by Bea Paige
“Come here,” she says, gently pulling me into her arms.
The moment she holds me it’s like a dam has burst and I cry huge, wracking sobs. “What if he’s not okay? What if he’s badly injured? You saw the look on that doctor’s face. She looked concerned.”
“Listen, Louisa, doctors have to err on the side of caution, it doesn’t necessarily mean the worst.”
The door behind us opens and Bryce enters. Nisha frees me from her arms.
“What’s going on? Is Hudson okay? Where’s Max? Is he with Hudson? Can I see him? Bryce, damn it, tell me what’s going on,” I say in a rush of anxiety.
Bryce strides over to me and pulls me into his arms. “He’s okay, sweetheart. He’s okay.”
“Is he conscious?” Nisha asks.
“No, not at the moment.” Bryce sighs. He looks exhausted. Guilty. I both love him and am inordinately angry at him. Why the fuck didn’t they wear a helmet, why didn’t Bryce make Hudson? For fuck’s sake, what the hell is wrong with them?
“Is he in a coma?” I ask stiffly, pulling out of Bryce’s arms.
“An induced one, yes. He had a small bleed on the brain…”
“What?!” I shout. “You said he was okay. A bleed on the brain, Bryce. He doesn’t seem very okay to me. I need to see him now.” I try to push past Bryce, but he grabs hold of my arm.
“You can’t right now. They are just settling him into his room, hooking him up to an IV, giving him medication.”
“Get out of my damn way, Bryce,” I scream. I don’t recognise the sound of my own voice.
“Stop!” He grips me harder, forcing me to face him. “I know you’re scared, but listen to me, Louisa. It was a small bleed, they put him under to rest his brain, to prevent any further bleeding. He came around for a while. He knew his name, he knew who we were. This is just a precaution. As soon as he’s settled they’ll come and get us. He’s going to be okay,” Bryce says firmly.
The anger that had ripped through me drains away quickly. The relief I feel is immense. “He’ll be okay? Oh God…” My voice cracks and I feel my legs buckling beneath me. Bryce catches me as I slump forward.
“Hey, sweetheart, come and sit down. He’s going to be okay.” Bryce guides me to the armchair and I collapse into it just as Max enters the room with Calum.
“Now we wait,” Max says, striding over to my side. He draws me out of Bryce’s arms and I rest my head gratefully against his chest.
Calum hands a bottle of water to each of us. I shake my head, not wanting it.
“Hudson is tough, Louisa. In a few hours it’ll be as though nothing has happened,” he says.
I smile tremulously at him. “I hope you’re right,” I say, but something deep inside tells me it might not be as easy as that.
“You can come through now. Hudson is awake,” the doctor says from her position by the door. It’s the same doctor who helped us on the resort. I realise I haven’t thanked her for helping Hudson. The clock on the wall says it’s almost eight o’clock in the evening. We’ve been here most of the day. I’ve not eaten since lunch, but the thought of food makes me feel sick.
“You’ve been here all this time? Thank you,” I say, getting up. “Thank you for everything.” Tears well again. I know I need to pull myself together before I go in and see Hudson. He doesn’t need to see me like this. I have to be strong for him.
“You’re welcome. I’m Carol Willams, by the way,” she says, holding her hand out to shake. I ignore it and instead I pull her in for a hug.
“I won’t forget what you’ve done for Hudson, for us.”
She looks a little shocked by my sudden display of gratitude.
“That’s perfectly okay. I’m a doctor, it’s what I do.” She smiles kindly. I step back, feeling suddenly foolish, but more than that, desperate to see Hudson.
Bryce and Max both give their thanks and Calum offers her a lift back to the hotel.
“Thank you, I’d appreciate that.”
She gives us a moment to say goodbye to Calum and Nisha, who is going back with him now she knows Hudson is okay.
“I’ll see you in a little while, Lou?” she asks.
I nod my head. “Thank you for staying here with me.”
“Always,” she whispers, kissing me on the cheek.
Calum says his farewells and leaves with Carol and Nisha whilst Bryce, Max and I head to Hudson’s room.
