“But what am I supposed to do about that? I can’t help what people think of me and if they feel threatened by who I am.”
“That’s right,” says Mom. “You can’t control what people think about you or how they treat you. You can only control how you treat others and how you react to the way they treat you.”
I slump against the wall and cross my arms. “So you want me to change? That’s not fair!”
“Not at all,” Dad says. “That’s the point.”
“You guys are making no sense,” I tell my parents.
“If you had stayed true to yourself in this situation, Zephyr, you would have never cast an evil spell,” my mother says. “You would have been kind and compassionate. You would’ve come to us for help when the problem got out of hand. But instead, you acted like an erdler. And therefore, we’re treating you like one. That’s why you’re grounded.”
I hang my head because I know in a way they’re right. “But,” I say, “what you’re asking me to do is really hard.”
“Yes,” says my mom. “It is. But we expect more from you than just merely being normal.”
“You have to be true to yourself,” my dad adds. “True to who you are on the inside.” He taps his breastbone as he says this and I think about the shadow in my heart. “And who you are, Zephyr, is an elf. Be proud of that. Be fierce about it and protect that part of yourself because in the end, that’s all we’ve got.”
chapter 16
HERE’S ONE THING I know for sure about being a teenager in the erdler world: being grounded sucks! My parents called Mr. O’Donnell and told him that I wasn’t allowed to do the ELPH shoot. They also made it abundantly clear: no phone, no Treo, and no friends visiting. The only thing I’m allowed to do is go to school but at least that’s gotta be interesting.
I get to BAPAHS early on Monday morning. There are only a few people in the hallways but most of them glance at me and say, “Hey” or “What up?” At first I look over my shoulder, trying to figure out who’s behind me that everyone’s saying hello to. Then I realize that it’s me they’re talking to, so I chirp, “Hi” and “Hello” back because when I say, “What up?” it just sounds silly. I find Ari and Mercedes at their usual table in the courtyard, huddled over Ari’s BlackBerry.
“Zephyr!” Mercedes says when she sees me. She opens her arms and I lean down for a quick hug.
Then I look at Ari. “Hi,” I offer, timidly.
“Hey, Zeph, what’s new?” he says.
“Well, er, um, lots of stuff, I guess,” I stammer.
He cracks up. “She’s so easy to fluster,” he says to Mercedes. Then he turns to me. “Obviously like a million things have happened to you in the last couple of weeks. How’s your grandma?”
“She’s better. Thank you for asking,” I say, then I blurt out, “Does this mean you’re not mad at me anymore?”
“For what?” he asks.
“You know,” I whisper.
“For telling everyone I’m gay?” he nearly shouts as he looks all around dramatically. “Yeah, about that . . .”
I drop down into the seat next to him. “Ari.” I place both of my hands on his forearm. “I am really, really sorry,” I plead and I wish I could tell him that I get it. That I have a secret, too, and if everyone found out, my whole life would change. But, of course, I can’t say that, so I just say, “Please believe me, I didn’t mean to ruin your life. If I had known how sensitive an issue it is, I would have never, ever told Bella. Like I told you, where I come from it’s just not a big deal who you love and I thought since you named your band GGJB that it was something you were okay with other people knowing. Now I can’t even believe that I was so stupid—”
Ari interrupts me. “The thing is, Zephyr, I’m not sure what I am. What I told you was that I think I might be gay. And I never told anybody but you and Mercedes what GGJB stands for. So what really bites is that now I’ve been labeled. I’m officially the gay guy.”
“Everyone thought you were gay anyway,” Mercedes says.
“Yeah, but the problem is, I didn’t get to decide when or if to confirm that or deny what other people thought. It should’ve been my choice, my decision.”
“If there was some way I could take it back,” I tell Ari. “Or maybe I can tell everyone that you don’t know what you are.”
“You can’t, Zephyr. We both know that. It’s out there.”
I bury my face in my hands. “I’m just so sorry!”
“Actually, I’m dealing with it okay,” Ari says. “I mean, I already had a therapist before this happened, so you know, it’s just more fodder. And according to Dr. Melfi . . . ” Mercedes giggles, but I’m not sure what the joke is. “I mean Dr. Farmingham,” Ari says. “I can either choose to break ties with you for outing me because I no longer have a ‘safe relationship’ with you . . . ,” he says using finger quotes.
