by Beth Wiseman
Jacob rolled his eyes and grunted. “Wouldn’t you have acted weird? I’d just found out that I wasn’t going to be a father.”
Hannah shone the flashlight in his face, enough that he had to put up a hand to block the light. “Quit it.”
“Daniel said your eyes were glassy like you were a drunkard.”
“Put the light down, and quit saying the word drunkard. I’m not drunk.”
“Your eyes look all glassy and strange right now.”
Jacob found a glass and filled it with water. “So do yours. I just woke up.”
Hannah didn’t say anything and followed Jacob back to the stairs. “Something’s not right with you,” she said once they got in the upstairs hallway.
“Leave me alone, Hannah.”
Jacob closed the door to his bedroom. He couldn’t deal with her right now in addition to everything else going on in his head. The two pills he’d taken didn’t seem to be working as well. He found the bottle of Xanax he’d bought from the Englisch kid and took a third one. Within a few minutes, he could feel the demons leaving his mind like little fish jumping from a fishbowl, making him breathless at first, followed by calm. Peacefulness found the way to Jacob’s mind. Then sleep came.
Thirteen
Charlotte carried all her electronics into the coffee shop and started charging everything while she waited for Annie. Her young friend had asked if Charlotte wanted to meet her for coffee this morning, which worked out well since Charlotte’s laptop and phone were almost out of juice. She’d overheard bits and pieces of conversations between Lena, Amos, and Hannah that suggested things were getting back to normal. And Charlotte had been glad to hear that Annie’s father had welcomed her back with open arms.
Charlotte thought about the only father figure she’d known, aside from God the Father, and that was Amos. She was still disappointed that they hadn’t talked about everything that happened last year. Several times Charlotte had wanted to pin him down, tell him again how sorry she was for lying to them. But she’d told him that, and he’d walked away. Charlotte had asked Hannah about it again, even after both Lena and Hannah said Amos had forgiven her. Hannah told Charlotte that it was hard for her father to show emotion. Charlotte wasn’t sure if that was completely true or if Hannah was trying to spare Charlotte’s feelings.
Annie walked into the coffee shop a few minutes later, cozied up to Charlotte, and snuck her a cell phone. “Can you charge mine too?” she whispered.
Charlotte smiled, nodding.
Once they both had a warm beverage in front of them at a small table in the back, Annie grinned. “I heard Daniel on the phone with you Saturday night. I was on my way to the bathroom.”
Charlotte raised an eyebrow. “Annie Byler, were you eavesdropping on your brother?”
“Daniel is the most wonderful man.” Annie reached over and touched Charlotte’s hand. It was a sweet gesture, but Charlotte wondered where Annie was going with this.
“Yes, Daniel seems like a good guy, and he certainly loves you to the moon and back.” Charlotte blew on her steaming coffee.
Annie eyed Charlotte. “Where are you going to live after your little blue house sells?”
Charlotte shrugged. “I don’t know. I’ve made some huge changes lately, so I’m just taking things one day at a time. And no one’s knocking down my door to buy the house. Since it doesn’t have electricity, it would have to be someone who is Amish or a person willing to have it wired for power. It had a plumbing problem, but Daniel repaired that for me.”
Annie smiled. “He’s like that . . . Daniel. Always doing for others.”
Charlotte tucked her hair behind her ears, then took another sip of coffee. “He told me he had a bad breakup awhile back, but I’m sure he will find a nice woman to share his life with.”
Annie sighed. “Edna wasn’t right for him.” But then her face lit up. “You two must be getting close if you are talking about such personal things.”
“Not really.” Charlotte felt the conversation shifting to a place she wasn’t comfortable with. “So, what is going on with you and Jacob?”
Annie put her elbows on the table, then rested her chin on her hands. “I don’t know. I guess you could say we are taking things one day at a time too.” She paused. “Do you miss your ex-boyfriend, Ryan?”
