“Who the hell are you?” he said, grabbing a towel from the bench. “And what are you doing in here?”
Sofia was already backing towards the door. “Sorry, I was looking for my boyfriend. I think he came here to audition.”
So much for her cover story, which had gone straight out of her mind. It was difficult to concentrate when you were being hypnotized by Mohawk Man’s pendulum action.
“He’s not here,” said Mohawk Man.
“Yeah, I can see that. Sorry to interrupt you.”
“Hey, can you do me a favor? Seeing as you’re here.”
“If I can. Sure.”
“A bunch of guys haven’t shown up and I’m next,” he said.
That was good. Their goofy plan seemed to be having the desired effect.
“Can you tell me what you think of my routine?”
“Er . . .”
“I’m calling it . . .” he paused for dramatic effect “. . . the windmill.”
He dropped his towel, and cocked a hand on his hip, a bit like they had taught Aidan to do. At least, thought Sofia, they had been on the right track with the moves. Not that Aidan would be able to generate the breeze that Mohawk Man probably could.
“I’m sorry,” said Sofia. “I really have to go.”
Rather than get offended, Mohawk Man grabbed his towel, wrapped it around his waist again and sank onto the bench. “Story of my life. I’m never getting this gig.”
A second ago Sofia had been terrified, but she was a former actor who knew all about the kind of insecurities performers went through. She stood with her back to the door.
Mohawk Man covered his face with his hands and began to sob. “You have no idea. Girls have no idea. Everyone thinks it must be great to have one this big. I must get all the girls I want. Life must be so great. But what happens when it’s too big? People treat you like a sideshow freak, that’s what. It’s like you’re no longer a human being.”
She had never been a fan of the ginormous, elephant-trunk-style ying-yang. But lots of ladies were.
She tiptoed over to the bench and sat. “Hey, it’s only a problem if you make it one.”
“What do you mean?”
“It might be a disadvantage to you in regular life. But with something like this here . . . I mean, come on! Python? Anaconda? Jumbo? Do you see a pattern?”
Sofia was starting to warm to the topic. She’d always thought she’d make a great motivational speaker. She had been the kid who could rally the rest of the team when they were losing. She really enjoyed seeing people turning things around and realizing their true potential.
This felt like another of those moments. A time when she could make a difference in someone’s life.
“Some things are destined to be. Didn’t you ever think that? Sorry, what’s your name?”
“Ricky.”
“Didn’t you ever think that, Ricky?”
“I guess so.”
“For every big ole square peg, somewhere there’s a big ole square hole . . . Okay, bad example. What I’m trying to say is that what might be a drawback in some parts of life is a real plus in others. This group here relies on . . . how should I say this? Bigger men and the women who are . . . interested . . . in those bigger men. And now here you are.”
Ricky stood. Thankfully the towel stayed with him. “You know what? You’re right . . .”
“Sofia.”
“You’re right, Sofia. Maybe this was my destiny. I can’t mess it up now.” He started toward the other door.
“Hey, Ricky, didn’t you bring a costume or something?”
“Oh, yeah,” he said, walking back to the lockers. “Hey. I’m really glad you were here.”
“That makes one of us at least.”
The door had opened and Aidan was standing there in his cut-off police shorts. He was covered with sweat and out of breath. “You’re next up, buddy,” he said to Ricky, who was busy clambering into a superhero costume.
“Thanks, man.” Ricky bounded out of the locker room, leaving Sofia alone with Aidan.
“You’re supposed to be outside,” said Aidan. “Do you want us to get caught?”
“I wanted to see your audition,” she said, sheepishly. “How’d it go?”
“Who knows? They made me go through the whole routine like three times.”
“That’s fantastic.”
“Is it?”
“Yeah. Usually if it’s a no you’re in and out in under a minute. They must think you’re a serious contender.”
“Maybe, but did you cop a load of that guy? It looked like a deli counter down there.”
Sofia’s heart sank. Not only was he physically qualified, she had given Ricky the pep talk of his life and sent him out there. There was no way Aidan could compete. All this sneaking around and foul play, and for what? To make sure someone else landed the gig.
Sofia glanced back toward the locker Ricky had been using. Maybe they could have a backup plan should the worst happen. When Ricky came back in she would get his number. Maybe he’d need some more career-counseling.
40
“I can’t freakin’ believe this. Two people showed up to audition. Two! And I still don’t get the gig! What’s a guy have to do to get a break in this town?”
Aidan was in the front seat of the Suburban and he was not taking rejection well. At all.
In back, Gray was nodding sagely. Tex was looking at him like he’d lost his mind. Next to him Sofia was thinking he’d lost his mind, but doing her best not to look like that was what she thought.
Gray clapped a reassuring hand on Aidan’s shoulder. “It’s tough when you’re starting out, bro.”
“Sorry to interrupt the pity party, but can I just remind everyone, especially you, Aidan,” she said, removing Gray’s hand from Aidan’s shoulder, “that you are not in fact an actor. You’re a private investigator who was pretending to be an actor.”
“And you’re an actor who pretends to be a private investigator,” Aidan shot back.