“Oh Ari!” I say, my heart breaking at the thought of truly losing his friendship forever.
“Or,” he continues, “I can forgive you and we can work to ‘rebuild our trust.’” More finger quotes.
“Maybe you should do a ropes course together in the woods,” Mercedes says with a snort.
“Yeah, and we’ll do a trust fall at the end,” Ari adds.
“Only make Zephyr be the one who falls off the log,” Mercedes says, giggling.
“Right,” says Ari laughing, too. “And I’ll drop her on her butt.”
“Wait, you guys are being sarcastic now, right?” I ask.
“Our little Zephyr,” says Ari. “She’s growing up so fast!” He reaches over and tousles my hair. “I guess I can’t stay mad at you forever. It wasn’t entirely your fault. And the fact that you’ve apologized like ninety-eight times does make a difference.”
“Yeah, yeah, we’re all friends again,” says Mercedes as she scrolls through Web pages on Ari’s BlackBerry. “Moving on. Zeph, did you see the post of Bella’s ELPH audition on YouTube?”
“Are you kidding? I’m totally grounded. Not only did my parents take away the ELPH shoot, I’m not allowed near anything that looks like a computer. I’m surprised they let me use the microwave.”
“You’ve got to see this,” Ari says. Mercedes hands me the BlackBerry, which is set to a BellaHater entry from the weekend.
Well, Dorothy, dreams really do come true. Check out this link on YouTube and you’ll laugh your butt off!
I click on the link. Up comes the video of Bella’s flubbed audition. Mercedes and Ari are laughing so hard I’m afraid they’ll fall out of their chairs. But I don’t think it’s funny. “That’s so cruel to post it on YouTube,” I say, still feeling guilty for zapping Bella.
“How can you say that?” Mercedes nearly shouts at me.
“She’s been so mean to us,” says Ari.
“Yeah, but we can’t control how people treat us,” I tell them. “We can only control how we treat other people.”
“She’s so Dalai Lama about everything,” Ari says.
“Seriously, girl, did you o.d. on Paxil this morning?” Mercedes asks me.
“But something was wrong with her,” I say.
“Yeah,” says Mercedes. “She was high.”
“Drugs?” I ask. Only I know it couldn’t have been drugs. It was me who made her act like that.
“Oh please, that girl has been using since eighth grade,” Ari says. “Her parents sent her to rehab.”
I gasp. “No!” My stomach clenches.
“It’s been coming for a long time. She drinks like a fish and has been caught with cocaine twice,” Mercedes says.
“And I know for a fact she buys pot because my cousin’s a total stoner who sold her some weed last year,” says Ari.
“Are you sure?” I ask.
“Ask Timber,” says Mercedes. “He’ll tell you. Her daddy is some big-time lawyer so he always gets her off when she gets busted, but this audition thing apparently sent her parents over the edge. It’s all so very Lindsay Lohan.”
/> “Timber told me that this is probably the best thing that ever happened to her because the drinking and drugs were getting really out of hand.” Ari takes the BlackBerry from me. “Let’s see what else BellaHater has to say.” He goes back to the blog and I read over his shoulder:
So this week’s BellaHater award goes to Bella herself, because nobody could have made a bigger ass out of her than she did. Way to go! Of course, she didn’t get cast as the ELPH elf. That went to none other than Zephyr Addler who told me she didn’t care who got the part as long as it wasn’t Bella.
“That’s weird,” I say. “The only person I told I didn’t care about the part was Chelsea.”
Ari and Mercedes look at each other, then at me. “Are you serious?” Ari asks. Before I can explain, he says, “That dawg!”
“Two-timing, back-stabbing skank!” Mercedes says, but she smiles, too.
“I think I love her!” says Ari.
“What are you guys talking about?” I ask.
“Duh, Zeph.” Ari leans in close. “Now we know who BellaHater is.”
“Who?” I’m completely lost as usual.
“It makes perfect sense,” says Mercedes. “Who else could it be?”
“This is brilliant.” Ari stands up. “We mustn’t waste this opportunity, girls! Come on.”
