by Kent, Rina
Stop. I scream at myself. It’s over, remember? They’re engaged. You’re nothing.
Even as I tell myself this, I can barely fight off tears. God, maybe I shouldn’t have returned to RES after all.
I don’t think I can see them like this for the rest of the year and pretend I’m okay.
My armour has already cracked, and it’ll continue to crumble the more I witness such scenes.
I close my eyes for the briefest second.
I can do this.
I’ll walk past them with my head held high and pretend they don’t exist.
My footsteps are forceful, to say the least, but I jut my chin upwards as I stride in the direction of the exit.
I’m strong. I’m strong. I’m strong...
Their chatter comes to a halt as I march past them. A strong hand wraps around my arm, stopping me in my tracks.
Goosebumps erupt over my skin and my entire body explodes with static.
His scent fills my nostrils. He doesn’t smell like me anymore. His scent is mixed with Silver’s expensive Chanel perfume.
I grit my teeth to avoid getting lost in his touch. “Let go or I’ll scream the whole place down.”
“I’d prefer you scream for another reason.” The dark, seductive tone takes me completely by surprise.
Is he flirting with me in front of his fiancé? What the hell is wrong with this psycho?
I would’ve felt sorry for Silver if I didn’t feel so bitter and completely out of my element right now.
“Let. Me. Go.” I emphasise every word.
“If I do, you’ll run away and I can’t have that.” He tugs and whirls me around so I’m facing him and Silver.
My head is held high, meeting both their gazes.
They won’t see my weakness. Not today. Not ever.
“We have something to tell you.” Aiden raises an eyebrow. “I would’ve told you earlier if you’d have listened to me.”
“I have nothing to talk about with either of you.”
Silver studies her nails. Her beautiful nails all peachy pink and polished. “Remember what I said at the car park?”
I won’t say anything until you talk to Aiden.
Her words have been playing in my mind since she said them. I tried not to give them weight, but I couldn’t ignore them. Especially at night when I can’t sleep.
For that reason alone, I choose to stay.
Seeming convinced that I won’t leave, Aiden releases my arm.
“Are you engaged to Aiden?” I ask her.
She nods.
I press my lips together, gather my bearings around me, then speak in a neutral tone that conveys nothing of the chaos running rampant inside me. “Then we have nothing to talk about.”
One step is all I take before Aiden grips me by the shoulder and pins me in place. “Listen for once, and stop running away.”
Could be because of his intoxicating touch.
Or their engagement that hangs over my head like a guillotine.
Or the fact that he smells like Silver.
Could be all of those combined.
All the pent up feelings I’ve been repressing explode to the surface. It’s ugly, it’s irrational, and it’s out of control.
“I’m not running away.” My voice raises with every word. “I’m walking the hell away from you, Aiden. You’re cancer who’ll keep eating me from the inside out until there’s nothing left. I’m done being your pawn. I’m done being played. I’m choosing me this time. Not you. Me!”
My lungs choke with my breaths. It rises and falls so quickly, I can barely catch my thoughts that scatter all around me like smoke.
“That’s smart,” Silver says.
“Queens,” Aiden warns.
“Fine.” She rolls her eyes and faces me. “The engagement is fake.”
My lips part. “What?”
“King and I were promised to each other since we were kids. We used it to get into our fathers’ good graces. That’s it. We never planned to go through with it.” She glares at him. “I would rather die before marrying this bastard. He’s an unfeeling psycho.”
“Mutual, Queens.” He smiles at her without humour.
My gaze bounces between them as if they turned into caricatures and I’m trying to grasp a sense of reality.
“Then why…” My voice comes out scratchy and I clear my throat. “Why did you act so territorial about him?”
She hesitates for a beat. “I needed to stay engaged to him for other reasons, but he wanted to end our arrangement because of you. I figured if I pushed you out of the way, he’ll keep his side of the deal.”
“What other reasons?” I ask.
“I can’t say. I mean… It’s personal.” She meets my gaze with a determined one. “We’re ending the arrangement in front of our parents somewhere next week. I’ll be completely out of your hair.”
No one says anything.
I’m still processing what I heard and trying to categorise it. Aiden has been watching the exchange with that completely detached expression of his. If only I can cut straight through his poker face and see what he’s thinking.
“That’s all from me.” She throws up her hands dismissively. “Good luck with this twat. You’ll need a lot of it.”
She flips him her middle finger on her way out. Aiden returns the gesture without breaking eye contact with me.
He’s watching me with that intensity again. Like a predator. It’s as if he’s trying to dissect my brain and stick his fingers inside.
Then, I realise he’s waiting for me to speak.
“What are you expecting? A kiss or something?”
His lips tilt in a beautifully cruel smirk. “That would be a good start. Although I have dirtier things in mind.”
“Do you really think I’ll jump into your embrace now?”
“And bed and sofa, and the fucking wall.” The sadism shines bright on his face. “I’m taking my fill.”
He approaches me with predatory steps. All tall, powerful, and unstoppable.
“Stop right there.” I hold up my hand. “If you think what Silver said will let bygones be bygones, you’re utterly wrong.”
