by Andrew Cope
‘A lion,’ blurted the policeman. ‘A dirty great man-eating lion. It’s attacking me and I need help. Over.’
There was another moment’s silence until the lady laughed. ‘Nice one, Phil,’ she said. ‘And I’ve got a hippo sitting on my knee. You had me there for a minute. Keep up the good work. Over and out.’
15. Bait!
Lara had ushered the children back into the big top. Their safety is always my number one priority. Tony Jewell was doing his final thanks and in two minutes a thousand lion meals would be pouring out of the tent. The other policeman was delighted to go indoors. He charged inside to arrest the ringmaster and stop anyone leaving. Lara heard him shout, ‘There’s no need to panic!’ which caused instant panic. She heard squeals and screams from inside the big top.
Lara, Star, Spud and the professor stood bravely, surveying the scene. The lion was sitting on the police car, licking its paws and cleaning its whiskers.
The professor looked at Lara and the spy pups. ‘GM451,’ he began, ‘this is a code red, grade A emergency.’
Obviously, Prof, thought Lara slapping her forehead. And it’s up to us to trap the animal before it actually eats anyone. But how?
‘I’ve got a plan, Ma,’ said Spud, jumping up and down with enthusiasm. ‘Lions eat meat, right?’
‘Yes.’
‘And over there’s a hot-dog van, right?’
‘Yes.’
‘So we need to get some hot dogs and leave a trail back to its cage. Once inside, we lock the door and, hey presto, the big puss is back behind bars.’
Lara considered the plan. ‘And the hot dogs would be for the lion, not you, right?’
Spud blushed. ‘Of course,’ he woofed. ‘Most of them, at least!’
‘I think it’s the best idea we’ve got,’ replied Lara.
‘It’s the only idea, Mum,’ reminded Star. ‘And it means someone’s got to get into the hot-dog van.’
‘What on earth are you mutts barking about?’ asked the professor. All doggie eyes fell on the scientist. ‘What?’ he said. ‘Why are you looking at me like that?’
Because you’re the bait! thought Spud. You’re the only one who can get into the van.
The policeman’s head poked out from the big top. ‘Have you caught it yet?’ he hissed. ‘These people are getting restless.’
The professor saw the pups looking at the hot-dog van and seemed to understand the plan. ‘Not yet,’ he replied, ‘but I think I’m the bait!’ The professor took off his coat. ‘I can run quicker without it,’ he said, knowing he’d never done a day’s exercise in his life. He looked at the lion and then at the fast-food van. ‘Here goes.’ The professor sidled slowly towards the van. He’d learnt from the policeman’s mistake and was taking it step by step. ‘Nice pussy,’ he soothed. ‘Good pusskins.’
The lion gave him a dirty look and a little growl. The professor panicked and set off at a sprint. Once again the lion couldn’t resist a chase and bounded after him. The dogs barked. The professor squawked. He wasn’t a great runner, but it was amazing what a chasing lion could do. He made it to the van and slammed the door. The lion slowed down and circled, licking its lips.
Inside, Professor Cortex rummaged in some boxes. He found some raw burgers and hot-dog sausages. He threw one out of the window and the big cat took it. Gulp. The burger disappeared in one.
‘Now we need a temporary distraction,’ woofed Star. ‘Over here, you big mangy cat!’ The brave puppy ran towards the lion, barking like mad. ‘If you want meat, come and try me.’
The lion looked at the dog. And back at the van. The professor was furiously stuffing a bag full of meat. Then back to the yapping dog. Before the lion realized what was happening, the scientist had escaped and was running for the cage, throwing meaty morsels as he sprinted. The lion saw him and bounded off in pursuit, but its progress was slowed by stopping to eat the trail of hot dogs.
Star caught up with the professor and took the bag in her jaws. ‘Out of the way, sir,’ she snarled from the side of her mouth. ‘I’ll take over from here.’ The puppy dragged the meaty bag into the lion’s cage and waited nervously while the big cat chomped its way home. The lion ventured into the cage and Professor Cortex slammed the door, tying it shut with some rope.
Nice puss, thought Star as she backed away. Eat your hot dogs. They’re much tastier than real dogs! The lion nosed at the bag of meat and Star took the opportunity of slipping between the bars to safety. Phew! Being little does have its advantages!
