by Bea Paige
“Sweetheart…” Bryce gets up and walks around the table, sitting down next to me. Hudson’s eyes follow him and his shoulders tense. Three against one, that’s what he’s thinking. But that isn’t how this is, this is us showing Hudson how we can be together. How he can be with us again too if he takes a leap of faith.
“It’s okay. I’m okay,” I say, smiling at Bryce, and I am. I let my past go that day by the grave, it doesn’t have the power to hurt me anymore.
Hudson views us all. I can’t read him this time, so locked behind a barrier of his own making. I want to know what he’s thinking, but I won’t force it. I can only tell him how I feel and hope for the best. Hope that somehow what I am about to say can penetrate his walls, if only to let a pinprick of light through to the dark.
“You let me in, all of you. You broke through the ice around my heart and in turn I broke through yours.”
“It’s true, Hudson. Fuck only knows how Icy managed it, but she did. I love her, man. Please don’t push her away,” Max says, searching for my hand. I take it and he brings it up to his mouth, kissing my knuckles. Hudson swallows hard.
“Nothing will push me away, Max,” I reassure him. “I love you, it’s as simple and as complicated as that.”
“I love Louisa too, but you know this already,” Bryce says to Hudson. “What I said to you at the hospital remains the same. Louisa has changed my life for the better. She’s a fucking miracle. Damn it, Hudson, I need you to remember…” his voice wavers and he clamps his mouth shut.
Hudson swipes a hand through his hair and regards us all. “I don’t know what to say. This is too fucking much.” He looks at me in confusion, with fear, with… hope. Or at least that’s what it looks like to me. It softens my next words a little.
“You may never get your memories back, Hudson. That scares me to death too. I fear that whatever magic made us fall in love in the first place might not happen again, but I will fight for us. I love you, I will not run,” I say gently, echoing the promise I made to him a few months ago.
A small part of me was hoping the moment I uttered those words he would remember. Not this time.
With shaking hands, Hudson places his mug on the table. I want nothing more than to go to him, comfort him. My heart aches at this barrier between us. It’s killing me. But he isn’t ready for more than words.
“But this,” he says, waving his hand in the air. “The easy way you are with each other. I am a stranger to whatever this is between you all. I’m on the outside, looking in. I don’t know you. This I don’t understand.”
“Yes, you do. You just don’t remember.” I sigh. I am on the verge of crying bitter tears, but I won’t. They would do no good. Strength is what I need now. I need to be strong for all of us. “Hudson, I know everything about you. I know how you like to take your tea. I know where you like to be kissed the most, that spot there right in the palm of your hand.” His eyes drop to his open palm and he closes his fist over it, shock and surprise mingling on his features.
“I know what you look like when you’re about to come. I know how much you love Bryce and Max, how much you worry about them even now they’re adults. I know about your mum and what she did to you. I know about the cruelty you suffered by her hand. I know about Beth. I know the dark parts of you, and I also know the goodness. I know your heart. I know you.”
“I’m sorry. I can’t do this,” he says, standing abruptly. “I can’t feel something that isn’t there.” He strides towards the stairs. I get up and run after him, grabbing his arm. He whirls around to face me and I meet his angry gaze with determination.
“You can push me away, you can cut me off, but I won’t be going anywhere, Hudson. One way or the other I will remain in your life because of my relationship with Bryce and Max. I’m in love with them too and their happiness is just as important to me as yours.” I point to Bryce and Max, who are watching us in horrified fascination. “Right now, the only two people in the whole world you love the most are those two men sitting there. That love you feel, I feel it too. I adore them, and I will never stop. I’m not leaving.”
He pulls his arm free and looks at his brothers. “I won’t stop you from being together, but that’s the only promise I can make. Stay, but keep away from me and I shall do the same,” he says heavily.
“That’s all I can ask…” It’s a start, I think.
He nods his head sharply, then walks upstairs without a backward glance.
Chapter Seventeen
Sitting on my bed freshly showered and wearing just my underwear, I contemplate the exchange earlier. Our conversation, or rather my one-sided speech plays over and over. Had I been too intense? Should I have waited to confront Hudson. I have no idea whether I’ve done the right thing or not. Part of me thinks I have, that I was right to say what I felt, to get it off my chest. The other side of me thinks it was too much too soon.