Mercedes follows Ari across the courtyard. I pick up my bag and tag along behind them, calling out, “Where are we going?” Ari walks smack dab into the center of the courtyard and plops himself down at Bella’s empty table.
“Awesome,” says Mercedes, slipping into a seat beside him.
“What are you doing?” I ask.
“Hey Zeph, did I tell you that my band has a gig on Saturday?” Ari asks me as casually as can be.
I drop into the seat across from him. “Are we really going to sit here?”
“The show’s at South Paw on Fifth Avenue. All ages night. Think you can come?” he says.
I’m flummoxed and don’t answer. Then I feel a tap on my back. I look over my shoulder, afraid of who it might be, but standing behind me is Kenji. “Hey Zephyr,” he says. I turn all the way around in my seat. “I heard you were sick so I drew this manga for you.” He pulls a notebook out of a graffitied messenger bag strapped across his chest. The cover of the notebook has an amazing drawing of a tall girl in the middle of a forest. She has long blond hair and giant eyes and she wears a long green tunic with a quiver of arrows on her back.
“Check it out!” Mercedes says. “That’s totally you!”
“No way,” I say, but now that she says it, I think she’s right. “Is it really supposed to be me?” I ask Kenji.
He shrugs. “Sort of. I guess I based it on you. And well, you said you’d never seen manga before so I thought maybe you might like it.” He hands the notebook to me.
“Wow!” I say, flipping through the pages. The cartoon me has all sorts of adventures being chased through the forest by vampire girls. “This is the coolest thing anyone has ever given me.” I look up when I say this and see Timber standing on the other side of the table, staring at me, but he’s not smiling. My heart revs and a surge of excitement then panic goes through my body.
“What’s that?” he asks, squinting at the notebook in my hand.
Ari and Mercedes look at each other, trying not to lose it.
“Kenji made it,” I say, but I’m flustered. “Do you know each other?”
“What’s up, man?” Kenji nods to Timber.
“Hey,” Timber says back, but not in a friendly way.
At that moment, the fairy queen, Jilly, who seems to have lost her wings, stops by our table. “Hey Zephyr,” she says. “Why didn’t you do that ELPH shoot?”
“Um . . . ,” I say, looking from Timber to Kenji, then Ari to Mercedes.
“She was sick,” Ari answers for me.
“Where are Rienna and Darby?” Mercedes asks her.
“Don’t talk to me about those skanks,” Jilly says. “We’re totally not friends anymore.”
I try to catch Timber’s eye to make sure he’s not mad at me, but then Kenji says, “Speak of the devil.” He points to the side of the courtyard and everyone turns to see Chelsea, Rienna, and Darby walk through the door.
“Are they hanging out?” Mercedes asks.
“Who cares?” says Jilly. “They deserve one another.”
“Is it just my imagination,” Ari asks, “or are they dressed alike?”
When he says this, I notice that all three of them are wearing tight tunic tops, short skirts, and knee-high boots.
“Guess somebody took her role as the ELPH a little bit too seriously,” jokes Kenji, and everyone but Timber and I laugh.
“Oh, oh, oh!” Mercedes smacks our arms. “This is going to get good. Check it out.” She points in the opposite direction and we all turn to see Tara and Zoe coming through the other set of doors. Jilly, Darby, and Kenji take a step away from the table, but Timber stays his ground.
“Let the games begin,” says Ari, rubbing his hands together.
Mercedes stands up and moves back. “Does this thing have video on it?” she asks, fiddling with Ari’s BlackBerry.
“I got you covered.” Kenji pulls out his phone and aims it toward Ari.
Tara and Zoe scurry toward the table with angry looks on their faces. From the other direction, Chelsea, Rienna, and Darby march through the middle of the courtyard, which has become a lot more crowded since we first got here. I have the urge to sink down and hide under the table, but everything happens so fast. Ari climbs up on his chair, then steps onto the top of the table. “Hear ye! Hear ye, BAPAHS! I have an announcement to make,” he shouts.
All faces turn toward Ari. He waits another second, until Tara and Zoe are on one side of the table and Chelsea, Rienna, and Darby flank the other side. Timber is in the middle, looking as confused as everyone. The courtyard is nearly quiet, but Ari cups his hands over his mouth and shouts, “Chelsea Wheeler is the BellaHater! I repeat, Chelsea Wheeler is the BellaHater!” A small buzz ripples through the crowd, then it turns to laughter, shouts, and jeers as Ari climbs down and moves back.
