by Kent, Rina
Don’t.
If I allow those dark thoughts to sweep over me, I won’t be able to function. I would stay up all night, hugging my knees to my chest, like I did last night.
I continue lowering my head so neither Teal nor Knox can see my heated cheeks or the pricking of my skin.
Can the earth open up and swallow me?
What would it be like if Aiden was sitting beside me right now? For one, he wouldn’t feel ashamed. For two, he would know how to deal with this situation.
Damn you, mind. Aren’t we supposed to block him out?
It’s only been three days since I last saw him. Meaning, he and his fucking engagement are fresh in my mind.
Nope, brain. That’s not how it works. Block him out. Block him the fuck out.
“We’ll be in my office if you need anything, princess.” Dad and Agnus stand.
I was too caught up in a conversation with my brain to notice they stopped talking.
Dad smiles down at me. “Let’s go for horse riding afterwards.”
“I don’t know how to ride a horse.”
“You do.” He smiles. “We’ll just have to refresh your memories.”
It’s only after he and Agnus disappear at the top of the stairs that I recall I’m at the table with Knox and Teal.
Alone.
Oh, God. What the hell am I supposed to do now?
Run? No, that would be rude.
Hide under the table? That’d be crazy.
I slap a generous amount of jam on my toast and take my time shaping it like I’m an artist or something. At this point, I would do anything to escape their company, but I don’t trust my legs enough to carry me out of here.
“Are you okay?” Knox bites into a scone. “You’ve been silent since last night’s dinner.”
Teal stares at me from underneath her long, thick lashes but says nothing.
You’re an adult. Own up to it, dammit.
Taking a deep, shaky breath, I finally lift my head, still clutching the toast.
Two pairs of eyes watch me closely. Hazel eyes and midnight eyes.
That’s why both Knox and Teal looked so familiar when I first met them — or met them again.
“I remember meeting you years ago.” My voice is heavy with clogged emotions. I can barely breathe, let alone talk. “I’m sorry for what Ma did. I-I’m so sorry.”
“Finally.” Knox taps his chest. “I was hurt when you didn’t remember me. It hit me right in the tiny white space in my heart.”
“Your apology means shit to me,” Teal speaks casually as she sips her coffee. “It doesn’t give me back what I lost.”
I wince.
“You sound like a bitch, T,” Knox says with nonchalance like it’s a normal occurrence. “There’s something you need to know about Teal, Ellie. She has a weird way of expressing herself. Okay, now, T. Repeat that after thinking about the words.”
“Right. Okay.” She lifts her head, a crease etching between her brows. “I meant you don’t need to apologise for something you didn’t do.”
“See?” Knox grins. “That wasn’t too hard, was it?”
Teal isn’t focused on him, though. Her entire attention falls on me and I feel like a mouse stalked by a cat.
That’s… weird.
“Although you do look so much like that woman, I keep thinking about stabbing you to death with a fork while you sleep.” She takes her coffee and disappears around the corner.
“Haha, very funny.” Knox offers me a lopsided smile. “She’s kidding… mostly.”
My shoulders slouch. “She’s right, I’m a carbon copy of my mother. How can you be so easy going about that, Knox?”
“Because you’re not her. I’m going to be honest, the day of the pool’s incident, I was the one who lifted you when you fell to your knees in the car park. I think you were so out of it, you didn’t notice me. I was also so confused, thinking that woman had returned. Imagine my bloody shock! So anyway, I followed you and I found you floating in that pool.” He runs a hand at the back of his head. “For a second, I did contemplate leaving you there, but I didn’t because I knew you weren’t her. The more time I spent with you, the more I was positive you weren't her. Give T some time, and she’ll come to the same conclusion.”
“Thank you, Knox.” I fight the tears in my voice.
“No. Thank you. Ted was the first toy Teal and I received. Dad says it was your favourite. Children don’t give their favourite toys to anyone. Hell, I don’t give away my things now either.”