“You did not just say that!” Sofia shouted. She turned to Gray and Tex. “Tell me he didn’t just say that.”
“Hey!” Aidan shouted back. “I had that audition in the bag until you decided to give Turbo Prop in there the mother of all half-time talks.”
“Turbo Prop?” said Tex.
Sofia made an elephant’s trunk with her lower arm and started whirling it around.
“Really?” said Tex. “Bigger than Jumbo?”
“And Python,” said Sofia.
“That I gotta see,” said Tex.
“And you will,” said Aidan. “Now that Sofia screwed up my only shot.”
“You are such a whiner.”
“Am not.”
“Are too.”
“Oh, that’s really mature.”
“He’s venting,” said Gray.
“Wait,” said Sofia.
She reached down and turned up the loudspeaker volume on the receiver unit sitting on top of the center console. It was linked by wireless signal to the bug Aidan had planted in the audition room when he went in.
There was the sound of chairs pushing back and people sitting down. “Okay, so we’re all happy with this Ricky guy?”
Aidan threw up his hands. “Unbelievable.” It was clearly going to take him a while to get over this.
“Wait. Who’s that talking?” Sofia asked.
“The manager, Stanley Kervin.”
“And who else did you say was in there?”
‘Python, I mean Jared Chadwick, and a woman.”
“And you think she was the manager’s wife?”
“Or girlfriend or business partner. But they were pretty tight,” said Aidan.
“Like romantically?”
“Not really. That’s why I think they could be married.”
“Harsh,” Tex piped up from the back seat. Sofia shushed everyone again.
“So let’s call Ricky and give him the good news.” It sounded like Stanley Kervin the m
anager again.
“What about the other dude?” someone asked.
“That’s Python, I mean Jared,” Aidan told them.
“He’ll figure it out eventually,” said the woman.
At that Sofia felt really mad. It was bad etiquette not to let someone know they hadn’t got the job.
The woman continued. “He might be good backup if Ricky doesn’t work out. He seemed kind of needy, so he could be a good addition. Just a shame he was running twenty pounds overweight and an inch or two short of what we need.”
No one in the car said anything to that. They all did their best not to make eye contact with Aidan.
Finally, Sofia piped up: “An inch or two short for them is probably huge for the regular population.”
“You’re not helping,” said Aidan.
“They were probably talking about your height.” She should have led with that. But the expressions on everyone in the car told her they weren’t buying it.
The people in the room were still talking.
“Okay, so are we done here?” said Stanley.
“Hey, before we split, what about Marcie?” said Python.
“What about her?” said the woman.
“Well, she hasn’t paid, and she hasn’t been in touch again,” said Python.
“Give her until the end of next week. If we haven’t got the money by then we’ll give her hubby the footage,” said the manager.
“Yeah,” said the woman. “Sometimes it’s good to teach one of these broads a lesson. We can show the next one what happens if you don’t get us the cash.”
So much for female solidarity. Not only did the woman who was with them know all about the blackmail scam, she seemed to be completely on board with it.
“Damn, that’s harsh,” said Tex.
“No kidding,” said Gray.
“Can I just put on the record that I’m not needy?” said Aidan.
“Of course you’re not,” said Sofia, patting his hand.
“Not a word I would apply to you,” said Tex.
“Absolutely not,” chorused Gray.
There was the sound of more chair-scraping and things being gathered up, then the door slamming. Sofia quickly put the Suburban into drive and scooted down to the end of the street. They had already gathered up the fake audition signs so there was no way for Stanley or the others to work out why only two people had shown up.
Sofia parked around the corner, and they waited. They wanted to see who left in what vehicles. Then they could run any vehicle tags they weren’t already familiar with.
“Am I really needy?” Aidan asked again.
It seemed to have gotten to him more than the comment about being twenty pounds overweight or his penis not being big enough.
“Hey, we’re all needy,” said Gray. “And you were being an actor. We are super-needy. Pretty much the neediest people on Planet Earth.”
“Yeah,” said Tex. “Maybe it was being an actor for a few days. Look at Sofia here.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Sofia asked.
“Look, I love you,” said Tex. “I really do. But you can be kind of needy at times.”
“We all can,” said Gray, trying to defuse the conversation before it got out of hand.
“Not me,” said Tex.
“Okay, apart from you,” said Gray. “Miss Perfect,” he added, under his breath.
Thankfully, at that point the Porsche appeared, turning the corner behind them. Sofia flicked on the Suburban’s front and rear dash cams.
“Here comes Python,” she said.
The Porsche sped past. But Python, a.k.a. Jared, wasn’t driving. He was in the passenger seat. The woman who’d been at the audition was behind the wheel, and from the brief glance they got, it looked like they were arguing. The woman was jabbing her finger into Jared’s face and he had his hands up to defend himself.
“You catch that?” said Aidan.
“Sure did,” said Sofia.
“Hang on, here comes Stanley the sleazebag.”
Stanley drove past them next. He had his window down, and he was smoking a cigarette. He looked like he didn’t have a care in the world.
