The Crashing Series

by Kristen Hope Mazzola

  Rodney made his way over to us, inviting us into their limo. I shook my head. “No, what about my car? I can just drive it over to the hotel.” Cali made a pouting face at me, and Rodney bent his knees to be the same height she was and mimicked her sullen expression.

  “Come on, Mags. The car will be fine for a few hours. Besides, we’ve all been drinking!”

  “Cal, how are we going to get back to our car later?” There was no way I wanted to be stuck at a hotel with people we really didn’t know. The Hysterics all seemed like nice upstanding gentlemen, but I was sure the Unabomber had too at some point in his life.

  I finally put my foot down and got my way—but with a twist. Rodney had the brilliant idea that Cali and I ride in the limo with the guys and Fallon and my car be driven by their bodyguards over to the hotel. The only reason I handed over my keys was because Rodney had promised that if they crashed it, I could get any car I wanted.

  In the limo, we drank champagne and goofed off with all of the band members. They were just the way I remembered them: good-hearted, funny, and seductive. Cali was getting really comfortable next to Maverick, and my alarms started going off. This was not like her, and I started to get really unsettled. I knew that we had been drinking for the better part of the day and I might have been overreacting, but when I saw Maverick put his hand on Cali’s knee and she just giggled into a long make-out session, my temper flared.

  In the limo, packed like sardines was not the place to rip Cali away from the sexual panther that was about to pounce on her, but I didn’t wait long after we climbed out of the limo to rip her to the side of the group.

  Dane and Fallon spun around to look at us as we stopped right next to the limo. Fallon’s soft voice called over. “You two coming?”

  I smiled as nicely as I could while my nails dug into Cali’s wrist. “Yeah, be right in. I just have something to tell Cali really quickly.”

  They both nodded and headed inside, where we could see Dane letting the bellhop know that we were with them. Cali tore her hand from my unyielding grasp. “What the fuck, Mags! That hurts!”

  I glared at her. “Well, Cal, I think you need to remember that the ring on your finger doesn’t say ‘Fuck me, Maverick’ on it.”

  With a gaping stare, Cali had tears coming out of nowhere. Through sobs, Cali gasped, “My marriage is over.”

  I did a double take at Cali while inhaling a sharp breath, immediately wrapping her up in a hug. “What happened? What do you mean, over?” I whispered softly into her ear, not letting her go as I clung to her shaking body.

  She pushed me away a little bit and plopped right onto the sidewalk, patting it for me to take a seat next to her. “Kyle has been cheating on me for months. I found some of his emails and credit card receipts. These stupid trips he’s been taking haven’t been for work. Apparently her name is Chloe, and she lives in Miami. That bastard even flew her to our house when I was away on business the last time.”

  “Does Kyle know you figured out his secret?” The words came out exuding hatred for the scumbag, and a few visions of me punching him in the face crossed my mind.

  She shook her head. “I am planning on kicking him out tomorrow night when he gets home from screwing his whore. I figured I’d let him have one more hurrah and I can have mine before our world turns upside down.”

  I raked my fingers through my hair, horrified by the pain she was in. “Oh, honey, why didn’t you tell me?”

  “Come on, Mags. You have so much going on, and I’m freaking embarrassed. You were always right about Kyle and I just never listened.”

  “Oh, sweetie, this isn’t about being right or wrong or who has what going on. You’re my best friend, and if you need me, I’ll be there, no matter what.”

  With that, I climbed to my feet and helped Cali up. I rubbed away the black streaks her eyeliner was making and we went into the party, promising to have fun for the rest of the night.

  I let Cali do her thing. She danced and flirted with Maverick all night and had a ball. It was nice to see that she was having a great time in the midst of such a terrible circumstance. Fallon and I ended up hanging out and talking. I found out that she was about three months pregnant and therefore the perfect person for me to be around while I was trying to sober up to drive.

  Cali stumbled over to me, and in her drunken slurred speech, she barely got out, “This is one of the best days of my life. I love you, Margret McManus!” With that, she slumped down on the couch next to me, and that was my cue to drive her home. Maverick helped me carry her to the car.

