“I know that,” he whispered, “and on some level, you know that too. But this isn’t some quick fuck, baby. This is forever. I want to spend time with you. To show you what you mean to me. You and Laynie both.”
Janie relaxed against him, crossing her arms on his chest, and resting her chin on her folded hands. His hard cock pressed against her belly, and the smell of desire was thick in the air, but she was beginning to understand that even though Xavier wanted to complete their bond, he had other things on his mind too. Their future. Smiling, she murmured, “You never call her Alayna. It’s always Laynie.”
Xavier shrugged, a pink tinge covering his cheeks. “It’s just how I think of her.”
“I like it,” Janie admitted, “and so will she. It will make her feel special.”
“She is special,” Xavier said, running a hand gently down her back. “You both are.”
Janie took a deep breath, fighting back the tears that threatened to spill from her eyes. She had never felt more special than she did right now, in this man’s arms. She’d never had a boyfriend before. Brent was the one who stole her virginity, something she had been saving for her mate someday. It had been brutal and painful, as was every other time he’d forced himself on her. Janie shoved the memories down viciously. That was all a part of her past now. She refused to allow it to intrude on this moment with Xavier.
“I want to do this right,” Xavier went on. “I want you to get to know me, like I know you.”
“Like what?” she asked, staring into his dark eyes.
A small smile teased Xavier’s lips as he said, “Just the little things. Like the fact that your favorite pizza is pepperoni. Or that your favorite color is blue. And you love country music.”
Janie’s eyes never left his as she whispered, “Supreme, green, and rock.”
“What?” he asked, frowning in confusion.
“Your favorite pizza is supreme. You ate almost a whole box of it by yourself at the Christmas party.” When his eyes widened, she went on, “Your favorite color is green. You wear several different shades of it, when you aren’t in your enforcer uniform. And you love rock music. It’s what is always playing on your iPod when you leave your apartment to go to the gym.” She blushed a little at the last part. She had just admitted to him that she looked for him when he left his apartment, praying for just a small glimpse of him.
Xavier stared at her in shock, slowly sliding a hand up to gently trace her face. “You’ve watched me?”
Janie nuzzled his hand with her cheek, smiling through her tears. “Every day for the past nine months,” she admitted. “That’s when I ran into you for the first time. When I caught your scent and knew that you were mine.”
“Nine months?”
Janie nodded, lowering her head in shame. “I’m so sorry, Xavier. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to be your mate. I just…”
Xavier gently tilted her face back up until she met his gaze once again. “You don’t ever have to apologize for taking the time you need to become whole again.”
“Whole again?” she whispered.
Xavier shrugged, nodding before he said, “A long time ago, just before mine and Aiden’s eighth birthday, my father did something bad, Janie. Really bad. He sold out our pack for the chance to become alpha. He was the reason that so many people died, including my mother.” Xavier pulled her closer, burying his face in her neck as he went on, “Afterwards, it felt as if I was torn into all of these separate, small pieces. I have worked hard to put all of those pieces back together again, and there are times where I still wonder if it will ever happen. I still don’t understand how Chase could trust me and Aiden after my father got his parents killed. How everyone else in the pack can stand to look at us. How my Aunt Sadie, my mother’s sister, could love us the way that she did when her husband was taken from her.”
“Xavier, you were just a child. It wasn’t your fault.”
“I know,” Xavier whispered, “but I can’t help feeling the way that I do.”
Janie stroked a hand down his hair, turning to kiss him gently on the cheek.
“I thought maybe that was what it felt like for you after everything you went through,” Xavier continued, “and now you are working on putting the pieces back together.”
“I never thought of it that way,” Janie said softly, “but you are right. That’s exactly how it feels.”
“That’s why I think it’s important to take this slow,” Xavier admitted, looking down into her eyes. “Your wolf accepts me, and a part of you does too. But I’m greedy sweetheart. I want all of you.”
“I want that too,” Janie whispered, leaning her forehead against his. “I want it all, Xavier.” And she knew she had her work cut out for her if she was going to get it all, because Xavier was right. Until she opened up about what had happened to her when she was held by the General, until she was able to talk about the past, she would never be able to fully heal and give her mate the future that he deserved.
8
Xavier held Janie close while she slept, ignoring the dull ache in his lower back. He would suffer in silence, endure any pain he had to, as long as he had his woman in his arms. She was his miracle, his everything.
The door opened and Chase entered, Aiden right behind him. Xavier acknowledged his alpha’s presence before turning to Aiden, “Where’s Laynie?”
“Flame took her back to the apartment for now.”
When Xavier would have protested, Chase cut in, “We have looked everywhere on White River Wolves land, Xavier. If Brent and his men were here, they aren’t now.”
Xavier relaxed some, shifting slightly to relieve some of the pressure on his back. “He won’t stay gone long.”
“Of that, I have no doubt,” Chase agreed, “but we will be waiting for him next time.”
“What’s the plan?”
Chase rested his hands lightly on his hips and grinned. “The plan is for you to take the next few weeks off and get to know your mate, son.” When Xavier stiffened, Chase held up a hand, “I apologize. I know you don’t like it when I call you that.”
