Jordan crossed her arms in front of her. The hurt was likely reflected on her face, but she tried to mask it as much as she could.
Chase’s eyes softened, and he grasped her waist, pulling her closer to him. His voice was earnest. “Look, Jordan. I have a feeling there may be no going back with you. So when we move forward, I don’t think I’m going to want anything to stop it.”
“What does that mean?” She looked at him with uncertainty. She was being direct, but she’d rather know than not.
“It means—” he raised his eyebrows, “—let’s wait until we know for sure that this guy doesn’t, by some chance, get out tomorrow. Because if he does—and I’m not trying to worry you, but it’s my job to stay prepared—I’ll be here, making sure you stay safe.”
And then it clicked for her. He wasn’t going to begin something before he was sure she wasn’t still in danger from this guy. Whatever had happened in the past, the mistake he was referring to, must have been pretty awful for him. Part of her wanted to tell him to just let go. She trusted him and wasn’t worried he’d repeat mistakes of the past. The other part of her felt grateful that he was so intent on keeping her out of harm’s way, and she admired his refusal to do anything he thought might compromise that.
She let out a breath she hadn’t realized she was holding. “And I thought I could be stubborn when I wanted to be,” she said with resignation.
A slow smile spread across his face. “I prefer to call it determined…or maybe persistent. Unwavering?”
“You’d better stop now. I thought ‘stubborn’ was putting it nicely.” She gave him the smile he was searching for. “You may not want to hear my alternative descriptors.” She tried to ignore the fact that he still hadn’t let go of her waist and was now using his thumb to trace small circles around her abdomen. Spirals of heat coiled from each ring.
The man was going to drive her nuts.
“Ouch,” he said. “You don’t think that was a little below the belt?”
Her eyes unconsciously drifted downward as if the answer to his question lay literally below his tapered waistline. She admired the view. His sculpted quad muscles expanded out from the edges of his shorts, leading down to equally toned calves. How he kept muscles like that and hadn’t been to the gym once since he’d worked for her, she had no idea.
Catching herself in the middle of her impromptu excursion, she redirected her gaze back up in time to catch Chase’s eyebrows shoot upward. The circling motion came to an abrupt halt. His look was equivalent to the one Coyote gave the Roadrunner when he actually caught him.
Her face had to be glowing crimson because even her ears were heating up. Still, she had to work at stifling her laughter at his nonplussed reaction to her unintended faux pas.
He swallowed. “Okay, I’m completely at a loss for words now.”
Though a small part of her wanted to revel in the fact that she’d turned the tables on him, she knew better than to bait him. It’d be different if she was able to resist him, but with the strong level of attraction between them, she knew she’d be caught in her own net. Deciding the sensible thing to do was change the subject, she asked, “So then, with one more day in paradise, what should we do?”
Chase cleared his throat. “I think it’s safe to say that I’m not sharing your line of thought just yet, so I’ll let you choose,” he said, his voice still strained.
“You know, you kind of had that coming.” One corner of her mouth lifted slightly. “But if I get to pick, then there’s no question—let’s hit the beach.” She twisted out of his grasp and left the maddening sensation of his fingers on her stomach behind. “Meet you back here in five.”
§
Chase shook his head as she left. She was definitely something else. If someone had asked him if he’d consider removing himself from protection detail a month ago, he probably wouldn’t have seriously considered the option. Though he’d put in more years in the field than he cared to count, he hadn’t been sure he was ready to give up the sense of purpose that came with every new detail. But his perspective had changed since meeting Jordan.
With her, there was an excitement that rivaled anything he’d ever felt on the job. It was more than purely a physical attraction. He loved the way her mind worked, watching her experience new things, the bravery she demonstrated in the face of danger, her values, and how she genuinely cared about others. Being with her brought back a part of himself he’d thought he’d lost when the governor had died. He wasn’t certain how he could make it all work, but he was damn sure he wasn’t walking away from her tomorrow.
The warm Florida sun was beating down on them less than an hour later. They’d staked claim to a couple of lounge chairs and put a cooler filled with drinks in the sand in between them. He’d intended to relax and enjoy the beach now that their guy was in custody, but the torment from earlier only continued as Jordan slathered sunscreen all over her body, which was now glistening in the reflection of the sun. He tried to avert his eyes and lead his thoughts elsewhere. Maintaining his resolve to wait until tomorrow to pursue a romantic relationship with her might be the toughest exercise he’d ever endeavored—and considering the things he’d done, that was saying a lot.
She rubbed the lotion up the tops of her toned thighs, and his pulse quickened. With each breath, he took in the coconut scent wafting over to him as the lotion warmed on her svelte form.
“Can I borrow that sunscreen?” Chase said in a cantankerous tone. Seriously? Who needs that much sunscreen?
Jordan slanted her eyes his way while scooting around on the beach chaise to either get comfortable or continue to torture him. Given her actions earlier, he couldn’t be sure at this point, but the effect was the same nonetheless. “Sure. All you had to do was ask. No need to get impatient,” she chided him.
