by Beth Wiseman
“I don’t know. But if you can’t move here, maybe a visit here will help you recall whatever it is that’s bothering you.”
“Hannah, I’d love nothing more than to come for a visit, but now probably isn’t the best time, with Jacob having left. And I need to save all of my money to get moved.” Assuming any comes in the mail. Charlotte dug in her purse for the envelope that had been taped to her door. She ripped it open, scanned through some legal stuff, and landed on the part where she had to be out by the end of the month. In two and a half weeks.
She lifted herself off the couch and walked to the mirror in the entryway of her apartment—dark circles under swollen eyes, flushed cheeks from crying, and hair that hadn’t seen a brush in a while. “Why is it that I keep trying to live a good life, and God keeps challenging me at every turn?”
“Sweet Charlotte. I know it’s hard to understand God’s will, and even harder to accept it sometimes. After Ethan died, I was sure I would never be happy again. But I am happy with Isaac, very happy. And you will find happiness too. I’m sorry about you and Ryan, and I’m sorry you feel like you must move. But I’m also feeling selfish, too, about the possibility that maybe you could live here.”
“I’ll think about it.” In truth, Charlotte wasn’t ready to be that far away from Ryan, just in case he changed his mind. “Right now, I just hope you hear from Jacob.”
“Ya, I hope so. Annie is beside herself distraught. She cried the whole time Mamm was at her house. Daed isn’t saying much, but you know how quiet he is most of the time.”
Charlotte agreed. Again, she wondered if Hannah’s father had truly forgiven her.
After they’d ended the conversation, Charlotte took a long, hot bath, then snuggled into her covers. Sleep was her only relief since there was no cure for a broken heart. Logically, she knew that time would heal her hurt. But at the moment, the pain seemed unbearable, so she tried to focus on Jacob, pondering how he could leave Annie and his family. Across the miles, Charlotte’s heart hurt for Annie, a young woman Charlotte had met only a couple of times during her stay in Lancaster County.
But her thoughts drifted away from Ryan, Jacob, Annie, and her financial issues, replaced by thoughts of the woman and child. She was almost asleep when she bolted up in bed and grabbed her chest. Gasping, she took deep breaths to calm herself as she recalled something else.
She’d heard squealing tires.
Two
Jacob huddled on a bench outside the train station, wishing he’d brought a heavier coat, like the one he kept on a hook by the front door. He’d left in such a hurry, he hadn’t realized how chilly it was until he’d settled into the backseat of the cab. Flurries of snow had dotted the windshield on the way to the station, which was unusual for March. But Jacob was pretty sure it would be warmer where he was going. It had been a slow ride to the station, with plenty of time for him to think about what he was doing. What kind of man would leave the woman he loved to start a new life—a life in the Englisch world? But it was all Jacob had thought about for months. He’d tried to will away the idea, convinced that all this prodding to leave was the work of the devil. He’d even stayed in town at a cheap motel overnight, hoping he’d wake up with a notion to stay in Lancaster County. But here he was at the train station, still looking to leave.
He blew air into his cupped hands and felt downright dumb that he’d forgotten his gloves too. Glancing at his small suitcase, he wondered what else he’d left behind.
Jacob boarded the train when it was time, and as he stared out the window, he swallowed back the knot in his throat and wondered again if he could live without Annie. But he couldn’t stay in Paradise, Pennsylvania, even if it was a place filled with love, family, hard work, and strong faith—ideals he’d always cherished. His desire to live in the outside world had crushed his spirit about everything else. Even sharing a life with the girl he loved.
As the train wheels rumbled against the track, the whistle blew and the train picked up speed. Jacob settled into his seat and tried to relax. But the faster the train went, the faster his heart thumped, and by the time they’d cleared the station and reached full speed, Jacob feared his heart might give out. His chest tightened to the point that he couldn’t breathe. Normally he would pray. But God was surely disappointed in him, and it didn’t seem right to seek help from the Lord while fleeing from home. He probably deserved the suffering, so he pulled his eyes from the window, leaned back against the seat, and tried to steady his breathing.
