Abide Abode
Page 2
It says ‘You're a cunt.’ I stare at it blankly.
You.Are.A.Cunt.
I look over to the wrappings of the Magic 8 Ball.
Page 14 of 57
ABIDE ABODE
The ball box Packaging. Written on the side. It’s a magic hate ball. Oh - Nice insult.
I wake up.
Nice insult. Mind, you're the cunt.
I’m hung over again sometime in the past and I’ve a long stretch to reach for a glass of water, the kitchen is where? I’m thirsty. My purpose is to drink water, survive but my body isn't moving and right now my mind is a totally different entity to it. No, no, bed will have to do. Ignore it, ignorance, ignorite. Sustenance will have to come later. Sleep is food right? If I had a magic 8 ball, I’d try to drink its possibly poisonous liquid but I don’t even have a one for sustenance.
Do I get the glass of water? Do I hydrate myself? I'm lying in bed putting chaos theory into play. If I don't get water could I be causing an Earthquake the other side of the world? Better stay in bed, save a few lives. Humanity outside the third world has come along way from struggling to survive.
I fall to sleep into another dream that will take me a long while to wake from. Strange things had been happening since reading ‘Triangle’ not just slipping into bodies, not just screaming and creating holes. In
Page 15 of 57
ABIDE ABODE
this dream, I meet myself, Noah, he knows me, he’s been watching from another dimension, he offers to guide me to a place within him, within myself. I follow to a place he calls ‘The renaissance garden.’ It is a place where the other Noah renderings congregate sharing information about their lives, their other worlds. Trees surround us and there’s a swimming pool sunk into the Earth. This pool can be as deep or shallow as you wish, swim deep enough and you pour your self into the collective consciousness of your inner body, into the Polar whole and there live amongst your other worldly bodies. The pool is a portal.
This version of myself demands I get up in life. ‘I’d rather have you sharp and tired than blunt and awake.’ He says. ‘If you skip bodies become them. Accept the unexplainable, live the lives you were supposed to simultaneously. Keep the lines straight and the Triangle pointing forwards. It sounds a cliché but be the change you want to see, to change the world, change yourself.’
I respond rambling and unfirm ‘There are two types of people in this world, those who get up to get a glass of water, those who stay in bed. I stumble over my words ‘and there’s those who didn't drink in the first place.’
‘So there are three types of people in this world,
Page 16 of 57
ABIDE ABODE
those that can count and those that can’t.’ He replies. ‘Who’s world do you think this is?’ He pauses, I say nothing. ‘Come on Noah ‘is the glass half empty or half full?’
‘It depends if there’s gin in it.’ I reply
When I woke up from these dreams it was as if for the first time. I woke up, three months later on in my life. A version of myself from another dimension had taken control over my body and got it back in shape. He then returned my body to me with all my lives from all other Worlds connected together helping each other as one. And that is why I call that version of myself Magic 8. The Polar Whole, The Triangle and Magic 8, the infinity me became One. 8 ∆ O .
They say that writing through something you don’t understand is the way to find the meaning in it. Ordering chaos after it’s been delivered. And that is why I am writing this.
I dream of Anna and take myself into her skin before I met her.
ANNA
Page 17 of 57
ABIDE ABODE
The moon is full, I’m driving my car.
[ It’s incredibly complex being in the body of a woman, probably not if you’ve been a woman all your life, but as a man inside the body of a woman the feeling of the inside anatomy is very altered. My brain works and feels different; having breasts is enough to make me feel my balance is off, as is missing your testicles. Whilst in another’s body you are merely a passenger, I’m no driver, and I’ve no choice of vessel.]
I’m heading through a wooded road to Pelham Mansions and excitement for my husband tonight doesn’t even cut it, he has brokered the deal not only of his life but one that changes the future today. Evan he has pooled together $29 billion of funds to put to the sea the first man made island – Atlantis. I go to call him; distracted, a blur moves in front of me. A wolf darts out! The tires screech in a noisy cacophony swerving with full effort to avoid but I am too late. THUNK! I slam on the brakes, screeching to a halt.
I step out of my vehicle with only a second of apprehension. It’s an open road, the full moon lighting the road probably silhouetting me and this… this wolf. This wolf is 6 foot, huge and gasping for air, blood pouring from its stomach. Rasp. Rasp.
I reach out to the wolf.
‘What are you doing?’ The wolf asks. ‘I'm driving to a party’ I respond.
