The Crashing Series

by Kristen Hope Mazzola

  I stood, looking down on Walker’s tensed and shaking body. There was something so strange about the way he was acting. Usually, he was tough, seemingly happy, not broken and never one to harbor anything like this. “Walker?” My voice was weak. I was scared to continue. I sat down in front of him on the floor, picking up his solemn face with my hand. “What’s really bothering you? You don’t care about last night, so what is it? What do you mean ‘promise’? What are you really hiding from? Why didn’t you go back home? Why’d you stay here?”

  It was almost like something snapped in Walker in that moment. His muscles puffed and his veins bulged, the hair on the back of his neck and arms stood on end, and his light green eyes smoldered to an almost black. He seemed to turn almost feral.

  He shot up from the floor, breathing heavily through gritted teeth. “Randy made me swear.” He stomped over to the fridge, punching it so violently that the sound sent shivers through me.

  I had never seen him snap like this. For the first time, I was actually scared of him. I must have let out a cry of fright because Walker’s face switched back instantly. His jawline softened and his eyes rounded and lightened into their pale green.

  “Mags,” he whispered, kneeling down next to me as tears rolled silently down my cheeks. I was cringing, holding my knees to my chest, staring at the dent Walker had just put in my stainless-steel fridge. “Look, my home sucks. Randy knew that. So when our numbers got called, he asked me to stick around here with the only real family I ever had. That’s all.”

  Walker’s arms were wrapped around my body and I let myself melt into him, nodding into his chest. “You just scared me, that’s all. I’ve never seen that side of you before.”

  He pecked my forehead, leaving his lips lingering on my skin. “I promise to never let that happen again.”

  I pressed myself into him harder, still a little shaken. I knew every word he’d uttered was true. Walker was always too loyal, and I knew he felt it was his duty to take care of Randy’s family, and that included me. It broke my heart to think that what the two of us had was just based on survivor’s guilt, but I was too chicken shit to bring it up. Walker made me feel safe, complete, and halfway sane, and I was not willing to lose all of that due to my big mouth. So instead of opening it to talk, I leaned up and kissed Walker firmly on the cheek.

  From his knees, Walker’s strong body lifted mine effortlessly onto the counter, kissing my lips and jawline as he set me on the chilly granite. Just being in his button-down and my panties made for easy access for his hand to wander over my thighs and stomach, and his lips searched over my neck and collarbone.

  Breathing deeply, he pleaded, “Mags, just please be open and honest with me.” In between kisses of lustful passion, he continued. “I want you. I’ve wanted you. Just please don’t let me screw this up.”

  Kissing him back, loving every flutter that was erupting in my stomach, I said, “Walker, I want this, too. We are just going to have to work on it...” I pushed him away a little so I could look into his eyes, making sure he heard every word. “I don’t care if it’s rough. You’re worth it and I am thankful to have you.”

  His kisses softened as they lined my jaw once again and made their way back up to my lips. His muscular chest flexed against me, causing my entire body to tingle with covetous lust as he lifted me again. He started to make his way to the couch. I shook my head firmly once and he halted, stopping to look me dead in the eyes, questioning my response.

  “No, not on the couch this time. Take me to my bed.” My voice came out strong and very matter-of-fact. Without another word, Walker obeyed.

  We embraced our newfound comfort with each other, and with the only words that escaped Walker’s lips, I knew I was done for. “Just be honest with me, Mags, from here on out. Feel free to scream, whisper, and everything in between. I want to hear it all.”

  With that, we made love to the rhythm of perfection and devotion for what felt like at least an hour and cuddled for about that amount of time after. We lay wrapped up and intertwined in bliss and understanding, knowing it was us against the world.

  I was so thankful to not be alone in my fight any longer.

  Nineteen

  Walker sat up and stretched next to me after we realized that we were cutting it close for getting ready for dinner with Liz and Jim. In agreeing to us bringing the dessert, he’d unknowingly promised that I would bake one of my famous German chocolate cakes. It was Liz’s favorite and usually my bartering chip for her amazing four-course dinners.