Charlotte considered lying, but only briefly. “Yes, sometimes I do. Even though he cheated on me and made me feel like a crazy person for checking his text messages—yes, I miss him. Actually, I think I miss what I thought we had more than anything.”
“I would miss Jacob, too, if he was out of my life completely.” Annie fidgeted with a napkin. “Daniel talks about you a lot.”
“What?” Charlotte sat taller. “Why?”
“I don’t know. You tell me.” Annie grinned. “Do you think Daniel is handsome?”
Incredibly. “Uh, yeah, he is a nice-looking man.”
Annie eyed her critically. “Life is short, Charlotte. And you’re not getting any younger.”
Charlotte half laughed, half snorted, almost blowing coffee out her nose. She assumed Annie was trying to be funny. But Annie’s lips were flat, and Charlotte realized that in Annie’s mind, Charlotte was practically ready for retirement.
“Sweetie, I see where you are going with this, but your brother and I live very different lives.”
Annie beamed. “Opposites attract.”
Charlotte shook her head. “It’s never going to happen.” She was surprised that Annie was even suggesting it since Charlotte wasn’t Amish, and that wasn’t going to change. Unlike her young friends, Charlotte had no intention of being haphazard with her love life anymore.
Annie smiled broadly. “Never say never.”
A couple of days later another check arrived. Charlotte was beginning to relax about her work status because this new living situation allowed her to be more productive than she’d ever been. She was seeing less and less of Hannah, and even though she missed their late-night chats at bedtime, it warmed her heart to hear soft voices and laughter out on the porch. She knew Hannah and Isaac were finalizing their wedding plans for the fall.
She closed her laptop and lowered the flame on the lantern, content to snuggle down into her pillow and talk to God a little before she fell asleep.
She jumped when her cell phone vibrated on the nightstand. Even though she’d deleted his contact information, she recognized Ryan’s number. She stared at the phone for a few seconds before answering it.
“I just wanted to check on you,” Ryan said with a tenderness and familiarity that caused Charlotte’s eyes to tear up.
“It’s not your job to check up on me anymore.”
He breathed heavily into the phone. “I messed up so badly, Charlotte. I—I miss you. I hate myself for what I did to you, to us.”
His voice cracked as he spoke, and a tear slipped down her cheek. She was thankful Ryan couldn’t see the effect he still had on her.
“Is there any chance . . . any chance of you coming back? Could we even try to put things back together again?”
Oh, Ryan. How many times did I ask you that same question? She fought to keep her voice steady. “I don’t think so. I’m starting over here in Lancaster County.”
There was silence on the other end of the line. “I want all good things for you, Charlotte,” he said softly. “Are you back in counseling?”
This hit a nerve. “No.”
“I think it was really helping you.”
His voice had gone flat, and Charlotte trembled. “Why do you do that?”
“Do what?”
“You bring up counseling like I’m the one with all the issues. Apparently you have some issues as well, including the inability to be faithful.”
“I told you I was sorry.” His words were void of the kindness he’d shown seconds earlier.
Charlotte clenched her fists, seething. He could pour on the charm when he wanted something, but once she’d made it clear that they couldn’t w
ork things out, he tried to make her feel bad about herself again. Charlotte felt bad enough about herself for the both of them.
“Anyway,” he said after a pause, “I really thought you’d want to give it another go, but I guess I was wrong.”
“So, did Shelley dump you?” She spat the words at him.
“Charlotte, I’ll just let you go. I can see that you haven’t changed. Get yourself back into counseling.” And he hung up.
She raised the phone high above her head, tempted to send it crashing into the wall, but instead she dropped it in her lap and cried. A minute later, it rang again.
Daniel. She stared at the phone and then slowly set it on her nightstand. Did Annie go back home and put ideas in Daniel’s head, the way she’d tried to do with Charlotte? When he left a voice mail, she listened to it.
“Wie bischt, Charlotte. I need to talk to you. Can you please call me back? I’ll leave mei phone on.”