Bryce walks in first, followed by Max, then me. Bryce strides over to Hudson.
“You okay, mate?” he asks, resting his hand on Hudson’s arm. He’s sitting up in bed, looking much better than he had on Railay beach. There is more colour in his face now, he’s not so pale. Thank God.
“Apart from a banging headache and having no fucking clue what happened, I’m just dandy,” he says a little irritably. “Where the fuck am I, Bryce?”
Max approaches the bed, sitting on the end. “You’re in Thailand. You went rock climbing, had a fall, clonked your head good and proper. You had us worried for a bit, Hud.”
“Thailand? You’re shitting me, right?” he asks.
“You don’t remember?” Bryce asks, looking at Max.
“I think I’d bloody remember being in sodding Thailand.”
I approach the bed slowly, a sick feeling filling my stomach. “Hudson?” I say gently.
Bryce steps out of the way as I approach. Max holds his hand out to me, sensing my need for comfort. I take it. Hudson looks at us both, then at our grasped hands.
“For fuck’s sake, Max, this isn’t the time to introduce me to your holiday fling,” he says, raking his eyes over me. The way he looks at me, it’s different. It reminds of the way he viewed me the first time we met. I don’t like it.
“Holiday fling?” Bryce says, looking at Hudson incredulously.
“What?” Hudson asks. “Surely you don’t think it’s appropriate for Max to bring this woman in here. I mean, you’re beautiful, darling,” he says, looking at me as though I’m a complete stranger. “But as you can see, I’ve had a knock to the head and I don’t feel like making conversation with a stranger, even a hot piece of arse with a pair of legs like yours.”
My hand flies to my mouth. I suddenly feel like the room is about to disappear beneath my feet. Bryce slips his hand around my waist and hauls me upright.
“Don’t fuck around Hudson. This is Louisa, our girlfriend.” There’s a note of warning, and a large dose of fear in his voice. It doesn’t go unnoticed.
“Yeah, don’t joke, it isn’t funny,” Max says, laughing nervously. He squeezes my hand tighter.
“Our girlfriend? What the fuck are you talking about?”
Hudson looks me up and down, a hollow laugh rising up his throat. “I don’t do girlfriends and I certainly don’t fucking share,” he says, looking at Bryce and Max as though they’re the ones who have had a bang on the head.
“Are you seriously telling us you have no idea who Louisa is?” Bryce asks.
Hudson nods his head then looks directly at me. “I’ve no clue who you are.”
I can feel the tears prick my eyes at his words. “Hudson… It’s me…” My voice quavers as the feeling of nausea washes over me.
He frowns with confusion, looking between Max and Bryce. His expression softens just a fraction and for a brief moment I believe he’s finally realised who I am.
“I’m sorry. I don’t know you,” he says, and my recently healed heart is shattered once again.
Chapter Fourteen
It’s midnight by the time we reach the bungalow. Max has stayed behind with Hudson, opting to keep him company. I haven’t been able to say a word to Bryce the whole way back. My guts are twisting and my stomach is churning. All I keep hearing are Hudson’s words repeating over and over, “I’m sorry, I don’t know you.”
Bryce guides me into the bungalow. His hand is warm, but I feel cold.
“Let me make you a cup of tea. You need something to eat too.”
“No, Bryce. I can’
t stomach anything right now.” I stop in the middle of the room, my shoulders hunched, my heart bleeding.
“Louisa, don’t do that. Don’t give up now,” Bryce says, attempting to pull me in his arms. I shrug him off.
“You heard what he said, Bryce. Hudson doesn’t know who I am. He doesn’t know me,” I shout. I want to rage at the world. I want to scream. I want to hurt something.
“Calm down, Louisa. I know it’s upsetting, but this could all change tomorrow.”
A fierce anger uncorks in my chest. I know as I turn on Bryce that it’s not his fault, that he can’t be held responsible for the accident, for not making Hudson wear a helmet, but my anger doesn’t listen to the voice of reason.
“Calm down? Don’t tell me to fucking calm down, Bryce. It’s not you he doesn’t recognise. The man I love doesn’t know who I am.” I push at his chest in anger, in frustration, in fear.
