At that moment, I saw my chance. “You want mine?”
“Huh?” He shook his head. “What?”
“I got an extra,” I said.
“Okay,” he said and like kids, I grabbed his hand and pulled him to my locker in one of the school’s corridors.
After I had given him the cape and fangs that were supposed to be Nathalie’s, I didn’t expect him to be shirtless like me. But he just stripped and put the cape on. Even as a teenager, Liam had attracted me a lot. Though he might not be as fit as he was now, he was still lean at that time and totally my type. So cute. When he just removed his shirt like that, I couldn’t help but have sexual thoughts about him.
When he was done, he mimicked what I had done when I met him at the hall. He raised his arms and cape up like a bat. But he did something more. He wrapped his arms around me, covering me in his cape and tried to bite my neck like a real vampire. I acted like I was in pain and fell. We laughed. He reached his hand out to help me stand up. “C’mon, let’s find our victims!” he said. I took his hand and stood. This time, he held my hand and pulled me back to the Halloween party to play.
“Rawr!” Liam did exactly like what he had done in our high school’s locker room five years ago, raising his arms like a bat. “Rawr!” he tried again and wrapped his arms around me this time and tried to bite my neck. He pulled back slowly as he realized that I wasn’t as excited as he was to relive the—fun to him but sweet to me—moment. “What’s wrong, Eth?”
“I can’t do this, Liam.” I untied the knot and took the cape off. I put the cape back into the wardrobe.
“Why not?” Liam asked.
“Because…”
“Because what?”
“You don’t know how hard it is for me. To control myself.” I walked towards my bed and crawled into it. I turned face up. I sighed. It wasn’t a lie. When he hugged me and bit my neck like when we first met in high school, I really wanted to just shove him onto the bed and fuck the hell out of him. Even after I’d just came in the bathroom just now.
Liam removed his cape too and his fangs. He put them back in their respective places neatly. He looked at me for a second like he was thinking about something.
I closed my eyes, didn’t want to read his expression. I felt movements on the bed like he was crawling up to lie down beside me.
“Eth,” he called.
I opened my eyes. He was beside me. But he kept a distance. I was grateful for that.
“I know you love me,” he said. “I told you before that night. At the pool. I won’t mind.”
“What’s your point, Liam?”
Liam rolled over to face me directly. He took a deep breath. “I… I just want us to be the same as before...”
“Sure,” I said. But to be honest, it would be really hard now that he knew the truth. I wanted the same, too, but things would never really be the same. Now that he knew I was into him, I had to be more careful and cautious about my actions so that he wouldn’t get the wrong idea. I didn’t want to lose him again.
“And when I said as before…” he continued, “I really do mean as before. I like you, Eth, for who you are when I first met you. I don’t want you to draw a line and start becoming someone else.”
Slowly and carefully—because of the pain—I rolled over to face him directly too. I could tell from his face that he was serious about what he just said. “That night at the pool… When I said I was thinking about shoving my cock into your ass all the time. I meant it, Liam. I’m thinking about it all the time, even in the shower just now.”
“So?” Liam said. “I’ve also meant what I’d said that night. You can think about it. Think about fucking me all you want. There’s nothing wrong. I’m okay with it. For five years you’d only thought about it, but you never did. It’s just fantasy, Eth. It’s nothing. I think of killing some people all the time. I think of fucking a few girls before too, but I never do it. Likewise, it’s the same for you.”
That was different, I wanted to say, but I couldn’t. “I’m not sure, Liam. I feel guilty, even looking at you shirtless right now.”
“Hey.” Liam reached his hand over to grab mine.
I was so surprised I quickly retracted my hand, like his hand could burn me. The surprise became anger almost instantly. How could he do that? How could he tease me like that knowing I was suffering on the inside to avoid him? I wasn’t even sure if avoid was the right word because I… I... I rolled over to the other side. Didn’t want to see his face anymore.
“I know we can’t be lovers,” Liam said. “But we can be brothers, right?”
My heart felt like it was being chewed. It hurt so much to hear that from his own mouth. I’d always known that truth ever since I’d knew him better in high school. “You’re being ridiculous,” I said. “We’re already brothers.”
“Then why are you mad at me?”
I didn’t answer him. Because I wasn’t sure either. Was I mad? Or was I just being sad?
“You don’t even want to play with me anymore…” Liam said, in a voice like a kid who was about to cry.
I turned my head around to look at him. He was indeed crying, but why? I rolled over to face him again. “Hey, I’m not mad...” I thought twice about rubbing his tears with my thumb. But I figured I shouldn’t. “I’m just… I’m sorry, Liam. I just want myself to not do what a friend isn’t supposed to do.”
