She took refuge under a tree; however, the overhanging branches did little to shield her from the damp. The droplets were too small.
She broke the seal, unfolded the paper, and took a bolstering breath.
My dearest Elizabeth,
I have just returned to Netherfield after seeing your safe return to Longbourn, and I know not what to do. The sounds of your sobs as we journeyed rent my heart into pieces, yet you gave me no opportunity to explain. The situation is not as simple as you would believe. I have never been at liberty to discuss such matters, but I now understand I must tell you all. I only pray you will read this letter before you close your heart to me entirely.
Two years ago, my aunt, Lady Catherine, journeyed to London to give her daughter, Anne, a season in town. Lady Catherine always hoped for a match between her daughter and myself, but we rebelled against such a notion. Fortunately, my aunt heard our vehement protests, and the season was to give Anne an opportunity to meet eligible young men.
Bingley and I had become acquainted a few years prior due to some of my investments, which are rooted in trade. Due to his early completion at Eton, Bingley had just finished his studies at Cambridge and was eager to fulfil his father’s desire of their family becoming gentry.
I acquired an invitation to Lord and Lady Fitzwilliam’s Twelfth Night Ball for Bingley, and over the course of the evening, he made my cousin Anne’s acquaintance. As the season continued, Bingley and Anne danced at balls, attended several of the same dinners, and happened upon one another when paying calls to my London home, yet never did we suspect any partiality on either of their parts.
You cannot imagine my surprise when Bingley approached me in regards to his proposal of marriage to Anne. I was astonished—to say the least! He had broached the subject at a ball the night before and Anne had accepted him. Bingley’s demeanour is typically joyful, but you have not witnessed him as elated as he was that morning.
I accompanied him to my uncle, who was sceptical, but willing to consider Bingley a suitable candidate for Anne’s husband. Lady Catherine, on the other hand, was incensed. She claimed Anne to be ill and hied her away to Rosings where she has remained, except for a Christmas she passed with Lord and Lady Fitzwilliam.
Bingley was morose, but my uncle gave Bingley hope. Should Bingley continue on his path towards becoming a gentleman and remain faithful to Anne, my uncle would grant his permission and arrange the marriage. Lady Catherine is aware of Lord Fitzwilliam’s decision, but has reverted back to her original delusion that I shall wed Anne, which explains your cousin’s misinformation.
Since then, I have taken pity upon Bingley and Anne. I have enclosed correspondence between the pair within my own—else they would have been parted all of this time.
Bingley has accomplished much in the past two years. He has done all he could to prove himself to Lord Fitzwilliam, and a few days prior to the ball at Netherfield, we received word of his success. My uncle wrote that he would sanction the match. My uncle was to journey to Rosings to retrieve Anne from my aunt, and Bingley needed to return to town to finalise the arrangements.
I assure you that no matter what was perceived from Bingley, he never considered being more than friendly with your sister. Since his arrival in Hertfordshire, he enjoyed her company, but did not intend to mislead her. In fact, he was stunned when I informed him the neighbourhood expected a betrothal to be forthcoming.
I do pray Miss Bennet has not been injured by his gregarious nature. I assure you Bingley is a different person when he is in Anne’s company. If only you could see the comparison, you would understand.
I can only hope you do not find me culpable of any wrongdoing as I would be loath to commit any sin that would cause your disapprobation. You must know my heart is irrevocably yours and will be until the last breath leaves my body. I cannot imagine a life without you, and I do not desire such a bleak existence.
You are my heart. You are my soul. I have never needed any person as I need you. I was desolate, wallowing in my own despair over my sister’s misfortunes, when I met you, and you rekindled a part of myself I thought lost.
I do not accept that you have released me from our courtship, as I have no such wish! Instead, I shall await your acceptance of my hand with as much patience as I can muster, but I shall not surrender my hopes and desires over a misunderstanding.
A word to your father will have me at your side as swiftly as I can ride to Meryton. Do not keep me waiting long, my love.
