by Vicki Tharp
Alex’s chuckle came out low and self-deprecating. “I don’t know, do I?” Damn. Vulnerable Alex was adorable.
Elijah stepped closer, straddling Alex’s leg. “I thought you gave fucking amazing head. You sure you’ve never sucked a guy off before?”
“Positive. I know what I like and hoped you’d like it, too.”
“I did. Very much so.”
Alex looked away. It had thrilled Elijah that Alex had taken the initiative. It was one thing to sit back on a couch and let a guy suck your dick. After all, you can close your eyes and pretend it’s some hot, buxom, blonde, but taking that next step, getting on your knees and going down on another guy, makes it hard to pretend the person you are with is a woman.
What was it about this man that had Elijah questioning everything he thought he knew about himself? That hetero-romantic bi label he’d slapped on himself had started to itch and chafe and he wondered if Alex’s label grated as well.
Elijah dropped his voice. “Look at me.” When Alex did, Elijah said, “I was in a bar when your interview came up on the television.”
“Oh God. What a cluster. I’m embarrassed you and everyone else had to see that.”
“Embarrassed? You sat those fuckers down. You didn’t grovel. You didn’t apologize. You owned it. You owned them. I don’t think I’ve ever been prouder of another person in my life.”
Red rimmed Alex’s eyes, and moisture gathered at the corners. Alex cleared his throat. “Thanks.”
When Alex broke eye contact, Elijah cupped his cheek and turned Alex’s face back to his. “When that shit blew up... I should have called, but—”
“You didn’t have my number.”
“I didn’t. I could have gotten it, though. I wasn’t sure you wanted to hear from me. But that’s no excuse. I should have been there and offered you moral support. I’m apologizing for that.”
Alex swallowed hard but didn’t say anything, only nodded, pressing his forehead into Elijah’s. They stood there like that, soaking up the skin-to-skin contact.
Elijah whispered, “I really want to kiss you. Yeah?”
Sucking in a breath, Alex said, “Yeah.”
Elijah shifted, his erection brushing against Alex’s hip and Elijah bit back the groan and forced himself not to grind against Alex. This wasn’t about getting off.
This was about connecting.
He pressed his lips against Alex’s. Once, twice, before going back for more, their tongues exploring, tasting as they breathed each other in.
If all Elijah wanted was to sleep with a guy and explore more of his bi side, he could do that anywhere. After all, dick was a lot easier to get than pussy. And while he didn’t know exactly what he wanted, he knew he didn’t want something random.
As a rule, Elijah hadn’t been interested in relationships with men. But this man...? Perhaps Alex could prove the exception.
Angling his head, Alex took the kiss deeper, his hands threading through Elijah’s damp hair and pulling him closer. Elijah’s watch beeped, and he pulled away, his chest rising and falling as he caught his breath.
“I’ve got a study group session I have to get to.”
“Yeah.” Alex looked dazed and well-kissed. “Sure.”
Elijah stepped away and gathered his own bag. He turned to leave, but didn’t. Instead, he held out his hand and said, “Give me your phone.”
Alex retrieved his phone from his pocket, unlocked the screen, and handed it over. Elijah punched in his name and phone number and handed it back. Was he really going to do this?
“I don’t want to pressure you into anything you don’t want to do. I’m going to leave the next move up to you. I’d like to see you again. Call if you feel the same.”
10
Alex turned up at the Los Angeles County Sports Park twenty minutes early. Not that he was that eager to play baseball for Trevor’s rec team, but he’d needed to get out of his apartment and get some air.
Hiding out from the press got old. Fast.
It had been ten days since he’d shot the office scene with Elijah. Luckily, when the video hit the website, the controversy and uproar weren’t as bad. Though he had the occasional reporter show up at the oddest of places and shove a microphone in his face, looking for comments.
When he walked up to the field, he realized he wasn’t alone. Sitting on the top row of the bleachers was one of the more persistent sports reporters.
He dropped his equipment bag against the backstop and raised his hand to her when she went to get up. “Don’t.”
