Jade’s eyes widened and she stared at Ben, her mouth open. “What? How do you—”
A rap on the doorframe broke her question. Zak walked into view, already speaking, “Have you seen—” He stopped and rocked a half step back.
Jade gaped at Zak as he stared at her. The warmth of Ben’s shirt under her hands mocked the conversation she’d just been having. She pushed away from him. Ben stumbled against the desk while she propelled back into the bunk bed. “It’s not what it looks like!”
Zak said nothing, his eyes shuttered as he looked to her, then to Ben. He turned on his heel and left.
Tears pricked at Jade’s eyes. This was not supposed to happen!
“I’ll go talk to him,” Ben offered softly. He paused in the doorway and spoke over his shoulder, not looking back at her. “Let him know it wasn’t what he thinks it is.”
Jade didn’t reply. Gloom seeped in her heart as she sank onto the bed. She was literally in Ben’s arms!
And Ben didn’t even know who he was or what he was doing in life. But he was going to talk to that girl again.
And Jade was all alone.
* * *
Misery wanted company.
Jade checked the engine room, the storage hangar, and the showers, but couldn’t find Krista. Jade’s nerves jittered as she peeked over the edge of the stairs. She absolutely, positively, could not run into Zak right now. She had to talk to Krista first and get all the scrambled thoughts in her head organized.
Odds were good that this late in the afternoon, Krista had relocated to the galley with Briar. Ben had been helping Briar with breakfast and lunch, but evening remained Krista’s specific time to help her boyfriend.
Please, don’t let Zak be there, too. Jade mentally begged as she followed her nose to the galley. The scent of roasted meat usually made her stomach rumble with hunger, but this afternoon, it just made her gut clench. Her emotions were too unstable right now for her to consider food.
Jade rushed past Zak’s closed bunk room door, and she turned her face away from the mess hall as she passed it. There was no guarantee he was even in either of the rooms. But she couldn’t help being cautious.
She pressed her face to the galley window set in the door, and relief trickled through her when she saw Krista chopping vegetables beside Briar. Jade slipped into the narrow kitchen, relaxing infinitesimally as the familiar humid warmth washed over her.
Krista used the back of her hand to push a strand of black hair out of her face as she took in Jade’s watery eyes and trembling hands. She set the knife down and yanked off the sunset-orange apron. “Are you all right? What happened?” Krista pulled Jade into a fierce hug, and Jade closed her eyes, savoring the lavender scent of Krista’s braids. Krista released her and guided Jade to a closed barrel. “Sit and talk.”
Briar handed Jade a metal bowl and a large sprig of rosemary. “If you want something to do with your hands, you can strip that.”
“Thanks.” Jade settled onto the wood and angled herself to see Briar and Krista, her back to the door. She set the bowl on her lap and twirled the fragrant herb in her hand. Briar and Krista shared everything, so there was no point in talking to Krista without him. And he tended to have useful insights or methods to talk through problems. Jade pinched at the thin, needlelike leaves and started to pull and drop them into the bowl.
Jade floundered, trying to think of where to start. The rhythmic sound of Briar continuing to prep dinner soothed her nerves, and Jade spilled everything that had happened between her and Ben, including how Zak had found them. She clenched her hands, rosemary biting into her palms as she remembered Zak’s expression of surprise, then—nothing.
I hate how he does that. Shuts his emotions down. It makes it impossible to understand him.
Krista hummed to herself as she dumped the chopped vegetables into a large pan. She leaned her hip against the counter and pointed her knife at Jade. “You know what you need to do? Just take Zak and use those lips of yours to—”
“Communicate,” Briar exclaimed, throwing his girlfriend an exasperated look. He looked up to the ceiling and raised two fists dramatically. “How hard is it? Really now.”
Briar wiped his hands on a nearby towel, and Jade pulled her legs close to the barrel to avoid tripping him. He pulled a large pot out from under the counter, filled it with water, and carried it back. Krista tapped on his flexed arm with a low whistle, and he winked at her.
Jade dropped her eyes to her hands, and she fiddled with the bare stem. “I don’t know what I’d even tell him.”
