by LP Lovell
I drive to the runway with a heavy feeling in my chest. I know in my gut, I’m making the right choice. If I don’t do this then I will always be running, always thinking what if. Whereas if I do this now, then I’m giving the man I love a chance to save me, to save us.
The security guard at the gate allows me through, and I drive across the wide open expanse of the private airfield. A few small planes are dotted around, and Theo’s top of the range jet looks very out of place.
I check my watch. I’m supposed to meet my brother in six hours’ time. I still haven’t told him I’m not going with him to Norway. God, for all I know I could end up going to Norway, I’ll just be flying from Monaco rather than London. Of course, if we fail, then that option may also be off the table. Everything hangs in a very precarious balance.
I pull my car into a hangar, beside Theo’s Range Rover. He’s leant against the front of the enormous car, with his ankles crossed and his hands pushed into the pockets of his suit trousers. I’m still dressed in my work wear, and the clicking of my heels echoes around the large hangar.
He smiles at me when I approach. “You ready?” He asks.
I lift up my small over-night bag. “Yeah, I didn’t pack much. One night right?”
He nods. “One night, and this should all be over if everything goes to plan.”
“Are you going to fill me in on this plan at some point?”
He glances up at me with a small smile on his lips. “I will tell you all on the way, but right now…” He pushes away from the car and steps up to me, his chest brushing mine. “I haven’t had a kiss yet today.”
“I haven’t seen you yet today.” I laugh.
He grins cockily, pressing his palm against the small of my back. “Lay one on me, sugar.” He says, making no move toward me.
I fight a smile, as I reach up on tiptoes to press my lips against his. He nips at my bottom lip playfully, as his hands grip my waist firmly. I smile against his lips. Being near him is like stepping into a black hole. No matter how bad shit gets, when I’m with him, it all just falls into the background. It’s as though all I can focus on is him, and his electric touch.
He releases me and steps back. “That was worth waiting for.” He winks and takes my bag from me. He holds out his hand, which I take, before he leads me toward the plane.
I almost always bring some work with me on plane journeys, but Monaco is only a couple of hours, and I have a feeling I may need to listen well to whatever plan Theo has going on. He said I would have to act. I just hope he doesn’t want me to pretend I like my mother. That is the one thing I don’t think I can do.
I ask the flight attendant to bring me a very strong coffee. It’s been a long day, in fact, it’s been a bloody gruelling week, and I’m running on fumes. Theo has a whiskey.
“Okay, so the plan, tell me.” I say. His eyes flick to the flight attendant who is tidying the bar in the corner.
“Jo, that will be all. Thank you.” He says in his big boss man voice. The young guy smiles and leaves the cabin. Once Jo has left he turns to me and leans forward slightly, resting his elbows on his knees. “This is risky, and it may not work, but if it does…” His eyes meet mine, relaying the importance of this entire situation. “If it does, then you and Harry will not only be free and clear, but you will be the ones with the leverage.”
I nod. “Okay, tell me what you need me to do.”
We land in Monaco, and even though it’s late evening, the heat is too much for my jacket and skirt ensemble. I take my jacket off as soon as we get off the plane. There’s a car waiting for us on the runway. Theo thanks the pilot and Jo as he leaves the plane.
He opens the passenger door for me, and I slide into the cool leather of the large saloon car. I turn the air con up, and bask in the icy air blowing through the vents.
“Warm?” He asks as he gets behind the wheel.
“I really didn’t think Monaco would be this warm in November.”
He smiles. “Why do you think so many rich people have houses in Monaco?”
“Uh, for the tax dodge.” Obviously.
“It’s the perfect place to live. No taxes and lots of sunshine.”
“I could be persuaded.” I tease.
He tilts his head in my direction and cocks an eyebrow. “I don’t know, I’m starting to hate the place.”