She sat back down. “I’m doing my job, Mr. Payne.”
“Aren’t you sick of this yet? Wouldn’t you rather be covering football or basketball or hell, anything that doesn’t have to do with my dick?”
“You make news, we come around. That’s how this works.” The woman stood. “Look, I’m supposed to meet my husband for dinner at seven. I’ll make you a deal. Answer one question and then we both can get on with our lives.”
At this point, he’d do about anything for a few hours without having to police his every move and every word around reporters. “Shoot.”
“Are you doing gay porn as some sort of publicity stunt to stay forefront in the clubs’ minds to try to get an invite to spring training?”
“You give me far too much credit. If I wanted to stay on the clubs’ radar, I probably could have thought of a less career-damaging way to do it.”
“Fair enough,” the lady said as she put her notebook in her purse and stepped down from the bleachers. By the dugout, she turned and asked, “Who’s Elijah Maddox?”
She posed the question as a throwaway, an afterthought. It landed like a well-calculated, well-researched blow between the eyes.
Alex’s heart stopped for a beat, long enough for him to hear the anger bubbling and brewing in his brain. He’d known it would only be a matter of time before someone found out Elijah’s name. Though he hadn’t expected it so soon. He had to steel his voice and his expression so she wouldn’t know how much the question had affected him.
“You’ve had your one question. Don’t keep your husband waiting.”
The lady slid her sunglasses onto her smug face. “Have a good evening, Mr. Payne.”
Fuuuck!
Alex collapsed on the ground, using his equipment bag as a backrest as he pulled out his phone. He’d finally gotten Elijah out of his head for a couple hours, and the reporter had to go and bring him up again.
I’d really like to see you again. Call if you feel the same.
Those words were the first words bouncing around in his head each morning and the last words to settle when he went to bed at night. Usually after jacking off to what he and Elijah had done and what he would like to do.
It had taken some time, some soul searching, to conclude that he really wanted to see Elijah again.
Before Elijah had left the showers that day, the bastard had dropped that ticking emotional bomb in his lap, leaving it up to Alex to diffuse. But after ten days of no contact, what should he say? Was it too late?
He pulled up his messaging app, found Elijah’s name, and started a text: Hey.
Lame.
He erased it and typed in: What’s up?
Lamer. Sounded like a booty call.
Mashing the back button, he replaced the text with: Wanna catch a beer?
Better. But not what Alex really wanted.
The fourth time, the message read: I would really like to see you some time. Give me a call.
After hitting send, he added: Or send me a text.
He went to put his phone away, then added: Or a fucking smoke signal.
Jesus. He didn’t know how to do this.
He stared down at his phone, willing the three little dots to show up, indicating Elijah was responding. He waited and waited some more. Then he started second guessing himself.
Someone clapped him on the arm, and he almost dropped his phone.
Trevor said, “Aren’t you the eager
one.”
He dropped his phone into his bag. “I was... I was...”
Trevor took a step back. “Hey, man, why are you turning red? I was talking about you being eager for the game. What did you think—”
Glancing from Alex to the phone he’d dropped in his bag, Trevor bent to pick it up.
Alex gave Trevor a playful shove away. “Get your glove and help warm me up. If I strain my elbow out here, I’m never going to let you hear the end of it.”
In the next fifteen minutes, the rest of their team arrived as well as the competition. Alex’s team captain, Greg, he thought his name was, assigned positions. His team had won the coin toss so they were the home team and would take the field first.
Greg threw Alex into right field, probably on Trevor’s instruction. He started jogging out to right as Trevor jogged to first base.
“You suck,” Alex teased. “I’m going to be so bored that I’m going to be picking daisies out there all night.”
“You’ve got the best arm out here. If anyone can throw a guy out at home, it will be you. Besides, the long throws are good for your arm.”
“Yeah, yeah,” Alex grumbled as he jogged out to baseball Siberia.