Aidan’s eyes tracked him as he drove past. “I’m going to so enjoy seeing the cops busting that asshole.”
Sofia guessed he was still stewing about being called needy.
41
Sofia pulled Gray’s Suburban into a parking spot directly outside the Maloney Investigations office. She and Aidan got out. Gray and Tex climbed out of the back.
“Thanks for that,” said Gray. “It was fun.”
“Sure was,” said Tex. “If you need me to go undercover at one of their shows just holler.”
It was funny how all of a sudden all kinds of people, Tex, Sofia’s mom, her sister, were volunteering for undercover work. Sofia guessed that was the power of a bunch of naked guys onstage.
“Me too,” said Gray, who had obviously forgotten he was one of the world’s most recognizable actors. He clamped a hand on Aidan’s shoulder. “You did great, champ.”
“Aw, thanks, man,” he said, grabbing his bag and heading inside the office, leaving Sofia to say goodbye to Gray and Tex.
“I think his ego’s a little bruised,” Gray said to her.
“Might not be the worst thing in the world,” said Sofia, getting out and waving goodbye to him and Tex.
Sofia watched them leave. She picked up her things, and turned back to the office entrance. It was time to figure out just what the hell they were going to do now. Aidan’s ego might have taken a hit, but Marcie’s marriage was still on the line, and they had a ruthless blackmailing gang to deal with.
They convened in Brendan’s office. To save Aidan further embarrassment Sofia had already given his father a slightly edited summary of what had gone down. Aidan had been a trouper, done his best, but lost out to a younger man. The good news was that they had a name and contact details for the other guy.
She had also relayed some of the conversation between the manager, Python, and the mystery woman who had left with Python in the Porsche.
Brendan leaned back in his office chair. Aidan sat next to Sofia. He was on his phone. From what she could see he was reading an article headed “Am I Too Needy?”.
She didn’t know much about psychology, but if you were reading an article with that title, the answer was probably yes. She decided not to point that out right this second.
“So we know that Marcie has some time but that they’re going to make good on their threat if she doesn’t pay them by next week,” said Brendan. “That’s good.”
“It is?” asked Sofia.
“They have a time frame, which means so do we. If we haven’t cracked this by then we can let Marcie know that there’s no longer any downside in going to the cops.”
Brendan had a point. Knowing the blackmailers’ plan made things more predictable. Sofia was fairly certain that if Marcie knew Wade was about to get a call or a copy of the footage she’d be amenable to contacting the authorities. They’d pick up the blackmail gang and that would be that. Wade might still find out, but he might not.
“So what about the woman who was there?” said Brendan. “Any ideas?”
“Nope,” said Sofia. “Neither of us had seen her before. She wasn’t at any of the events or when we ran that meeting between Marcie and Jared. But we think the Porsche might be hers.”
“Could be,” said Brendan. “But it looks like it’s leased to a company in Calabasas. Run another search and see who the owner and directors are. Maybe that’ll turn up her name.”
“And in the meantime we can go talk to Ricky. Give him a heads-up about the kind of people he’s about to start working for,” said Aidan.
“Yeah, I think we can maybe persuade him to step aside,” said Sofia. “Then they’ll have to go with their second choice over here,” she added, jerking an elbow towards Aidan.
“Did you have to say it like that?”
“Like w
hat?”
“Second choice. Like I came last or something.”
“Techincally, you did.”
“Hey, knock it off,” said Brendan. “Go talk to this Ricky kid. Together.”
Sofia and Aidan eye-rolled.
“And on the ride over, you can sort out whatever your latest problem with each other is.”
“There’s no problem,” Aidan said hurriedly.
“Nope. No problem,” Sofia added.
“Great. Then the problem you don’t have won’t take long to fix, will it?”
42
Aidan had changed back into his suit by the time he and Sofia got into his Porsche. Sofia had called Ricky a half-hour before to see how his audition went and feigned delight when he told her he’d landed the gig.
“Yeah, about that, Ricky,” she’d said.
“What?”
“Did they tell you that they offered my boyfriend the gig first?”
Aidan looked at her like she was nuts.
“They did?” said Ricky. “Are you sure? They said I was the best candidate by a mile.”
Or several inches, thought Sofia.
“Yeah, that’s kind of the standard line they tell everyone. They want to build up your confidence.” She glanced across to where Aidan was now busy Googling articles about how to lose a dad bod in a week.
“Anyway, I just wanted to give you a heads-up because we found out that these guys are involved in some pretty shady stuff. Listen, could I come over to your place and talk to you about it?”
“My place?” asked Ricky, his voice dropping a full octave. “Sure you can come over to my place.”
Uh-oh. From what Sofia knew about guys, Ricky was likely assuming this was nothing to do with the audition and more that she’d succumbed to the charms of his Turbo Prop, and was looking to get caught in the slipstream. Or something. He’d gone from happy-go-lucky, eager-to-learn Ricky to sounding like Barry White in the space of a few seconds.
“Okay, give me the address.”
She jotted it down and said she’d be straight over.
He’d told her that he’d chill some wine for them and hung up. Yup, he thought it was a booty call.
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