Charlotte didn’t want to do anything to lead Daniel on.
She slid under the covers, shut her eyes, and prayed for sleep.
Jacob flushed the entire bottle of pills down the commode, deciding that no matter how confused and messed up he felt, the pills just seemed to make things worse. For starters, both Daniel and Hannah had thought he was drunk, and Jacob had never been one to drink, not even on the few occasions when he’d had an opportunity to do so with his buddies during their rumschpringe. Besides, he’d spent the past couple of days meeting Annie in the late afternoon to talk, which seemed easier now that they weren’t under so much pressure.
They’d opted for the coffee shop today. Annie was there when Jacob walked in, and he found her toward the back at a table for two, sipping on what he presumed was one of the frozen coffees she liked. She already had a cup of black coffee waiting for him along with a whoopie pie for each of them.
“Wie bischt,” he said as he slid into the seat across from her. “Did you make a decision?”
Annie finished taking a sip from her cup, then nodded. “Everyone keeps asking what you and I are going to do, if we’re going to get married, date, or break up. Even mei daed asked, and I honestly think he’s hoping we break up.”
Jacob frowned. “What do you want, Annie?”
Annie folded her hands on top of the table. “I’ve already been baptized. I made my decision to live here and raise a family here already.” Her expression brightened a little. “Even though I did enjoy listening to some of Aunt Faye’s music and having the heater on at night. Of course, Aunt Faye’s cooking offset those things.”
Jacob’s adrenaline spiked at the thought that Annie might accept his offer.
Annie’s eyes softened and her expression fell. “But there’s not much about the Englisch world that interests me, Jacob. I’m not going to give up my life here to go on a whimsical journey with you while you decide whether or not you want a life here or outside of our community. You’ve already tried that. And you were willing to leave me to seek out happiness for yourself.”
“But I came back.”
“Ya, and now you are ready to leave again.”
“With you, Annie! I want us to go together.”
“You have an itch that you apparently didn’t scratch during your time in Texas, because here you are again, feeling like a caged animal.” She paused as a scowl emerged. “And you want me to give up my life, without us even being married, to travel with you on this journey without a destination. I can’t do that.”
“Annie, do you love me?” Jacob held his breath.
She opened her mouth but nothing came out, and Jacob felt a stab of panic, still unsure what he wanted but not prepared to lose Annie altogether.
“I do love you,” she finally said, with barely the hint of a smile on her face. “But I don’t know if my love will ever be enough for you.”
Jacob stared at his coffee getting cold, then locked eyes with her. “Well, how will we know if we don’t try?”
Annie’s eyes widened as she pressed her lips into a thin smile. “Do you ever think before you speak? Do you hear what you’re saying? ‘Gee, Annie, I love you, but I don’t know if it’s enough, but please leave your life without being married to me, and let’s travel into the Englisch world to see if I can love you enough to want to make you my priority?’ ”
Jacob hunched his shoulders and cringed as her voice raised enough for the few patrons in the coffee shop to hear loud and clear. He was speechless, but clearly Annie was not.
“So, Jacob, you do whatever it is that you need to do. Leave!” She flew her hands toward him like she was shooing away a bug. “Just go. Figure out your life. But don’t expect me to sit around waiting for you. For such a book-smart man, you don’t have a shred of common sense when it comes to relationships.” She stood and picked up her coffee.
“Um . . . are we breaking up, then?” Jacob stayed in his seat.
Annie leaned toward him, close to his ear. “Ya, Jacob. We are breaking up.”
Jacob sat there for the next thirty minutes sipping his cold coffee and thinking he should feel worse than he did and knowing that he would plan better before he left again.
Daniel gave Charlotte until Saturday evening to return his call, but when she hadn’t, he dialed her number.
“Wie bischt,” he said after she answered. “It’s Daniel.”
“Oh, hey. Sorry I didn’t return your call the other day.”