Krista nudged Jade’s foot with her own. “Pretend we’re him. Look, I’ll even be silent and dour.” Krista drew herself up and pushed her lips into a neutral line, her eyes laughing as she struggled to maintain composure. She collapsed on the counter with an exaggerated flop and sigh. “Never mind. I can’t do that.”
Briar rolled his eyes and grabbed an orange washcloth off a nearby rack and tossed it on the counter next to Krista’s hand. “You dirty it, you clean it.”
“Sir, yes, sir.” Krista grabbed the cloth and started scrubbing. She turned to Jade. “Seriously, though. Talk it out. We’ll listen. Maybe just having a long rant will help to ease some of the tension in that internal boiler of yours.”
“I’ll make it easier.” Briar ran his finger along the controller of the heating stone. It glowed in response. He stood in front of Jade and looked down, brown eyes soft in sympathy. “If you could tell Zak what you’re thinking right now, what would you say?”
Jade sighed. “I don’t know.” A whisper of movement pulled her attention away, but Briar reached over her and grabbed a spoon from the wall.
He tapped the handle against her head. “Yes, you do. Let it out.”
Jade handed the bowl to Krista and buried her face in her hands. “What would I tell him? Everything I think of is stuff that I wouldn’t be able to say to his face!”
“Then tell us,” Briar urged. “Get it out.”
“I like Zak.”
Krista made a little squeak, and Briar shushed her. “That’s a start,” he said neutrally. A pot clanged. “Continue.”
“I’ve liked him for at least a year.” Jade shifted her hands to balance her head on her fists so she could stare at her wool skirt. “I thought we were getting somewhere, getting closer.” Her voice cracked, and she closed her eyes again. “I don’t know why he dumped me like he did.”
Jade flung a hand out in Krista’s direction without looking up. “Was she right? Did my father warn Zak off? If so, I’m going to kill him.”
Krista snorted. “Who? Your father or Zak?”
“Both.” Jade’s laugh sounded suspiciously like a sob to her own ears. “I know Zak. He wasn’t toying with me—not on purpose, at least. He’s too thoughtful, too methodical. I know I can trust him with my life.”
Jade sighed and stared at the barrels lining the other side of the wall. “I miss his hugs.” She huffed a small laugh. “Sorry Briar, but your hugs just aren’t the same as his.” He nodded with an understanding smile and she ran her fingers down the cool edges of the bowl, trying to tame her turbulent emotions. “I want…I want him to know that there’s nothing going on between Ben and me.” She looked down and twined her fingers together over the dish, her words barely a whisper. “I’m still available.”
Irritation swallowed the hurt in her heart, and she stood abruptly, tossing the metal bowl onto the counter, angry. “I’m going to be available all my life, because no guy wants me. I don’t know why. I don’t know what’s so wrong with me. But I’m going to be alone forever, while my friends get married and have someone to share their lives with. And I have no one!”
Briar stopped, lid in hand, mid-stir. Krista stared at Jade.
Embarrassment heated Jade’s cheeks. Well, they wanted to know what I would say to him. She whirled to the door, intent on escaping her friends’ silence. She stopped short, her own breath frozen in her lungs.
Zak stood in the door
way, his eyes wide open, mouth ajar.
The sound of boiling water echoed in the quiet.
Zak’s eyes brimmed with emotion as his hand reached out toward her. Something flashed in his gaze, and his hand dropped. A muscle in his jaw twitched. “Briar,” he said, his eyes not leaving hers, “Captain Stohner wants to know if you’ll be ready to leave in the morning.”
Jade could barely hear Briar’s response over the rushing in her ears. Zak’s green eyes pierced her, seeing far too much. How much did he hear?
Zak nodded at Briar’s answer, his gaze locked on to Jade’s, as if something tangible connected them. “Nothing is wrong with you. You are exactly who you should be.” Pain glimmered in his eyes, and he swallowed hard. “You won’t be alone forever. I can promise you that.”
He opened his mouth, stopped, and turned his face away, breathing deeply. His knuckles cracked as he curled his hands into fists and set his shoulders. Zak looked back at her and dipped his head in a formal, somber nod. He pushed against the door and left.
There wasn’t enough air in the room for Jade’s spinning head.
She sat on the barrel and cried.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Ben
Ben lifted his mug in a silent toast with Briar and Zak. “So we leave for Vodan tomorrow?”