  “Well, we better get to the store so we can start baking.” I stretched too and then got up to tie my bed hair into a messy bun and throw on some eyeliner so I looked a little more presentable.

  Wrapping me up in an inviting embrace from behind, Walker lips caressed my ear, teasing me a little. “Why can’t you just be a normal dinner guest and bring a store-bought cookie cake or something?”

  I smiled, turning to look at the smoldering lust still flickering in Walker’s green eyes, trying to resist how sexy he looked gazing at me like that without a shirt on. “Because this is what I do and it’s Liz’s favorite. Come on! It’ll be fun! You can help me.”

  With an innocent, mockingly cute face, Walker shook his head. “Mags, I can’t bake. I’ll burn the house down.”

  “Well, frankly, you don’t have a choice. I need a sous chef and you’re it, so go get dressed and I’ll make us a list.”

  Protesting a little bit more, Walker sulked on his way out of the room and I scribbled all the ingredients onto a loose piece of paper. I was pretty excited to have dinner with Liz and Jim. I really had missed them, and with them only living a few doors down, that notion was almost silly to me. I knew I was avoiding them because of my newfound feelings for Walker, but I also knew they would support me in finding happiness, no matter the road I had to take to get there.

  I started to rummage through my cabinets and pantry, checking ingredients off my list left and right, realizing I had everything except for the German baker’s chocolate and shaved coconut in my kitchen. I began to line up all the needed items when a low groan came from behind me. “Mags, is it bad that I’m nervous to see the McManuses?”

  Walker was standing in the doorway, head down, hands in his pockets, with a solemn look on his face. It was an uncomfortable contrast to my excitement, which confused and pained me.

  I made my way over to him, cupping both his cheeks in my hands, bringing his gaze up to meet mine. “You have the right to feel any way you do, Walker.” I paused, let my words sink in, and then continued. “If you’re not feeling up to going or are going to be uncomfortable being there, then don’t go. I can make up an excuse about you eating undercooked chicken for lunch and they’ll be fine. I’ll have a quick dinner and then come home to you.”

  Walker pressed his cheek against mine, took a deep breath, kissed me quickly, and then shook his head, all in rapid-fire succession. “No, love. Look at you! You’re beaming. How could I miss that or be scared of it?” He smiled down at me and kissed my cheek again. “Liz and Jim are family. They’ll be supportive over anyone else.”

  I hugged Walker’s waist. “Exactly!”

  I started to go over the list of things we needed to do for our baking afternoon. “First, I'll get the last two ingredients and then teach you how to froth egg whites. You’ll make the frosting while I do the other stuff.” I was going a mile a minute, bouncing up and down in the kitchen.

  Walker grabbed my shoulders to stabilize me, and his face lit up with joy. “Mags, I haven’t seen you like this in…I really don’t know how long. How about this? I’ll run to the store, you preheat the oven and get started, and I’ll be back soon.”

  I nodded. “That’s perfect. Thanks, love!”

  He dug his keys out of his pocket, took the list of two things out of my hand, and wrapped me up in a hug. “Please stay this happy. You’re my joy. When you’re happy, it’s contagious to me.”

  I looked up at Walker, smil
ing with tears forming, but they felt different. They were happy—I was happy. It was such a foreign feeling that I was almost unnerved. “I’ll be happier once you’re back and we can get this ball rolling.” Of course, I was joking, and Walker shot me a playful grin before heading out the door.

  Walker only took long enough at the store for me to straighten my hair and have a few sips of a Jack and Ginger to keep up with my effervescent mood. Once he came in, I made him a drink and we put on aprons. There was much protesting on Walker’s part, but I finally got him to wear a pink ‘kiss the cook’ apron with bright red lips on it; the sight was just adorable and I obeyed the command more than once.

  Surprisingly, Walker was a big help and knew his way around the kitchen more than he’d let on. In no time, the icing was chilling in the fridge and the smell of baking chocolaty goodness was engulfing my entire home. I breathed in the delectable smell every chance I got; it reminded me of a time when I was free of heartache, guilt, and emotion.