Professor Cortex sank into a deckchair that was beside the cage in relief. He rummaged in his pocket for his heart pills and rattled some into the palm of his hand. He cupped them to his mouth and relaxed. ‘Never been chased by a lion before,’ he gasped.
The pups and Lara ran up to him licking him furiously. ‘Nice work, Prof,’ they yapped.
Sergeant Graham emerged from his car. ‘I was about to tackle the lion myself, sir,’ lied the cowardly copper. ‘But it seems like you’ve saved me a job. Now, if you don’t mind, my colleague and I will send these good people on their way.’ He disappeared into the big top to help his fellow officer calm the crowd. A few seconds later, a handcuffed Tony Jewell was led out. He grimaced at the children and dogs as he walked past.
‘You lot should have kept your meddling noses out of my circus,’ he growled. ‘And what good’s it done you? Jen’s made a clean getaway,’ he smirked. He aimed one more kick at the puppies.
But there’s no clean getaway for you, thought Spud, dodging the boot.
‘I think she must be in our clown car,’ added one of the clowns, who had come back from the car park. ‘It’s gone.’
Tony Jewell laughed. ‘She’ll be at the train station by now!’ he yelled as he was bundled into the back of the police car. ‘The diamonds are long gone. “The Precious Puppies” have failed.’
His laugh was cut short as the car door slammed shut. The blue light was switched on and Tony Jewell was driven away.
The group stood gloomily. ‘What now?’ said Ben. ‘This has been an exciting mission, but we’ve only completed half of it. He’s right; Mrs Jewell and the millions have escaped.’
‘But she can’t have got far if she’s gone in the clown car,’ piped up Ollie. ‘It’s got wobbly wheels for a start.’
‘So we can give chase,’ suggested Ben. ‘She might not have made it to the station yet.’
‘In what?’ snorted Sophie. ‘The only vehicles are circus lorries, burger wagons or ice-cream vans.’
Star did a quick calculation in her head. ‘Out of those,’ she woofed, ‘ice-cream vans are fastest. Come on, gang, let’s go!’
Star ran to the nearest van and jumped through the window. Come on, guys, she thought. The driver’s still inside the big top. Keys are in. Wagons roll! She settled into the driver’s seat and felt for the key. Cool! She used both paws to turn it and the diesel engine rattled into life. Spud had already joined his sister. ‘Come on, you guys,’ he woofed. ‘The gems are getting away!’
16. The Chase
Ben caught on. ‘Prof,’ he said, ‘are you driving or me?’
Professor Cortex shook his head in disbelief. ‘You can’t drive, Benjamin,’ he spluttered. ‘You’re only twelve and your mother would never forgive me.’
‘So you’ll have to do it then, Prof,’ yelled Ben, grabbing the man’s hand and pulling him towards the van. ‘And quick, before Mum comes outside!’
Star made room in the front seat. The scientist plonked himself down and familiarized himself with the controls. ‘Seems simple enough,’ he said. ‘Off we go.’
The ice-cream van juddered away. Ben, Sophie and Star sat up front with the professor. Ollie and Spud were in the back, helping themselves to ice creams. Spud was in doggie heaven. He’d found the flakes and was already on his fourth 99.
Spy pups need to keep their energy up! he thought.
The ice-cream van bounced across the grass and on to the tarmac. The professor hit a few s
witches, looking for the lights. The road came into view. One of the switches started the ice-cream van tune and off they sped in hot pursuit to the accompaniment of ‘How Much is That Doggie in the Window?’.
Meanwhile, Jennifer Jewell was trundling along in the clown car. It was slow and bumpy, but she was making good progress. The station was only another five miles away. She smiled a satisfied smile. Maybe things weren’t so bad after all. She’d escaped. She had the jewels. Her idiot husband was going to be locked up for life. The criminal mastermind purred like the lion she’d let out.
It was late at night so there wasn’t much traffic. She looked in her rear-view mirror. A van was driving on the road behind her. She frowned and shook her head. She could hear a tune. A faintly familiar tinkling melody. ‘How Much is That Doggie?’ she thought. Sounds like an ice-cream van. That can only mean one thing. One very bad thing.
The clown car was going as fast as it could. She swung round a tight bend and the ladder on the back came loose. Drat, she thought, driving with one hand as she fought to recover the ladder. This is a ridiculous contraption.
The ice-cream van was closing on her. She peered in her rear-view mirror again. All the lights in the van were on. She could see several people in the front seat, including a dog. Not those stupid puppies!