Xavier felt Janie stir, and looked down to see her eyes on him. Slipping his fingers through her hair, he bent down to place a gentle kiss on her lips. “More pieces to put back together?” she questioned softly.
Xavier’s gaze traveled over her delicate facial features, her eyes soft with understanding, and he nodded slowly. She was right. If she was going to do what she could on her end, then he needed to be willing to do the same. Raising his head, he met his alpha’s gaze as he said, “After what the man I knew as my father did to this pack, his family, I have had a hard time understanding why anyone would want to use that term when it comes to myself or my brother.”
“Don’t you think you have carried that guilt around long enough, Xavier?” Chase asked quietly. “Your father’s actions were not your own.”
“I know.”
“You need to learn to forgive him, Xavier.”
“Forgive a monster?” Xavier growled. “My mother is dead because of him! Your parents are gone, and it is all his fault!”
Chase crossed the room and settled a hand firmly on his shoulder. “You can’t live your life full of hate, son. Your father made a mistake. One that he paid deeply for in the end.”
“What do you mean?” Xavier sighed as he felt Chase push some of his power his way, calming him and easing the pent-up pain he had held inside for years. When normally he would have rejected the warmth, this time he lowered his head and accepted it, letting it sink deep into his soul.
“Alpha?” Aiden said, taking a step in their direction, “what happened? How did our father pay for his sins, besides with his life?”
“Titen wanted power, so much so, that he allowed his desire for it to consume him. What he did not realize was everything it would end up costing him.” Chase cursed quietly, looking from Aiden to Xavier. “I never wanted you to know what really happened. I tried to keep it from you, because I didn’
t want you to be hurt more than you already were.”
“What?” Xavier demanded. What could be worse than everything they already knew?
“When we were attacked, your father knew it was coming, so he hid you boys in the crawl space above your bedroom. He told your mother to stay in the house, no matter what happened. He loved you all, and in his way, was trying to protect you.” Chase paused, rubbing a hand over his face. “Your mother was nine months pregnant at the time. A baby girl. Lila hid the best she could, but the other pack turned on your father. They came to the house looking for all of you. When we got there, your mother was dead and your sister was gone.”
“What?” Xavier gasped.
“Your father went crazy when he found out what happened,” Chase went on. “He turned rogue, and became very dangerous. We had to track him down and kill him. We had no choice. He was murdering innocent people in his grief.”
“We have a sister,” Aiden whispered in shock.
Chase nodded. “Yes.”
“Why didn’t you tell us?” Xavier asked, his heart clenching at the thought of a young woman out there somewhere, his sister, scared and alone.
“Because no matter how hard I have tried, I can’t find her,” Chase admitted. “As the years went by without a trace, I thought it might be better to just keep quiet. You have both been through enough pain.”
Xavier was aware of Janie gently stroking his chest, trying to soothe him, but all he could think of was his sister. “What if she needs us?” He could barely get the words out. He may not have known about her before, but she was still his little sister. His family. He couldn’t just leave her out there on her own somewhere.
“Maybe she has a family,” Janie suggested softly. “Maybe someone took her in that loves her.”
“I hope so,” Xavier muttered.
“What about RARE?” Aiden asked suddenly. “Isn’t that what they do? Track down people that no one else can? Maybe they have contacts you don’t? Maybe they can find our sister?”
Chase froze, his eyebrows drawing together into a deep frown, “Why the hell didn’t I think of that?” he growled in frustration. “Angel is off the grid right now. She and her team are out looking for Jeremiah, but I will talk to her as soon as she gets back.”
Xavier let out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding. “Thank you, Alpha.”
Chase squeezed his shoulder once before letting go. “I just wish there was more I could do. I have exhausted any leads that I had, but maybe RARE will get further than I could.”
“Who else knows about this?” Xavier asked, suspicion beginning to fill him. How many people had lied to them over the years? It wasn’t that he didn’t understand why Chase made the decisions that he did, but did the entire pack know?
“Not many,” Chase said. “Your aunt did, Doc Josie, a couple of the older wolves, and Sable.”
“Sable knows and didn’t tell me?” Aiden said, the hurt obvious in his voice. Besides Xavier, Sable was Aiden’s best friend. They did everything together. At one time Xavier had wondered if Sable was Aiden’s mate, but once he met Janie, he knew she couldn’t be. There was no way they could be around each other as much as they were if they were mates, and not complete the bond. He had no idea how he had lasted a full year. Even now, he was fighting the urge to go back on his words of just an hour ago and claim her.
“She was under orders not to, Aiden,” Chase told him, as he walked over to the door. “She didn’t have a choice. She wanted to tell you, but I wouldn’t allow it.”
“Why does she know?” Xavier asked, his eyes on his brother.
“Sable walked into my office one day when I had a file open on my desk with your family’s information in it. She saw enough that I had to tell her. Since then, she has been doing everything she can to help me find your sister. She wants to do it for you, but also for your sister. She says no one deserves to be lost.”