  While waiting for the cake to finish baking, Walker and I made our way to the couch to relax, each with a batter-covered beater in hand. Walker’s mood had noticeably lightened, the looks of worry and shame vanishing. I was so relieved. It was going to be hard enough with Jim and Liz finding out that I was shacking up with Walker.

  I snuggled down into the crook of Walker’s arm and licked the uncooked cake off the cool metal, enjoying every minute of the bliss. “Walker, thanks for this. I know you’re not too excited about dinner. It means a lot to me.”

  He shuffled next to me so our eyes could meet. A soft expression lay on his lips along with some leftover chocolate from his beater. “Mags, I was just being dumb. Tonight means a lot to me, too. I love Jim and Liz like they were my own parents.” He looked away for a second, his voice growing a little more distant. “Maybe I just don’t want to upset them.”

  I gently rested my head on his shoulder as the buzzer sounded for me to take the cake out of the oven. Talk about being saved by the bell. The truth was, I felt the same way Walker did. There was no way I would ever be ready to tell my dead husband’s parents that I was in a relationship, let alone with their son’s best friend. But they would find out eventually, and I wanted to be the one they heard it from, not the grapevine.

  Calling out from the kitchen into the living room, where Walker still lazily lay on the couch, I said, “Want to come see our masterpiece?” I smiled as he walked into the kitchen while I was spreading the cool frosting over the steaming cake layers, letting it melt and drip over the sides perfectly.

  “Where’d you learn how to make this?” Walker smiled and got some of the coconut frosting with his finger to taste it.

  “Actually, I taught myself. I had to do a lot of cooking for myself and my mom when I was a kid, so I had to learn.” I bit my lip, scraping the last of the coconut frosting from the bowl. “Besides, when your mom doesn’t give two shits and you're ten, cake for dinner is pretty awesome.” I smiled, remembering back to those terrible days of loneliness and having to learn to grow up too fast. It was a strange reaction, but there was nothing else I could do about it other than smile. ‘No use in sulking in the past’ was my new motto.

  Walker’s hands grabbed my hips firmly, pulling me into his strong body. “I’m sorry you had to go through something like that, but damn you’re a good cook for it.”

  He kissed me, breathing in deeply, as if to try to take some of my pain away, and it worked. There was passion in his kiss, even though our tongues did not meet. He buried his fingers in my locks and pulled me against him, barely a breath between us. Urgency was in his every move, and my knees quivered from the intensity. If it were possible for two people to make sparks simply by connecting at the lips, I would think we would have been a firework display in the dark. All the frustration of my past melted away into the loving devotion I had holding on to me.

  I closed my eyes and pulled away just slightly. “Thanks, Walker. I need to get dressed. Be down in a second.” Walker’s round, loving eyes smiled along with the rest of his face when he saw that the sadness had vanished from my expression. He nodded, releasing me from his grip.

  I dressed quickly in a flowing pink top, tight skinny jeans, and my favorite cork wedges. Somewhere during cooking, the flat iron job I had done earlier had become nonexistent, and my hair resembled a tangled lion’s mane. There definitely was not enough time to tame my crazy mess, so I had to contain it somehow. I dabbed on a little bit of makeup and threw my hair into a ponytail.

  Walker and I started up the front steps of my in-laws, and before we could get close to the threshold, Liz’s beaming face was staring at us from the doorway, arms outstretched wide. The three of us hugged as Liz said, “You two live so close and never come over. This is such an amazing treat.”

  As I walked into the house, the smell of smoked brisket filled my nostrils, and my mouth started to water. Jim’s smoker was one of my favorite things in the world because of how well he used it. I turned to Liz, her face still plastered with a Cheshire cat effervescence.

  “I have a surprise for you!” I started to raise the cake out from the bag I was carrying and Liz’s face lit up more.

  As she took the cake from my hands, excitement oozed from her words. “Oh, Margret, this is wonderful! You didn’t have to go to all this trouble.”

