by Sue Welford
He lay down with his face up to the sky. After a while, he felt himself beginning to calm down. So what if she had used him? It was obvious the police were going to suspect him anyway with his father and all. And John Hickson hadn’t seemed to care a bit. He had even apologised. At least Carl couldn’t use that threat against him any more. And now he knew exactly how Cindy thought of him maybe he could get on with his life.
And as for Cindy and Carl? Well, as far as he was concerned, they deserved each other!
10
It was college half-term and Drew had taken a week off work to try to catch up with this studies. By Friday, he was fed up. His mother had spent all week going round the house like a whirlwind, getting it ready for his father’s homecoming. Sophie had refused to tidy her room and they had been rowing about it all week. He had tried sitting in the garden with his books but he was finding it really hard to concentrate. In the end, he gave up and ‘phoned Skip. He hadn’t seen his friend all week.
‘Do you fancy going out, this evening?’
‘Sure,’ Skip said. ‘Where?’
Drew shrugged. ‘Don’t know... just to the mall for a pizza if you like. Everyone here’s driving me mad.’
They met outside the pizza place at seven thirty. The restaurant was almost empty. It usually filled up later when everyone had finished their late night shopping expeditions.
The waitress led them to a table for two in the corner.
‘What have you been up to?’ he asked Skip.
‘Nothing much,’ Skip said. ‘What about you? Seen the gorgeous Cindy at all?’
Drew bit his lip. ‘No,’ he said.
‘You didn’t know she’d finished with Carl then?’ Skip said casually taking a breadstick from it’s packet and biting down on it.
Drew felt his stomach turn over. He fiddled with the paper table mat. He absent mindedly ripped a corner off and began tearing it up into tiny pieces. It looked as if Cindy’s little scheme hadn’t worked after all. Instead of making him jealous it had made Carl break off the relationship. In spite of himself, he felt a pang of sorrow. She had really loved that guy and now it seemed he didn’t want her. He knew exactly how she felt.
‘Oh?’ he said trying to sound as if it didn’t really matter to him what Cindy was up to. ‘I knew she’d found about the other girl.’ He went on to tell Skip what had happened at the gym.
‘Well, that finished it then, I reckon,’ Skip said.
‘How do you know anyway.’
‘I saw her.’
‘Where?’
‘At the hospital. My grandad’s gone in for a check up. Something to do with his heart. I met her on the way out.’
‘Oh, Drew said. ‘Her mum’s still in there, then?’
‘Looks like it.’ The waitress came over to take their order. When she had gone, Skip said. ‘She asked how you were.’
‘Yeah? I’m surprise she’s interested.’
Skip leaned forward. ‘Drew, she looked really fed up.’
‘Did she?’
‘Yes. Look, there’s nothing to stop you asking her out now. That’s if you still fancy her.’
Drew snorted. ‘She wouldn’t go out with me if I was the last guy in the universe.’
‘That’s not the impression I got.’
Drew glanced up at his friend. ‘What do you mean?’
‘She said she’d really like to see you, to explain things. I didn’t know what she meant at the time but I guess I do now.’
‘Yeah,’ Drew said bitterly. ‘I bet she would.’ Then he added quickly. ‘Why didn’t you tell me this before?’
Skip sat back again. ‘She asked me not to. She thought if you wanted to see her you’d get in touch.’
Drew shrugged. ‘Yeah, but if she really wanted us to get together, she’d ring me, wouldn’t she?’
‘I suppose so. Although if you looked as mad then as you do now then, she probably thinks you’ll have a go at her.’
‘Yeah, well I probably would. She can say what she likes but I still think she used me to get back at Carl.’ Drew didn’t want to talk about her any more. ‘Look, Skip, let’s change the subject shall we. How’s Marie?’
‘Marie? She’s OK,’ Skip grinned. ‘She’s got a boyfriend. Someone in the sixth form.’
‘Oh?’ Drew raised his eyebrows. ‘What’s he like?’
‘Oh... tall and spotty with long hair. A bit like you were at that age.’
Drew managed a smile. ‘Thanks very much.’
Drew didn’t enjoy his pizza. All he could think of was what Skip had told him about Cindy and Carl. Once or twice he realised his friend was talking to him and he hadn’t heard a word he had said. Cindy and Carl... finished. A few weeks ago he would have been over the moon. Now... knowing she was unhappy just made him feel more miserable than ever.
In the end Skip gave up trying to make conversation. They finished their meal in silence.
‘Look old pal,’ Skip said as they were walking towards the car park. ‘Go and see Cindy... get things sorted. You can’t go around being a drag for ever.’
‘There’s nothing to sort,’ Drew said.
‘You know it’s not like me to admit I’m wrong,’ Skip said looking serious. ‘But I take back all I said about Cindy. I honestly don’t think she was stringing you along at all. She gave me the impression she really cared about you... just get in touch with her, it won’t do any harm.’
On his way home, Drew stopped off by the river. He seemed to be spending a lot of time there lately. He reckoned things would still probably be bedlam at home and he needed to think.