Yours,
Fitzwilliam Darcy
Her free hand covered her mouth, and she dropped to her knees. The damp soaked through her skirts, the frozen ground stung her flesh, and the cold made her tremble; she had forgot her pelisse. Those discomforts were trifling, however, to the pain in her heart.
Mr. Darcy had done naught but attempt to save Jane’s feelings as well as those of his cousin’s. He was the best man she had ever known, and she had behaved like a child. How could she possibly ever face him?
Chapter 14
After stopping by his house to refresh himself and change clothes, Darcy stepped up to the front door of Clarell House as the butler opened the door to allow him entry.
“Good day, Mr. Darcy. Lord Fitzwilliam and Lord Milton are at their club, Lady Fitzwilliam is in her study, and your sister is in the music room. Would you like me to announce you?”
“That will not be necessary, thank you.”
“Fitzwilliam?” called his aunt’s voice, as she peered into the hall. “Would you join me for a moment?”
He followed her to the parlour where she gestured to a chair. “I understand from Georgiana that you travelled to Hertfordshire this morning.”
With a tug to the bottom of his topcoat, he took the offered seat. “Yes, I had some unfinished business to attend.”
She tilted her head and appraised him. “You refer to your courtship of a young lady as business?”
He turned to the window and feigned interest in the back garden. “Georgiana told you?”
“I wished to speak of Miss Elizabeth Bennet when you arrived in town last week, but we had other more important matters to discuss.” She sat in a seat beside him and placed a hand upon his forearm. “Georgiana is concerned for you, Fitzwilliam, as am I. You returned with your friend, and we expected a much different man when you did. Your letters to your sister were happy, as though you were letting go of what happened and moving forward. Though she was ill during that time, she was content. Her life may have been disrupted, but she does not wish for you to remain despondent over it. She needs you to be strong for her so she can heal.”
“Miss Elizabeth and I had a disagreement before I left Hertfordshire. She declared our courtship at an end, but I cannot accept it.”
“She sounds as though she knows her own mind. What reason did she give?”
“That is the problem, Aunt. She misunderstood me chastising Bingley, became insulted, and ended our understanding on misinformation.”
Lady Fitzwilliam lifted her eyebrows. “Now I am all curiosity. You must tell me what grievous sin Mr. Bingley has committed.”
“He was his usual self in Meryton, but Miss Elizabeth’s mother is not unlike many mothers of our station. She saw Bingley as a match for Miss Bennet. The first time Bingley was in company with Miss Bennet was at a local assembly where there was a scarcity of suitable dance partners. He must have enjoyed Miss Bennet’s company as he stood up with her twice and conversed with her for some time.”
“Were they any sets of significance?”
“No, but I assume Mrs. Bennet crowed to the neighbourhood, though I heard none of the gossip at the time. Then, Miss Bennet became ill while having tea with Miss Bingley and Mrs. Hurst.”
His aunt’s nose crinkled. “I can hardly blame her for taking ill in the company of those two ladies.”
“She became feverish and resided at Netherfield for a week. Miss Elizabeth stayed as well for the express purpose of nursing her sister.”
“Which is when you became better acquainted?”
“Yes, I requested a courtship approximately a se’nnight after her return to Longbourn.” He heaved in a breath and blew it out. “A fortnight later, as Elizabeth and I took part in the supper dance at the Netherfield ball, Sir William Lucas alluded to our future wedding as well as Bingley’s betrothal to Miss Bennet.”
“Oh my! Had Mr. Bingley not realized?”
“No, he had not. When I had the opportunity, I spoke to him alone in the library. He was astounded that the entire neighbourhood expected a proposal from him to be imminent. Unfortunately, Elizabeth approached as I scolded Bingley and insisted we return to town as soon as arrangements could be made.”
His aunt closed her eyes. “Oh dear! She assumed you were forbidding Mr. Bingley from her sister, but knew naught of his prior betrothal.”
“Precisely! I tried to explain, but she was so angry she would not listen. All I could do was ensure she returned home without incident and speak with her father. Today, I journeyed to Longbourn with yesterday’s gossip column, but Elizabeth would not see me.”