We’re staying in a hotel in Monte Carlo. Theo tells me that the last time he was here he stayed in Hugo’s apartment, on the beach front. I am more than happy to stay there, but he says he wouldn’t take me there. I’m guessing because it’s a revolving door of cheap women and spunk stained upholstery. Still, if you think about it, a hotel really isn’t much better. No matter how expensive it is, other people have still had sex on the mattress. Granted, no-one could possibly be as disgusting as Hugo, but still.
The Hermitage Hotel screams opulence wherever you look. The floors are all gold veined marble, with glittering chandeliers hanging from the high ceilings. I’ll be honest in saying that it’s really not my thing. I always feel like I have to be on show in these kinds of places. It’s here that the differences between Theo and I become glaringly obvious. He’s completely at ease in these surroundings. I suppose he’s used to it, entitled even.
We board one of the lifts, which takes us to a suite on the top floor. He slides the key card into the heavy wooden door and holds it open for me. The sound of my heals is muted by the thick carpet under foot. I kick them off on my way to the open window. I can smell the ocean, I can even hear it crashing against the shore. The setting sun reflects off the water, painting everything in shades of orange and red.
I feel Theo step up behind me. His fingers graze my shoulder and trail down my arm as his breath caresses the back of my neck. “You okay, sugar?” He asks. He keeps asking me that, as if I’m about to fall apart at any minute. I’m not. I’m fine. I have him.
I nod. “It’s so beautiful. I love the beach.”
He wraps his arm around my waist and rests his chin on my shoulder. “I took you for a city girl.”
I smile. “Never, I was a country girl first.” Harry and I grew up in a fairly wealthy part of Kent. Our father was a businessman, but his family were farmers. He loved the open space. He used to say that it was his haven from the strains of the city. Thinking of my father makes me smile, but it also makes me sad. He would turn in his grave if he knew what had become of the family he left behind.
I have twenty four hours here in Monte Carlo, and I should probably be exploring, or doing something, but I’m so tired. The massive four poster bed is calling my name. Theo, of course doesn’t care. “Whatever you want, sugar.” He tells me. “I’ll order us something to eat, and then you can go to sleep.” He checks his watch. “You do realise it’s only eight o’ clock right?” He frowns.
I nod. “Don’t care.”
In the end, he manages to coax me into having a bath with him. Such hardships I endure. I’m sat between his legs, with my back pressed to his chest. I can’t help but think about what will happen to us if we can’t fix everything tomorrow. My heart hurts to think of leaving him, but he can’t come with me.
“Theo, you do know that if I have to run, you can’t actually come with me.” I say quietly.
“It won’t come to that.” He says quickly.
I turn and glance over my shoulder at him. “It might, and you know it.”
He takes a deep breath and sets his jaw. “Well, let’s cross that bridge if we get to it.” He’s so bloody stubborn. I won’t let him sacrifice everything to follow me. I have nothing to offer him if I have to go on the run, and Harry was right, Theo won’t help us if we’re trying to remain inconspicuous.
“Theo.” I say his name quietly. He doesn’t look at me. I turn around until I’m on my knees in front of him. “Theo.” I grab his chin, forcing him to look at me. “You cannot leave. You have too much to lose.”
His eyebrows drop into a deep frown. “You’re wrong.” The tension radiates
from him in waves. I get that he’s trying to be positive, but we need to be realistic. He needs to be realistic. He can’t come chasing after me on a whim. Aside from all his business commitments, he has people relying on him.
I shake my head. “No, I’m not. Your child needs you.” He wrenches his face away from my grasp.
“I’m not going to have this conversation with you again, Lilly.” He says harshly.
It’s at this point that I usually back down, but I just don’t feel that I can this time. Regardless of what happens, I may not always be around. I need him to want to look after his own child. I’m pretty sure I can push him into it, but I don’t want him to do it for me. It was me who had to put Cassie in rehab, me who goes and visits her. “And I’m not going to let you avoid it again.” I reply sternly. His expression becomes steely. “I’m sorry, but I’ve given you some time. I’ve accepted the situation, even though it’s difficult. I’ve looked after Cassie in your absence and I’ve supported you as best I can. You need to pull your head out of your arse. It’s a baby Theo! An innocent child!” He sets his jaw, glaring at me fiercely.