Page 18 of 57
ABIDE ABODE
‘That’s the trouble with humans, you don't look where you are going, walking in circles not triangles.’
‘I'm sorry’ I reply.
‘Apologies, huh. Don't mean much if you don't learn. Don't need apologies, need action.’
‘What can I do?’
‘Who put that road there?’ The Wolf asks. I can’t unmake a road I think, not responding to the seemingly rhetorical question. ‘The time of the wolf is at its end’he cries. ‘There's not many places we of the woods can hide anymore, your species has seen to that. You know that don't you? About the animals, the ones that have their own nature are culled, they are being killed off, it's the obedient that are surviving,and you are leaving behind shadows of the animals, machines that forget their nature. It happened on the farm you grew up on too didn’t it?
‘How do you know?’
‘Nature knows everything, and you are nature, ask yourself not what I know about you but what you know that you have not realized. Sentient beings are dying. It's happening to your species too isn't it?’
We sit in silence, is it true? Is it happening? I guess it is by our very nature we are becoming more tamed. I think back to my parents’ farm and what happened there. ‘Who are you?’ I ask.
‘The last of my kind, Gaia.Stroke my fur whilst I pass from this world. Anna something is calling you, remember your nature and pass it on to your children. The time of the
Page 19 of 57
ABIDE ABODE
wolf is at itsend; it's your time, time to grow. Remember the Wolf. ‘
I don’t know how long we sit there, my red dress flowing in the breeze, the warm soft breaths of Gaia slowing as I stroke strong bristled fur.
‘Good Journey’ whispers the wolf ‘it’s your time.’
As the wolf passes I feel the ache of motherhood, I ruck Gaia’s fur as if it’s part of methat’s leaving, but it’s not me who leaves. Silence. I’m responsible. A road stretches onwards. I stand looking up at the moon dwarfed, the stars and the world hold me, and there are no humans. It's just me, alone sitting and staring at the moon. It’s as if I’vea book in my hand, reading out my life story and space wants to hear what I have to say.
There is a beep; I am back on my phone driving my car. ‘Anna’ my husband says. ‘ Are you there?’
NOAH
A picture sits on my wall. It’s of a lady running into the Boxing Day tsunami. The wave thunders towards her and between her and the wave are her children.
She runs into the wave, into certain death. For her it is not about survival it is for love. For her
children, for family. Greater is this need than survival. They need her, it means death, they are
Page 20 of 57
ABIDE ABODE
more important.
I have another picture on my wall it is the first photo taken of Earth. It was taken on August 11th 1963 by Apollo 11 and is the first time all of Earth’s population was ca
ptured in one frame. It shows us, as
one, on one planet as one organism. It is a dot.
Every hard object that you see is made of space, atoms on a cellular level vibrating at different speeds to give hardness, shape and ultimately depth. You matter. You are matter and should be hungry for it. As planetary beings space does not end with you. It is not only outside of Earth it is within it. It is you. You are space, filled with energy; with and without the choice to what you absorb into your space.
-Triangle Walk Excerpt –
I’ve since named life without a collective purpose as Surreality. Without a goal life tends to be like lucid dreaming only in the real world. You can do things but
Page 21 of 57
ABIDE ABODE
when you wake up nothing has changed.
Lucid dreaming is highly addictive. I started by imagining a thing that is not found in the real world. I imagine a grate like a fireplace, golden with a lion’s head on the top. Imagine your own ‘thing’, or use mine if you will. Know it, feel it, let it become you. It is an object known only to your imagination. Spend some time thinking about this object; place it in your mind. It must be something you would never find in your day-to-day life. Think about this object before you go to sleep. Should you see this object in real life question it, could you be dreaming?
You are. If you see this object, touch it, feel it, realize to yourself that you are dreaming. This takes practice, but when you know you are dreaming take a look around, you are about to become awake in your subconscious and with practice you learn control. Suddenly Time and Space does not exist.
All objects, beings, words, real or imagined hold their memories, their worlds, where they've been, what they've seen, what they've believed, their secrets are stories. We have pools of information passed down to us through our time lines and some of this information has been kept back from us. Reading a memory of an object is a lot like picking up in a book in another language, if you don’t know how to read it,
Page 22 of 57
ABIDE ABODE
you can’t access the information.