  Once Cali was buckled in, I started to make my way to the driver’s side as Maverick turned to head back to the party. He spun around quickly. “Hey, Mags?”

  Halfway into the driver’s seat, I called back to him, “Yeah? What’s up?”

  He shyly grinned and trotted over to my side, shoving a piece of paper in my hand. “Make sure Cali calls me, okay?”

  I gave him a quick nod. “Yeah, for sure. Thanks for everything, Maverick!”

  He gave me a quick wave and headed back into the hotel as I opened the crumbled loose leaf to read:

  Cali, tonight was amazing. Don’t let that annoying twat piss on you like that! You’re too beautiful and kind for that. Call me!

  -Maverick

  I smiled over at my best friend. She had her head leaning against my window, a little bit of drool escaping from the corner of her mouth. This was a crazy-ass night. I slid the paper into her handbag and pulled out of the valet section of the hotel.

  The whole ride back home, Cali dozed and snored while I jammed out to the radio. Once we pulled into the driveway, I was able to shake her awake enough for me to help her into the house and up into my bed. I remembered the last time she’d slept over and did not want to suffer her wrath for holding out on her again.

  I changed Cali into some of my pajamas and slid under the covers next to her. In her half-sleeping voice, she muttered, “Love youuuu,” and was out for the night. A huge smile spread over my face as I tucked her in a little bit tighter.

  Before turning out the light, I rattled off a quick text to Walker, kind of surprised that I hadn’t heard from him all day.

  Just got back from an insane adventure with Cali. Can’t wait to see you tomorrow and have my fish dinner. Night.

  There was no reply while I sat up and watched mindless infomercials until I finally fell asleep from the sheer exhaustion of our crazy day.

  Twenty-six

  In the morning, Cali and I woke up at the same time. We lazily cuddled in bed for a while, talking about her game plan for when Kyle came home later on that day.

  “But what if he refuses to leave?” I knew it was an odd question, but it had been bugging me. I pictured myself having to go over to her house and beat up a freaking cop so he would leave my best friend alone.

  “He’ll leave. Once he knows, I’m sure it will be a relief for him to be rid of me and the burden.” She punched her pillow a few times, exaggeratedly groaning. “I’m going to head home and get his shit packed up so I don’t have to deal with it anymore.”

  I offered to go and help, but she declined, claiming that it was going to be her therapy session and she needed to break things and cry alone. I understood and knew that if it got rough or if she needed me, she would call this time; I made her promise.

  After Cali left, I sulked around the house for a while until my boredom took total control in Walker’s absence. Waking up without him had used to be my only option on a Sunday morning, but I had become accustomed to having company, and warmth had been starting to fill the emptiness again. I got out of my pajamas and made a little breakfast, deciding to clean the house up a bit.

  Since Walker really didn’t use his room anymore, I started in there and began to make it back into the guest room it had been before he’d moved in. I got the vacuum out of the hall closet and dragged it into the room. I collected all of Walker’s clothes out of the drawers and closet and made room for them in mine,
stripped the bed, put new sheets on, and then began to vacuum. After passing the vacuum a few times under the bed, I felt it hit something light.

  I got down onto the floor and found a journal with Walker’s name engraved in the leather on the front. I sat on the freshly made bed, trying to convince myself to be respectful of Walker’s privacy.

  My concentration was broken when my cell vibrated in my pocket. There was a text from Walker shining on the screen:

  Sorry I haven’t been in touch, no service. We’ll be home in about four hours, maybe a little more. Can’t wait to see you too!

