“I’m so sorry.” She’d been so afraid of this, but he hadn’t turned on her—or himself.
“Don’t be, Kate. I want to live a full life. With you.” He peered at her, worry straining his features, his eyes dark with emotion. “I’m scared I pushed you away. You’re amazing, and I was too shit scared to believe it and think things wouldn’t change. I don’t handle loss with grace, not like you, as you’ve just learned. You’re goddamn perfect.”
She decided to dissuade him of that erroneous assumption. It was too much to live up to. Dashing her tears away, she said, “Perfect? You mean nearly two decades of single-mom status and celibacy? Willing single-mom status and celibacy? That’s handling loss with grace, Carter? For shit’s sake. I freaking hid from the world behind my loss, using grief, Lisa, and my job as the tools to shore up those walls. Until I met you.”
“Those were some circumstances.”
“Circumstances be damned. I woke up a minute into that two-step. Hell, my walls started to crumble when you sauntered across the floor and put your focus on me and not Susan. They vanished when you took me in your arms and assured me you’d lead and I’d do just fine.
“You’ve been leading me, Carter, where I couldn’t find my own way to another love for all those long years. And we’ve been shoulder to shoulder most other times. A team. And I thought I’d led you out of that darkness. I thought you’d come to love me as much as I love you. Then I thought you couldn’t…”
“Jesus, Kathleen, I do love you. Too shit scared to face it or say it, but I know I showed it. How could I help but? You’re my other half. Sometimes I can’t breathe, knowing how lucky I am. I was too scared to acknowledge it.”
“And I was too scared to confront you with my feelings. I thought you wouldn’t let yourself feel. I couldn’t make you love me.” She touched his face. “You can thank that video for putting things in perspective for me. I’m sorry I didn’t wait for you to figure it out.”
“Don’t apologize. You deserved better. You deserved everything from me. And nothing about Deke’s bullshit refers in any way to you.” He kissed her hard to punctuate his assertion.
She kissed him back, tasting him, desperately happy she wouldn’t have only memories to fall back on.
“You’re coming home?”
“I’m coming home.”
“Tomorrow?”
What would keep her here? “Tomorrow.”
He kissed her again, and she nearly forgot about Lisa. “I should check on Lisa and the puppy.”
“He needs a name. Not Bob.”
“Let me guess. The hands took a vote.”
“Not Bob.”
Standing, she smoothed her hands over her robe. “Let’s go check.”
“I understand I have some amends to make.” He winced. “It might be harder than with you.”
She laughed. “I guess you’ll see.” The way her daughter had acted, she wasn’t so sure.
Lisa was in the kitchen with the puppy. She looked at them. “Did you work things out?”
“I expect your mom and I need to talk some more. Did the puppy behave?”
“He’s eaten and gone potty. He’s really smart.” Lisa beamed up at them. “He can sleep in my room, you know, the one farthest away from the den. So you two can talk some more.”
Fighting a blush, she said, “What should we call him?”
“Cooper,” Lisa said promptly. “I looked his breed up, and it’s a known name.”
Carter nodded. “Cooper and Carter. I expect one of us’ll be in the doghouse from time to time.”
Squinting at him, Lisa said, “I also looked up the ad. The real one.” She took out her phone and handed it over.
Couple with ranch experience required. Duties include cooking, cleaning, laundry, and gardening. Grocery and part runs. Some crop management. Cattle sorting and calving. Equine care. Hard work and long hours. Mechanical ability is a plus. This position is not suitable for those with young children or those requiring an active social life, due to isolation. Accommodation and vehicle provided. Salaried position.
“Nothing like that video ad.”
Carter shook his head. “I expected some would apply who had kids. I wasn’t sure what I would do. I guess I know now.”
“You’re okay with Mom having me around?”
“Absolutely.”
“Okay, then.” She scooped up sleepy Cooper and wandered off, leaving her and Carter staring.
“Like mother, like daughter. I’m surrounded by forgiveness.” He heaved a deep breath.
“You’re worn out.”
“I am. And I have nothing but the clothes on my back with me.”
“Come to bed. You’ll have the most uncomfortable sleep in the world, but maybe you won’t notice.”
They made their way back to the den, hearing faint music emanating from the direction of Lisa’s room, and Kathleen once again shut them in the den. Carter picked up the box, removing the picture and setting it carefully on the desk. The resemblance between father and son tugged at her heart.
“These are for you. What I meant to lead with.” He handed over the carton.
A pair of beautifully tooled boots were revealed, a ruddy bronze with red and turquoise swirls. “Carter, they’re beautiful.”
“Try them.”
She was hesitant. He knew her size, but her feet were difficult to find the right shoes. She sat on the edge of the bed and tugged them on, a snug fit, and she winced. But when she stood up, they fit like a dream. “How did you get the size right?”
“I traced your shoes. Felt like a shoe fetish pervert,” he said. “Ordered them special and they took a long time, so I figured they’d suit for your birthday.”
“I love them.” She posed, pulling her robe aside to display more leg.
“You might get a better idea if you took the robe off.”
“But you’re tired!” He had to have traveled for hours.
“Never too tired, Kate.”