He waited for her to offer an explanation, but when she didn’t, he thought he heard her eating. “Did I call you at a bad time?”
“Not really. I’m sitting on my bed eating strawberry shortcake ice cream. I might eat the entire half gallon.”
“Um . . . is there a reason for this ice cream binge? I heard once that girls do that when they’re upset.”
“Yep. It’s true. And I guess I’m upset a lot, because I seem to eat a lot of ice cream.” Her words were clipped, her tone sarcastic.
“Do you want to tell me what’s wrong? Have I said or done something to upset you?”
She breathed into the phone like she was blowing up a balloon, long and heavy. “Noooo . . . you didn’t do anything. Ryan called a few days ago, and it’s just left me feeling like a failure, at relationships and my life in general.”
Daniel could relate, but he wasn’t sure what to say.
“Ryan might have helped me find my way to God, but his actions don’t indicate that he is practicing what he preaches. That is as disappointing to me as the breakup.” She drew in a breath. “But it’s over. And I’m not going to let him make me feel like a nutcase, which is exactly what I’ve let him do since Wednesday.”
Daniel scratched his head, still unsure what to say. “How many gallons of ice cream do you think it will take before you feel better?”
“I’m gonna need at least one more gallon of strawberry shortcake to complete the healing process. Possibly more.”
Daniel grinned, picturing her shoveling ice cream into her mouth. But then he remembered why he’d originally called. “Listen, I need to tell you something. No cause for alarm, but I stopped by your house the other day, and once again the door was unlocked. Has your real estate agent shown it this week?”
“I talked to Yvonne earlier today. There haven’t been any showings. And the price is really low, so I’m disappointed about that, but it wouldn’t be anyone at her office leaving the door open . . . That’s weird.”
“Maybe someone is spending the night there.”
“What? Who would do that, and how would they get in?”
“I don’t know. I checked all the windows to make sure they were still locked, and they were. But a package of toilet paper was sitting on the bathroom counter. I don’t remember seeing it before.”
“I’m sure someone at the real estate office must have put it in there. That doesn’t mean someone is staying there.”
“When I was checking all the windows, I found a bag of trash out back. It’s been there awhile, but an animal had ripped it open. It was mo
stly stuff Isaac used to work on the house, empty tubes of caulk, wads of painting tape . . . stuff like that. But I think what drew the cats or dogs to the garbage was food. Chicken bones were strewn everywhere. And before you say that Isaac probably ate chicken while he was working on the house, there was a box from the chicken place up the road on Lincoln Highway. The receipt was stapled to the box, dated that same day.”
“So you think a homeless person is camping out in my house at night?” She laughed. “And using the bathroom and eating chicken.”
“Maybe, I don’t know.” He shrugged, fighting a yawn. “Whoever is going in and out keeps leaving the door unlocked, a sure giveaway that someone’s been there. If they have a key to get in, they should have a key to get out. Ach, I hauled all the trash away.”
“Thank you for doing that,” Charlotte said around a bite of ice cream. “I will call Yvonne to make sure no one at her office has any reason to be going in or out. Maybe kids are finding a way in, teenagers.”
“Maybe. You said Edna and Ethan carried on for a while. Maybe Edna has a key. Although I can’t imagine why she’d be going in and out.”
“Do you feel comfortable asking Edna about it, if maybe she has a key for some reason?”
Not really. “I—I can.” Daniel recalled his last encounter with Edna out in the barn. After the way she’d come on to Daniel, it occurred to him that maybe Edna was the one going in and out, maybe meeting another man there. But that seemed like a stretch.
“If you’re not comfortable—”
“Nee, it’s okay. I’ll talk to her. She has a booth at the farmers’ market two days a week. I can find her there. I doubt it’s her, but at least we can rule it out.”
“Okay. I’ll ask Hannah to check with Isaac, too, in case he had some reason to go in there. As far as I know, Isaac still has a key. If we both come up dry, I’ll just have to have the locks changed.”