Charlotte glanced around her living room at all the boxes she’d managed to pack in the past day and a half. She’d filled out an application for an apartment online and managed to finish an editing job early that morning. Now, if only a check would arrive.
She picked up an old fax machine and carried it to the to-be-pawned pile, where it joined an outdated inkjet printer, a digital camera, an old iPhone, and a box of costume jewelry that she didn’t wear anymore. She’d only done business with a pawnshop once in her life. Her parents had left her and Ethan alone for two days. Neither of them was even ten years old at the time. Ethan had a watch he’d gotten as a gift during one of their better Christmases, and they’d pawned it for five dollars to get some food.
Ryan’s words kept coming at her like daggers: You need to figure out a way to get off this financial hamster wheel you’ve been riding. Maybe once Ryan saw that Charlotte was getting her finances in order, he’d change his mind and give them a second chance. And she’d spent time with Dr. Levin learning ways to be more trusting.
Blinking back tears, she knew this wasn’t a time to fall apart. She needed to check with the kid who lived two apartments down. He did odd jobs for some of her neighbors sometimes. Maybe he and a couple of friends could move her things more cheaply than a moving company. She needed to schedule her electricity to be turned off and arrange to have her mail forwarded. Please let the application for this new apartment get approved. And please, dear God, let there be a check in the mail soon.
“We’re gonna be okay,” she said to Buddy as she sat down beside him on the couch and scratched him behind the ears. When her cell phone rang, she hurried to the kitchen counter where she’d left it, hoping—like always—that it was Ryan. Or maybe it was Hannah saying they’d heard from Jacob.
Pam Rutherford. Frowning, she answered it. Charlotte had recently bumped into her high school friend at the post office. They hadn’t seen each other in years and promised to get together. Charlotte had canceled twice, both times due to work projects.
“I am not letting you cancel on me this time,” Pam said after Charlotte answered. “My husband is starting to think we were never best friends in school.” She laughed, and right away Charlotte smiled, glad that Pam still seemed like the fun person she was in school.
“I am absolutely not canceling.” Charlotte could probably list a dozen reasons why she should, but maybe a night out was exactly what she needed. It would be fun to catch up, and Pam was eager for Charlotte to meet her husband. Plus, it was a free meal, and Charlotte hadn’t been to Carrabba’s Italian Grill since the last time she’d been there with Ryan.
“Don’t forget to wear green!”
St. Patrick’s Day. Maybe all the festivity of the evening would keep her mind off her problems long enough to remember what it was like to have a good time.
After they confirmed the time, Charlotte glanced at Buddy snoozing on the couch, oblivious to the big move they were about to make. But her pup bolted upright when there was a knock at the door, jumping from the couch and scurrying alongside Charlotte. She looked through the peephole, threw her hand over her mouth, and pulled the door open.
Jacob took off his straw hat and let out a heavy sigh. “Wie bischt, Charlotte.”
His Englisch friend finally closed her mouth and stepped aside so he could enter her apartment, closing the door behind him. Jacob’s jacket was folded over his arm as he carried the old brown suitcase across the threshold, sidestepping a little dog that was
barking. The boxy piece of luggage with two gold-plated locks surely wasn’t fit for big-city life, but it was all he could find at the time. He set the suitcase down and reached into his pocket for a handkerchief, then dabbed at the sweat beading on his forehead. He knew it would be warmer in Texas than Pennsylvania in March, but he didn’t think it would be like this.
“What are you doing here?” Charlotte put her hands on her hips, stared at him for a few moments, then put her arms around his neck and squeezed. As she eased away from him, he studied her face—her swollen, red eyes. The dog was growling and showing his teeth, but Charlotte didn’t seem to notice.
“Why have you been crying?”
