Aidan nodded again. He was starting to understand how important this was for them. Maybe he was starting to understand how his and Fleur’s difficult relationship might actually have made it more difficult for him to accept her death. Maybe while he’d been trying to distance himself from her memory, her parents had been trying to hold on to any of the positives they could find.
In any event, his heart seemed to be breaking open, finding more compassion than he’d known before.
Just as the music started and Flo took his arm to bring him forward to take a seat with her, Aidan saw the church door open. His grandmother, Vivian, had arrived.
He smiled across the room at her. She understood the importance of family in a way none of his other relatives seemed to.
Beside him, Flo cried softly. Fleur had been her only child. “Parents should never have to bury their children,” she whispered to Aidan.
He clasped his hands and bowed his head. Concentrated on the words the minister was saying. Breathed in the fresh scent of flowers.
He was genuinely sad that Fleur was gone from life. Not that she was gone from his life, but that she was gone from her family, from her own life. She would never have a chance for a redo or for a fresh start, the way he had.
By the end of the service, he felt as if he’d said goodbye to someone he’d known a long time ago, when he was a different version of himself.
Anger had seeped out of him. Good times had been remembered. Grudges forgiven.
When it was all finished, Flo asked him back to the house for a buffet supper.
“I can’t, but thank you for inviting me,” Aidan replied.
“I understand.” She smiled at him. “Doctors are important. You’re always so busy.”
He smiled back. Maybe that’s how things had been in the old days. Now... Now, he was spending his time in relaxed contemplation.
“Good luck, Flo. If you ever need me—”
“I’ll call,” Flo said. “I have your number.”
“Of course.” He gave her a hug, wondering what Ashley would think of all this when he told her. Surely, she would understand. “You take care now,” he said.
He sought out his grandmother, gathering up her cane discreetly in a back pew and preparing to stand. He helped her up by the elbow and held out her cane for her. “Thank you for coming, Gram.”
“Of course, dear. You knew I would.” She gave him a long, gentle hug and then pulled back. “Well. That was lovely. A very nice service. I’ll go speak to Fleur’s mother, and then I’ll be heading home.”
“Is Rocco outside?” he asked.
“Yes. I told him I’d call when I was finished.”
“Then I’ll wait until you’re ready to leave, and I’ll escort you outside.”
She patted his shoulder. “Thank you. I’ll be just a minute.”
He waited quietly in a corner for her, watching as she approached Flo and spoke a few kind words for her. Flo seemed genuinely touched that Gram had come. Aidan was, too.
And then he did as he’d promised. He escorted Gram to her waiting town car, the engine idling in front of the wide church stairway, and helped her into the backseat. After Rocco had driven off, Aidan went back inside. He had one last thing to do in the church before he headed over to Ashley.
Aidan went down the aisle and stood before the oversize portrait of Fleur. He thought briefly of the good times they’d had. He bowed his head and said a private prayer for her.
And then he said goodbye.
* * *
ASHLEY HAD WALKED barefoot from one end of the beach to the other. Except for one couple walking a German shepherd and another in an impassioned conversation on a beach blanket near the entrance, the stretch of beach was deserted in early October.
What had most surprised her was that the beach was much smaller than she’d remembered. The water colder. The sand a shade darker, more brown than white.
She turned to head back to the parking lot just as Aidan appeared, walking toward her in his regular loping, confident gait.
She watched him for a moment, feeling happy. So strong and handsome, he grinned at her, even from this distance. His black hair danced in the breeze, his jacket was tossed over his shoulder.
She ran to greet him then, and he scooped her up in a kiss.
It was on the tip of her tongue to ask him how it had gone, but any details had to come from him, at his pace.
Was he okay? Was he truly over Fleur? Or did he still feel guilty?
“This beach is great,” he said, gazing around. “I can’t believe you found it, tucked into the village like this.”
“It’s for residents only, but if you don’t park in the lot, nobody bothers you.”
He put his arm around her. “Walk with me.”
She nodded, feeling as if he had something important to tell her.
They walked for a few moments, listening to the seagulls overhead. He pulled her even closer, so they were walking hip to hip.
Finally, just when she couldn’t stand the suspense any longer, he said, “Thank you for helping Flo. I think it meant a lot to her.”
She exhaled. “I hope she’s all right.”
“I think she will be.” He paused for a moment. “I’m glad you encouraged me to go.”
Ashley smiled. “It was the right thing to do.”
“Yeah. I’m surer now of what I want.”
What did that mean?
“You know, Ash, since Brandon is going on an overnight hiking trip with his outdoor club next weekend, I was wondering if you would go overnight camping with me, too?”
She stopped short, dragging him to a stop with her. Next weekend would be four days after Brandon’s test. That meant he was staying—for her.
“You okay with going camping?” he asked.
“You mean, you and me in sleeping bags? With bugs and ticks and outdoor toilets?”
He burst out laughing. “Only you would say that,” he teased.
Oh. Oh! He wanted to kick their relationship up to another level. She hadn’t expected that from him today.