She leaned over to hand him the sunscreen. Yes, she was either teasing him again or unaware of how incredibly sexy she looked in her modest two-piece swimsuit. Thankfully, her voice interrupted this internal debate before his thoughts became painfully obvious.
“Other than work, do you get away to places like this much?” she asked, now stretched out with her long legs extended. Her eyes were closed behind her oversized sunglasses. It looked like she was having no trouble at all relaxing.
He began applying his own sunscreen and distracted himself with her question. “Not really. Not anymore, at least. When I was young, my family usually ended up on some coastline or another for our annual vacations. Those were fun times. My sister and I seemed to get ourselves into these crazy situations.” His lips twitched as he finished the sentence.
She turned her head toward him. “Okay, spill it. I can only imagine the stuff you must’ve done as a kid.”
He shrugged. “We never meant to cause trouble, but put two kids with very active imaginations together and my poor parents trying to catch a few minutes of alone time—ugh, the things we put them through.” The memories had him shaking his head. “I remember one time we were in the British Virgin Islands on this beautiful little island. There were these land hermit crabs everywhere, running around in these amazing shells that we’d only seen sold in stores before. Well, it didn’t take us long to decide that we had to take some home with us to keep as pets. So before we left for the airport, we put them in our pockets along with some wet food. You know, in case they got hungry.”
“Oh my—what were you thinking?” Jordan covered her mouth with her hand.
“That they’d make awesome pets,” he said, eyes crinkling at the corners as he suppressed a grin. “We were still in elementary school, so not a lot of forethought into the many holes in our plan.”
“What happened next?” Her voice was animated and she sat up straight in the lounge chair.
He let out a chuckle before continuing on. “We ended up being at the airport late at night. Emily, my sister, and I both fell fast asleep before the plane arrived. The next thing I knew, we woke up to another passenger screaming and flailing
about on top of her chair. The little guys had crawled out while we slept, and one had made its way into her skirt.”
Jordan was laughing uncontrollably now. She flipped her sunglasses onto her head so she could wipe the tears out of the corners of her eyes. Finally, she stopped herself for long enough to respond. “How did your parents find out it was you two?”
“That’s the worst part. They didn’t even ask. They just knew. We had to apologize and then gather them up so they could be returned back to their home on the island. Luckily, back then airport security wasn’t like it is now, so we had no trouble getting a tour guide to bring them back.”
“Your poor parents! I’m sure you were an adorable kid at that age, but I can’t imagine the passenger was very forgiving.”
“Not at all. She finally calmed down once the little critters were taken away, though she sat as far away from us on the plane as she could. Looking back, I don’t blame her at all. I probably would’ve reacted the same way if I’d discovered those tiny claws moving up my leg too. But back then, we were just despondent to lose our new friends. Had named them and everything—Fred, Barnie, Wilma and the Hulk, for obvious reasons, as he had an awesome claw and some type of green algae growing on his shell.”
“Obviously, he’d be the Hulk and not Wilma,” she said, clearly still amused.
“Totally.” He reached over and ruffled her hair. “Yeah, those are times I’ll never forget.”
“Where are they now? Your family, I mean. Not the hermit crabs,” she said with a smirk. “Do you live close to them?”
“My mom lives in Brandenton. Not too far away—though I’m rarely home for long, so I don’t get down there as often as I’d like to. My dad passed away several years ago. It was unexpected—a heart attack. Living without him has been a difficult adjustment for her. She’s doing okay now, but I know she wishes she saw my sister and me more.”
Jordan shot him a sympathetic look and lightly stroked his forearm. “I’m sorry to hear that about your dad. I can’t imagine losing someone so close to you in such an abrupt way. I’ve worked with clients who are grieving, so I can empathize, but I don’t even pretend like I can fathom that kind of pain.”
Chase placed his hand on top of her and drew in a long breath. Her comment reminded him of exactly how much loss he’d confronted over the last several years. “I don’t think it gets any easier to lose someone you care about. You’d think the body would somehow reach a cap on how much grief you can handle at once.”
“What do you mean?” she asked, her eyebrow raised.
Chase made no move to let her hand go. “Oh, I don’t know. It just seems like there’s only so much grief one person should be able to process in a given amount of time. But instead, when people you care about die close together, it seems that rather than getting better at coping, you get exponentially worse at handling it. Or I guess I do…” His voice drifted off as he spoke and a heaviness settled in his chest as the memory assaulted him.
“Who else did you lose?”
He knew she’d ask. It was the question hanging in the air after his confession. Maybe on some level, he’d meant to go there, but he was still surprised at his admission. He hadn’t ever opened up to anyone about Robert. Even Mike, who he considered one of his closest friends, knew very little of the details surrounding his death. And most of what his friend knew, he’d learned from media reports.
Letting go of her hand, he hesitated for a split second, and then dove in before he couldn’t. “Do you remember about five years ago when the Lieutenant Governor got shot?”
She looked at him inquisitively. “Do you mean Robert Gallagher?” she asked, her brow furrowed.
“I was protecting him at the time.” Chase looked down as he told her, digging his hand into the sand and pulling up a fistful. Even to this day, it was hard for him to admit that. He felt like such an idiot. “I was still with the state patrol and the assignment was part of my job. Worse, it became my only job, and I still let it happen…” The familiar sensation of being detached as he spoke swept over him, and he watched the sand slip through the cracks of his fingers.