Bryce stands there as I pummel my fist against his chest until I have nothing left in me. Then he grips me by the wrists and crushes me against his chest. I don’t cry. I have no damn tears left. “Why the hell does this shit have to happen to us? We must’ve been some evil arseholes in a previous life to deserve such fucking crap.”
“Stop it, Louisa. You heard what the doctor said. It’s common to get some memory loss after a head injury.”
I pull out of his arms. “The operative word being some. Forgetting the accident and the few hours proceeding it is to be expected, yes, but not long periods like this, Bryce. He doesn’t remember any of your trip to Alpe D’Huez. He doesn’t remember our life together these past few months. He doesn’t remember me…” My voice cracks, the pain I feel is worse than when I lost my mum. It’s a desperate kind of hollow. A bleak darkness. Pushing Bryce out of the way, I rush towards the bathroom of our bungalow, only just making the toilet bowl to throw up. I didn’t think I had anything left in me but, evidently, I was wrong.
“Sweetheart,” Bryce calls after me. I hear his footsteps as he enters the en suite. Bryce crouches down next to me and hauls me up in his arms.
“Stop torturing yourself. Enough. His memory will come back. I refuse to think otherwise.”
“What if it doesn’t. What if he can’t find his way to loving me again?” I whisper, all the anger, all the rage gone. Sadness is all that’s left now.
“He’s the same man, Louisa. You got him to love you once. You will do it again and that’s only if his memories don’t return.”
I don’t know how to respond to that, so I don’t say anything at all. Bryce guides me to the bed and pulls back the covers.
“Let’s get you out of these clothes, you’ve been in them all day.”
“Sure,” I mumble, allowing him to undress me. A lump rises in my throat, but I swallow the tears back down. No more tears. Once I am free from my clothes, I climb into bed. Bryce pulls the covers up over my naked body, then presses a kiss against my cheek.
“I’m going to take a shower. Be back in a moment, okay?”
“Okay,” I respond, tucking my knees up to my chest and pulling the sheet right up to my chin, covering every inch of my naked body. I should probably shower too, but frankly I don’t want to move.
I watch as Bryce strips naked in front of me, then heads into the bathroom. The shower turns on and I hear him step inside, closing the glass door behind him. Ten minutes later he is back in the room and climbing into bed behind me. He slides in close and curls his body around mine, drawing me back against his massive chest. He smells of coconut and orchids. I turn in his arms and bury my head into the crook of his neck.
“This will work out, Louisa. Trust me on this, okay.”
“I want to believe you, I do. But life has shit on me more times than I care to remember. What makes this any different?”
“The difference is you have me, and Max. Even if he doesn’t ever get his memories back, Hudson will see how much we love you. He’ll see how special you are. He’ll fall in love with you again, I know it.”
Bryce looks down at me, his beautiful hazel eyes watery. In all of this mess, I’ve failed to recognise how frightened he must have been to see Hudson hanging limply on the end of that damn rope. I feel like a complete bitch.
“Bryce, I’m sorry. I’ve been so selfish. Come here,” I say, pulling him close.
We hold onto each other for long minutes, finding solace in each other’s arms. As always, Bryce makes me feel safe. It’s a special gift he has, and I adore him for it.
“You, selfish? Never. Sweetheart, you are just about the only one keeping me together right now. You’re my anchor, you’re my rock. You’re the person who keeps me from fucking losing my mind with worry. Don’t you realise how incredible you are?”
“But it’s not enough. I can’t fix this.”
Bryce strokes his hand against my face and feathers a kiss against my forehead. “It isn’t up to you to fix anything. Together we’ll work this out. You’re not alone anymore, Louisa. You haven’t been alone since that weekend in Petite Cabane. This isn’t your burden to shoulder.”
“I’m afraid, Bryce. I’m afraid that if Hudson doesn’t get his memories back, all that we’ve built together these past few months will be lost. I can’t lose him, Bryce. I can’t lose any of you. I’m not strong enough.”
Bryce pulls back, gripping me on the shoulders. “You are strong enough. You’re the strongest woman I know. This will not be the end of us, Louisa. Not now, not ever. Do you hear me?”