Mum said ‘if you don't believe in magic, you'll not recognize it when it happens.’ And like that I realize I’m skipping again and unable to hold my consciousness in this time and space. I slip. I remember. I reside./
∆
I’m carrying food up to mum, I used to talk to myself until dad said it was a sign of madness, after I stopped it was only then that I felt crazy. Mum told me she did the same thing and dad told her to stop, she said dad was right but I never believed her, now she has Parkinson's. She seems more at peace now than most people I know, but I miss her.
My brother, Ruben, is banging in his room, when I look in wearing large hissing headphones and lifting large dumbbells with a cigarette hanging out his mouth.
‘What are you doing?’ ‘Pumping GOD!!’ he replies.
‘For fucks sake.’ I retort in another World. In this one I don’t.
I head to mum, Dawn, who is lying in bed in front of
Page 23 of 57
ABIDE ABODE
a large bay window. She’s asleep, I try to wake her up but she doesn’t stir.
I put the food tray down at her side; the sharp green knife there evokes my memory… Fuck...
∆
I’m walking along the Infinity Cruise liner again; light obscures you before me. There is a scar across the sky, my scream echoing from it, across my memories, across all the deserts I walked to get here. This is life with the colour drained out. Am I dreaming in black and white again? I hate this memory.
‘I would tear a hole in the world to get back to you.’ I say. It’s me talking from another world to you. ‘I'd destroy a world to protect all others, sacrifice will breed new life, and with its own twisted fable of feral I'll not leave without you! Not again. Never again!’
A green knife is in my hand, it's surface glinting, I know what I’m about to do. I’m passively watching through my eyes. I can’t stop the motion as I thrust the knife forward into your flesh, I’m stabbing, and red. Blood leaks from wound, running red rivers across the deck of the boat. I look at you, part of a silhouetted couple, one falls down, you. Blood drips off the ships edge straight into the black and white sea, into the mass of grey colouring the ocean; the sky and its scar watching above. The large Infinity cruise liner
Page 24 of 57
ABIDE ABODE
passes over a crevasse in the water dwarfing the floating infinity above, an open trench in the ocean emulating an everlasting scream.
∆
The sky has its scars, it's watching. One day all blood will return to the sea. I’ve been crazy. Shaking, I’m holding the knife back in my mum’s room, she’s been ill for a long time.
‘Noah?’ Dawn murmurs in her haze.
‘Yes mum, I’m here.’ I say, glinting knife in hand, I turn to her knowing what I must do, ‘I’ve met someone recently and it's changed a few things.’
∆
Skipped again. It’s some time before and dark. I can’t remember getting here. I’m drunk, walking home. The path is winding home is close. I hear something, a foot stumble, and a murmur. ‘Hello?’ I call out. Silence. ‘Is anyone there?’
A woman with long blonde hair, naturally pretty in a thin white dress walks out of the darkness clutching a leather bound book, she looks wild.
‘ARE YOU OKAY? My name’s Noah.’ I say.
‘Tell me.’ She says slowly and precise as she steps into the light revealing her feral glinting eyes.
Page 25 of 57
ABIDE ABODE
‘Yes?’ I ask.
‘Can one person change the course of human history?’ Anna says ‘The Triangle Walk’ in her hand.
ANNA
Beethoven plays through the car speakers. I’m driving. Spotlights meeting the horizon at my destination shining way up into the depths of the sky, I’m arriving at the mansion for my husband Evan’s big reveal. I’m excited, a little bit nervous but sexy in my red dress and matching lipstick. The concierge takes my car and I walk up the grand stairs, a Latino bellboy taking my coat. Mike greets me, Evan’s counter partner; they’ve been friends for years and have worked together ever since Evan’s father Russell did away with his inheritance. Together they formed this company Trident to hedge fund small businesses and have since been on the up and now have acquired and designed the first floating island with help from the pharmaceutical and oil industries. Floating islands are the only solution to world population but also theever-‐growing gap between the rich and the poor.
‘Hey Mike, nice Tux’ I say surveying the sea of suits. ‘Global warming setting in, I see they've found a new home for the penguins’
‘Always good to see you Anna’ He kisses my cheek.
Page 26 of 57
ABIDE ABODE
‘Evan’s somewhere inside.’ I look over seeing Evan, donning a tux that shows off his well-‐built frame as a commanding presence. He has one of those youthful sparkly-‐eyed faces that adorns a manly built physic. ‘He's the main event this evening’ says Mike ‘I'm sure you'll be his main event tonight.’