Aiden stops in his tracks and the infuriating poker face straps around his features so tight and mighty. This should mean he’s on the defensive. Good. I’m also on the defensive. Let’s clash and see who’ll come out alive.
“Just because your engagement with Silver was fake doesn’t erase the fact that you lied to me.”
“I didn’t lie to you.”
“A lie by omission is still a fucking lie, Aiden!” My voice strains with the force of my words. “You can’t stand here pretending you didn’t break my trust. Because you did. Every time I decide to give you a chance, you stomp all over my heart and prove me wrong, so excuse me if I have no trust to give anymore.”
He takes a step closer. We’re nearly standing toe to toe. His scent fills my space, male and clean. No idea if it’s because Silver is no longer in the picture. His heat and scent overwhelm me even when I try to numb my senses.
Is it even possible when he already owns them?
“I never lied to you, Elsa. I didn’t bring up the engagement because it held zero importance to me. It was a means to an end and a game I played to challenge Nash. It was also long before you and I got together.” He pauses. “I don’t spend energy on meaningless things, and you know that.”
“Meaningless?” I scoff. “How the hell is being engaged to your fuck buddy meaningless?”
“I never fucked Silver,” he says in a detached tone.
Wait. What?
“Ha. Could’ve fooled me!” This must be a cruel joke.
“You heard her. We can’t stand each other.”
“You don’t have to stand her to fuck her.”
“Yes, I do.”
I watch him closely as if he grew two heads all complete with red horns and shit. “But you didn’t deny you had her as a fuck buddy.”
“
I didn’t confirm it either.”
“Why the hell didn’t you?”
“I liked seeing you jealous.”
My mouth hangs open, nearly hitting the ground. This fucking psycho will be the death of me.
“Besides, Nash will have my head on a stick if I come within two metres of his stepsister.” He lifts a shoulder. “I need my head.”
The onslaught of information takes me back by surprise. No, not surprise. I’m floundering with thoughts and memories.
I don’t know if I should soften or just hit him across the face.
Can’t I do both?
I peek at him through my eyelashes. God, he’s so broad and tall and beautiful.
Oh, and a sociopath.
Despite the relief flooding me, my heart can’t forget the stabs and the bitter taste of betrayal I felt at the Meet Up.
The humiliation.
The breaking of my heart.
You know, people say you don’t feel it when your heart breaks. I did. I heard the cracking sound and felt it tear apart.
Nothing will make me forget that.
At least not yet.
“I still don’t trust you, Aiden,” I murmur.
His left eye twitches. “Careful, sweetheart. You’re pushing me.”
“You pushed me first. You started the war first. Don’t blame me for building my forts.”
He touches his finger to my mouth. I cease breathing at the feel of his skin on mine.
His nearness has always been my undoing. Now that I lost the reason to feel numb, all I can do is feel.
The rough skin, the lean finger, the tingles, the need to lean in.
“Run and I’ll chase. Hide and I’ll conquer.” He places a chaste kiss on the corner of my mouth. “Time to make your move, sweetheart.”
17
Elsa
Past
I wrap my hand around Grey Eyes’. The freezing temperature shocks my warm skin.
I frown as I stare up at him. “Why didn’t you tell me you were cold?”
“It’s fine.”
“It’s not fine. Daddy says children can’t get cold or they’ll get sick. I don’t want you to get sick.”
His lips move into a small smile. It’s so rare to see him smile. I’ve even given him my Maltesers and he still wouldn’t smile as big as I do.
He watches me closely like Uncle Agnus does when there’s something on my face.
I wipe at the corner of my mouth, but there’s nothing. “Why are you looking at me like that?
“If you keep your promise, I won’t get sick.”
I grin and lean my head on his shoulder. It’s warm, his shoulder, even though the rest of him isn’t. “I will! Absolutely.”
* * *
Present
A knot squeezes tightly around my heart like a noose, filled with wires and mines.
Sitting up in bed, I wipe the stray tear falling down my cheek. I don’t even know why I’m crying.
I didn’t have a nightmare, but the stiffness in my chest almost make it seem like one.
Something feral and wild beats beneath my skin, something scary, but also… exhilarating.
I pull my knees to my chest and watch my hands under the dim light of the night lamp. No idea why I do that. It’s not like I can reincarnate the feeling of his hand in mine.
Or the warmth of his shoulder when I laid my head against it.
Or how easy our interactions were.
We’re like two pieces of the same puzzle, him and I.
He was beautiful even back then — with his boyish features and tousled hair.
He grew up to be lethal.
The words we exchanged play in a loop in my mind. We made a promise. How come I don’t remember it?
You’re the one who never keeps her promises.
Surely, a promise made by a seven-year-old and an eight-year-old can’t be that important.
It’s three in the morning, and I probably won’t be able to find sleep any time soon. I plug my earbuds in and hit play on my iPod. Paradise by Coldplay fills my ears as I retrieve my phone and go through Instagram.
Since Aiden and Silver talked to me on Friday, I went back to stalking him.
What?
I can’t control my cravings anymore. I was only able to do that due to my resolve and because I thought I was the other woman.