I swallow. “It was nothing.”
“It was something for both of us. T and I were the kind of children who weren’t allowed hope, but you gave it to us in the form of Ted.” He smirks. “We took great care of it, by the way.”
“Are you and Teal siblings?”
He nods. “Twins.”
“Twins?”
“Fraternal.” He winks. “I got all the looks.”
I’ll have to disagree with that. Although Knox is handsome, Teal has a unique beauty that’s rare to find; both innocent and hard. Adorable and dangerous.
“We were street kids,” Knox continues. “We ran away from a druggie mother who was about to whore us out for money and all that jazz.”
I gulp at the image and drop the toast. Not that I ever thought about eating it in the first place. “How about your father?”
“Never knew him. Dad is the only father we had.”
My heart warms as if I were thrust from a dark icy winter night straight into a summer day. Dad took two lost children and gave them a home.
“Did he take you in since the basement incident?”
He nods. “We used to live in a separate home with Agnus, but Dad came by all the time. After the fire, we moved in with him.”
“But he was in a coma.”
“He was still Dad even while he was sleeping.”
Everything that Knox told me about his father before makes sense now. He never stopped considering Dad his father even after he was in a coma with a slim chance of ever waking up again.
“Thank you for being there for him when he needed you.”
“Hey, don’t go all sappy on me. He’s my dad, too.” Challenge sparks in his eyes. “And I’m his favourite.”
I smile and take my first real bite of food this morning. Knox and I talk about the times he stopped himself from finding me. Apparently, Agnus didn’t like for us to get in touch without Dad in the picture.
We chat for a bit when a commotion sounds from the front door. I stand and Knox comes to my side. We both frown in confusion as we follow the source.
The butler talks to someone at the door. I barely manage to take a step forward when I’m hugged out of nowhere.
Nina Ricci’s perfume clogs my nostrils as slim arms hold me so close, it’s nearly suffocating.
“Elsie,” she cries in my neck. “Oh my God, you’re all right. You’re going to be all right, hon.”
“Aunt?”
“I’m here. Aunt is here.” She pulls back to search my face with frantic eyes. “Are you okay? Are you hurt? Have you been eating well?”
“I’m fine, Aunt.”
“Calm down, Blair.” Uncle’s voice is as soothing as I remember. He holds my backpack and stands with stone calm by the entrance.
I smile faintly at him.
I’m such a horrible person. It’s been two days since I told them I’d come home, but I disappeared without a word.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper to him.
Even though I’m still mad about how they hid the truth for a decade and actively forbade me from searching for it, Aunt and Uncle are still my parents. One way or another.
“Let’s go home, hon.” Aunt digs her nails into my arm. “Let’s leave this place behind.”
“Absolutely not.” Dad’s voice echoes from behind me like thunder, strong and non-negotiable. He stands beside me and addresses Aunt, “You’re welcome to stay here all you like, but Elsa isn’t going anywhere.”
Both Aunt and Uncle freeze, watching him as if he’s a ghost — which he is in some way.
I can’t say I blame them. My reaction was the same when I first saw him.
“You are alive,” Uncle whispers.
“I don’t care whether you’re alive or not,” Aunt snarls. “Elsa is my adoptive daughter.”
“Those papers can be annulled any time now that her real father is alive.”
Aunt’s lips tremble, but she visibly straightens and guards her cool. “I won’t leave Elsa with you so you’ll destroy her like you destroyed Abigail.”
“You of all people know Abigail was unwell way before I married her.” He takes a menacing step forward. “I was there for her until the end, but where were you, Blair?”
Aunt flinches as if he slapped her.
This is the side of Dad I never get to see; ruthless and merciless.
She touches the side of her neck. “Elsa, let’s go, hon.”
Somewhere deep inside, I miss Aunt and Uncle, and I do feel sorry for her — for her past, and her abusive father.
It must’ve cost her a lot to come to Birmingham when she associates this place with trauma. She’s been slightly shaking since she hugged me, and I’m sure it has to do with this place as much as with me.