Picking up my comb, I begin to untangle the knots from my hair. I feel relieved to a certain extent that I’d got my thoughts out in the open, but I also feel bereft. Either way it really doesn’t matter. There’s a soft tap at my door.
“Come in,” I say.
It’s Bryce and Max. They too have showered and changed. The musky smell of Bryce’s aftershave and the vanilla scent of Max’s shower gel is comforting to me. Bryce has a tray of snacks, and drinks for each of us. I guess we’re having dinner in bed tonight. An errant thought flitters across my mind of blindfolds and strawberries.
“How are you doing, Icy?” Max asks.
My hand falls away from my hair as my shoulders drop. “I’d feel a hell of a lot better if Hudson remembered me,” I say honestly.
“So would we, sweetheart, so would we,” Bryce says, placing the tray down on the side table. He gives me a sweet kiss on the lips and hands me a glass of pineapple juice.
“Thanks.” I take a sip, then hand it back to him. Picking up the comb again, I begin to work through the knots.
“Here, let me,” Max says, holding his hand out for the comb as he slides on the bed behind me. I hand it to him and he sets to work sectioning my hair so he can get the tangles out a bit at a time. He takes great care not to tug too hard.
“How’s Hudson?” I ask.
“Hiding in his room. We won’t be seeing him for the rest of the night now,” Bryce says, settling on the bed by my outstretched legs. He crosses his legs like a little child sitting on the carpet at school listening to their teacher reading a story. You wouldn’t expect such a big man to be so flexible, but he is. He doesn’t just lift weights and run on a treadmill like Max and Hudson, Bryce likes yoga too and he’s pretty damn good at it.
“Was I wrong to say as much as I did?” I ask.
Max’s hands rest on the nape of my neck, his fingertips grazing against my collar bone.
“No, you were right to say what you did. Hudson needed to hear it. I don’t know about Bryce, but I needed to hear it,” he says quietly. I catch Bryce’s gaze, and the frown I see pitted on his forehead. His worry and Max’s confession break my heart.
Adjusting myself so that I’m partially facing Max, I bring my hand up to cup his cheek.
“Oh, Max. I love you too much to leave. If Hudson never gets his memories back, if he never learns to love me again, I will be heartbroken, yes, but I won’t be broken. I have you and I have Bryce and I love you both so much. Perhaps, somehow, I’ve not made that clear.” I don’t wait for a response, instead I pull Max’s mouth over mine, kissing him fiercely. I sweep my tongue inside his mouth, relishing the feel of his full lips bruising my own.
Eventually, we pull apart and I turn back around so he can continue to comb my hair. Bryce is watching us both, his heated gaze running over my flushed skin.
“I guess I’m feeling a little insecure, Icy. If I’m perfectly honest, this shit has thrown me,” Max explains. “Hud has looked after us both since we were kids. Up until we met you we’d done everything together except love the same woman. Being with you, sha
ring you, has been fucking bliss, despite the days when I’ve wanted you all to myself. Now Hudson isn’t a part of that… I don’t know, it feels strange, odd. It doesn’t feel right, and even though it’s unfair, I resent him for it.”
“It’s thrown me too, bro. Fuck, for a moment when his head slammed against the rock I thought it was all over. I thought I’d lost him. I was so fucking relieved when he woke up,” Bryce says, opening up. He grazes his fingers along the curve of my ankle absentmindedly, as though just the touch of my skin is enough to keep him steady. My skin prickles under his touch.
“Then, when he didn’t recognise you, it was like a hole had opened up beneath me. The love we share is strong because we all share it. Having a part of that ripped away fucking scares me.” Bryce is looking down at my ankle encased in his hands. He flexes his fingers, loosening his grip.
“Don’t be scared. This won’t break us. I won’t let it. We won’t let it,” I say firmly, pushing my foot back into his grasp. His head flicks up, a glimmer of understanding lighting up his face. I don’t want his hand to pull away, I want it back. His gaze drops to my chest, as if noticing for the first time that I am just wearing my underwear. I had intended on getting dressed, now that intention has gone right out of the window.