“You...were just at a memorial service,” she said weakly.
“I was. And it struck me, Ash. Life can be so short. There’s no way to know what tomorrow will bring. I want my life to mean something to me. I thought about all the things I most wanted, and then what I realized is that I most want you, to go camping with me this weekend. I’ve always loved it and I want to do it more in my new life. But you know, I can compromise. How about if I find us a shelter with a bed? And screen doors and indoor plumbing?”
“But it’s overnight...the two of us alone?”
“Yeah. Of course.” He tilted his head at her. “Does that make you nervous? Because I love you, Ashley. I really do think I love you. And only you.”
How could she say no to him after that?
Especially since after the way he had put it, she really wanted to go camping with him, too.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
IT’S JUST A TEST, Ashley told herself.
Maybe she and Aidan wouldn’t even be compatible. Maybe he would be tired of her after spending a weekend—two days and two nights together.
In such a case, they could both laugh it off. Oh, well. It wasn’t meant to be, sorry.
Because honestly, there were so many reasons why they shouldn’t be together, or even get along.
Her son, for one thing. The bulk of Ashley’s time needed to be spent with Brandon, at least until she got him through the rest of his high school years and out of the house, hopefully to college. That was her biggest priority. Brandon always came first with her.
But Brandon likes Aidan, too.
Doesn’t he?
These were the thoughts and questions th
at Ashley tormented herself with as she worked with her customers on Monday.
She’d promised Aidan an answer by Friday. He said that he’d already arranged the trip, that he would go by himself if she said no, but that he’d rather not.
Brandon wouldn’t find out—he would be on a weekend camping trip of his own.
Why not go with Aidan? She wanted to. She wanted to share a tent—a bed—with him. Her cheeks flushed to think of it, her body tingled, her heart beat faster. Aidan was constantly in her thoughts, in the back of her mind nearly every moment. He said he loved her. It just felt...so remarkable to her. And so natural.
On Monday night at seven o’clock, Aidan arrived at her apartment for his last tutoring session with Brandon before his test.
She hadn’t made her decision yet. She wanted to go with Aidan. She was tempted to go with him. But they couldn’t even put their heads together and whisper about it, because Brandon needed all of their attention.
“You’re ready for tomorrow. You know that,” Aidan told her son quietly.
“I hope so.” Brandon picked at the sticker on his wrist’s cast. He and Aidan were sitting at Ashley’s kitchen table the night before her son’s big test, and all Ashley could do for him was agonize. Maybe give him a big breakfast in the morning and say an extra prayer.
“What’s going to happen is that I’ll go in to the test room with you,” Aidan told him. “We’ll sit before the proctor, and the proctor will give you your test. You should take a moment to look the whole thing over, get familiar with it.”
“What if I see a problem I can’t answer?” Brandon asked.
“Then move past that question and read the next one. The problems that you’re feeling unsure about, save until the end. You’ll have an hour for the test, so you want to make the most of it.”
“Okay.” Brandon nodded. “That makes sense.”
“You’ll know what to do. You’ve studied, and you’re well practiced. You just need to remember to stay calm and focus. One step at a time, the way that we’ve been working.”
“Can I talk to you about the hard problems, Dr. Lowe?”
“Now or tomorrow?”
“Tomorrow.”
Aidan shook his head. He looked so serious, and Ashley was touched that the two men in her life had become so important to each other. Aidan would make a wonderful father—she could see it in the way he interacted with Brandon. And Brandon obviously looked up to Aidan. He depended on him now.
“Brandon,” Aidan said. “The proctor will be watching me closely. I can’t give the appearance that I’m helping you with anything other than writing. Just like we do during our tutoring sessions, you tell me what to write and I’ll write it.”
Brandon sighed. “This is so stressful.”
Tell me about it, Ashley silently agreed. She was washing the sink, giving it a good—if relatively quiet—scrubbing while she listened to the two talk.
“I really need to pass, Dr. Lowe.” The panic in Brandon’s voice was palpable.
“I think you can pass. But you know what, Brandon, it’s more important that you think you can pass.”
Her son sighed. “What will happen if I don’t?”
“Don’t think that way,” Aidan warned. “That’s called defeatist thinking, and it will bring you down all kinds of bad paths. Visualize the best results happening tomorrow. You’ll be much better off, trust me.”
Brandon was listening as intently as she was. He just wasn’t showing it.
She met Aidan’s gaze across the table. Calm brown eyes. Solidly faithful. Always dependable. She felt strong just looking at him.
Aidan swallowed, his Adam’s apple rising and falling. Glancing at his watch, he stood. “It’s time for me to go now.” He looked seriously at Brandon. “Get a good night’s sleep. I’ll meet you at St. Bart’s tomorrow.”
Brandon stood, too. “I’ll walk you out,” he said to Aidan.
At the door, Aidan paused to glance at her for the briefest of moments. In that one glance, he told her so much.
He was waiting for her answer. He still wanted her to go with him. He yearned for her.