“Tell me how you really feel why don’t you?” He grits.
I blow out an exasperated breath. “I don’t know what to say here Theo. All I know is that if I can accept it and support Cassie, then so can you.” He says nothing. “Just think about it please?” His eyes meet mine, they soften slightly, but the tightness around them remains. “Just consider what it really means to have a child, to have created a living being. You have to take responsibility for that.” The tension between us becomes uncomfortable.
In the past this would have been where I storm off, but despite our glaring issues, I refuse to let them tear us apart. We need to stand united on every front. He may think that I’m attacking him, but I’m just trying to give him the push that I know he needs. I gently touch his cheek. His eyes hold mine as the silence in the room intensifies.
“I say this because I love you, and I want to know that if I have to leave…”
“You’re not leaving.” He growls.
God, he’s so infuriating. I lean in and press my lips gently to his, trying to ease some of his tension. He slowly comes to life, responding to my touch. His lips mould to mine as his hand creeps around the back of my neck. He places his other hand on the small of my back and pulls me forward until I fall against him.
I place my knees on either side of him, but don’t lower my weight onto him. My stomach brushes against his chest, my boobs against his throat. His head is tilted back as I tower over him, clinging to his broad shoulders. I placate him the only way I really know how. Our relationship tends to rely on sex to resolve a lot of our issues. Neither of us know anything else. We’re just fumbling our way through whatever this is we have together. It’s probably not healthy, but it works. If sex keeps us together and makes us strong, then who am I to complain?
He breaks away and his lips trail my throat greedily. He reaches my breasts, where his lips latch onto my nipple. He grazes the sensitive flesh with his teeth, making my back bow toward him involuntarily. My fingers grip his hair, pulling him closer. His hands grip my waist tight, taking control, holding me firmly in place. My breaths come hard and fast as his tongue soothes the bite of his teeth.
Fuck, how does he make me lose myself so entirely? His hand trails across the line of my waist, tracing feather light touches over my stomach. My muscles quiver and tremble under his delicate assault. He lifts his head and meets my gaze, his eyes pinning me. It’s a look that says he needs me more than his next breath. My breath hitches and my heartbeat falters under his sensual scrutiny. His eyes never release me as his fingers slowly explore between my spread thighs. He brushes my clit and I bite my lip, stifling a moan. My fingers clench as I grip his thick biceps. I stare into the blue fire of his irises. I couldn’t look away if I wanted to. The intensity between us is magnetic, his hold over my body undeniable. All I can do is hold on as he elicits the most amazing feelings in me. He slips a finger inside me and I moan, my eyes fluttering closed.
“Look at me, Lilly.” He says in that gravelly voice, with that bite of power.
My eyes snap open and meet his blistering gaze. His fingers move inside me, as I try desperately to focus only on him. His free hand moves to my face, his thumb brushing over my lips. My tongue flicks out to touch his thumb and his eyes darken. His fingers push deep inside me and my focus starts to waver. His hand wraps around my chin, forcing me to look at him. I’m a mess, hanging just on the edge. My entire body trembles and clenches as he pins me with a smouldering look. It’s too controlled, him watching me as he makes my body shatter and fall apart. Fuck this. I launch for him, my hands fisting in his hair as my lips crash against his. He responds eagerly, his tongue wrestling with my own. His fingers pull forward, pressing against the front wall of my vagina and pulling me forward against him. Oh shit. I moan as our wet bodies slide against each other. I’m out of control, writhing against him, desperately seeking some friction, somewhere. I grab his wrist, pulling his hand away from my trembling pussy. I lower my body, until his cock is pressed between my hips, trapped between us. I roll my hips, dragging my clit along his length. I groan against his lips. He hisses and nips at my bottom lip. Fuck, he feels amazing. I roll my hips again, slowly dragging myself along his cock. The hand on my cheek wraps around my neck, his hold becoming possessive, demanding.
