The Crashing Series

by Kristen Hope Mazzola

The feeling of his balls on my forehead, along with choking, was not my favorite, but once I heard the amount of pleasure Walker got from this, I couldn’t get enough. I gripped his glutes, pulling him as deep into my throat as I could until I could feel his knees shaking.

  The throbbing between my legs intensified, until I could barely take the suspense. “Fuck me,” I whimpered before licking his balls with the tip of my tongue.

  Walker flipped me back on my stomach after turning me back around. In once swift motion, he plunged into me, thrusting deeper and harder than usual. His panting and moans were making me grip around him tighter and tighter until I was on the brink. His thrusts were strong and hard, shooting pleasurable pain throughout my body. My hips bucked in his hands as my release sparked his. We both cried out as he started to throb inside me, and he collapsed on my back.

  Little kisses started to trail over my shoulder blades and down my spine.

  “I missed you,” I whispered.

  “I missed you.” His husky drawl curled into my ear as he placed soft kisses under my ear.

  He pulled me up to the top of the bed, wrapping me up in his beautifully tattooed arms. “Goodnight, darlin’.”

  I kissed his forearm that was cradling my head. “Night.”

  Nineteen

  The soft tapping hitting my window mixed with a soft rumble of thunder woke me from my dreamless sleep. I stretched and rubbed my eyes with the heels of my hands, opening them to peer out the window to a gloomy, muggy Florida morning. I rolled back onto my side, nestling back into my comfortable position under my fluffy comforter, pressing one foot on Walker’s muscular leg that was inked for me. I smiled, thinking back to the night he’d gotten his compass, a warm feeling flooding my body with all the love that simple letter displayed.

  Sleep slowly took back over until my eyes shot open when I felt Walker’s body shove up from his side of the bed. His eyes carried so much sadness and worry in them.

  “Where are you going?” Panic coursed through my body and came out with my tone, infused in my words as they bit at my hot ears and cheeks.

  “I have to report to base by the mornin’.” He turned to look at me, his brow creasing, showing off his moistened eyes. “I’m so sorry, Mags, but I have to get goin’.” He knelt down next to me, running his thumb over a tear that had escaped my bruised eye.

  “When will you come back?” The idea of losing him again, even with everything that had happened, was unfathomable. My stomach churned and my throat turned into the Sahara.

  His lips brushed my forehead as he breathed out, “I might not.”

  Right then, everything stopped. My breathing, my heart, my everything was ripped from me as I tried to understand his words. Shaking and no longer able to fight the tears, I pushed myself up into his arms and clung on with all my might. My bruised ribs screamed and my cheekbone cried as I pressed my right side into his muscles, but that pain was nothing compared what could happen if I never saw Walker again.

  “What…” The words could not even form. There was no sense in even trying to ask all the questions I had.

  “I am turning myself in, Mags.” His breath was warm on my hair as his lips kissed the top of my head. “I have to make this right. Randy deserves for me to be a man about what happened to him.”

  “But y-you can’t leave me again.”

  I was broken, a puddle of blubbering hysteria wrapped in his arms. I was clinging to him as hard as I could, but deep down I knew that I had to let him go. The resolution in his eyes and the peacefulness that hid behind the sorrow were enough of an answer for me. He needed this to heal completely.

  “Mags, not everyone feels the way you do. Can forgive like you can. Love like you can.” He pulled me in tighter, burying his face in the nape of my neck as he shook.

  “They will come around.”

  “They’re right. I’m not good enough for you. Not like this. I have to be a man and take responsibility for my actions, and hope that one day I will deserve you.”

  He started to shift his weight and I gripped at his shirt with trembling hands, wrapping my legs around his middle.

  “You have to let me go.”

  “How can you ask that of me? How can you ask me to let go of the one person who makes my world turn right-side up again? The only person who understands me, who can calm me, who can save me? How can you walk away from me?”

