further. “Fuck,” he gritted out as I took his cock in my hands and began stroking.
Locking eyes with him, I slowly lowered my head and took him into my mouth. “Damn, that feels good,” he said, his hands finding my hair.
I licked the underside of his length, then sucked him into my mouth once more as my hands stroked the base of his cock. From the way his body was reacting and his small shallow breaths, I knew he was enjoying it. Letting go of him with one hand, I cupped his balls and slid my mouth down until he hit the back of my throat. “Fuck…” he panted. The way he was responding made my own arousal pool in my core, and I so badly wanted to touch myself.
I continued my rhythm, taking him to the back of my throat with each thrust. He reached down with one hand and grabbed my heavy breast, kneading it, while his other hand pulled my hair. I took him in as far as I could, gagged a little, then swiped my tongue out to flick his underside. With a loud shout, he gripped the back of my head and came inside my mouth. I swallowed every last drop as he lay panting and sweaty on the mattress.
“Mmm,” I said, crawling up the length of his body. “You taste…yum.”
“Come here.” He grabbed my face in both hands and captured my lips with his own. I moaned as his tongue swept into my mouth, massaging mine. One hand left my face to knead my ass as the other held me close. “Let me repay the favor.”
“No. I wanted to. I woke up and you looked so sexy laying there, I had to. I didn’t do it so you’d reciprocate.”
He recaptured my lips in a gentle kiss. “Then I think you should fuck me.”
“I agree. I should totally do that.” And I did. I rode him until both of us were completely and utterly satiated.
I knew our relationship wasn’t ideal and to the outsider, seemed wrong, but neither of us could deny the force drawing us together. Life wasn’t always perfect. Neither was timing. It was what you made out of life and timing that was important. And I wanted to make the most out of what we had.
“I want this to work,” he uttered into the darkness as I lay on top of him. “I want us to work.”
Leaning up to look into his beautiful blue eyes, I said, “Me, too.”
“I know it’s crazy since we don’t know each other, but something about you…calls to me. I don’t know.” He paused, his eyes shining. “I also know I’m asking a lot from you. I’m basically asking you to have an illicit affair with your married professor.”
I closed my eyes, letting a tear escape. I wanted to focus on the positive. “You won’t always be my professor. Trust me, I won’t be taking another math class if I can help it.” I brushed my fingers through his hair. “As far as the wife part goes, I don’t like it. I feel like a whore, honestly, and I have a lot of guilt, but I can’t leave you alone. I know it’s not a real marriage on your part, but does she think that? Because that is the only thing making this okay.”
“It’s not real to her either. She keeps me around to watch Caroline. And my inheritance.”
“Your inheritance?” I asked, confused.
“Yeah, my mom’s family is pretty well off. I got a chunk of it when I got married—one of the big reasons I went ahead with the marriage. It gave me money to take care of Caroline and allowed me to provide a great life for her.”
I bit my lip while thinking over everything he had just told me. “Well, I guess that makes this okay then.”
Chapter 9
My head hit the tile floor, causing me to wince. It was seven a.m., and I had been up since four puking my guts out. I felt completely weak, my body ached, and my head throbbed.
I closed my eyes and my stomach lurched. Scrambling, I heaved into the toilet, but nothing came up. I had been dry heaving, except a small amount of blood, for the last thirty minutes, and I knew I needed a doctor.
I was positive I couldn’t drive myself, Javier was an obvious no, and I hated to bother Courtney. Lane was the one person I could count on. I hated bothering him, too, but this was part of his best friend duties. Lord knew I had taken care of him in the past.
Grabbing my phone from the counter, I lay back down on the floor and called him.
“Alex?” he rasped, still half asleep.
I was almost too exhausted to speak. “Lane.”
“Holy shit. What’s wrong?”
I licked my dry lips. “Can you take me to the doctor?”
“Yeah,” he answered swiftly. “I’m on my way. What’s wrong?”
“Sick,” I choked out.
“I’ll be there in a minute.” The line went dead and I dropped the phone. “Crap,” I muttered, realizing I’d have to get up and unlock the door for him. After that, he’d have to carry me.
Grabbing my phone, I very slowly got up. I caught my reflection in the mirror, but didn’t really care what I looked like. I had on a t-shirt and shorts—good enough.
I don’t remember walking to the living room or unlocking the door. The next thing I could remember was Lane picking me up. Then I remembered being in the waiting room.
I couldn’t stay awake, but would jolt awake long enough to dry heave. Lane stroked my back and held me close until they called my name.
Waking up again, I was lying in a hospital bed, Lane sitting beside me.
“Hey, sweetheart.” He stood and reached for my hand. “You okay?”
I wanted to laugh at his question, but I still felt too weak. “Great.”
“You’re a little dehydrated.”
“Really?”
He brushed my hair back. “Okay, a lot. You have a nasty bug and lost too much liquid.”
“Can I go home?” I asked.
“Can you go home?” he snorted. “No, Alex, you can’t go home. You were puking blood.”