The roadworks had extended right across the bridge now so he wheeled his bike a little way along the footpath. He left it propped up behind a tree. It was probably safer there anyway than in full view of passing traffic.
It was a sultry evening, the air heavy and still. Mosquitoes danced over the water and the ducks swam languidly in the slowly moving current.
Drew walked along the footpath and threaded his way through the trees to the old boathouse. Last time he had been there it had been after the break-in. He had been confused then. He was even more confused now. It seemed likely he would stay that way for a long time to come.
He took off his jacket and sat down on the bank. The water seemed to calm him. It was always the same down here. The stillness, the beauty... it put your problems into perspective. Even from there, though, you could still hear the noise of the rush-hour traffic across the bridge. It was like the distant thunder of a slowly departing storm. It seemed as if it was there to remind you there was a real world outside. One you had to go back and face it whether you liked it or not. He thought of all those wide open spaces he longed to travel. One day, Dev, he said to himself. One day. Maybe that would be the answer. To get away... really get away. Away from Cindy... everything. A few more terms at college then he would be free. He wondered how his father had not been driven mad. He might have been in an open prison but it was a prison just the same. You don’t always need high brick walls to deny you your freedom.
Suddenly Drew heard a soft sound. The hiss and swish of someone walking through the grass. He swore softly under his breath. Some fisherman, he guessed, come to disturb his peace.
But it wasn’t a fisherman. It was Cindy. When she saw him sitting there she gave small gasp of surprise.
‘Drew...!’
He was so stunned he couldn’t speak. It was almost as if, just by thinking about her, he had willed her to be there.
She looked embarrassed. ‘Look, I’m sorry. I didn’t know you were here. I didn’t see your bike.’
He told her where he had left it.
‘Right.. well, I’ll go.’ She made a small gesture with her hands. ‘I don’t want to disturb you.’
But he couldn’t let her just disappear like that. He leapt to his feet. ‘No... Cindy, wait. Please don’t go.’
So she came and sat beside him. A little way away, not so close that their shoulders touched. They s
at in silence, knees drawn up, looking out over the water.
He glanced at her from under his lashes. She wore white jeans with a blue sweatshirt that brought out the colour of her eyes. Her hair was loose, falling softly over her shoulders. He swallowed. ‘Er... I heard about you and Carl,’ he said eventually.
‘Skip told you I suppose.’ She didn’t look at him.
‘Yes. Your plan didn’t work, then?’ He couldn’t help it, he still felt convinced she had used him..
She glanced at him sideways. ‘I never had any plan, Drew.’
He snorted. ‘Pull the other one. You used me against Carl. You told Hacker you were with me the night of the robbery to make Carl jealous.’
He picked a blade of grass and stuck it between his front teeth, biting down on it hard. Its bitterness seemed to reflect his mood.
‘Drew... I...’ she began.
‘Don’t give me that, Cindy,’ he interrupted. ‘I know exactly what...’
Suddenly she turned on him. Her eyes were burning with anger. ‘Shut-up, Drew!’ She turned away again and put her hands over her face. ‘Just, shut-up, will you!’
He had never seen her angry before. Not really angry. So furious that she began to cry. In spite of everything, his heart turned over. He put out his hand then snatched it back quickly. God, what a fool he was. He’d blown it again.
‘I’m sorry,’ he said hastily. ‘I...’
‘So you should be!’ She was shaking with rage. ‘I don’t understand you. Why won’t you listen to me? You keep saying you’re sorry then you carrying on being the same as ever.’
Without looking, she thrust out her arm and pushed him in the chest. Hard. Surprised, he fell backwards.
She jumped to her feet. ‘You must be completely blind if you can’t see why told them,’ she shouted, wiping the tears angrily from her face.
He leapt to his feet beside her. ‘OK, then!’ He was shouting too now. They were both breathing heavily, eyes blazing at one another. ‘Tell me!’
He waited for her to speak. His nostrils flared, his chest rising and falling rapidly. ‘Come on,’ he urged when she didn’t seem to be able to find the right words. ‘Spit it out!’ The air between them seemed to drum with the beating of his heart.
The anger left her face as quickly as it had come. She raised her hands then let them fall to her sides. ‘Oh,’ she said hopelessly. ‘What’s the use.’
She turned and walked away.
In one bound he was beside her, holding her arms, spinning her round to face him.
‘Tell me, Cindy!’
She stepped back, away from him. It was as if she wouldn’t be able to think straight if he was still touching her.
And so at last he let her explain.
‘I told them because it was true,’ she said. ‘And because I didn’t care who knew we had been together.’
He swallowed. ‘Even if...’
‘Yes... even if it meant Carl finished with me.’ She gazed at him, her eyes still swimming. ‘Drew, have you any idea what I felt when you kissed me that night?’
He shook his head, dumbstruck. ‘No... I only know...’
She lifted her shoulders. ‘Drew, I couldn’t get it out of my mind. No-one in my life has ever kissed me like that before. I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I wanted to tell you so much...’ Her voice broke.
He put his hand out and touched her arm. ‘Cindy...?’