A few months ago, I would’ve taken her hand and followed her without question.
However, that was the Elsa of the past.
I gently pull my hand from her. “I’m staying.”
Uncle briefly closes his eyes with a pained expression.
Aunt’s mouth opens and closes like a fish. “W-what?”
“I’ll stay with Dad.” I swallow. “I’ll call and visit. I promise.”
“Is that your final decision, pumpkin?” Uncle asks with a note of sadness.
I nod once.
He passes me my backpack. “Your phone and necessities are in here.”
“Thank you.”
“No. No, Elsie. Don’t do this.” Aunt grabs me by both my arms like a dying woman holding onto her last breath. “You can’t leave us.”
“I’m not leaving you, Aunt. I’ll visit.”
A sob catches in her throat as Uncle pulls her back.
I watch them as Uncle drags a numb Aunt towards his car. A tear threatens to fall free, but I seal it in. I won’t cry.
I will not cry.
Dad holds me to him by the shoulder and Knox — who has been watching the entire scene silently — smiles.
I smile back with so much internal peace.
Aunt and Uncle aren’t my only family.
8
Elsa
On Friday night, Dad takes us to a fundraiser held by one of his friends.
Oh, and it’s in London.
I’m not panicking or anything.
Scratch that, I’m totally panicking.
He told me that I could stay back in Birmingham if I wanted to, but it would make him happy if I stood by his side in his first official appearance.
I couldn’t refuse him. Truth is, I want to appear on my father’s side. I want the world to know I’m his daughter.
We have been separated for too long.
Knox is the most excited amongst us. He’s game for any party — his words, not mine. He’s wearing a stylish dark blue suit with rolled-up sleeves and a white T-shirt with Metallica’s logo on it.
When Dad told him he can’t attend a fundraiser at a duke’s house with that shirt, Knox rolled his eyes and buttoned his jacket.
I laughed so hard when he said, “You just insulted the die-hard metal fans. Happy, Dad?”
I swear Knox and Dad have the strangest, most entertaining interactions ever. They’re so different and yet, they’re in tune. Knox’s competitive streak about being Dad’s favourite is so entertaining, but can also be threatening sometimes.
If Eli didn’t die so young, I wonder if his relationship with Dad would’ve been the same as Knox’s.
Teal joined us, too, but she has a bored expression like this is the last place she’d want to be.
When she came down the stairs wearing a denim skirt and a T-shirt with ‘Annoyed’ written across her breasts, Dad and Agnus motioned for her to go back upstairs, put on a dress, and remove the gothic makeup.
She changed into a dark blue dress with a wide tulle skirt that stops a bit above her knees. Her inky hair shines in blue under the light and falls on either side of her face. She still has dark eyeshadow and eyeliner, but she’s put on light pink lipstick for a change.
Cute is an understatement. She really has pinchable cheeks.
Me, on the other hand, I opted for a black dress I’ll have to lift it so I don’t fall on my face. I pulled my hair up and put on mascara and barely-there lipstick.
Oh, and Dad is the one who chose our clothes — except for Knox’s Metallica T-shirt.
Teal and I interlace our arms with Dad’s as we take the large stairs leading to the Rhodes’ mansion.
Actually, it’s an estate.
Expensive cars fill the driveway. Women wear stylish gowns and men rock tuxedos. Hell, even the stairs are covered in a red carpet as if we’re at the Oscars.
The four of us head to the entrance.
Agnus hasn’t joined us yet, saying he’ll come by later. He and Dad have been locked up in their office the past few days conspiring. I’m not curious enough to ask, and I’d rather stay away from Dad’s business world. After all, he and Agnus seem to have everything under control.
A butler bows to us after checking our invitation.
“Welcome to the Rhodes Estate, Mr Steel & Mr Van Doren.”
Knox points at himself. “That would be me.”
Teal shoots him a glare before she focuses back on the steps. Like me, she doesn’t seem comfortable in heels.