The professor had his foot to the metal. The ice-cream van was churning out black smoke and the temperature gauge was rising fast. Everything was rattling, including the professor’s false teeth.
‘Come on, Prof,’ urged Star. ‘Nearly caught her.’ The professor switched the headlights on to full beam to distract Jennifer Jewell and she was immediately dazzled, nearly swerving off the road. The ice-cream van continued to pump out its tinny music. The playlist was belting out ‘Food, Glorious Food’ and Spud was humming the tune to himself as he tucked into a choc ice. Ollie had given up.
‘I feel sick,’ he said, chocolate sauce dribbling down his chin.
The professor gave one last push on the accelerator and rammed the back of the clown car. Mrs Jewell looked over her shoulder in horror. The van was much bigger than her comedy car. She looked at the array of buttons on the dashboard and grinned wickedly. ‘James Bond has spy gadgets in his car,’ she purred. ‘But I’m loaded with clown gadgets.’ She flicked the switch marked ‘Bubbles’ and the ice-cream van was immediately lost in a shiny cloud that burst on the windscreen.
The professor switched on his windscreen wipers and they smeared the oily liquid across the window, obscuring his vision.
‘Bad move!’ yelled Ben. The ice-cream van left the road and bumped along in a field before Ben helped the professor wrestle the steering wheel back towards the tarmac. They found the window washer button and squirted the windscreen clean.
‘Phew,’ said the professor, ‘that was too close for comfort!’ His foot went to the floor again, the engine roaring. ‘Follow that clown car!’
Jennifer Jewell wasn’t done yet. She flicked the switch marked ‘Feathers’ and the professor had to navigate through what seemed like a flock of pigeons and then, third time unlucky, he was smoke-bombed. ‘This is ridiculous,’ he yelled, wiping tears from his eyes. ‘We don’t have any weapons!’
‘We’ve got ice cream,’ shouted Ollie from the back.
‘That’s a dessert, not a weapon, Oliver,’ replied the professor.
‘Could be both,’ yelled Sophie.
The dogs were yapping and the music was blaring. Professor Cortex changed to a lower gear and prepared to catch up with the getaway car. The engine groaned and the professor’s cheeks wobbled as he drew alongside the clown car and waved.
‘Pull over!’
The jewel thief glared at the professor. ‘Never!’ she yelled.
The vehicles were neck and neck. Ollie opened the serving hatch and aimed a spoonful of ice cream at the driver’s seat. She took the first scoop on the side of the head. He beamed. ‘Want some raspberry ripple, lady?’ he yelled, aiming another scoop. ‘And I’ve got toffee fudge.’
The vehicles were tyre to tyre as they rounded a corner. The clowns’ ladder swung towards the van. Without thinking, Star leapt on to the ladder and hung on as it swung back towards the car. ‘Careful, girl,’ woofed Lara.
Star hung on with her teeth and paws, slowly crawling her way towards the front of the car. Mrs Jewell tried to bat her away. The puppy dodged out of reach and the lady had to look ahead to navigate another bend.
The professor’s heart was racing. This was the most exciting chase ever. But just as he was speeding alongside the clown car, on the wrong side of the road, he saw a lorry approaching. Headlights dazzled him. He slammed on the brake and pulled in behind Mrs Jewell’s vehicle just as the oncoming lorry careered past, horn blaring.
‘Road hog!’ yelled the professor, shaking his fist. ‘Can’t you read the side of my van? It says “Mind that Child!”’
Star was nearly there. Her fur was blowing wildly as she clawed her way towards the baddie. Her ears were flapping. The chest containing the gems was on the passenger seat. The diamonds must be in there, she thought.
Mrs Jewell reached out and tried to slap Star off the ladder again. The puppy jumped to avoid the fist and landed on the treasure chest. The lady jabbed a fist again. Missed. And again. Ouch, that’s a hit. Star was stunned by the blow. The criminal picked the puppy up by the collar and was about to hurl her out of the moving vehicle. Star kicked her legs wildly, wriggling for freedom, but it was no good. Her short life flashed before her. Certain death! She looked around frantically. A big red button on the dashboard. Star stuck out a paw and hit the ‘Eject’ button. The lady’s face turned white. She dropped the puppy. There was a terrified yowl as she was ejected from the car.