“Mr. Bingley needs to be more observant and restrained. Anne will be of great help in those matters, but he may have hurt Miss Bennet’s feelings with his recklessness.” She rested her elbow against the arm of the chair as she leaned forward. “Once your Miss Elizabeth realizes her error, she will be embarrassed. She may find it difficult to face you.”
He shifted in his seat. “If I can gain her acceptance of my hand, will I have the support of you and my uncle? She is a gentleman’s daughter, but her father’s estate is entailed to none other than Lady Catherine’s parson.”
“There is no son?”
He shook his head.
Her nose crinkled. “I do hope the parson is a distant relation?”
A small bark of amusement escaped. “Yes, a distant cousin.”
“Thank goodness for that!” She reached out and covered his hands with hers. “Your uncle and I trust you to choose a lady who would do the family credit. If she has gained your approval, she is likely intelligent, handsome, and does not suffer fools gladly.”
“You have forgotten witty, charming, and has the most beautiful eyes.”
His aunt gave an affectionate grin. “You fell in love with her eyes?”
His cheeks grew warm, and he gave a one-shouldered shrug. “I tried to fight my attraction to her, but she manages to surprise me whenever we are in company. I decided I did not require money or connections from her. I just wanted her.”
She stood and cupped his cheeks with her hands. “Then do not allow her obstinacy to keep the two of you apart. Fight for her.”
“I had no intention of doing otherwise.”
With a succinct nod, she removed her hands and clasped them together. “I am pleased to hear it. Now, Georgiana has awaited your call all morning. I do not know what you have told her of Miss Elizabeth, but she is bursting at the seams.”
“All that Georgiana knows is from my letters. I mentioned I was courting Elizabeth, but nothing more.” He stood and took a few steps towards the door. “I shall go speak with her.”
“Fitzwilliam?”
He turned to find a mischievous smile upon his aunt’s countenance. “When you speak to Georgiana, do remember to refer to Miss Elizabeth as Miss Elizabeth. You are not betrothed or married yet.”
Had he forgotten the Miss? The offence was one he committed in Elizabeth’s presence as well, so it was possible he referred to her thus in their conversation. “Yes, of course. Thank you for the reminder.”
His shoes clicked upon the marble tiles of the corridor, and when he reached for the handle to the music room, the broad oak panel swung open.
“Brother! You have returned!”
Georgiana wore a huge smile as she pulled him inside, but her eyes betrayed her as dark circles below her bottom lashes revealed her lack of sleep. Had she been having nightmares again? His aunt had not mentioned, but neither his aunt nor his sister wished to trouble him more than necessary.
“A short time ago. Aunt wished to speak with me when I arrived.”
Her face fell. “She promised she would not tell.”
He saw her seated and pulled a stool before her, taking her hand in his. “What did our aunt promise not to tell?”
Her shoulders slumped. “It is of no consequence.”
“If you are asking our aunt to keep your confidence, then I disagree.” He brushed her dark curls from her eyes. “Is it that you are having nightmares again?”
With wide eyes, she swallowed. “She told you.”
“No, you appear exhausted, Georgiana. You must rest.”
Tears welled in her eyes. “I have tried. You must believe me. Last night was the first time I have had bad dreams in a few weeks.”
He rubbed his hand over his mouth. “Were they as dreadful as before?”
“No, when I was ill, I had the worst of them.”
He could throttle his aunt for keeping such a thing from him! Georgiana had not had courses prior to Wickham, but upon his return, his aunt confided that his little sister had suffered them at last; however, they were far worse than what a lady would expect for her first time—at least, according to his aunt they were. He had limited knowledge of such feminine happenings and had no desire to become acquainted with them—at least in relation to his little sister.
Lady Fitzwilliam believed Georgiana had lost a child, yet they did not impart the knowledge to her. The poor dear had endured enough. Hopefully, she would never discover the truth!