She put her hand to her chest, taking a deep breath to calm herself. She just...wanted to be with him so much, too.
Do it! A new, bold part of her was speaking up, urging her to consider her needs. Because she did have needs of her own, apart from her child, and until Aidan, she’d been pushing those away, convinced that they weren’t important, that Brandon’s needs were all that mattered.
But Brandon was doing better now. More than that, he was doing well. Since Aidan had come into their lives, her son was focused on his studies. Making headway with his future.
Even Aidan’s advice, “Visualize the best results happening tomorrow,” seemed to be speaking to her, as well.
I think he will pass his test, she actually thought.
They felt so relieving, so comforting, these messages of hope.
She believed them. She believed in Aidan. They could work. She and Aidan could make a future together happen.
If Brandon passed his test, and all was well with him, she would take it as a sign. His passing could usher in a new time for her. She could be safe to explore a weekend alone with Aidan, focusing on their relationship.
Please, Brandon, she thought, as she watched her son exit their apartment with Aidan, headed for the street, Please pass this test tomorrow. Because if you do, then I will go.
* * *
THE NEXT MORNING, Aidan walked into the examination room in a hopeful but reflective mood.
It had occurred to him last night that these weeks with Ashley had actually changed him. Who had ever thought that after Afghanistan, he could talk about positive thinking and best outcomes?
Aidan blew out a breath and gave Brandon an encouraging nod. The boy settled into his seat, black cast raised, and looking scared but determined.
That’s it—believe, he willed Brandon. “You can do it,” he mouthed to the boy.
Every fiber in Aidan’s body was rooting for Brandon LaValley to overcome his challenges and rise to the occasion he’d practiced and worked and sacrificed so much for.
The room proctor entered. He passed out the test papers and a blue booklet for Aidan to write in. Aidan and Brandon had already received their instructions. At the proctor’s nod, Brandon’s test began.
The boy started slowly, a bit unsure. Aidan itched to send him an encouraging smile, but he was aware of the proctor who watched over the two of them as Brandon took his exam separately from the other boys.
Aidan wouldn’t do anything to hurt Brandon’s chances. He had to force himself to remain still and calm. To copy the numbers and symbols that Brandon dictated to him.
As the minutes ticked by, Brandon seemed to pick up confidence. He dictated more quickly.
He was doing a good job. Aidan privately kept track of the boy’s progress. When the test finished and Aidan silently tallied the boy’s results, it was all he could do to keep the knowledge to himself.
“Time is up, please.” The test proctor collected Brandon’s paper.
Aidan stood and stretched. Brandon did likewise.
“Well?” he whispered to Aidan.
Aidan approached the proctor. “I’d like to talk to Brandon privately for a moment before he returns to class.”
“Certainly, Dr. Lowe.”
Aidan took Brandon into the quiet hallway. While Brandon looked up at him with wide eyes, as if holding his breath, Aidan drew the boy’s cell phone from his own pocket.
“Your mom told me to give this back to you if I thought you did well today. And you did really great.” He handed the boy his phone.
Brandon clasped it and held it to his chest, which swelled with the emotion of the moment. Aidan c
ouldn’t hide his own smile at Brandon’s joy.
“You think I did well?” Brandon asked. Moisture glittered in his eyes. It struck Aidan that Brandon seemed more affected by his praise than by the return of the phone.
Aidan hadn’t expected that reaction. Not at all.
He felt his own eyes growing moist. He and Brandon had grown gradually closer over the past weeks, but in ways that men bonded, not like he and Ashley were slowly bonding. Teen boys were unique. Aidan hadn’t been totally sure that he’d been getting through to Brandon until this moment.
“You rocked it, kid,” he said, his own voice sounding hoarse. “But I knew you could. I think you can do anything in your life that you put your mind to. I’m glad I got to work with you, and not just because you’re a Sunshine Club kid, or a Captains ball boy or a St. Bart’s student. I’m glad to know you because of you. You’re a really remarkable person. Just keep being your best self, and everything will work out for you.”
As he spoke, Aidan knew he was laying it on a little thick, but life was so short. He had to be honest and tell the people who were important to him just what they meant while he still had the chance.
Brandon didn’t seem to mind. The kid was so emotional over the joy of having achieved something real, something that meant a lot to him, something he’d fought so hard for.
Brandon ducked his head, leaned forward and hugged Aidan, the cast on his arm solidly sticking into Aidan’s back.
Aidan swallowed back the lump in his throat as he hugged Brandon fiercely. “You’ll be okay,” he said. “You know that, right?”
Brandon held on to him for a long time. Aidan had never been a big hugger, but in this case, he would hug the boy all day if that was what Brandon wanted.
Finally, Brandon let go. His eyes were wet and the tip of his nose was red. Aidan felt a lump in his throat, too.
“I couldn’t have done it without you,” Brandon mumbled. He scrubbed the back of his free hand over his nose.
Then he straightened, smiling shyly at Aidan. “I should, ah, get back to class.”
“Yeah,” Aidan agreed.
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