“And Hudson?” Max asks, oblivious of the lustful looks passing between Bryce and me.
“Hudson will need us more than he ever has, but he’ll withdraw from us despite that. We just have to find a way to coax him back.” I close my eyes for a moment, enjoying the feel of Bryce’s hands as they massage my feet and ankles.
“You’re right, he will need us, but it won’t be easy. Hud’s a stubborn bastard at times,” Max says, putting the comb down. He adjusts himself behind me, encouraging me to lean back against his chest whilst he props himself up against the headboard.
“We’ll be there for him, like he has been there for us all this time,” Bryce says with conviction.
“Yes,” I say gently.
Behind me Max’s fingers begin to smooth over my hair as I settle against his chest. Through my back I feel the regular beat of his heart fall in time with mine. I am acutely aware of his fingertips as they work their way to the base of my skull and begin massaging there. My body’s response is immediate, the groan that leaves me is needy, wanting. At the other end of the bed, I can feel Bryce’s warm hands hold onto my feet, his thumb pressing into the soles. He makes small circular movements in my flesh, working from my instep up to my toes. The feeling is sensational, who the hell knew so many nerve endings could be found in the soles of your feet? I certainly didn’t. Another low moan leaves my mouth as my body begins to relax in his hold.
“Icy, I need you,” Max says, pressing a warm kiss against my ear whilst his fingers massage my scalp. Both his words and his touch have my skin prickling and my synapses firing.
“I need you both too,” I say, feeling incredibly relaxed and acutely turned on at the same time.
“Do you like this, sweetheart,” Bryce murmurs as his hands slide up my shin then curl under my calf muscles, kneading them gently.
“Yes,” I say, barely able to loosen the word from my mouth as Max’s own fingers move over my scalp, neck and shoulders, easing out the whorls of knotted muscle and worry. I feel myself relaxing further into their hold, like butter melting in the warm heat of a kitchen. I am both liquid heat and floating on a cloud of bliss, ready to fall into sleep, ready to fuck these men until none of us can stand. Drugged. Wired. I am both.
I open my heavy-lidded eyes when I feel something incredibly soft trail up my leg. I am more than a little surprised to find Bryce holding the tip of a white feather against my skin.
“Where did you…?” The question is lost on my lips as he strokes the feather over the thin lace of my knickers. I suck in a breath at the torture of such a light touch. I want him to do it again and yet I don’t think I can stand it.
“Magic,” he jokes, the warmth of his chuckle like dark chocolate on my tongue. I want to laugh, but instead another moan erupts as he strokes the feather over my hardened nipples. The effect is immediate and powerful, the electricity zings from one erogenous zone to the other and back again. Holy fuck.
No longer on the precipice of sleep, but still incredibly relaxed, I melt further into their touch. Behind me, Max’s cock thickens, pressing up against my lower back. He rocks against me, needing friction of his own, and I want to give it to him. I move to sit up, but he pulls me back against his chest.
“Not yet, Icy. We’re not done,” he says with barely held control.
Max’s hands slide my bra straps from my shoulders and push down the cups, freeing my breasts. He runs his palms over my nipples and another zing heads straight for my clit. I feel my pussy clench in response. Needing pressure, needing to rub at the tiny nub, my hands reach downwards, my fingers moving directly to the spot I need to feel the most.
“Allow me, sweetheart,” Bryce says. In an instant my underwear is gone, and my pussy is covered by his mouth. My hips instinctively push up against him, wanting more as he deftly licks, sucks and teases me with his mouth. Needing purchase, I grab hold of Bryce’s hair, curling my fingers tightly around the strands.
“Fuck, Louisa, you’re so wet,” he murmurs, lust making his voice hoarse.
“Kiss me,” I grind out, turning my head sideways to Max. He finds my mouth and his tongue clashes with my own as our lips mould against each other.
I desperately thrust against Bryce, my hips bucking, my pussy clenching. I am so wet, so ready to be loved by these men. My kisses with Max reflect that. Our kiss is urgent, desperate, electric.