Now that all those reasons vanished, I’m possessed by this need to check up on him. To just look at him.
He’s a drug, Aiden. I’m just a loser on withdrawal.
This is not healthy, but whatever.
I miss him. As far as I know, there’s no cure for that, so I’ll just scroll through his IG.
He uploaded the last picture about half an hour ago. It’s a black and white shot of the surface of his pool. No caption.
Since it’s late, he must be having trouble sleeping.
I wonder if he’s also thinking about those days in the basement. Maybe he, too, was woken up because of a memory from the past.
A deep longing hits me out of nowhere. It tastes sour, but also delicious.
The longer I stare at his face in the pictures, at his midnight hair and cloudy eyes, at his infectious smile and the devil inside, the harder I’m tempted to reach out to him.
I can hit ‘like’ and alert him to the fact that I’m online. That I’m awake and thinking about him and our fucked up past.
The song switches to Things We Lost in The Fire by Bastille.
I exit his Instagram before I do something I’ll regret come morning. I shouldn’t be allowed to make decisions this late.
I lie in bed and watch the neon blue numbers on the nightstand, but I can’t quite let go of my phone.
Agnus got everyone of us that same alarm clock with blue numbers instead of red. He said it’s better for relaxation.
He’s always busy making our lives better down to the smallest details. Knox mentioned that he took care of them, the company, and my comatose Dad during the past ten years.
The loyalty he holds for Dad is admirable, to say the least.
Knox says Agnus’ only fault is being too quiet.
I disagree. It’s such a rare quality. Agnus doesn’t speak unless he’s spoken to and his answers are always short and straight to the point.
My phone vibrates. I jump.
My lips part and my toes curl at the name on the screen.
Aiden: Asleep?
Holy shit.
Does he have telepathic powers or something? I rush back to Instagram and check if I left a like by mistake.
Nothing. Thank God.
Aiden: You’re not.
I mark the texts as read, but I don’t reply.
Aiden: Hmm. I like it when you’re stubborn, sweetheart. It makes me rock hard thinking about how to fuck that defiance out of you.
My muscles’ memory kicks into gear.
I’m thrown back to the times Aiden wrapped his hand around my throat and pounded into me like a mad man in need of his sanity. Like he can’t get deep enough or fuck me hard enough.
My core springs back to life at the memory.
It’s been a long time — nearly a month. My sexual cravings are going through withdrawals as well. Bringing myself to orgasm doesn’t even count. It’s pathetic compared to Aiden’s intensity.
Of course, I don’t tell him that. But I do throw the covers away because it’s getting too hot.
Another text pings on my screen.
Aiden: I’m fantasising about how to fuck you next time I see you. Against the wall, on the floor, or in a fucking public toilet. So many choices.
He’s so sure I’ll let him fuck me the next time.
Arrogant prick.
Elsa: You said you won’t touch me until I forgive you. I still haven’t.
Aiden: You were given all the reasons to forgive me. Now, you’re just playing hard to get.
Elsa: I’m not.
I really am not. I just want him to feel the weight of his betrayal, to r
ecognise how much he shook my trust. That’s not too much to ask for.
Aiden: Yes, you are. So I’m changing my tactics.
Changing his tactics? What the hell is that supposed to mean?
I’m still mulling his words over when another text comes through.
Aiden: Are you wearing the rabbit pjs?
Elsa: No.
Aiden: Hmm. Does that mean you’re wearing nothing?
I smile despite myself. Aiden and his screwed up mind could be weapons of mass destruction.
Elsa: It means I’m wearing something else.
Aiden: Still, you’re naked underneath.
Well, yes. I’m only wearing a cotton nightie and nothing else.
But he doesn’t need to know that.
Aiden: Do you know what I want?
I see the text but I don’t reply.
Still, my nipples tighten against the cloth of my nightdress as the dots appear and disappear.
He’s playing with me.
And it’s turning me on.
The reply doesn’t come through for long seconds. When I think he gave up on replying, another text appears.
Aiden: I want to fuck you so hard in all positions possible and remind you who you belong to. I’ll tongue-fuck you and finger-fuck you and come down your throat. Then I’ll claim that virgin arse for good measure. You’ll be all fucking mine. Every. Last. Inch. Of. You. Oh, and you’ll scream it for the world to hear. Then I’ll bathe you and loosen your muscles just so I can worship your body all over again. When you finally fall asleep it’ll be in my arms with your legs tucked between mine. As you rest, I’ll watch your adorable sleeping face until morning.
A flush covers me from head to toe, under my clothes and over my skin. A jolt of desire engulfs me like a fog, a halo.
My breath hitches as I read and re-read his words.
And damn me.
Deep down, a part of me wants that, too. That part will be the fucking death of me.
Aiden: I waited for a long time. You know I’m not a patient person.
Aiden: Keep your promise.
I wait for fifteen more minutes, re-reading his filthy words, and rubbing my thighs together, but he doesn’t send any more texts.
Hugging the phone to my chest, I fall asleep with a knot in my chest and dissatisfaction between my thighs.