Briar knocked back his small shot. “Yessir. Back to the humidity and fish.” He grinned and started ticking off his dark fingers. “We’ll get fresh tuna, salmon, crab, lobster—” Briar cut himself off and shot a sideways glance at Zak. “And we’ll see how many admirers Jade gets this time.”
Zak closed his eyes and drank deeply. Then he set down his mug with a firmer hand than necessary.
Ben’s eyes automatically sought out the redhead at Briar’s words. She sat at the bar with Krista, William, Slate, and Garnet—the five of them laughing as the barkeep served them. Jade looked over and caught his eye, offering a wide smile before Krista pulled her attention away. Ben turned a speculative gaze to Zak.
Something had occurred between Zak and Jade beyond the awkward afternoon interaction that he had been involved in. Ben had found Zak easily enough and explained what happened, urging Zak to go smooth things out between him and Jade. Zak hadn’t said if he would or wouldn’t, but something had changed in their dynamic, as now Jade had lowered her guard around Ben even more, and she all but tip-toed around Zak, her eyes everywhere but on him.
As for the shadow-clad swordsman, he had reached a whole new level of introversion. Even now, he let Ben and Briar lead the conversation, his eyes roving over the room, and constantly lingering on Jade.
Time to draw him out.
“She had admirers in Vodan?” Ben asked.
Briar leaned back in the booth and grinned at Zak’s deepening scowl. “Oh yes. Pale skin and red hair is rare out there, so she’s considered a lucky charm of sorts, like a terror claw, or a blue rose. Last time we were there, she had two guys vying for her attention the whole trip. Drove her crazy, and made this guy,” Briar elbowed Zak, “a jealous, brooding wreck.”
“Did not.” Zak didn’t look up from his mug.
“Did, too, man. We can ask Krista, if you doubt me.”
Zak glared into his mug without reply.
“You should talk to her.” Ben sighed.
Zak’s jaw clenched, and he hunched his shoulders. “It’s not that easy.”
“Yes, it is.” Ben studied the fine lines around Zak’s eyes. Maybe this wasn’t something to push right now. The Guardian clearly had something on his mind, and Ben wanted to respect his friend.
Ben tapped the table. “Can you answer a different question for me?”
Zak’s eyes flicked up from the polished wood. “Depends. What is it?”
Ben lifted a hand from his mug. “The captain refers to Queen Violet as ‘his’ queen. But, from what I’ve heard, Slate’s from Doldra, and she’s the Queen of Aerugo. How is Slate even on such friendly terms with a queen?”
Briar plucked a strip of meat off the platter in the middle of their table and nibbled on it, making a face. “Whoever made this needs a lesson in seasoning.” He nodded to Zak. “He’s had the most time with the captain.”
“But you know the story, too,” Zak said mildly. He looked up from his mug. “She’s originally the Perennian princess who married Prince Richard Doldras. He died in the massacre, as well as all the other royalty who could have led the country. She became Queen of Doldra until she married Lord Everett of Aerugo.” A wry grin flashed across his face at the confused expression Ben wore. “To simplify, she’s the Queen of Doldra and Aerugo.”
Ben mulled that over as he grabbed a piece of meat for himself. One bite and he agreed with Briar. Someone definitely had a heavy hand with the pepper. He sucked down some ale to wash away the burning of his tongue. “Is Queen Violet Jade’s aunt?” Ben leaned back and Briar blinked when Zak whipped his head up, eyes wide. “I mean, Jade mentioned that she lost family during the slaughter, but she has her father here, and I met her mother, so—”
Zak’s tense shoulders relaxed and he settled back in his chair, nodding. “You’re partially right. Lady Sapphire was Slate’s younger sister, and she was married to Prince Richard’s younger brother, Brandon.” His eyes dropped, and the distance in his gaze hinted at old memories. “Queen Violet is a close family friend for Slate and Jade.” He shook his head and his eye twitched when Ben nudged the meat plate toward him. “It’s a good thing for survivors to stand together.”
Shadows of memory danced in Zak’s haunted eyes, cluing Ben in. “You were there, weren’t you? You must’ve been just old enough to remember it.”