  I was completely losing it. I was barely forming full words through hyperventilating and sobs. I was shaking and my muscles had locked into their clinging position. Even if my brain had commanded my limbs to go limp and let Walker exit my room, my heart had taken full control of my body, and right then, it was trying to keep from shattering more.

  “I will try to come back for you. Once this is all done and the dust settles. I will be a better man.”

  I gripped the bottom of his “Go Army” shirt, pulling it up over his head. I held on to it and breathed in the scent of Walker the shirt held. “You have to leave this with me.”

  Right then, as I looked down at the shirt, I knew I had completely gone bonkers, but I didn’t care. I needed the comfort that the stupid shirt would provide once Walker walked out my door and out of my life for good. We both knew that the decision he was making could send him to the brig, but if that was a risk he wanted to take, I knew there was no way I was going to be able to convince him otherwise.

  “It’s yours.” He picked me back up into his arms, pulling me into his bare chest. “Mags, there will not be a second that goes by that I will not live my life for you.”

  Through sobs, I muttered, “Then stay.”

  “You know this is for the best.”

  I nodded my head, wrapping my legs around him again, hoping that my words would sink into his thick skull and miraculously he would change his mind.

  “I have to leave. I’m meeting a buyer for the store in a little bit.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I decided to sell my dad’s gas station. If I’m gone or can’t watch it, I can’t trust my family to do right by it. Before, I was able to keep an eye out or send old buddies to check up on Silas’s punk ass.”

  “Oh. I’m sorry you have to do that.”

  “It ain’t no thang, really. I should have done it years ago. I was just holding on to an evil man’s memory for posterity.”

  His breath was dancing over my ear as he pressed his scruffy cheek to mine.

  “Walker?”

  “Yeah, babe?”

  “My heart is yours. Be careful with it.”

  He pulled back to look at me. His emerald eyes were tired, sad, and bloodshot. “It’s my most prized possession.”

  “I love you.”

  “Love you too.”

  Our lips met for the most beautifully sad kiss I had ever experienced. We both held on tight with our lips pressed together and tears rolling down our cheeks until Walker pulled away.

  “If I can, I’ll call you.”

  I nodded. “And if not, write?”

  His lips pulled together as he pushed my hair behind my ear. “Of course, darlin’.” He lifted me off his lap and shoved off the bed, grabbing his bag in one shift motion. “Bye babe.”

  I furrowed my brow and jumped off the bed to hug him one last time. “Bye.”

  With that, shoulders pulled back head held high, Walker walked to the door of my room. I started to follow him, but he turned around once he got to my doorway. “Don’t.” His head fell a little. “Please. It’ll only be harder once we get to my truck.”

  I stopped. “Okay.”

  Watching Walker walk out of my room was one of the hardest moments of my life. The stabbing feelings of loneliness, betrayal, love, loss, guilt, and dull pain all crashed down on me, making it hard for me to even breathe.

  I pulled myself back into my bed and sobbed until exhaustion overwhelmed me and I finally fell back asleep.

  “Mags? Are you up there?” I heard Cali calling down from the front door as it shut behind her.


  I pulled my head up from my pillow, still in shock from the emptiness of my bed and heart. “Yeah, Cali. In my room.” My voice sounded so normal for how tormented I felt, and the realization made me feel uneasy.

  She came busting in my room. “You haven’t been answering your phone all fucking day!”

  “Sorry. I’ve been sleeping.”

  “Where’s Walker? I saw that his truck wasn’t out front.”

  That’s when one tear finally escaped. “He left.”

  “What? What do you mean he left?”

  I took a few slow breaths before muttering the words that were going to rip me apart. “He is going to turn himself in. He said it was the right thing to do.” Right then, all hell broke loose in the form of tears and a runny nose as I collapsed down into my pillow and choked out, “And I don’t know how to stop him. I know he’s right but I want to protect him.”

  “You have to stop him!”

  The panic and haste in her voice were shocking. Only the night before, she could barely look at him without complete disgust laced with a mild hatred on her face.