She took his jacket from him, tossed it on the couch, then turned to face him again, her hands back on her hips. Jacob stood perfectly still, unsure if the animal at his feet was going to bite him. The little fellow seemed to pack a lot of energy for being so small.
“Let’s don’t worry about me right now. Hannah called—your family is frantic. And how could you leave Annie like this?” She took a quick breath, then pointed a finger at him. “You need to call them. Right now.”
Jacob’s feet were rooted to the floor, still in the entryway, mostly due to the dog. But he lowered his head, knowing he hadn’t done right by his family or Annie. After a few seconds, he looked back at her. “I couldn’t stay, Charlotte. I just couldn’t. There’s a whole world out here . . .” He waved his arm around her apartment, the feel of the cool air a reminder of what he’d left behind. “I thirst for knowledge.”
Charlotte took a few steps toward him as she cocked her head to one side. “Thirst for knowledge?” She raised an eyebrow, then she finally picked up her dog and he stopped barking.
“I read that in a book.” He glanced around her apartment again, at her white couch, two wicker chairs, glass coffee table, and lots of boxes everywhere. He’d dreamed about living in a fancy place like this, burying his head in books, watching television, and learning new things. He took his hat off, glanced around for a hook by the door, then set it on top of his suitcase, frowning. “Are you moving?”
Charlotte nodded. “Yes, and I’ll explain about that later. We have to call your family. But first, are you hungry? How did you get here?”
Jacob shook his head. “Nee. I’m thirsty, though. And I could use a shower. It took a long time to get here by train.”
Charlotte pointed to the couch. “Sit. I’ll go get us some iced tea, then we’ll figure this out.” Thankfully, she carried the dog with her.
Jacob slowly eased onto her white couch, the cushions soft and welcoming. He noticed a tissue box on the end table along with a whole mess of wadded-up tissues.
“What’s wrong, Charlotte?” he asked when she walked back into the living room carrying two glasses. “Why have you been crying? And why are you moving?”
She sat down beside him, gave him a glass of tea, and put hers on the coffee table. Her little dog growled once but then jumped up on Charlotte’s lap.
“Ryan and I broke up, and it’s still fresh, so I cry sometimes. And yes, I’m moving soon. But right now, I want to talk about you.” Taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes for a few seconds before she looked back at him. “So, is this temporary, just a vacation or something?”
Jacob shrugged. “I don’t know.” That was the truth. “I just felt like a corralled animal without enough pasture to roam.”
Charlotte tucked her long brown hair behind her ears as she repositioned her dog and twisted to face him. “Is this about Annie? Do you feel like she isn’t the one? If she’s not, that’s okay. But you don’t have to leave your whole life behind. Or is it your whole life that feels stifled?”
Jacob frowned, unsure what stifled meant. He was educated more than most people in his community, having schooled himself through books long past the eighth grade, but he’d have to look up stifled later. “I just couldn’t stay there anymore. I love Annie. I really do, but . . .” He glanced around Charlotte’s apartment again, then locked eyes with her. “I was going to see if I can stay with you for a while.” His eyes darted from one box to another. “But, uh . . . how long will you be here?”
Charlotte sighed. “Not long, just until the end of the month.” She walked around the corner and returned with her mobile phone. She thrust her arm out as she stood in front of him. “But right now, you need to call Hannah or your parents to let them know where you are. They are worried sick.”
“I left a note.” He cringed. It was a cowardly way to handle things, and he still wasn’t feeling very brave. “Can you call them?”
“Jacob, really? Don’t you think you should be the one to do that?”
He blinked his eyes a few times and felt his cheeks turning red. What kind of man shirks his responsibilities like this? He opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out.
“Fine,” she said. “I’ll call them. I’ll tell them you are going to stay here for now. They’ll be relieved to know you’re okay. But then you need to go home.”
“Nee. I just got here. I don’t want to go back.” He stood up and looped his thumbs beneath his suspenders. “I ain’t going back,” he repeated under his breath as he hung his head.