As the car slowed, Star yanked on the handbrake. Professor Cortex hit the brakes at the same time and everyone shot forward. Spud got another face full of ice cream.
Mmm, he thought, licking his chops. This is the best chase ever.
The professor, children and dogs jumped from the van. ‘Everyone OK?’ asked Ben. ‘How are you, Star?’
‘Good,’ wagged the puppy, ‘I think. It was my turn to be a hero. How did I do, bro?’
Her brother wagged hard. ‘Didn’t see too much,’ he admitted. ‘I was … err … busy with stuff in the back. Missile-launch kind of stuff. Ollie and I were down to our last lemon sorbet.’
The crowd gathered under a tree. Jennifer Jewell was hanging from a branch, legs kicking, her voice
loud and shrill. ‘I don’t believe this!’ she yelled. ‘Defeated by a pair of good-for-nothing pups.’
Spud wagged harder than he’d ever wagged before. ‘Good-for-nothing pups?’ he woofed. ‘I think she means “spy pups”.’
17. Fresh Meat
Tony Jewell parked his car in the castle courtyard. He checked himself in the mirror and decided against smoothing his eyebrows. ‘No point,’ he grumbled. ‘They’ve got a life of their own.’
He stepped out and put his hand to his ear to steady the earpiece. ‘Proceed as normal,’ said the professor into the microphone. ‘We don’t want to arouse her suspicions. The puppies have cameras in their collars. If you get us some decent evidence, we can reduce your jail sentence.’
The puppies jumped out of the back seat, wagging enthusiastically. ‘Clarissa hates dogs,’ hissed the ringmaster.
And we hate baddies, thought Spud. So that makes us even.
Tony Jewell rang the bell and the door opened. The dogs trotted in, tails like car aerials. Spud’s ears were held high, his bullet hole showing clear daylight.
They were shown through to the white room where the fish tank bubbled with life. Clarissa White’s face fell as she saw the dogs. Her cat hissed and jumped from her knee, arching its back as it ran.
‘Remove those dogs,’ ordered Clarissa White. ‘You know I can’t stand canines!’
‘Sorry, Miss White,’ said the ringmaster. ‘We’ll be gone very soon. I’ve brought the gems. You wanted a million’s worth.
’ He handed over the small velvet bag and watched as the master criminal poured the diamonds into the palm of her hand.
‘Excellent, Tony,’ she beamed, dropping the jewels back into the bag. ‘Your debt is repaid. We’re quits.’
‘Not quite,’ woofed Spud. ‘We want those jewels and we want you in prison! Smile for the camera, you’re live on Cortex TV!’
Star leapt on to the table and grabbed the tiny bag in her mouth. ‘Get away, mutt!’ shrieked Clarissa. ‘My jewels. Give me my jewels!’ She grabbed at Star, but the puppy escaped. ‘They’re not your jewels, lady.’
The white cat hissed and bared its claws. It jabbed a paw at Star as she ran by, scratching the puppy’s side.
Hope you can see this, Prof, thought Spud. Cameras are rolling. You have enough evidence. Can we get that dratted cat locked up too? Now let’s have some back-up, please!
Clarissa White’s bodyguard was closing in. ‘Give me the jewels, doggie,’ he growled.
No way, thought Star, flicking her head and tossing the bag out of reach. All eyes followed the velvet pouch as it splashed into the fish tank.
Whoops! Spud watched the bag sink to the bottom of the huge aquarium.
‘My diamonds!’ screeched the lady. ‘Get my diamonds!’ She aimed a stare at her bodyguard.
‘But, madam,’ began the man. ‘What about the fish?’
‘What about them?’ screamed Clarissa White. ‘Don’t tell me you’re afraid of a few little fish. You’re supposed to be tough!’
The man remembered the steaks. He looked at his arms and thought about how much meat was in them. ‘But, Miss White …’ he said.
‘For goodness’ sake, Curtis,’ she yelled. ‘Give me your jacket.’ The burly man took off his jacket and Clarissa White pulled it on, holding the end of the sleeve as she walked to the tank. She grabbed a chair and stood on it. Everyone watched as the lady plunged her arm into the tank and swished it towards the bottom. The fish went into a frenzy, their razor teeth gnashing at the sleeve. Her hand couldn’t reach the bottom of the tank, so she leant further over, dangling her whole arm in. Holes appeared in the sleeve and bare skin was exposed. The risk was high, but her greed was stronger.