  I took both her shoulders in my hands. “Just to see that look on your face makes it no trouble at all!”

  Walker and Jim strode into the foyer with beers for both of us. Jim lifted me off the ground, cracking my back with how tight he held me. I wrapped my arms around his neck tight, whispering in his ear as he put me down. “I missed you too.”

  We all made our way to the dining table where I helped Liz bring out all the delicious-looking food: mashed sweet potatoes, corn on the cob, sliced brisket, green beans, and stewed apples.

  Walker leaned back in his chair, eyes wide at the spread. “Wow, guys! Y’all cooked for an army!”

  Right then, the doorbell rang and Liz jumped up to answer the door. “Oh good, Mitch and Buck are here.”

  I heard her say her greetings to the guys at the door, and Walker and I shrugged at each other. It wasn’t weird for Liz and Jim to extend the invitation for dinner to Mitch and his dad, especially if they had heard about the recent separation. We all got up from the table to greet the rest of our dinner party.

  I walked into the kitchen behind Mitch as he was putting the case of beer he had brought into the fridge. “Hey, Mitch. How’re the two of you holding up?”

  He gently put his hand on my arm, his bloodshot eyes glassy as he tried to smile. “I’m not going to lie to you, Mags. It’s been rough with Dad. He’s been really depressed. I think tonight is going to be good for him.”

  I nodded in agreement and threw my arms around Mitch’s neck. I knew how tough it was to have a pained parent and to have to be the one to hold them together.

  We all gathered at the table again and Jim raised his glass for a toast. “To family. No matter how we all became it, that’s what we are.” We offered cheers to one another and started to pass all of the amazing dishes around the table. Silence fell over us as we munched and noshed away. The only sounds that emanated for the majority of the meal were occasional moans of delicious pleasure or, “This is amazing,” “Liz and Jim, you’ve outdone yourselves,” and “We need to do this more often.”

  Once dinner was rounding to an end, I got up, sliced the cake for everyone, and served it while Mitch and Walker cleared the dinner plates. Buck and Jim shared small talk about planning a fishing trip soon, with Mitch and Walker agreeing they should all go camping and fishing that following weekend along the St. Johns River. I helped rinse some of the dishes and loaded the dishwasher, coming back into the dining room to find all eyes on me.

  “So, Margret, Walker just spilled the beans I guess.” Jim’s stern frown was painful to look at, and Liz’s eyes were wide with concern, darting back and forth from Walker’s ashamed face to my shock. />
  I took my seat next to Liz again, trying to keep my voice from shaking. “What do you mean, spilled the beans?”

  My eyes locked with Walker’s, begging for him to explain, but Jim spoke first. “Roommates is what they’re all calling it these days. Real classy.” He shoved away from the table and stormed out of the room.

  Panic flickered into my heart as I scrambled and ran after him, slamming the sliding glass door to the patio behind me. If I was going to get scolded for shacking up with Walker, I did not want the whole room to hear it.

  “Jim, I wanted to tell you myself, just the four of us. I am so sorry if you don’t approve. He’s the only thing keeping me sane right now.” I was pacing back and forth in front of Jim, who was sitting on an old recliner, rocking slowly. I ran my fingers through my hair, begging myself to not completely breakdown.

  “Margret, Walker is a great guy. It’s just odd, you know?” He stared at his feet for a second and I blankly stared, hoping he would continue. Thankfully, he did. “Randy and Walker were best friends, I know that. But the way Walker always looked at you, even before the wedding, never sat right with me, that’s all.”

  “There had never been anything between us until now. Walker has always been there for me as a friend. That’s it, nothing more or less.” I sat in front of his chair and stared up into the same eyes my husband had had, and they killed me. It almost felt like Randy was the one saying these words, having this conflict, admitting this to me instead of Jim.

  We stayed silent and motionless for a few painstaking minutes. Jim coughed, finally looking up from his worn-out work boots. “As long as you’re happy and taken care of, I don’t really see how I could disapprove. I was just shocked, that’s all.”