I Never Knew There Was a Word For It

by Adam Jacot De Boinod

  ROCK FOLLIES

  Though why be a busker when you could be a star? Or at least get as near to one as possible …

  guerrilla gig a performance by a band in an unlikely venue, where they play until they are evicted

  mosh to engage in uninhibited, frenzied activities with others near the stage at a rock concert (mosh pit the place near the stage at a rock concert where moshing occurs)

  wollyhumper a bouncer employed by a rock band to make sure no fans manage to climb on stage while they play or, if they have climbed up, to throw them down again

  résumé on a rope a backstage pass

  woodpecker people who nod their heads to the music being played while paying no attention

  GOGGLE BOX

  There is one contemporary venue where almost all performers are happy to be seen; and behind the scenes in TV land, too, a whole rich lingo has grown up:

  toss in television news, an onscreen handover from one host to another

  golden rolodex the small handful of experts who are always quoted in news stories and asked to be guests on discussion shows

  bambi someone who freezes in front of the camera (like a deer caught in headlights)

  clambake the possibility of two or three commentators all talking over each other and thus confusing listeners

  goldfishing one politician talking inaudibly in an interview (you can see his lips move but only hear the reporter’s words)

  WORD JOURNEYS

  explode (16C from Latin) to reject; then (17C) to drive out by clapping, to hiss off the stage

  tragedy (16C from Ancient Greek) a goat song

  anecdote (from Ancient Greek) unpublished things; then (17C) secret history

  charm (from Latin carmen) a song; then (13C) an incantation, the singing or reciting of a verse that was held to have magic power

  enthusiasm (from Ancient Greek) divinely inspired; then (17C) possession by a god, poetic frenzy; misguided religious emotion

  DIMBOX AND

  QUOCKERWODGER

  Military and political concerns

  Soldiers in peace are like

  chimneys in summer

  (1598)

  We all claim to love a peaceful time, but somehow squabbles keep breaking out:

  breed-bate (1593) someone looking for an argument

  conspue (1890) to spit on someone or something with contempt

  cobble-nobble (Shropshire) to rap on the head with the knuckles

  donnybrook (1852) a street brawl (named after the famously violent annual Fair in Dublin)

  recumbentibus (b.1546) a knock-down blow either verbal or physical

  sockdolager (1830) a decisive blow or answer that settles a dispute

  SHADOW DANCING

  Fights come in all shapes and sizes:

  batrachomyomachy (b.1828) a silly and trifling altercation (literally, a battle between frogs and mice)

  sciamachy (1623) fighting with a shadow or with an imaginary enemy

  holmgang (1847) a duel to the death fought on an island

  ro-sham-bo (US slang 1998) a competition employed to determine the ownership of an object when in dispute (the two parties kick each other in the groin until one falls to the ground: the person left standing wins)

  hieromachy (1574) a conflict of ecclesiastics, a fight between persons of the cloth

  … and brave the person who tries to come between the opposing parties:

  dimbox (Scotland) the ‘smoother-over’ of disputes, an expert at getting others to make up

  redder’s lick (Scott:The Abbot 1820) the blow one receives in trying to part combatants

  autoclaps (Jamaican English 1970s) trouble that leads to more trouble

  GOING REGIMENTAL

  When it comes to the bigger disagreements between nations, we still, it seems, need armies to protect us – the perfect breeding ground for specialized lingo and tradition:

  boots (b.1811) the youngest officer in a regimental mess, whose duty it is to skink (b.1811) to stir the fire, snuff any candles and ring the bell

  militaster (1640) a soldier without military skill or knowledge

  egg (early 20C) an inexperienced airman, not yet ‘hatched’

  knapsack descent (late 19C) a soldier or soldiers in every generation of a family

  alvarado (Tudor–Stuart) the rousing of soldiers at dawn by beating the drum or the firing of a gun

  yomp (1982) to march with heavy equipment over difficult terrain; a forced military march in full kit

  YELLOW-BELLY

  Not that everyone is equally eager to join the battle:

  murcous (1684) of one who cuts off his thumb to escape military service

  troppo (Australian slang) nervously affected by the privations of war service in the Tropics

  ear-flip (Service slang) a very cursory salute

  chamade (French 1684) the drum beat or trumpet blast which announces a surrender

  poodle-faker (Service slang 1902) an officer always ready to take part in the social side of military life

  WEIGHING ANCHOR

  The navy, too, has developed some colourful jargon over the years:

  anchor-faced someone, usually an officer, who lives and breathes the Royal Navy even when retired

  mushroom troop a complaining description used by those who feel that they are not being told enough about what is happening (i.e. fed on dirt and kept in the dark)