She cleared her throat noisily. ‘Drew, I think about you all the time. How we get on so well together. How you make me laugh.’ She sniffed and wiped the back of her hand across her nose. ‘I tried to tell Carl that maybe we should end our relationship. He’s as bad as you, Drew. He just wouldn’t listen to me. Then I saw you with Marie and I realised you only thought of me as a friend. ’
Drew groaned and tried to say something. She waved her hand, shaming him into silence.
‘Then you said that kiss didn’t mean anything and I thought it was hopeless. And another thing... I knew how upset mum and dad would be if I split with Carl. I didn’t want to cause them any more stress. I was so scared of my feelings for you, Drew,’ her mouth quivered. ‘I knew if Carl found out he would make life hell for you. But somehow, however hard I tried to tell myself I should forget you, nothing made any difference.’
‘Oh, Cindy,’ Drew groaned again and shook his head. He could hardly believe what he was hearing.
‘I think Carl knew,’ she said. ‘That’s why he was so paranoid about our friendship. He must have seen something that I couldn’t see myself.’
‘Cindy...’
‘...and then someone told me Carl was seeing someone else,’ she went on, her voice breaking again. ‘You know what, Drew? I didn’t care. I just didn’t care. All I could think about was you.’ She sniffed. ‘And the evening before the break in... after we’d talked and you had been so good at cheering me up, I knew I couldn’t go on seeing Carl. I knew I only wanted you. I made up my mind to tell him once and for all. I’d hardly seen him all week anyway so I phoned first thing in the morning. Aunty Jane told me he and Uncle John had gone to the fitness centre so I went to find him. That’s when I heard Carl trying to pin the robbery on you.’ Her face crumpled and she began to cry again. ‘I tried to explain,’ she sobbed. ‘You just wouldn’t give me the chance.’
Drew ran his hands through his hair. It was as if all his nightmares had suddenly turned to dreams. ‘You really care that much about me?’ he whispered.
She wiped her face on the corner of her T-shirt. He was gazing at her speechlessly. The anger had gone from her eyes and all he could see was love.
‘What do you think?’ she said simply.
He held out his arms. ‘Cindy... come here.’
She came to him then. She put her arms round his waist and laid her head softly against his chest. Then she put her fingertip up and touched his face gently. ‘Can’t you see, you stupid idiot,’ she murmured. ‘I love you.’
Her arms went up round his neck. He could feel her crying softly into his shoulder. He held her gently. He was shaking all over, his mind a whirl of emotions. He could still hardly believe what she had said.
She loved him.... him... him. Her words seemed to sing and soar around him like the song of the nightingale that had touched his heart.
She lifted her face to his and he kissed her. Softly at first, his mouth trembling against hers. Then she pulled him closer and was kissing him as if her life depended upon it. Wild, quick kisses that sent fire through his veins and made his heart sing with joy.
Eventually, he had to push her away. He smiled into the blueness of her eyes. ‘Hey, Cindy,’ he said breathlessly. ‘Give me a break, will you.’
‘Oh, Drew,’ she breathed. ‘You’re such a fool.’
‘I’m sorry,’ was all he could say. She was right. He was a fool, a stupid, blind, dumb, impatient fool.
‘It’s OK,’ she was murmuring, kissing him again. ‘Everything’s OK, now.’
Eventually she drew away. ‘What about Marie?’ she said suddenly.
‘She never was my girlfriend. I suppose I let you think that on purpose.’ He touched her face, her hair. He ran his shaking fingertip round the line of her jaw. His eyes went round her face. ‘I love you, Cindy. More than I’ve ever loved anyone in my life.’
She hugged him so tightly it seemed she wanted to get right inside his skin.
‘I thought....’ she said. ‘When you kissed me that night that maybe you loved me too. But then you said it was just one of those things. I wasn’t sure...’
‘I was,’ he said. ‘I was always sure.’
They stayed there until it was dark. Sitting close, heads together, fingers, arms entwined.
‘I talked it over with my mum,’ Cindy told him. ‘She was upset about me and Carl but she said I should be with the person I want to be with, no-one else.’
‘She’s pretty sensible, your mum.’
‘Yes.’ She held his hand against her cheek. ‘I guess she is.’
He turned and kissed her hair. Letting his mouth rest there, feeling the silk against his face. It smelt of herbs and flowers. When she smiled at him, her eyes were full of promises of heaven. And he knew, without any shadow of doubt, that the promises were all for him.
All the problems they might have to face suddenly came crashing in on him. She might not mind about his father but her parents might have different ideas. And there was still Carl to contend with. He had a feeling their quarrel wasn’t over by any means.
‘It’s not going to be easy, you know,’ he murmured. ‘My dad and everything... your parents aren’t going to like it one bit. Then there’s Carl...’
She touched his face. ‘I don’t care.’ She snuggled into the warm circle of his arms. ‘All I care about is you.’
And Drew realised that he didn’t care either. With Cindy beside him he could face anything.
He felt a moment of perfect peace.
They were together... his love was no longer a secret. Nothing else mattered.
‘No,’ he murmured. ‘Come to think of it, neither do I.’