Lane’s face was full of concern. “I’m sure I’m fine.”
“Yeah,” he scoffed, shaking his head. “You have to stay for a while.”
“What time is it?” I closed my eyes, exhaustion hitting me again.
“Ten-fifteen.”
I managed a small nod. Lane had missed his first class and I had missed calculus. “You should go to class.”
“No.” I heard him sit down in the chair again, still not able to open my eyes.
“I’ll be fine,” I said, and he sighed. “It’s not like I’m going anywhere. I’m probably going to sleep anyway.”
“What if—”
“I’ll be fine. If I need you or the nurses need you, we’ll call. Please. I need you to go to class.”
“Why?”
I finally cracked an eye open. “I don’t want you to miss anymore classes because of me.” Lane rolled his eyes, but I knew he was considering it.
“Fine,” he muttered. “Only because I have an important test.”
“Good. I promise I’m just going to sleep. I’m exhausted.”
He kissed my forehead. “That’s the meds they gave you. Get some sleep and I’ll be back as soon as I can.”
“Thank you. I love you.”
“Love you, too.” He placed my cell phone next to my hand and left.
I was staring at it when my phone rang, Javier’s name lighting the screen.
“Hello,” I croaked.
Javier sighed. “Alexandria. Thank God.”
I tried to sit up, but my body felt heavy. “What’s wrong?”
“Why were you not in class?”
Was he worried about m
e? “Oh. I’m sick.”
I could hear the breath rush out of him. “Why didn’t you tell me? I’m coming over.”
“I’m not home.”
“Where are you?” he asked, irritated.
“I’m in the hospital. I have a nasty stomach bug or something.”
I could hear shuffling. “Why the fuck didn’t you call me?”
“Javier…we don’t have…I didn’t know if I could. Besides, I’m fine. Lane brought me.”
“I’m on my way,” he growled.
“No, you’re not.” I sighed, so very tired. “Think about it. You can’t. Just come by tonight.”
“How are you getting home?”
“Lane.”
“Fine. I’ll see you tonight.” He disconnected and I lay there in stunned disbelief at his anger.
Putting the phone down and not wanting to worry about Javier, I let sleep pull me under.
***
“Hey,” Lane whispered, placing a kiss on my forehead.
I blinked against the light a few times. “You’re back.”
“Yep. And the nurses tell me they are getting your discharge papers ready.”
“Good. I’m not sure why I couldn’t just go home this morning.” I sat up a little. “All I’ve done is sleep.”
He pointed to my IV. “I think that has something to do with it.”
“I’ve got some papers for you to sign,” a nurse said, bustling into the room. “You look much better.”
“Thanks,” I answered, reaching for the papers.
The nurse walked around the bed. “Let me take this out first.” I nodded and she began removing the IV. “All set.”
I nodded, still really tired. I signed over the highlighted areas then gave the paperwork back to her. “All right. You can get dressed and leave when ready. We’ve sent a prescription for nausea medication to the pharmacy you listed. Make sure you stay hydrated, and if you feel worse or the vomiting or anything else comes back or worsens, come back to see us. Everything is explained in the paperwork.”
“Thanks,” I mumbled. She left the room and Lane stared at me.
“I need to get dressed.”
He pointed. “Bathroom is right there. I’m not leaving in case you need me.”
I nodded and he helped me out of bed.
Once I was dressed, Lane swung by the pharmacy then took me home. He had to be the best friend in the world. I loved him so much and would need to come up with a way to thank him.
“I love you. Thank you for everything,” I said, dropping onto my bed.
“You look better.” He sat down beside me. “You looked awful this morning. And you wouldn’t stay awake. I was scared shitless.”
“You’re my hero. Seriously, thank you. But with that being said, please go home. I’m still contagious and I don’t want you to get sick.”
He wrinkled his nose and stood. “I’ll stay in the living room. What if you need me?”
“No.” I hated that I had intruded on his entire day. “Please. Just go home. I feel bad enough. Besides, this medicine makes me so sleepy.”
He sighed and stared at me. “Fine.”
I grinned. “I love you, Lane.”
“I love you, too.” He bent down and kissed my hair. “I’m plugging your phone into the charger. Call if you need me. Don’t text.”
“Yes, sir.”
He rolled his eyes and left.
***
Pounding on the door woke me some time later. I lay there for a minute, letting my mind catch up and listening to see if it was in fact knocking on my door and not a neighbor’s.
The knocking continued, so I slowly tossed the covers off and got up. Ambling down the hall toward the living room, I unlocked the door and opened it to see Javier standing on the other side, arms crossed. He looked pissed and concerned at the same time.
“Hi,” I offered weakly.
He uncrossed his arms. “Can I come in?”
I stepped aside. “I’m still contagious, but sure.”
He walked inside and tossed his cap on the table. “How are you feeling?”