  I wrote a quick message back:

  OK see you soon, drive safe

  When my screen went black, I went against my better judgment and let curiosity get the better of me. I flipped the front cover open and read the date on the top of the first passage, realizing that Walker had started it the day he and Randy got deployed. My heart started pounding and I skimmed through the pages until I found the day Randy died. Terror came over me as I read the passage of a story I was never supposed to read:

  Today the biggest mistake happened and I don’t know how I am fucking going to live with it. The plan completely went to hell. I am the one that was supposed to fucking be dead, not him. Randy and Mags were supposed to live happily ever after with me out of the picture, not seeing it anymore. But now I am here stuck in this torturous hell of guilt, longing, and shame. How will I ever look into her eyes again? She loves him, not me, and that’s how it was supposed to be. Fuck! Why did he have to grab my chute?

  Once I finished reading the entry, I froze. Then I puked right where I stood as what had just been revealed ripped through my heart. I fell onto all fours, sobbing and shaking. I grabbed my phone off the bed to see what time it was, realizing Walker would be home soon. I rallied all of my strength and forced myself to stand. Suddenly, adrenaline kicked me hard, forcing me into fight or flight mode.

  I flew down the stairs and started to rip the daisies apart, tearing through them, screaming and crying. I kicked the vases everywhere, letting the glass fly, crashing and shattering. Water and flower petals flowed around my tile floor in the kitchen as I fell to my knees, felt the sharp shards piercing my skin, and watched as little wisps of crimson ran away from my body in the water.

  I knelt there, sobbing onto the cover of the journal still clenched in my fist when my phone vibrated again with another text:

  Be home in five.

  Panic started rising up through my whole body. What am I going to do? Who do I call? I ran to my room and dialed Cali’s number.

  “Hi, Mags! How’re you?”

  Her voice stung my ears, making me choke out the only words I could. “Walker killed Randy. It was an accident, but it’s his fucking fault. Walker will be home any minute.” Without another word, I hung up on Cali, not knowing what else to tell her.

  I tried to stay calm. I sat on my bed, trembling, still wet and bloody from the floor of my kitchen, the journal in one hand. I hid my cell under my mattress. I wanted to be able to get to it if I had to.

  My mind flashed to Randy’s sweet face and then to Walker’s. I could not even start to wrap my head around what I had just discovered. There is no way that Walker could have done that. He’d loved Randy just as much as I had. They had been like brothers. How did this happen?

  The pain was sharp in my stomach. The words of the passage ran through my mind over and over and it all clicked. Walker wanted to be with me but knew I loved Randy, not him. Walker did it because he couldn’t be with me and couldn’t live without me. Walker tampered with his own parachute, but Randy got it by mistake. And it is my fault entirely.

  With these thoughts washing over me, I had to run to the bathroom. Everything was far too overwhelming for my body, and my stomach emptied completely. Right after I flushed the toilet, I heard the front door slam and Walker bounding up the stairs, calling up to me, but I couldn’t answer. I could hear him asking if I was okay and wondering what had happened downstairs. I was frozen in the middle of my room, rage boiling, the journal still glued in my grasp.

  I stood, breathing shallowly, looking around at the space I used to share with Randy. It felt tainted now. I was shaking and could hear my heartbeat in my ears. My skin was burning. Walker got to my door and, with a quick knock, opened it. He stopped dead in his tracks when he saw my hand clutched around his memoir.

  Walker’s glare raked me with freezing contempt and I froze, gaping at the man I thought I was falling in love with, the reality barely grazing the surface of my skin. I couldn’t let myself believe that Walker living was the reason for Randy’s death. That this man standing in front of me, who had been living with me, comforting me, loving me, had been the culprit all along. Blisteringly hot rage coursed up from my belly. The more my mind thought, the more I wanted to kill him.

  He took a step toward me, eyes wide with terror, a kind of fear I had never seen on his face. “Mags, I can explain. It was all a mistake.” He took another step so I moved back, our eyes still fixed on each other. “Margret, when it happened I knew my new mission in life was to take care of you, Jim, and Liz. It’s my fault he’s dead so I had to do what’s right.”

  I heard the words that were coming out of his mouth, but they were not registering. They just nipped at my ears. How dare he even think that he was doing the right thing? He was sick and messed up and I hated him. I swallowed and glowered. “I fucking hate you, you damn murderer!”