She turned her hands over and squeezed his. “Please do not make me speak of it. I have told our aunt, and I cannot bear to talk of it again. I have waited all day to hear of Miss Elizabeth, and I hope you will not disappoint me.” Her manner was subdued, but she blinked and leaned to the side to catch his attention.
“I have told you of her.”
“You mentioned her wit and her kindness in your letters, yet you have not spoken of her since your return from Hertfordshire. I know you journeyed to Meryton today, and I assumed you were to propose.”
He sighed. “Matters are complicated between us, Georgiana.”
“Then uncomplicate them.”
“I wish it were so simple.” He had already told his aunt. It would not do to divulge his heart to his much younger sister!
“Why will you not confide in me?”
“You do not need to fret over me when you already have so much to cause you grief.” His voice cracked. Why was he having such a difficult time concealing his struggles?
“I shall worry whether you tell me or not, Fitzwilliam.”
His head dropped to his hands, and he combed his fingers through his hair. After one last appraising look at his sister, he capitulated. Was there naught he could keep for himself? Though he wanted nothing more than to keep matters to himself, his entire history with Elizabeth poured forth from his lips like a rushing river forged over a waterfall while he paced before Georgiana. When he concluded the tale, he dropped back into his chair.
“Poor Miss Elizabeth! And Miss Bennet! Mr. Bingley should have been more careful!”
“I agree, but situations are always clearer after they have occurred, are they not?” Georgiana had indicated many times over the past few months that if she had only behaved differently at Ramsgate, Wickham would never have had the chance to harm her. She, of all people, should understand the sentiment.
“Yes, that is true,” she agreed in a soft tone. “What do you plan to do now?”
“I shall give her more time. Mr. Bennet has my direction in London. He agreed to notify me should Miss Elizabeth indicate a desire to see me.”
“Do not wait too long. Miss Elizabeth makes you happy. I may not have witnessed your interactions, but your letters spoke of your improved spirits while you were in Hertfordshire.”
“As I informed our aunt, I do not intend to let Elizabeth go.”
Georgiana smirked. “So, it is Elizabeth, is
it?”
First his face was warm when he spoke with his aunt, and now again. When had he become such a lady? He was certainly blushing like one!
A giggle came from Georgiana and his heart swelled. She so rarely laughed these days that the sound was a welcome one.
“I forget myself at times.”
“Well, do not forget yourself during dinner. Richard and Charles will tease you mercilessly for it.”
“Of that I am well aware.”
“I thought I heard my name.” Their heads darted around to Richard who stood in the doorway. He returned to London a day after Darcy and had been his usual insufferable self.
Darcy winked at Georgiana. “You were dreaming.”
“Then go wake me, else Mother will have a fit when I am late to dinner.” He moved as if leaving, then peered back around the doorframe. “Are you going to join me?”
Darcy grinned, stood, and offered his arm to his sister. He was lucky to have such relations. If only he could trade Lady Catherine for someone more docile, his family would be ideal!
When he returned to Darcy House, he went directly to his rooms, and after handing over his topcoat and waistcoat, dismissed his valet. The knots in his cravat… blast! Would they never come free? When the cloth loosened, he managed to remove the garment and flung it across a chair by the fire.
Darcy had been careful not to drink too much while dining with his relations, but now he was blessedly alone and could drown his sorrows to his heart’s content. He filled the glass to the brim and took a large gulp.
Was Elizabeth as miserable as he was?
He removed a small box from his dresser and took a seat before the fire, propping his foot on the table before him. With one more significant swallow, he popped the lid on the case to reveal the ring within and his hand dropped to his thigh.
A long inhale was an attempt to control his emotions, but it was for naught. Instead, he took another swig of scalding golden liquid and stared at the line of five pearls with tiny diamonds placed around them.
The piece was not the most ornate or the most valuable of the Darcy jewels that could grace Elizabeth’s finger, but the ring called to be hers. The five oval-shaped pearls brought to mind the pale alabaster of her skin, and she was sure to favour the floral repoussé of the band. She would not desire a huge or ostentatious show upon her hand. No, the simple arrangement suited her—this one was perfect.
Particular Intentions Page 13