  “That was not what I was expecting to hear from you.” I sat up and looked into my best friend’s concerned eyes as she sat next to me on the bed, holding a piece of paper in her hands. “I heard a new Hysterics song on the radio. The words were so shocking, so fitting for your situation, I couldn’t believe them. I looked them up and found out that Maverick wrote it. I texted him and talked to him about it. He said they came to him in a dream, that a seagull and a tall man came to him in a freaking dream and this is what he wrote. This is too weird to not be meant for you. I usually don’t fucking believe in this crap, but holy hell, Mags. Here. Listen.”

  She fumbled with her phone until a sweet melody started to play; she shoved the page into my hands so I could read along. My body went cold as my eyes scanned over the words my heart had needed to hear for too long:

  Stop, breathe, take it all in

  There is more to life than sin

  Stop, breathe, take a moment

  You’re holding the greatest gift

  And he knows it

  Stop, breathe, take it all in

  Everything is happening perfectly

  Even if it seems thin

  Being blinded is a curse we all face

  But enjoying the little things

  Will bring you close to grace

  Be happy and love

  It’s just that simple

  Let go of all that is trivial

  Stop, breathe, take it all in

  It’s all happening, let it just begin

  Silence took back over the space as I stared wide-eyed in disbelief. “What the…” I looked up at Cali as she nodded, noticing that her black eye was finally fading a little.

  “Yeah, I know, right?” She hopped off the bed, looking down at me with a raised eyebrow.

  “What?”

  “Why aren’t you getting up?”

  I looked around my room, taking in everything that had happened. “Because I don’t know what to do. Cali, you didn’t see the calmness and resolution in his eyes. You didn’t hear how much he needs this.”

  She grabbed my hand and pulled me out of my bed. “He thinks he needs to turn himself in. Obviously that is bullshit and Randy is trying to make sure that he doesn’t.”

  I looked at Cali and ran into my closet. “Give me five minutes. We’ll take the Mercedes. If we hurry, we’ll be able to get to him before he leaves the station.”

  Twenty

  I dove into my closet like a woman on a mission with The Hysterics’ lyrics buzzing in my head. There was no way I was letting Walker walk away from us. Doing the right thing was all well and good, but in my gut, I knew him turning himself in was only going to cause more pain, not cure it. I threw on my favorite pair of jeans and a white tank top, yanked on my boots, threw my hair up, and grabbed my black leather jacket in what felt like one swift motion.

  “Cali, thank God you came here when you did,” I called out to her from my walk-in.

  “Sometimes, things just happen for a reason. Now move your ass. We got some ground to cover.”

  I flew out of the closet, grabbed my purse off the nightstand, and grabbed her hand. “Walker left five hours ago. He’s almost to the store. Let’s go!”

  I quickly hugged Cali to my side, letting myself relish in how great of a friend she was and how amazingly happy I was in that moment. Right then, I was seeing clearly, not the double vision of guilt and worry that had clouded my days for so long.

  I started to go for the driver’s side when Cali grabbed my keys from my hand. “I’ll drive. You’ve been upset and your eye is still a little swollen shut.”

  I nodded and released the keys completely.

  We slid into the car and had started to back down the driveway when I remembered that I needed to take my medication and that I’d left them on the kitchen counter the night before. My breath caught when I thought about the night before, what an amazing evening Walker and I had had, how fast it had all hit the fan again.

  “Cali, give me a second. I have to run in and get my meds.”

  She threw the car in park and looked over at me with a slight grin on her face. “Hurry.”

  I was in and out of my house faster than I could blink, and then we were off to stop my love from making the biggest mistake of his life.

  The car was stifling as my brain flipped and flopped around, colliding with my heart, forcing my body to be in a mental war. I tried to drown it all out with music and making small talk with Cali, but everything led back to our mission.

  “Do you think he’ll talk to you?”