Jordan began to gently rub his arm again, but he didn’t look at her, instead focusing on the ocean waves crashing in front of them. The sun went behind a group of fast-moving clouds and the water took on a dark bluish-black hue without the light from above. The murky transformation seemed to coincide with his revelation, as if even Mother Earth was aware of the reprehensible offense.
“Chase, you didn’t let it happen. I don’t know everything about what happened, but there was a lot of news coverage. It was a domestic dispute, and he was right in the middle of it. No one blamed you for his death.” Despite the adamancy with which she spoke, her voice was calm and soothing.
“I blame me…and rightly so.” He uttered the words with certainty. “Every day, I think about what I could have done differently. I was too close to him to be objective anymore. Even though I knew better, we got to be friends…more than that, he was like a brother to me.” Chase shut his eyes, but it did nothing to block out the memory of that night or the fact that Robert was gone.
“How did it happen?” Her voice was so soft that it was almost a whisper, barely audible over the cries of the seagulls circling the water’s edge.
“That’s the thing. It was like any other night for him. He’d been single for about two years. His wife passed away in a car accident. She was five months pregnant with his son. He was never serious with anyone after that. On the outside, he seemed to like it that way, said being tied down wasn’t his thing. I think he was too scared to love someone that way again…but he’d date several women regularly when he was traveling in to their area.”
He paused briefly, hoping she’d get the picture regarding Robert’s philandering ways without him saying it out loud. Comprehension registered on her face.
“That night, he was seeing a woman he’d met a few weeks before in Miami. She was a lawyer, very beautiful and, come to find out, very married. He didn’t know it at the time. He enjoyed the nightlife, but married women weren’t for him—for the obvious personal reasons, and he’d never let down the people who’d voted for him like that.” He spoke forcefully. That had been something the media had gotten all wrong, and the attacks on Robert’s character had made him feel even more guilt at the time. “They were having dinner at the hotel where we were all staying. The rest of the team and I were at another table close by. Around midnight, he motioned me over and told me we were done for the night. I tried to tell him it was no problem—to at least let us escort them to his room, where he wouldn’t be in public. But the restaurant was virtually empty, and he didn’t think he was in any danger. They were enjoying the pianist and a good bottle of Cabernet. After we left, her husband got there. He had a gun. Shot them both, and then himself. It was over in less than a minute.” He laid his head in his hand.
“Chase, I’m so sorry that happened. I had no idea you were protecting him then. Mike never told me. But…” She stopped talking and moved in front of him on the edge of his chaise, looking him directly in the eye. “It still doesn’t make you at fault.”
His head flinched back slightly. She couldn’t possibly believe what she was saying.
“How can you think that? It was my job to keep him safe—to keep him alive. He never even had a chance to get over her death…to move on…to run for governor. It was all taken from him,” he said with bitterness.
“Don’t you think he’d want to the same things for you? For you to be able to move on from his death…to live life without feeling guilty?” The wind had picked up and her hair was blowing back from her face, accentuating her eyes, which were filled with concern.
“You’re right. I know he would,” he admitted with reluctance. “I think I just feel like I don’t deserve to sometimes…or that if I do, it might happen again. I know it’s illogical, but every person I’m able to protect feels like one more person who stayed safe. That I’m actually doi
ng some good or making up for what I didn’t do before, because I was too caught up in listening to him as a friend.”
Jordan seemed to be searching for the right words before she spoke. He could see her hesitation. “What would you have done differently?” she asked.
“You mean if I could go back to that night?” God, he couldn’t tell her how many times he’d asked himself that same question and thought of ways to change the outcome.
She shook her head. “No, I mean if you hadn’t become friends with him. What would you have done differently if he was solely another person you were protecting?”
“I would’ve told him either we stayed or he needed to go to his hotel room or somewhere more secure. I wouldn’t have asked for his input or really cared about it.”
“And do you think that would have worked? You knew him pretty well. How would he have reacted to an ultimatum?”
Chase saw her point. Mike had said the same thing in as many words. But the truth resonated more clearly here with her. Maybe because she was the only one he’d let pry through the solid wall around his heart and he knew she wouldn’t run from what she uncovered behind it.
“He would’ve been pissed. He didn’t like to feel limited in what he could or couldn’t do. It was why he sometimes chose to walk a mile through a main street in town surrounded by citizens, rather than to ride in the limo with the motorcade. It literally drove us all crazy as we scrambled to isolate potential threats on the route at the last minute, but at the same time, there was a certain respect that went with it. I admired that part of him on a personal level as much as I despised it as a professional.”
She tucked a stray lock of hair behind her ear in an attempt to keep it from flying into her face as the wind changed. “So I think it’s safe to say he wanted some privacy in the restaurant to enjoy his night, and he probably wouldn’t have had it any other way, friendship or no friendship. To be honest, it sounds like he actually considered your request more than he might have normally, because at least he stayed in an area where he thought he was sheltered from the outside world.”
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