And then…
Then I am floating in a whirlpool of light and colour as my mouth pulls away from Max and my body stiffens under Bryce’s lips. A powerful orgasm funnels up from my core, pulsates across my skin, then explodes behind my eyes. Seconds later I am falling, falling, falling into a pool of bliss.
Eventually, I open my eyes. A giggle escapes my throat.
“What’s so funny, Icy?” Max asks, a smile in his voice. Bryce is staring up at me from his position between my legs, a curious look on his face.
“Where the hell did that feather come from?” I ask.
“This one, you mean?” Bryce says, an eyebrow raised in amusement as he holds it aloft.
“Yup, that one.”
“Well, that’s for me to know and you to find out,” he grins, trailing it over my thigh. I snatch it from his hands and run it over my palm.
“Ready for some more feather touch?” he asks.
“Hmm. Another time maybe,” I purr, dropping it to the floor. Bryce sits up and I pull his head towards mine, kissing him deeply. He still has the taste of me on his lips and that in itself is intoxicating. He groans into my mouth as my hand falls to his cock. But I let him go and pull back, twisting in Max’s lap so that I am kneeling between his parted legs.
“Lie down flat, Max,” I order. He raises his eyebrows at me, but he does what I ask. When he is flat on his back I yank down his boxers, helping him to wriggle out of them. Behind me I hear Bryce get up off the bed. “Where do you think you’re going?” I say over my shoulder.
“I thought you wanted time with Max…” he starts, a mixture of confusion and sadness on his face.
“Get back here,” I demand. “You’re not going anywhere.”
“You better do what Louisa says, Bryce,” Max chuckles. He is looking up at me with amusement and a heavy dose of lust.
Bryce kneels on the bed behind me. “What do you need, sweetheart?”
I don’t know where this confidence has come from, I barely recognise myself. Somehow these men make me feel powerful, a seductress rather than the seduced. Knowing exactly what I want and feeling liberated, I bend over, showing Bryce the round curve of my arse and the sleek opening of my pussy.
“You inside me, now,” I say, my voice hoarse with want.
“Fuck me sideways,” Bryce grinds out, gripping onto my hips. His
voice is a mixture of delighted surprise and lust. I feel the swell of his cock at my opening, and as I take Max’s cock in my mouth, Bryce enters me with one smooth thrust.
For a few blissful minutes we are nothing but sensation. Bryce eases in and out of me with gentle control, mindful that my mouth is filled so fully by Max. We fuck, we make love, we devote ourselves to each other. Am I sad that Hudson is not with us? Yes, there is a huge part of me that longs for him even though I am so adored by these men, but an even bigger part of me is determined not to let that longing prevent me from loving these two. After all, they are still mine, even if Hudson isn’t quite yet.
Chapter Eighteen
Five days after arriving home from Thailand, Hudson is still determined to ignore me. Today is the first day I’m alone in the house. Max and Bryce have headed into work to finalise the business arrangements in Thailand whilst Hudson has taken a trip to see Dr Salahan. I’m hopeful that when he returns there will be good news because the last few days have been hellish. Not because of any conversation or interaction I’ve had with Hudson, but because of the lack of it. What I said when we arrived home still remains. I am determined to find my way back into Hudson’s heart, but he is determined to stick to his promise. The two ideals have made for some uncomfortable living.
Trying to get rid of this jittery energy I’m holding inside at not being able to reach Hudson, I head down to the gym. Since I’ve lived here, I have decided to take care of myself a little better and whilst I have no real urge to lose weight, given I rather like the curves I have, I do want to feel healthy.
Flicking on the lights in the gym, I step up onto one of the three available running machines. Pressing a few buttons, the belt starts to move. I don’t bother with any music, preferring to run with just my thoughts. After a couple minutes of fast walking, the pace picks up and I start running. At school I had bunked off most P.E lessons, preferring the comforting warmth of the local library rather than the sweaty grip of the sports hall. Now, I find running freeing, a way to loosen the day’s troubles with the thrust of my arms and the pounding of my legs. My aim this afternoon is a five-mile run and I am three quarters of the way through when the door opens behind me.