The first guy at the plate struck out. The second and third got walked. Trevor glanced back at Alex, his hands out and shrugging his shoulders as if to say what-are-you-gonna-do-about-it.
Not that Alex could do anything about it. The rec league only agreed to let him play if he didn’t pitch. Which wouldn’t have been fair even if they’d allowed it. So, Alex stood there in right field, bored out of his ever-fucking-loving mind.
The next batter got a piece of the ball on a late, chopping, off-balance swing. The ball flew high in the air, in that no-man’s land between first and right field. Alex tracked it as he ran forward. He had more speed and a better angle than the backtracking Trevor.
“I got it, I got it,” Alex hollered out, trying to call Trevor off the ball as it headed for foul territory by the visiting team’s dugout. One of the guys from the visiting team said, “It’s about time you got here.”
As Alex camped out under the ball, he didn’t pay the other player any attention, waiting to make the easy out. That’s when Elijah said, “Sorry. Class ran late.”
Alex turned, forgetting all about the ball. Hell, he forgot about the baseball game as Elijah walked up to the dugout with an equipment bag slung over his shoulder.
“What are you doing here?” Alex asked.
Stupid question.
The ball hit the chain link fence protecting the men in the dugout. Trevor ran over and picked it up, slapping Alex out of his stupor with backhanded glove to his ass. “Smooth, man. You ever thought of playing baseball professionally?”
Elijah’s team lost five to four when Alex threw Elijah out at home. Damn, that man had an arm. As Elijah packed up his gear, he turned down an invitation to go out to eat and grab a few beers with his teammates, mumbling lies about studying and tests and other general excuses.
He picked up miscellaneous trash left in the dugout, bubble gum wrappers, empty sunflower seed bags, half-drunk sports drink bottles, as he stalled, wanting to catch Alex alone before he left.
You have one hell of a masochistic streak. You told Alex to call if he was interested and there has been nothing but radio static ever since. Push him out of your head. Forget about him.
Move. The. Fuck. On.
That’s what he’d do. Except he had to walk past Alex and some guy from Alex’s team to get to his truck. Elijah shouldered his bag. Did he stop and say hello? Did he walk by with a nod of acknowledgment? Did he put his head down and keep on walking, pretending like they weren’t even there?
You’re over-thinking this.
But as he approached Alex and his friend, Alex broke his conversation and stepped toward Elijah. “Hey, you got a minute?”
“Uh... yeah, sure.” He shouldn’t get his hopes up, yet that didn’t stop his heart from beating like it had when he’d rounded third base trying to beat Alex’s throw from right field.
Breathe, Elijah.
The other man came over as well and said, “Hey, man, aren’t you—”
Alex stripped the equipment bag off his friend’s shoulder and tossed it toward the parking lot. “Beat it, dickhead.”
The guy laughed and stuck out his hand. “Trevor Moon. Don’t mind my friend. He has no manners.”
Elijah shook his hand, “I’m—”
“Elijah,” Trevor said with a wink. Did people still wink? “Yeah, trust me, I know.”
Alex took Trevor by the shoulders and physically turned him toward the parking lot and gave him a playful shove. “Go. I’ll see you in the morning.”
“Fine. I know when I’m not wanted.” Trevor picked up his bag again and slung it over his shoulder. “Come ready to kick ass tomorrow, Payne. I’ve got a new exercise for your arm that I think we should try.” Then to Elijah, “Nice to finally meet you.”
“You, too.”
“So?” That one little word from Alex’s mouth dipped low and intimate, making Elijah hard. At least the athletic cup would hide his arousal.
Alex shoved his hands into his back pockets and rocked back on his heels. The expectant expression on Alex’s face made Elijah feel like he’d been daydreaming when his professor asked him a question. What had he missed?
“Sooo?” Elijah repeated when what he wanted to ask was why Alex had never called or texted.
The fact was, Alex hadn’t. Which was an answer.
When the silence dragged, Elijah added, “Look, this doesn’t have to be awkward. We don’t have to acknowledge each other on the field when our teams play each other if that’s what you want.”