“Is that true?” Timber asks Chelsea. “Are you the BellaHater blogger?”
Chelsea’s face goes from shock to anger to firm denial but she doesn’t say anything.
“What are they talking about?” Tara asks Zoe.
Mercedes hands Zoe Ari’s BlackBerry with the BellaHater homepage displayed. “See for yourself,” she says. The crowd begins to press forward.
“This is awesome.” Kenji keeps his phone trained on the action. But I think it’s terrible and I wish I knew how to stop it.
“Did you really do this?” Zoe asks Chelsea.
“I don’t know what you mean,” Chelsea snaps.
Zoe waves the BlackBerry close to Chelsea. “This! Did you do this?”
Chelsea pushes Zoe’s arm away and snarls, “Get out of my face!”
Timber shakes his head in disbelief. “It was you, wasn’t it?” he asks. “Who else could’ve gotten the pictures and would’ve known so much?”
The crowd of kids moves in closer to the knot around the center table.
“If this is true, Bella’s going to kick your ass,” Tara tells Chelsea.
“Bella isn’t here,” Chelsea says. Then she tosses her books onto the table in front of me. I scoot back quickly and hop out of the chair.
Tara catches Chelsea on the shoulder with the flat of her hand. “You can’t have this table,” she says.
Chelsea steps onto the chair Ari used, then she turns and sits on top of the table, facing Zoe and Tara. “Oh yeah?” she says. “Who’s going to stop me?” Rienna and Darby grab the other two chairs before Zoe and Tara can get them. They plant themselves at Chelsea’s feet.
Zoe gets right up in Chelsea’s face and waves the BlackBerry again. “Bella’s coming back this weekend, and if this is true, then all hell is going to break loose!”
Some kids in the back chant, “Cat fight!
Cat fight!” but before anything else can happen, the crowd parts because the pixie is pushing her way through. “Break it up! Break it up!” she yells. She grabs Zoe by the arm and yanks her away from Chelsea, sending Ari’s BlackBerry skidding across the ground.
“Crap!” Ari yells as he scurries after his darling machine.
Ms. Sanchez emerges from the crowd behind the pixie. “Let go of her! That’s not the way we handle students,” Ms. Sanchez yells at the pixie, who has Zoe’s arm in a death grip.
“There better not be a bruise on me,” Zoe shouts, rubbing her upper arm, “or my parents will sue you!”
“Oh really?” the pixie says, standing up to her full height, which isn’t all that tall.
“Yeah, you better apologize to me,” says Zoe.
“Now wait a minute, everyone just calm down,” Ms. Sanchez pleads.
“Well then, Zoe,” the pixie says. “I’m so very sorry . . . that you’re such an IDIOT!” Then she turns on her heel and pushes back through the crowd, which has erupted into cheers.
“We’ll discuss this in a staff meeting, Prunella!” Ms. Sanchez shouts after the pixie.
“Prunella?” I whisper to Mercedes. We duck our heads to hide our laughter.
The first bell rings (and I jump, of course). “Everyone get to class,” Ms. Sanchez yells over the noise. “Go on. No late passes. Get out of here.” Groups of kids peel away and filter through the doors, talking excitedly about what just happened. Ms. Sanchez turns to our group in the center of the courtyard. She shakes her head. “I don’t know what’s going on but it better stop right here and right now. Do you all understand me?”
“Yes, Ms. Sanchez,” we say.
She points to Kenji. “You. Erase everything.” He sighs and pushes buttons on his phone. We all hear it beep. Then she turns to Zoe. “You. Come with me. The rest of you get to class.”
In the chaos of the courtyard, I lost track of Timber so as I walk to my ensemble, I’m nervous. I realize now how quickly erdlers turn on one another. One minute people are best friends, the next they’re mad at each other, the next they’re making up or breaking up and becoming friends with someone else. I hope that never happens to Ari, Mercedes, and me again, but with Timber, I’m not sure what we were to begin with so I have no idea what we’ll be now that my friends outed Chelsea as the BellaHater.
Me, My Elf & I Page 25