Charlotte made a weird growling sound. “Jacob, this is not a good time for this. I have to be out of this apartment by the end of the month.” She raised her shoulders, then let them drop slowly.
“But you’ll have a new apartment, ya?”
Charlotte nodded. “Hopefully. I mean, yes . . . I’ll have another place to live.” She pulled her eyes from his as she rubbed her forehead and made that weird sound again. “Grr . . . I can’t believe you left home like this without telling anyone where you were going.”
Jacob reached into the pocket of his trousers and pulled out a wad of cash. “I’ve got lots of money, if that’s what you’re worried about. I have almost a thousand dollars.” Jacob stood taller. “I’m not going back. I’ll go to a local hostel or breakfast inn.”
Charlotte rolled her eyes as her hands flew to her hips again. “Jacob, you are in the big city of Houston, and in the Galleria area. You are not going to find hostels, and any bed-and-breakfasts will most likely be upscale and out of your price range. You can stay in a hotel, but even a cheap one is going to run you at least a hundred dollars per night. Is that really how you want to spend your money?” She drew in a breath. “And besides, it’s not that I don’t want you here. I just think you are too far from home to be seventeen years old and trying to make adult decisions. I’m calling Hannah right now to let her know you’re safe. You can stay for a few days.” She smiled. “You can help me pack.”
Finally, a break. “Ya, I can do that. And you can help me find a place to live.”
Charlotte stomped her foot and started to say something, but instead she brought her phone closer to her cheek. “Well, you’re not going to believe this, but Jacob is safe. He’s here, at my apartment.” She nodded. “Yes, yes. He’s fine. I think he just needs a few days to think things through, then I’ll put him on a train back home.”
“I’m not going back.” He spoke louder than the last few times he’d told her, but she ignored him and finally hung up with Hannah.
Charlotte fell onto her couch next to her dog, sighing. “Jacob, Houston is nothing like where you live. It’s busy and fast . . . and—”
Jacob sat down beside her. “Kinda smelly too.” He grinned. And finally Charlotte did too. He was sure he’d made the right choice to come here.
Charlotte considered canceling on Pam again, but a third time might put the reestablished friendship at risk, and without Ryan in the picture, Charlotte could use a friend now. It felt good to slip on a pretty green dress she’d only worn once. She took some extra time curling her hair and sprayed on a perfume she saved for special occasions.
“Are you sure you’ll be okay while I’m gone?” she asked Jacob as she grabbed her purse.
Her house guest had obviously mastered the remote control for the
television while Charlotte had showered and gotten ready. He was busily flipping through the channels. “Ya. I’ll be fine.”
“I’m afraid there isn’t a ton of food here, but there are some frozen dinners you can heat in the microwave, and there’s sandwich stuff.” She paused, recalling how much Jacob could eat, even though his lanky build wasn’t reflective of such a healthy appetite. “You’re sure you don’t want to go?”
“Nee. You said you haven’t seen your friend in a while, and it sounds like a fancy place.” Jacob frowned. He’d removed his suspenders and untucked his shirt, but with his cropped blond bangs, he still screamed Amish. Charlotte had never seen an Amish person in Houston. He might have had to endure some stares, but she would have happily taken him along. She felt sure Pam would have been fine with it. “Well, okay. I’ll probably be back in a couple of hours. I’ll lock the door behind me.”
Charlotte found Pam and her husband waiting right inside the restaurant entrance, and after Pam introduced Charlotte to her husband—Phillip—they were escorted to a table. All the while, Charlotte breathed in the aroma of Italian spices and bread baking. In the distance she could see meat grilling on open flames in the kitchen area.
She passed on the house wine and opted for a glass of Kendall-Jackson chardonnay, following Pam’s lead. She wasn’t much of a drinker, but the evening seemed to call for a glass of vino to go with the fabulous dinner she was about to have. She glanced around at all the couples, green attire dominating the evening, mostly on the women. But there were a few guys sporting green shirts in celebration of St. Patrick’s Day.