“We’ll need to be quiet.”
He arched a brow. “I think I can keep my reactions down to a dull roar. You, I’m not so sure of.”
Her blush returned, heating her throat and face. But she wasn’t going to wait. She lost the robe and Carter bit off an epithet, falling over his feet to get to her.
His hands cupped her breasts, and he dipped his head to find a nipple, the sensation traveling to her core, making her wetter. She yanked at his shirt, pulling it out of his slacks, the snaps giving with a rush of clicking sounds.
Running her hands over his back, she arched into his questing mouth, his hands now finding her hips, one working its way to her apex. She widened her stance and bit a cry back when he delved between her folds.
Unable to deal with his belt, she muttered in frustration, feeling his hard length just out of reach. He eased her down on the bed, her cooling flesh a distraction as he yanked his buckle free and dropped his pants. And then he blanketed her.
“I’ll never get enough, darlin’,” he said with a growl in her ear, keeping his voice down.
She wrapped her arms around him, reveling in finding him again, so close to losing him…
And then he found her gate, pushing inside without preamble, like the first time they came together in near desperation. She gloried in the taking, her body responding to clasp him deeper, her need as great as his.
The tight knot of nerves at her apex responded to the friction, but it was his thrusting, the angling of his hips that pushed her to the brink—and over. He finished right behind her, their skin heated and dewed with effort, and she closed her eyes against another spate of happy tears.
Chapter Fifteen
The pullout left a lot to be desired as a place to sleep. As a place to make love—it sucked. When Kathleen woke in the morning, she figured her spine would likely wear a permanent imprint of the bar in the middle, evident through the thin mattress when Carter got so enthusiastic in asserting his claim. At least she’d gotten her boots off.
He came into the den, wearing his shirt, his jeans zipped and buttoned and a curious look on his face. A cross between terror and anticipation.
“What?” She sat up, holding the sheet to her breasts.
“You said that’s your bathroom? The little one?”
“Unless the girls screw up the schedule and need to invade, yes. They were sweet to assign it to me.”
His cut chest rose and fell. “There’s a pregnancy test in the wastebasket.”
“Oh. Right. False alarm.” And hadn’t she ridden a roller coaster of emotion, waiting? And wrestled with such conflicting emotions afterward? The complications of a pregnancy had warred with the excitement of bearing Carter’s child.
“So, you aren’t?”
“No, Carter. I was late and panicked but … well, I’m not. There are two tests in there. I mixed up dates.”
He looked away, and she thought his shoulders slumped. “Okay. Good. Right?”
She patted the edge of the mattress, and he lowered his bulk beside her. His throat flexed as he swallowed and swallowed again.
“What’s going on?” She took his trembling hand. “Carter?”
He faced her, his pale eyes suspiciously bright. “I thought you were pregnant with our baby and I…” He swallowed hard. “I was happy. Okay, I was freaked, and then I was happy.”
“Hey.” She squeezed his fingers, wrestling with the shock of his revelation. Especially after last night’s heartfelt talk. “No kids, right? We’re not exactly in the optimum childbearing years. Or parenting ones.”
“I know. And it would mean putting you through a lot.” His smile didn’t reach his eyes.
The whole spontaneity thing that was unleashed around him carried her forward. She told him what her heart said. “I might. For us.”
“Jesus.”
“Let’s think on it,” she proposed. “Talk about it.”
****
Lisa took the news of her mother’s move back to the ranch with a smirk, more reluctant to relinquish Cooper.
“You’ll see him when you visit,” Carter promised. “And if you ever want a place to live, away from the city, come to us.”
Her daughter stood on tiptoe and kissed his cheek. “Be careful what you wish for.”
Carter chuckled, his stance relaxed. “You’d be surprised what I wish for.”
Seeing as she hadn’t unpacked, Kathleen directed Carter to her belongings, and he took them out to the car. With the crate, it’d be packed full, and then he’d have to transfer everything to the truck when he turned the rental in at the airport. But he flatly refused to return for her.
“I want you to come with me.”
“Go with him, Mom. You’ve given him enough to deal with.” Lisa smiled innocently.
Obediently, she followed him out to the car, Cooper taking a final piddle on the lawn.
After the stop at the airport, finally on the way home, she relaxed into the passenger seat, anxious to get there. The pup, now an old hand at traveling, peered from the crate in the back seat, occasionally making a comment Carter seemed to have no difficulty in interpreting.
“The hands think I’m nuts,” he said. “I came home early, then left—with Cooper—and said I was going to see you. I think I left Dick in charge.”
“It’ll be fine.” Josh had better have fed the chickens.
“It’s fine now,” he murmured, reaching over the console for her hand.
She clutched him as they sped down the interstate, going home, toward amazing possibilities.
Epilogue
Lisa climbed the stairs and crossed the stage, her gown swirling around her legs. Her cap sat at a jaunty angle. Her kid. Well, one of them.
“That’s your big sister up there, Cass.” Carter held their daughter up, likely blocking the view of those sitting behind them. Cassandra burbled at her father, and he smiled as though she’d understood every word he’d said and was responding to him.