  Dockyard Olympics the old process of refitting a warship whereby all the tradesmen lined up at the start of the day and then raced off to various places within the ship

  upstairs (submariner’s jargon) the surface of the sea

  swallow the anchor to leave the navy

  MAGNIFICENT MEN

  Our newest military service was at first rather looked down on by the other two. But it didn’t take long to prove its usefulness:

  spike-bozzle (1915) to destroy (an enemy plane)

  bombflet (New Zealand 1940) a propaganda leaflet dropped from an aeroplane

  brolly-hop (b.1932) a parachute jump

  vrille (French 1918) an aerobatic spinning manoeuvre (twisting, like the tendril of a vine)

  Whatever the difficulties …

  socked in (aerospace jargon) an airfield shut for flying because of poor visibility

  penguin (Air Force jargon 1915) an aeroplane unable to leave the ground

  dangle the Dunlops (Royal Navy jargon) to lower an aircraft’s undercarriage prior to landing

  or the dangers …

  cigarette roll (US slang 1962) a parachute jump in which the parachute fails to open

  angry palm tree (Royal Navy jargon) a burning and turning helicopter

  buy the farm (US Service slang 1955) to crash an aircraft, usually fatally (referring to government compensation paid to a farmer when an aircraft crashes on his farm)

  at least it had its compensations:

  modoc(k) (US slang 1936) a man who becomes a pilot for the sake of the glamorous image it conveys

  SHOCK AND AWE

  As the airforce role becomes ever more important, and the machines more powerful and hi-tech, the lingo just keeps on coming:

  green air (US slang) flying with night-vision goggles

  play pussy (RAF jargon) to fly into cloud cover in order to avoid being discovered by hostile aircraft

  glass ball environment (US intelligence jargon 2004) of the weather in Iraq being often conducive to collecting images from above

  PANCAKE! – SERVICES’ WATCHWORDS

  popeye! (air intercept code) I am in cloud; I have reduced visibility

  state tiger! (air intercept code) ‘I have sufficient fuel to complete my mission as assigned’

  Geronimo! (1940s) the favoured shout of paratroopers as they leapt from airplanes

  Pancake! (Service slang) the order given in the air to land

  lumpy chicken! (US military use) loud and clear

  SPOOKS

  Our fourth service lurks in the shadows, complete with its
own covert terms of communication:

  cut-out someone acting as a middle-man in espionage

  starburst losing a tail by having several similar cars suddenly drive off in different directions, making it hard to know which to follow

  swallow a woman employed by the Soviet intelligence service to seduce men for the purposes of espionage

  lion tamer in a blackmail operation, a strong-arm man who makes sure that the target, once told that he is being blackmailed, does not make an embarrassing and potentially destructive fuss which could thus ruin the operation

  ill arrested on suspicion for questioning

  demote maximally to kill one of your associates (the victim’s career as a spy certainly can fall no lower)

  POLITICOS

  We can only hope that all these fine operatives are given wise and honourable direction by that class of men and women we choose to run things for us:

  tyrekicker (New Zealand 1986) a politician who discusses and debates but takes no action (from car sales where a person examines a car at length but does not buy it)

  snollygoster (1846) a burgeoning politician (especially a shrewd or calculating one) with no platform, principles or party preference

  dog-whistle politics (Australian slang 2005) to present your message so that only your supporters hear it properly

  quockerwodger (mid 19C) a pseudo-politician; a politician acting in accordance with the instructions of an influential third party, rather than properly representing their constituents (a quockerwodger was a wooden toy figure which, when pulled by a string, jerked its limbs about)

  moss-back (late 19C) a right-winger (as they move so slowly that moss could grow on their back)

  doughnutting (UK slang 2005) a carefully created seating plan which places an ideal group of members of Parliament (women, photogenic, ethnic minority etc.) around a leader for the ideal television shot

  mugwump (New York 1884) one who holds more or less aloof from party politics, professing disinterested and superior views

  girouettism (1825) frequently altering one’s opinions or principles to follow trends

  TWO CHEERS FOR DEMOCRACY

  We live, after all, in the finest political system yet devised by man:

  pot-waller (Somerset) one whose right to vote for a member of Parliament is based on his having a fireplace on which to boil his own pot

  flusher (US slang 2008) a volunteer who rounds up non-voters on Election Day

  astroturfing (US slang) a PR tactic in which hired acolytes are used to offer ostensibly enthusiastic and spontaneous grassroots support for a politician or business

  barbecue stopper (Australian slang 2002) an issue of major public importance, which will excite the interest of voters

  WORD JOURNEYS

  opportune (15C from Latin via Old French) (of wind) driving towards the harbour; seasonable

  bounce (13C) to beat, thump; then (16C) a loud, exploding noise

  borough (Old English) a fortress

  the devil to pay (1783) from the time of old sailing ships when the devil was a long seam beside the keel of a ship which was sealed with tar (if there was no hot pitch ready the tide would turn before the work could be done and the ship would be out of commission longer)

  SCURRYFUNGE

  Domestic life

  A lyttle house well fylled,

  a lytle ground well tylled and

  a little wife well wylled

  is best

  (1545)

  Pundits talk of the global village, but the world is still a huge and deeply varied place, offering any number of environments for people to settle in:

  Periscii (1625) the inhabitants of the polar circles, so called because in summer their shadows form an oval