“I hear you,” I whisper.
Bryce wraps me back in his arms and buries his face in my hair. We hold onto each other until eventually exhaustion claims us in the arms of sleep.
Chapter Fifteen
Max flips the phone shut and places it on the kitchen island. It’s almost exactly forty-eight hours since the accident and the hospital have agreed that Hudson is fit enough to return to the resort.
“What’s the plan, then?” I ask Max. He looks exhausted. He spent most of the first twenty-four hours with Hudson at the hospital, then swapped places with Bryce last night. I had wanted to go with Bryce, but Max insisted it was better I stayed here. Although he didn’t say it, I know it was because Hudson hadn’t wanted me there. I am a stranger to him now, after all.
He downs the rest of his coffee and looks at me apologetically. “Bryce is travelling back with Hudson now.”
“He’s been discharged?”
“Yes. They’re confident he’ll be okay.”
“Thank God for that.”
Catching my eye, Max sighs. “Louisa, we’ve decided to head home early. We’ve got a flight booked direct from Krabi to Heathrow early tomorrow morning. We’ve bought you a ticket too, but if you want to stay behind with Nisha and Calum for the next two weeks, you’re more than welcome to. This was supposed to be your holiday… I’m sorry,” he says, resting his hands against the worksurface and dropping his head.
I step down from the stool and put my arm around his shoulders. “There’s no way I’m staying here. Of course I’m coming home with you.”
He lifts his head and gives me a shaky smile. “We just want to get Hudson checked out by our own doctor. They said he’s safe to fly, that the physical side is okay. It’s just the other stuff…”
Max straightens up and looks at me. He’s trying to hide it, but I know he’s worried Hudson’s memories won’t come back.
“By other stuff, you mean his memory loss. There’s been no change then?”
Max shakes his head. “Bryce said he still can’t remember the last few months. I’m sorry, Louisa.”
I swallow down the nausea I feel and grit my teeth. “I thought that would be the case. It’s okay, I’ll deal with it.”
Max grips my hand. “We’ll deal with it together.”
I nod tightly. “I’m going to pack, then take a walk to the shore. Will you come get me when they arrive?”
“Sure thing, Icy,” he says, letting my hand slip from his.
I head into my bedroom and star
t to pack, feeling like my world is spinning away from me. Even though it’s beautiful here there is absolutely no way I am staying behind. Something tells me that not returning home with them would be a mistake. It doesn’t take me long to fold everything away in my suitcase. I zip it up and place it on the floor, then head out onto the sand. The sky is turning a beautiful dusky pink as the sun lowers towards the horizon. I appreciate the way mother nature has the ability to paint her own landscape. No man-made colours are more stunning or alive than what I see before me, yet this beautiful place will forever be tainted now with the crimson shade of Hudson’s blood and the lacklustre colour of his eyes when he had no clue who I was.
The sea water is still lukewarm, the heat of the day lingering in the surf. The humidity of the day is gone and it’s now a comfortable temperature. There are people further along the beach making the most of what has been a gorgeous day. I hear their laughter and I want to scream at them to shut up. Why should they be happy when my world has been turned on its fucking axis.
Standing at the edge of the shore, the sand wet beneath my feet, I contemplate the past couple of days. Four months ago, I was still living with my mum and dealing with the daily abuse she gave me. I’d been a shell of a person. Then I’d met the Freed brothers, and everything had changed. I’d found love, family, a home. Now that was in danger of being ripped out from beneath me. Well, fuck that. Memories or not, Hudson will not push me away. If he thinks for one second that I’m just going to walk away from him, then he doesn’t know me at all. I laugh at the ridiculousness of that, but I suppose that’s the irony, he really doesn’t know me.
“Hey, Icy,” Max says from behind. I circle round, giving him a half smile as he stands beside me, entwining his hand in mine.
“It’s a beautiful sunset, don’t you think,” I say, knowing that there is a conversation about to start, knowing I’m not ready to have it.
“Louisa…” he begins.
I can’t look at him. The tone of his voice tells me he’s about to say something I don’t want to hear. He’s so on edge.