“She’s right,” Janie whispered, bringing her hand up to clasp his tightly. “We need to find your sister.”
After leaving Xavier’s hospital room, Chase slowly made his way back to his office, lost in thought. Xavier and Aiden’s parents had been good friends with his own. They’d spent a lot of time together when Chase and Jenna were growing up. He even remembered calling them aunt and uncle. Killing Titen was one of the hardest things he’d ever had to do, but he did it for his pack.
Entering his office, Chase kicked the door shut behind him and walked over to look out the window. It was his fault that the twins had been left without a parent, but he would do it again if he had to. He was Alpha, which meant he had to make decisions sometimes that even he didn’t like. For the better of his pack.
Sighing, Chase reached into his pocket and retrieved his cell phone. Xavier and Aiden had lost so much, and he refused to let Xavier lose anything else. He would do everything in his power to make sure Janie was safe, even if that meant calling in a favor to the one person who already carried the weight of the world on his shoulders.
The phone rang twice before a deep voice answered, “Jinx.”
Chase’s grip tightened on the phone as he closed his eyes and gritted his teeth. Jinx was his mate’s son, now his son, and the only one who could help him. Chase was sure he knew Brent and would be able to track the bastard down. “I need a favor.”
There was a slight pause before Jinx responded. “Name it.”
9
Janie sat in front of Doc Josie’s desk, tapping her fingers nervously on the arm of the chair as she waited for the doctor to arrive. It had been two weeks since Xavier was shot. Fourteen days spent with her mate, getting to know him, while trying to ignore the underlying sexual tension between them. She wanted him, needed him, but there was one thing holding them both back from sealing their bond. She was ready to tackle that issue now. She refused to allow her fear of the past to keep her from reaching for the future she dreamed about.
“Janie?” She heard the surprise in Josie’s voice as she entered the room. Crossing quickly over to her desk, the doctor sat down in the chair behind it, her eyes narrowing on Janie. “Did we have an appointment? I’m so sorry if I’m late.”
“No,” Janie interjected quietly, “we didn’t. But I was hoping you might have some free time for me today?”
A gentle smile curved Doc Josie’s lips, as she replied, “Of course. I always have time for you, Janie.”
Janie crossed her legs, clasping her hands tightly together. She wasn’t sure how to start. How did you tell someone your deepest, darkest secrets? How did you admit the disgust and shame that swamped you every time you thought about not only how your daughter was conceived, but who her father was? Her eyes narrowed when another thought hit her. Was the doctor the one she should be telling these things to? She had chosen Josie because she trusted her…but there was someone else who really needed to hear what she was about to say. Raising her eyes to meet Josie’s gaze, she whispered, “I wanted to talk to you, but…”
Josie waited for Janie to continue, but when she didn’t, the doctor suggested, “How about we start with something easy? Let’s talk about Alayna. How is she doing?”
Relief filled Janie at the small reprieve she was given, and she began to calm down slightly. “Laynie,” she said softly.
“Laynie?”
Janie felt her face flush with pleasure as she thought about how close Xavier and her daughter had become over the past few days. “It’s what Xavier calls her. He is wonderful with Alayna. He just claimed her as his own, right away.”
“That’s what shifters do,” Josie told her softly. “You are his mate, which means Alayna is his daughter now, too.”
“Not all shifters,” Janie said quietly.
“What do you mean?”
“Let’s just say, in my old pack things were run differently. They would not have accepted my daughter. They would have never allowed me to bring her back there to be raised.” Janie clenched her teeth, fighting back tears that had suddenly filled her
eyes. “I guess I don’t have to worry about that, though.”
“No, Janie, you don’t,” Doc Josie agreed. They had spoken in the past about Janie’s family and old alpha, so Josie already knew the history behind her remark. Instead of dwelling on those painful memories, Josie leaned forward, resting her arms on the desk as she changed the subject. “Tell me, what else have you been up to these past few days?”
Janie picked at the hem of her shirt as she responded, “I’ve been taking lessons.”
“Lessons?”
“Shooting and sparring lessons,” Janie told her. “Flame’s been teaching me.”
Josie’s eyebrows rose in surprise. “Really?
“I’m not like Flame, though,” Janie said. “I’m not looking for revenge, Josie. I just want to live my life. But, to do that, I need to learn how to protect myself and my child. I know Xavier will when he’s around, but when he’s not,” Janie shrugged, “it’s up to me.”
“You and the pack,” Josie replied. “We will all protect both you and Alayna.”
“I know,” Janie whispered, her heart full of love for the people who had taken her in, giving her a home when she had none. “I know that now.” The White River Wolves had all come together, offering their protection with the threat of Brent still there. They took turns standing outside her apartment at night, two right outside her door, and several surrounding the building. Xavier was always right below her bedroom window. She had tried to tell him that he needed to go home and get some rest, but he refused to leave her. When she asked him if he would like to stay in the apartment with her, he told her not yet. He would be tempted to do things that he knew they were not ready for right now. Which brought her thoughts back to the reason she was really there. Taking a deep breath, she swallowed hard and then began, “The General’s men found me when I was living in a small town in California.”
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