“I’m a lot better.” He nodded, but didn’t make any moves to come closer. What the fuck is his problem? “I spent the day getting fluids pumped into me and I’m on anti-nausea meds.” I flopped down on the couch. “They make me really sleepy, though.”
Javier nodded again and moved my feet to sit down. He placed them on his lap and began massaging my instep. “Mmm. That feels really good.”
“I’m glad.” He wasn’t looking at me, only my feet. Something was off, and I had no idea what.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?”
He looked in my direction, eyebrows scrunched. “What?”
“You’re barely speaking and you won’t look at me.”
“I have a lot on my mind.”
Yanking my feet out of his grasp, I sat up. “Then tell me about it.”
He scrubbed both hands over his face and through his hair. “Fuck.” He stood and I knew whatever he had to say was bad. “I couldn’t be there for you. At all.”
“It’s okay. I wasn’t by myself, and even if I were, I’m a big girl.”
“Exactly.” He threw his arms out in front of him. “Some other guy was there for you!”
I had no idea what to say, so I went with, “It’s fine.”
“No, it’s not.” He began pacing. “It’s not fine at all. I want you. Fuck. But I’m being selfish. I just don’t know…”
I knew exactly where this was going. “Don’t know what?” I questioned icily.
“I just don’t know if I should be this selfish. I don’t think I should.” He turned to look at me, regret marring his face.
I didn’t want to hear him, too tired to listen. I already knew what was going to happen. I stood and walked to the door. “You need to leave.”
“Al—”
“Don’t,” I cut him off. “We both know where this conversation is headed. I’m just saving us time.” I opened the door, a tear falling from my eye.
He closed his eyes and nodded before walking toward me. “I’m sorry,” he said before walking out.
I slammed the door and sank to the floor. Letting my head fall back, I tried to process what had just happened. Neither of us had said we were over, but it was pretty clear. Since he couldn’t be there for me, he’d rather just end it.
I already felt like shit, now I felt shittier, but instead of sadness, another emotion was taking over: anger. I felt so angry.
I got up and trudged toward my room. I was not going to waste another tear over him. We hadn’t even gotten started, yet we were finished.
Fine by me.
Not really, but I’d keep telling myself that until it was true. I crawled in bed as my phone beeped from the nightstand.
Unknown: Join us at The Underground this Friday. Local folk rock band Gateway will be performing at 8.
I scowled and was about to toss my phone when it beeped again.
Javier: I’m sorry. I really am. And I hope you feel better.
Chapter 10
Thursday came and went without any contact from Javier. By Friday, I was feeling almost normal and had even sat through his class.
After he dismissed class, he called my name, but I pretended not to hear him and kept walking. The truth was, I didn’t want to hear him say it was over. I knew it was, but this way, I could live in denial a little longer. It was why I had kicked him out instead of listening to him.
Childish and immature? Yes. Did that stop me? No.
I walked into the student union, finally hungry, and ordered a slice of pizza. After I gathered up a couple packets of parmesan cheese, I found a table.
Two seconds later, Courtney sat down next to me. “I’m so glad you are feeling better. I need to get out. Let’s do something tonight.”
“Hello to you, too,” I said. “I’m game for going out. But I don’t want to go to a party or anything.”
“Awesome!”
“At a coffee shop?” she asked, looking confused.
“Yeah. I promise, it’ll be fun.”
“Okay, I’m game.”
“What are you game for?” Lane asked, taking the seat across from me.
“We are going to a small concert tonight, wanna go?”
He bit into his crunchy taco. “Nope.” He chewed and swallowed. “I have plans with Mark and Greg.”
“Doing what?” Courtney questioned.
“Drinking. I don’t know.”
“Well,” I said, “Courtney and I are going to The Underground if you change your mind.”
“That coffee shop you dragged me to once?”
“Yes. You loved it.” I tore a piece off my pizza and popped it into my mouth. Chill bumps danced along my spine and the hairs on my arm prickled. I knew Javier had to be close. My body always reacted to his presence. I glanced to the left, noticing an ass I’d know anywhere walking away. I hated that my body was so in tune to him.
Lane grimaced. “Sure. Whatever you say.”
***
Unlocking my apartment, I heard, “Hey, beautiful,” from down the hall. I already knew who it would be by the sound of his voice. “Stephen. How are you?”
“I’d be better if you’d let me take you out on that date we discussed a week or so back,” he said, coming closer.
I laughed and rolled my eyes, but I was flattered he still wanted to take me out. Stephen was a really great looking guy with short, blonde hair and green eyes. “Look…I’m just not in the place for that. But…my friend Courtney and I are going to The Underground tonight for a small concert.”
“The Underground?”
“It’s a small coffee shop slash bar in Freeland. Wanna come?”
He crossed his arms. “Sure. But only so I can spend more time with you.”
I smiled. “Great. Be ready at seven.” I opened my door. “Bye.”
“Bye, beautiful.”
***
Courtney poured herself a glass of wine as I sat on the couch, scrolling through TV channels. “I think you need to dress slutty,” she declared.