  I stared out the window as fear whisked into my heart. “I hope so.” I could barely even hear my own words, but they lingered in the air as silence fell between tracks on The Hysterics CD we had been listening to on loop for the past two hours.

  “I’m sure he will.”

  Music about hope and the promise of a new day flooded the car. Rodney’s sweet voice echoed to a fast-paced tempo while my mind tried to distract itself again.

  “So, Cali, what’s going on with Mitch?”

  She sighed and shuffled in her seat a little. “I think it is too early to tell to be honest.”

  “What do you mean? Tell what?”

  “If what we feel for each other is really a romantic connection or if it is a lustful curiosity between two friends.”

  Even though we had all been friends for what felt like a lifetime, I guessed there were things that could still surprise you when you heard them coming out of your best friend’s mouth. “Well, I think that you really need to take your time with this, Cal.”

  “Yeah, you’re so right with that one!”

  The sun started to set to our left as the road continued due north, carrying us straight for Walker’s gas station.

  “So where is it that Walker is supposed to be again?”

  “When Walker’s father died, he left Walker a gas station.”

  A look of curiosity marred Cali’s face as she glanced over at me. I told her all I knew about Walker’s family situation—or lack thereof—down to his wanting to sell the station and why.

  “So he is really planning on doing this, huh?”

  “Yup. Crazy, right?”

  “Even though he could wind up in jail?”

  “Oh yeah.”

  “Man, we need to get there before he makes this huge mistake!”

  Cali slammed her foot harder onto the accelerator, making the Mercedes purr and speed down the open road. The rest of the trip zoomed by my window as the anticipation and adrenaline of the unknown coursed through my body. We pulled onto the gravel road of the gas station right as the moon started to peek out from behind clouds, the sun just having settled behind a distant mountain ridge.

  “Just park here. I’ll be back in a minute.”

  After a few slow, long breaths, I opened the car and jumped out.

  “You’re going the wrong
direction, Walker!” I called out to him from the road as I started to jog up to him and a short, stocky man in overalls and boots with spurs on them.

  He spun around, a huge goofy grin on his face as he cocked his head to the side. “Oh yeah? Which way is that?”

  I ran faster until I was diving right into his arms. I crushed my lips to his before pulling away and whispering, “Away from your north, silly.”

  “Now we can’t have that, now can we?” His drawl wrapped sweetly around his words as the man standing oddly close to us forced out a cough. Walker’s cheeks flushed for a second as he released me, turning to the man. “Mr. Hurley, this is Mags.”

  I nodded my head and took his outstretched hand as his toothy smile nearly blinded me.

  “Nice to meet you, ma’am. Won’t be taking up too much more of your young man’s time.”

  “Go on. Sorry for interrupting.” I smiled warmly at Mr. Hurley and then looked to Walker. “I’ll just go wait in the car with Cali while you guys finish up?”

  Walker nodded. “I’ll be over in a little.”

  I jogged back to the Mercedes, where Cali sat, her eyes wide with anticipation.

  “So?” Cali’s voice traveled out of the open door right as I was about to climb into the passenger’s seat.

  “Well, he’s not mad.”

  “Yeah, he looked pretty pleased to see you.” She giggled and put her hand on my shoulder. “What’s going on there?” Cali looked over at Walker as he was talking to Mr. Hurley.

  “That’s the guy who wants to buy the station from Walker.”

  “Do you know how his parents are going to handle his selling it?”

  “I don’t think that’s really a concern of Walker’s to be honest. He considers us his family more than them. He probably didn’t even tell him.”

  The two men shook hands and Walker walked Mr. Hurley to his truck. After waving goodbye, Walker made his way, half-jogging and half-sprinting over to the car. Once he got to my side, he knocked on the window and waved for me to come out, a huge grin spreading from one ear to the other. I opened the door and climbed out.

  “Don’t worry, Cali. I ain’t gonna bite her.” Walker winked at Cali, who was staring at him with her arms crossed and her brow creased.