The skin around Zak’s mouth tightened, and Briar shook his head slightly. Zak took a long drink from his mug and stared into it as if it held the answers to all the misery in the world. “Yes. And I lost my brother there.” He took a deep breath. “Zane defended the keystone to the very end. A hero above heroes.”
Ben ran his hand over the table, brushing away little crumbs. “I’m sorry if I hit a nerve.”
Zak shook his head with a heavy sigh. He stretched his shoulders forward, straining his shirt before he sank back into the chair. “No, better to ask me than Slate or Garnet. The memories are harder for them. We were all there, as well as Jade’s uncle, Andre. They lost multiple family and friends.” He looked down, a deep crease in his brow as he pinched at the leather of his fingerless gloves, momentarily revealing what looked like a black ring. “I lost my brother, and some of the royal family that I counted as friends.”
Briar sipped from his drink, silent.
Zak continued. “Zane,” he coughed to clear his throat. “I wanted to be him. He embodied all that our clan stands for as a Monomi, and he still made time for his kid brother.” Sorrow aged Zak’s eyes. “But no one, no matter how well-trained, could have been prepared for that mob of Reformers. Or their new pyrotechnics.”
“That’s why you don’t do weapons that make loud sounds,” Ben murmured.
Zak’s face paled, and he nodded stiffly. “Neither Andre nor I do well with explosions. We were both there when one of our friends was—” He swallowed hard and dashed a hand across his face. “Anyway, I’m better than I used to be, but it’s a weakness.”
Ben glanced down in his mug to give Zak a moment. “And you haven’t found who did it?”
“No.” Zak gripped his mug with both hands. “We know he’s an Elph, but that’s about it.”
An image of a slender, pointy-eared humanoid crossed Ben’s mind. He quirked his head. “An elf?”
Briar groaned. “Seriously, man, you have the worst memory of anyone I’ve ever known.” He rolled up his sleeves before leaning his elbows on the table. “An Elph. Like, the immortal guys that live in Northern Terrene—started the blood-bond, tried to wipe out all us southern nations, the guys we want to avoid at all costs?” Ben shrugged and Briar sighed, rubbing his face with a hand. “You know what, it’ll come back to you soon, I’m sure. Few people could forget wh
at’s on the other side of the barrier.”
Ben nodded slowly. Unless they didn’t know to begin with. He sipped his drink, watching Jade and Krista over the rim as they talked with Garnet and their fathers. Slate said something that caused Garnet to choke for air before she pushed him on his stool, both of them laughing. “Did the royal family protect the keystone better or worse than Everett?”
Zak frowned. “About the same in word. But in deed, the Doldras family worked much harder to keep it secure. They took the testimony of the Monomi very seriously.”
“So it’d be better if there were an actual Doldras on the throne?”
“If Aerugo’s power over Doldra was severed, and any other Doldran of royal blood survived, yes.” Zak slid his mug across the table from hand to hand. “If anyone else lived, they would be the rightful ruler, and Queen Violet could abdicate the throne, assuming Lord Everett would allow it.”
Captain Slate leaned toward Jade, the two of them deep in discussion. What little Ben had seen of the Aerugan royalty didn’t lend any hope to Zak’s words. Prince Weston didn’t seem too bad when Ben had met him, but he didn’t strike Ben as the type to stand back and just give up what power he had. And he had quite the reputation—not one that suggested good things. Queen Violet, maybe, but her husband, Lord Everett? Definitely not.
“And everyone was killed?”
Zak dipped his head, his hair falling forward, hiding his face in shadows. “It’s assumed, yes.” He spun the plate and selected a small sliver of pale meat. “We never found the bodies of Prince Brandon or his daughter, Princess Adeline.”
Ben’s eyebrows rose. “So there’s hope. Maybe they survived by some miracle, and just haven’t stepped forward.”
“After nineteen years?” Zak laughed, a hollow sound in the midst of a noisy, bustling tavern. “Unlikely.” He shook his head, keeping his head low. “Right now, Lord Everett and his leads are the best bet we have for strengthening the Doldran keystone and thus the rest of the barrier.” His eyes flicked over to where Slate and the others sat. “Someday, we’ll be out from under Everett’s thumb.”
Renegade Skyfarer Page 19