He holds me still as the head of his cock presses against my entrance. My thighs are shaking as I hold my body above his. I never was one for patience. I lower myself onto him slowly. His fingers tighten on my neck as I rise back up, just an inch. By the time I take all of him, he looks like he’s about to snap. The muscles in his neck are strained and tense as he fights for control. His hand grips my hip, stilling me and holding me in place. His eyes are closed, his breaths laboured. I hate that he tries to gain control, because I love when he loses it.
I lean forward and whisper in his ear. “I need to fuck you, Theo.” I say breathily.
His eyes flash open. “So fuck me.” He growls. Both hands move to my hips. He lifts me off him before slamming me back down. I throw my head back and cry out as he almost touches my cervix. Fuck! Water sloshes everywhere, but I don’t care. I’m only vaguely aware of my surroundings. All I can focus on is the sexually charged male in front of me.
He holds me down, rolling my hips against him. His pelvis grinds against mine, causing the most amazing friction against my clit. It’s seconds, and I do mean seconds before he has me on the verge of orgasm. I’m tightly wound, like a bomb just waiting to go off. Every time I think I’m going to come he stops. Just as my body starts to tremble he stops again, gripping my hips and pinning me so I can’t move. It pisses me off. I grip his hair and wrench his head back so his eyes meet mine. I kiss him hard, sinking my teeth into his bottom lip. He growls against my lips. Suddenly, we’re moving, and the cold air of the bathroom touches my bare skin.
He grips my waist, and I cling to him, my thighs clamped around him, his cock still inside me. He puts me down on the very cold marble vanity. He comes to life, owning me, possessing my body as only he can, with everything he has. He holds my thighs wide open and thrusts forward, his eyes watching our joined bodies. I reach down and touch my clit. He bites his lip as a low groan escapes his throat. His movements quicken as his control slips from his grasp. Everything becomes more frantic as he charges toward his release, taking me right along with him.
I throw my head back against the mirror as my entire body clenches tight and explodes around him, wave after wave of pleasure detonates over my limbs. He buries his face in my chest and releases a hoarse shout as he stiffens between my thighs. Fuck me. We stay like that for a long time, me slumped against the mirror, him slumped forward against me. I can feel his hot, heavy breaths against my chest as he regains his breath. I close my eyes, basking in the post orgasmic bliss. After a while he moves, but I can’t. All my limbs are completely limp, and I feel like a thoroughly abu
sed rag doll.
“You okay, sugar?” He asks.
“Mmm.” That’s about as close to a coherent response as I can manage.
I feel his fingers skim over my lips gently before his lips brush over mine in a caress. He swipes back a loose tendril of hair behind my ear. My entire hair is loose tendrils right now. I pull my eyelids open to find him watching me. He smiles at me and strokes my jaw.
“I love you, sugar.” He says. “There is nothing I wouldn’t do for you, no length I won’t go to in order to keep you.” His expression is steely and resolute. Theo is a determined man, he never gives up and he never backs down. That’s what makes him as successful and powerful as he is. He leans his forehead against mine, holding my cheek gently. I inhale his scent, breathing him in deeply. “I will never let you go.” He whispers. My pitiful little heart leaps in my chest, because I don’t want him to ever let me go. Life is worth living when I have him. How does anyone survive without love once they have experienced it? My soul, my heart won’t survive without him, and I know it. My mind and body will go on, but for what? I trust him with my heart, my body, my soul, because it’s all worth nothing without him.
“I don’t want you to ever let go.” I whisper back. I rarely tell him these things. I don’t wear my heart on my sleeve like he does. I’ve only just come to terms with thinking and feeling these things. Saying them out loud is not easy for me. There’s still a fundamental part of my mind that screams at me to protect myself, but even my mind knows that it’s too late for that. I’m fucked. I’m in love, desperately in love.