  Ascians (1635) inhabitants of the Tropics, who twice a year have the sun directly overhead at noon (hence ‘without shadows’)

  antiscian (1842) a person who lives on the opposite side of the Equator

  epirot (1660) a person who lives inland

  paralian (1664) a person who lives near the sea

  owd standards (Lincolnshire) old folk who have lived in a village all their lives

  carrot cruncher (UK slang) a person from the country, a rural dweller

  BRIGHT LIGHTS

  Countryside, town or something in between, take your pick:

  agroville (1960) a community, a village stronghold (relating to South Vietnam)

  tenderloin district (1887) the area of a city devoted to pleasure and entertainment, typically containing restaurants, theatres, gambling houses and brothels

  huburb (US slang) its own little city within another city

  HIGHLY SOUGHT AFTER

  Local features may add to or subtract from the desirability of one’s residence:

  hippo’s tooth (US slang) a cement bollard

  witches’ knickers (Irish slang) shopping bags caught in trees, flapping in the wind

  urbeach (US slang) an urban beach generally built along a riverbank

  generica (US slang) features of the American landscape (strip malls, motel chains, prefab housing) that are exactly the same no matter where one is

  packman’s puzzle (Wales) a street or housing estate where the house numbers are allocated in a complicated fashion which causes problems to visitors, tradesmen etc.

  SOILED BY ASSOCIATION

  If you stay too long in one place you might saddle your children with a nickname they never asked for:

  beanbelly (17C) a native of Leicestershire (a major producer of beans)

  malt-horse (17C) a native of Bedford (from the high-quality malt extracted from Bedfordshire barley)

  yellow belly (18C) a native of Lincolnshire (especially of the southern or fenland part where the yellow-stomached frog abounds)

  LOVE THY NEIGHBOUR

  It’s generally wisest to try and meet the neighbours before you actually move in; though the horrid truth is that the people next door can change at any time:

  baching (New Zealand 1936) living usually apart from a family and without domestic help, ‘doing for oneself’ (especially of a male)

  scurryfunge (coastal American 1975) a hasty tidying of the house between the time you see a neighbour and the time she knocks on the door

  exhibition meal (Hobo slang) a handout eaten on the doorstep: the madam wants the neighbours to witness her generosity

  flying pasty (c.1790) excrement wrapped in paper that is thrown over a neighbour’s wall

  to have the key of the street (b.1881) of a person who has no house to go to at night, or is shut out from his own

  HOUSEPROUD

  Once you’ve settled in, though, you’re free to make what you like of the rooms …

  piggery (UK college slang early 20C) a room in which one does just as one wishes and which is rarely cleaned

  chambradeese (Scotland) the best bedroom

  ruelle (Tudor–Stuart) the space in a bedroom between the bed and the wall

  but and ben (Geordie) outside and inside (refers to a two-roomed house with an outer and inner room)

  though you’re all too likely to become swamped in the details of domesticity:

  flisk (Gloucestershire) a brush to remove cobwebs

  izels (Lincolnshire) particles of soot floating about in a room, indicating that the chimney needs to be swept

  beggar’s velvet (1847) downy particles which accumulate under furniture from the negligence of housemaids

  winter-hedge (Yorkshire 18C) a clothes-horse (from the way a full clothes-horse ‘hedged off’ a portion of a room: summer washing was dried out of doors)

  wemble (Lincolnshire) to invert a basin or saucepan on a shelf so that dust does not settle on the inside

  poss (Shropshire) to splash up and down in the water, as washerwomen do when rinsing their clothes

  just make sure you don’t take it so far that that you upset your cohabitants …

  spannel (Sussex) to make dirty foot marks on a clean floor

  heel (
Gloucestershire) to upset a bucket

  spang (Lincolnshire) to shut a door by flicking the handle sharply so that it slams without being held

  HOUSEWARMING

  With the place spick and span, perhaps it’s time to throw that party:

  tin-kettling (New Zealand 1874) a house-warming custom whereby a newly wed couple were welcomed by friends and neighbours circling the marriage home banging on kerosene tins until provided with refreshments

  cuddle puddle (New York slang 2002) a heap of exhausted ravers

  buff-ball (1880) a party where everyone dances naked

  THE THREE NIGHT RULE

  A well-known proverb says that fish and guests go off after three nights, so if you ask people to stay for longer, make sure you have some way of getting rid of them if need be:

  thwertnick (Old English law) entertaining a sheriff for three nights

  agenhina (Saxon law) a guest at an inn who, after having stayed for three nights, was considered one of the family

  sit eggs (US black slang 1970s) to overstay one’s welcome (from the image of a hen awaiting her chicks)

  BATHTIME

  Because, in the end, what could be nicer than closing the front door to all outsiders and taking the relaxing ablution of your choice:

  offald (Yorkshire) tired and dirty, in need of a bath

  muck-rawk (Yorkshire) a dirty line (e.g. on neck) showing the limit of where it has been washed