Big sister accepted her diploma and tossed her tassel to the opposite side with a flourish. Kathleen was awash with pride and had to sit on her hands in order not to applaud and slow the procession. She suspected there was a number of other parents feeling the same.
Cass bumped against her father’s chest and reached her chubby hands to his hair, tangling the unruly strands around her little fingers. He hadn’t found time for a haircut, fine by Kathleen, who enjoyed using her own hands in a similar manner. She hid a smile at his pained expression as he gently extricated himself.
“They’re done.” Being at the end of the alphabet meant a long wait for Lisa to appear but only a few grads after her. Cass would land closer to the middle, being a Rodgers.
“So, we’re taking her for dinner?”
“For as long as the munchkin holds out.” Lisa loved her baby sister to pieces, but it stood to reason the age gap meant she fell into more of a mothering role with Cass. It made for some interesting moments. “She’ll be thrilled we attended. She won’t be impressed that we didn’t bring Cooper.”
“He wasn’t impressed we left him. But it’ll give him a chance to plot his revenge on Santiago or convince the marmalade cat they should be friends.”
“True.” She sighed with happiness.
“You doing okay?” Carter’s handsome face wore a few more lines, his skin more weathered. But he was as fit as ever and the best dad ever, adjusting the ranch expectations without a murmur of complaint so he was able to parent right alongside Kathleen. Hiring two more hands had helped.
“I’m fine. The right kind of fine.” She laughed and gathered up all the paraphernalia babies required. “Let’s go find Lisa.”
They were expecting another girl in a few months. She’d wondered if Carter was disappointed, wanting a boy to inherit the Roaring R. She smiled wider, recalling his reaction.
With Cassandra against one shoulder, he looped an arm around her waist, patting her belly in a proprietary manner. “Something funny, darlin’?”
“Just thinking of when we found out that this one’s a girl too.”
He turned to press his lips against her temple. “And I stand by what I said. The ranch will be fine in one or all of our girls’ hands.”
They made their way through the crowd, for the most part head and shoulders over the majority of those attending the convocation, Cassandra a beacon on her daddy’s shoulder. One child ready for the future, two more to raise up.
Tightening her grip on her purse and the diaper bag, she listened to Cass’s babbling while soaking up the presence of the man she loved, her husband. She was enjoying the celebration and the rare day in the city—and looking forward to going home. No foolin’.
The End
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BONUS SAMPLE CHAPTER
UNDONE BY DESTINY
Blue Star Shifters, 2
Allyson Young
Copyright © 2017
Sample Chapter
“We need to talk.” Tahl strove to keep his tone modulated, neutral, but knew he hadn’t succeeded by the way her slender body stiffened. Or maybe it was merely his presence that caused Desiree to tense. She never used to react like that around him. Before, she’d brighten, and soften somehow, like what she felt was reserved only for him. Before he understood what it meant. Before he fucked up…
“Sure.” Her full lips curved into a lovely, warm smile—if one didn’t notice the emotion wasn’t reflected in her pale, blue eyes. In fact, winter’s cruel depths might be a better description for those frosty orbs. “Maybe later today. I’ll be at Jett and River’s.”
She wasn’t overt about it. Desi could have faced him down and said they had nothing to talk about, but he suspe
cted she was fully aware it would imply she felt something for him. Tahl desperately wanted to believe she still did—and that her adept avoidance confirmed it. He hoped.
But he didn’t want to talk to her at her brother’s—his Alpha’s—home. He didn’t want anyone around when he made his case because he feared he was going to have to push hard to get past his perfidy. And Desiree might seek an intervention. Not that Jett or any other male was going to get in his way, though in fact he’d yet to seek his Alpha’s permission.
He really wanted Desi to offer her surrender before he triggered her heat, though, and he would trigger it. Of that, he had no doubt. This thing between them had simmered for a long time, still simmered, only he’d been too stupid to notice, enthralled by a nasty piece of redheaded shifter. He’d thought on it and decided Desi had convinced herself she now hated him, and it was up to him to reverse it.
“How if we talk now?”
“I’m working, Tahl. My mother asked me to help out today.” She kept smiling, although the strain showed in the slight tremble at the corner of her lips and the faint creases at the corner of her eyes.
He stepped closer and was rewarded by the dilation of her pupils and the ever so slight scent of feminine arousal. Yes. Gesturing around the empty boutique, he said. “It looks pretty quiet.”
“I’m not blowing my responsibilities off for you.” Her lips set in a straight line and now he could smell her growing anxiety.
“You have to take a break, sometime.”
“Tahl!” Marlene swept in from the back, pushing more air ahead of her than a petite woman should. But then Desi’s mother was far more than human. Her children didn’t much resemble either of their fathers, something he’d noted early on, and there was nothing of Marlene’s looks represented, either. It made a person speculate about the gene pool.
“Hello, Marlene.” He leaned in to press a kiss on her cheek, the fragrance of herbs and something citrus filling his nostrils. She’d been like a second mother to him, despite her eccentricities, or perhaps because of them. Another reason he’d dismissed his feelings for Desi as being incestuous, treating her like a little sister instead. A little sister with a huge crush…
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