A slow smile spread on Alex’s face. Elijah was missing something. “Is that what you want?”
“No.” Was that too quick? Too eager? Shit. He didn’t want to scare Alex away. “You?”
Alex shook his head, that damn smile taking over his face. “I take it you didn’t get my text.”
“I was running late. Forgot my phone at the apartment.” Then it really hit Elijah what Alex had said, what it meant. “You texted.”
“I did. Which means I do. I mean, not I do, I do, but ‘I do’ in that I would like to see you again. So maybe check your schedule and, I don’t know, we can meet up somewhere... for something.”
“Somewhere for something?” Elijah chuckled and hitched the strap of his equipment bag higher on his shoulder to stop it from slipping. “You’re adorable when you’re flustered. You know that?”
“Jesus Christ.” Alex huffed out a laugh and adjusted his baseball cap as he stared off toward the parking lot. “That was pretty lame, wasn’t it?”
“I take it you don’t date much?”
Alex blew out a long breath, then looked up at Elijah under the brim of his baseball cap. “Not men. Or any man. I mean... I’m fucking this up.”
Holy crap. Alex is asking you out! Say yes, you idiot. “You’re not. And I’m free.”
“What?” Alex visibly relaxed.
“Now. I’m free now. To do something, somewhere.”
And honestly, he didn’t care that he sounded too eager. Alex obviously had some things he’d had to sort in his head before deciding to ask Elijah out. He wasn’t going to wait another ten days and give Alex the chance to change his mind.
The field lights went out, pitching them into near darkness, only the security lights spilling out from the parking lot provided illumination.
“I guess that’s our cue,” Alex said as they started walking back to their vehicles. “Now’s good. What do you want to do?”
Fuck you was the first thing that jumped to mind, but that was Elijah’s amped-up libido talking. Since the last time he’d seen Alex, he’d had plenty of time to think about what it would mean if Alex called. All the scientists would have to recalibrate their charts to be able to log his and Alex’s sexual chemistry, but in the waiting, Elijah had come to realize he wanted a lot m
ore from Alex than random, no-strings-attached sex.
“We could go grab a couple beers.”
In the dull light, Alex’s face scrunched up. “You probably don’t want to be seen with me in public and have to dodge reporters. I’d rather spend some time alone with you.”
Elijah wouldn’t want to be seen with Alex? Or Alex didn’t want to be seen with him?
“Then what do you want to do?” At the parking lot, Elijah tossed his equipment bag into the back of his truck.
“I could help you with your swing.”
“That bad?”
One of Alex’s shoulders bobbed up and down. One of those yeah-but-I’m-not-gonna-come-right-out-and-say-it shrugs. “I know a place where we won’t be bothered.”
“Lead the way.”
Alex plopped his bag in the back of Elijah’s truck. “Let’s leave my car here for now. It’s not exactly inconspicuous.”
“The reporters still giving you problems?” Elijah unlocked his truck and Alex went around, and they both climbed in.
“It’s gotten a lot better, but they pop up in unlikely places. I think...” Alex buckled his seatbelt and stared out the windshield as if trying to choose his words carefully. “I think that it would be best if people don’t see us together right now is all.”
On some level, Elijah had expected this, but to hear it come out of Alex’s mouth... Elijah’s stomach knotted into a tight ball ten times harder than a baseball.
Elijah needed a life he could live as himself with integrity. He couldn’t live a life of deceit.
Not anymore.
Elijah buckled his seatbelt, more for the emotional ride he was about to take than the physical. “Before this goes anywhere, to be clear, I’m not going to be anyone’s dirty little secret.”
“That’s not—”
“Let me finish.”
When Alex nodded, Elijah continued. “I get it. You have more at stake with your career right now than I do. So, I’m good with keeping us on the downlow. For now. But I’m not going to live my life in the closet ashamed of who I am and who I’m attracted to. For you. Or for anybody. I lived that life for too many years in the military. If you need to take some time and think about it and get back to me. I’m okay with that.”