  And with my words, Walker’s eyes became black and cold. His expression got shallow. His body grew rigid, every muscle flexing and hardening. I wanted to know what he was thinking. I wanted to know what he knew, what he did, what Randy’s last moments were like. I was standing toe-to-toe with the reason for all of my pain, the selfish choice that had destroyed my entire world. The realization hit me, smacking me awake, and I reacted.

  I lunged forward and jumped on Walker, hitting, screaming, and scratching. He wouldn’t hit me back, even though I was screaming at him to, calling him a pussy, a coward, a filthy murderer. He just blocked my fists from his face, trying to grab me, trying to restrain me, but I was too quick for his tired body. He started to beg me to stop, to let him explain—pleading, pathetic.

  We wrestled on the floor for what felt like hours. I could feel his strong arms wrapping around me as I continued to scratch and squirm. When any part of his body got close enough, I bit down as hard as I could, breaking open his skin. His hand came close to my face and I grabbed it between my teeth; he smacked me so hard with his free hand that I became dizzy. I could feel the hot liquid flowing between my injuries and his.

  I could feel my chest start heaving; it was hard so to breathe. My lungs were gasping for air. Walker scrambled off me and started to beg for me to take slower breaths, to calm down. I became lightheaded as he scooped me up into his arms from the floor, my eyes barely able to stay focused. My eyelids got heavier. I could feel my lungs aching for air even more and my throat started gasping.

  I could hear Walker’s voice trembling as he carried me through the house. “Mags, please stay with me. You’re having a panic attack. Please, Mags.” Tears rolled down his cheeks and landed on my face as he sobbed, rushing out the front door. “I’m so sorry, babe, I love you. You’re my true north. Please…”

  Dying was not a fear of mine—at least not after Randy had. If I died, then at least I would be with him again, and I assumed that was my fate now. I could feel Walker picking up my body and carrying me, but I couldn’t fight, scream, or resist.

  Right as my body started to get completely limp and my mind started to go black, I heard Walker pleading and crying more. “Mags, please stay with me. I love you. I can’t lose you too. Mags. Please.”

  I heard a loud bang and I assumed it was my neck breaking under Walker’s force, but there was no pain. In that instant, the pressure I had felt from Walker holding me vanished. My mind was slipping in and out. Finally, my nightmare was over, and everything went black.

  Ep
ilogue

  The sound of the ocean waves rushing to shore and seabirds squawking sang me awake. I could feel hot rays of glorious sun glistening down on my face. I slowly opened my eyes to see a beautiful white sand beach. I was lying on a lounge chair in my favorite pink bikini with a cold bottle of beer in my hand. The salt air filled my lungs and I felt completely at peace. My golden, sun-kissed skin was soaking in the warmth. It felt like I hadn’t had a good dose of vitamin D in decades.

  I closed my eyes again, taking in the moment. It seemed like I was alone in this paradise. The beach was just there for me, and I couldn’t help but be glad for the silence. I startled a little when I heard someone walking toward me. I rolled over onto my side to see Randy walking closer to me, shirtless.

  He took a seat at the foot of my lounge chair, putting one hand on my leg. Sitting up, I hugged him as tightly as I could. He looked down at me, smiling beautifully and pressing his soft, warm lips to mine. We stayed embraced for what felt like a lifetime, but even that was not long enough. Randy brought my head down to his shoulder, running his fingers through my sea-dampened curls.

  “There is nothing more perfect than this moment,” I whispered against his skin as I kissed his chest. The smell of sweat and salt water was dulcet on his smooth tan skin. A smell I would never be able to forget, it was so beautiful to me.

  Randy’s fingers slowly traced the bird on my hip, sending chills down my spine. Staring, he leaned closer to my ear, breathing softly. “Sooty terns are my favorite. So brave, spending almost all their lives out to sea. I’m almost jealous of them.” He laughed a little, still staring at the flying seabird on my skin. Just to hear his laugh again was breathtaking. “I’ll always love you. Promise, promise.” His voice sounded so distant even though he was sitting right next to me.