I’m glad Dad chose our clothes or we would’ve been a joke at a place like this.
One step after the other. You can do this, Elsa.
One step. Just because I’m in London again doesn’t mean I’ll meet Aiden.
One step. I have to survive this night in peace and then go back to Birmingham.
Besides, I missed Kim, Ronan, and the others. I talk to them via text, but it’s not the same as seeing them in person.
I haven’t told Kim I’m coming tonight, in case she tells Aiden. However, I’m sure one of the horsemen will be here. Probably Ronan or Xander, since their parents are active in the political and public scheme.
“Are we ready or are we ready?” Knox interlaces his arm with my free one, cutting off my focus on my feet.
Like in the films, two butlers bow as the door opens.
Bursts of colours, sounds, and smells explode ahead of us.
The hall is the largest I’ve seen in my life. Golden chandeliers hang from the vaulted ceilings. In the middle sits a black jaguar statue, as well as a statue of a white knight riding a black horse.
The contrast is so riveting, I can’t help but stop and stare. Dad has mentioned the Rhodes have real jaguars on their estates and it was the reason they earned their title hundreds of years ago.
That’s impressive. Although I would rather not meet any jaguars in real life.
The strong mixture of designer perfumes and appetising food float in the air. Rows of self-service tables extend until the end of the hall.
An orchestra sits at the far end of the ballroom playing classical music. The piece is familiar so it must be Beethoven or Mozart — the only ones I know.
Whoa. This is what it feels like to have old money.
We all head towards a man wearing a tailored black tuxedo. With his black hair and eyes, it’s like he’s cut from the darkness. He appears to be in his early thirties.
“Mr Steel. It’s an honour.” He offers his hand.
Dad shakes it. “It’s an honour to be here, Your Grace.”
“Tristan is fine.” He smiles.
Wait. He’s the Tristan Rhodes? I don’t know why I expected someone in his sixties with a bald head and a fat belly.
“These are my children, Elsa, Knox, and Teal.”
We shake hands with Tristan. How does one greet a duke, anyway? It’s the first time I’ve met one.
“This is my cousin Aaron Rhodes…” Tristan drifts off when he searches on either side of him but finds no one. “Or was. He’s probably playing the invisibility game.”
I like this Aaron Rhodes. Can I play the invisibility game with him?
“It’s fine.” Dad chuckles. “We can meet him later.”
“No, please. We have a lot to talk about.” Tristan smiles at us. It’s both welcoming and formulaic.
He communicates so much with a mere smile. It’s like he’s saying, ‘Yes, welcome to my house, but I’ll rip your heart out if you break anything.’
“Do you mind if I steal your father for a while?” he asks us.
The three of us shake our heads in sync.
“Make yourselves at home.” And with that, he disappears with Dad in the crowd.
“Okay, time to raid the food.” Knox rubs his hands together. “Be right back.” He takes two steps then stops. “Scratch that. I won’t be right back.”
He strides in the direction of the reception area as fast as he can without running.
Teal and I are left alone together.
Awkward.
I was never one for small talk, so I stay silent. If I say anything it’ll sound awkward and ruin the mood. My relationship with Teal is already like walking on thin ice. I don’t want to ruin it furthermore.
“This is so stupid.” She sighs and retrieves her phone from her bra. “They had a show on the Cold War on National Geographic tonight.”
“You’re interested in the Cold War?” I ask carefully.
“Sure.” She scrolls through her phone. “Wars are fun.”
“Fun?”
“Uh…” she trails off. “I mean they’re interesting. There’s so much knowledge and human stupidity.”
“How about ancient wars?”
“Like Napoleon? Roman?”
“I was thinking Asian? Chinese? I’m a fan of The Art of War by Sun Tzu.”
“Oh, that. It’s cool.”
“You read it?” I gasp.
“Sure.”
Whoa. It’s so rare for someone my age to know about The Art of War, let alone having read it.