He wiped the tears himself. “Just be your usual self,” he sniffled softly. “That’s all I’m asking for.”
Seeing him like this, I realized I was selfish. He must have had his own battle, too, suddenly having found out his closest friend, a person that wasn't only sexually interested in guys but also sexually interested in him. I was careless. I should have thought about his feelings too. All he wanted was to keep our friendship and I acted like I was going to throw it away suddenly, when I was the one who wanted to keep it in the first place.
“Eth,” Liam continued, “let’s forget about Nathalie’s birthday. Let’s forget you got drunk. Let’s forget everything that you said. Let’s take it as nothing ever happened. I’ll pretend I never knew and you just pretend that I’ve never known all along, okay?”
“You really want that?” I wasn’t so sure if I could. After all, it was just pretending.
“Yes, for us to be back the same,” he answered.
I sighed. If that was what he really wanted, then sure. “Okay, Liam. I promise you.” I held up my pinky finger. “Nothing has ever happened,” I said.
“Nothing has ever happened,” he said and shook my pinky finger with his. He smiled. I could tell he was really happy about it.
His phone rang once. It must be a text. He rolled around to take it, his back facing me now.
He wanted me to be my usual self before the night at Nathalie’s birthday happened. So I did what he asked. I moved closer to him, ignoring all the discomfort I felt from the bruises. My chest almost touched his back. I leaned up to peek at who texted Liam.
It was Lucas again.
“So, who’s this Lucas?” I asked.
He turned his head around to look at me. “Jealous?”
“What is there to be jealous of?” I said. “You’re already in my bed, not his.”
Liam sniggered and pushed my head lightly, making me lie back down on the bed. “He’s a friend,” he answered as he typed his reply. “He’s in a martial arts class. I thought of joining one.”
I rolled over to face him again. “Why the sudden interest?”
Liam was quiet at first. He sighed and decided to be honest with me. “I don’t want you to get hurt anymore because of me.”
“Me?” I snorted. “Or Joanna, you mean?”
“Joanna too,” he said.
I laughed but said nothing else. I didn’t dare think of anything else.
“You wanna join me, Eth? We can take up class together so that we won’t get roughed up so easily like that night, you know,” Liam suggested.
“No,”
I answered. And I was sure of it. “I think you shouldn’t join either.”
He rolled over to face me. “Why?”
“That’s because I can’t stand seeing you get hurt, Liam. If you join a martial arts class, for sure you’ll always come back with injuries from the sparrings. It will hurt me to see you come back with those bruises like mine now. Besides, people won’t just beat people up. There must be a reason why those bad guys decided to attack you.”
Liam sighed. He turned to face the ceiling this time. “I don’t know. I’ve been thinking really hard. I still couldn’t figure who would want to hurt me that much.”
“You sure you didn’t offend some kind of thug or something?”
“I didn’t,” Liam said. “I rarely pick a fight. Besides, I’m mostly with you, remember?” He looked at me.
“Not really,” I turned to face the ceiling too. I turned my head to look at him. “You weren’t with me for a few days, remember?”
“Only those few days,” Liam said. “But I was always either at home or by Joanna’s side.”
“Could it be... they got the wrong person?” I guessed.
“That’s stupid,” Liam said. “They’re fucking dumb if they can’t even get their target right.”
I laughed.
“What?”
“Maybe they want to hit me. Instead, they hit you.” I grinned.
He rolled over to face me again, but this time, with his head leaned up and his arm supporting it. “Maybe. Since you always piss people off in school.”
“You really think they’re trying to target me?”
“I’m just kidding.” Liam pushed my head lightly again.
Someone knocked on the door twice. “Hello? You both slept?” It was Nathalie.
“Nat?” I almost shouted. “You’re still here?”
“Hey, you sound like you don’t welcome me here at all,” Nathalie said. “Come out and meet your new housemate properly. I’ve brought some food over. If you’re not sleeping yet, come party with us and welcome him!”
“Ah, Nat. That’s why you’re still here,” I said. “Him.”
Liam laughed.
“Enough!” The door shook once. “Eh, Eth, I’ve asked you politely but you did not appreciate it. Come the fuck out right now before I put my fist inside your ass!”
“Ew, Nat!” Liam said.
“You too, Liam!” The door shook again.
I laughed back at him. Together, we got up and got out.
7
The Same or Not
(Liam)
W as I asking for too much? I wanted to him to sleep shirtless with me. In the same bed. It made no sense, I knew, but I wanted to prove to him that even then I trusted him. I trusted him that he wouldn’t do anything to me. Heck, we’d even slept with just our briefs on a few nights before. Why would my knowledge of his interest in me now make him dangerous? In any sort of relationships, including friendship, to me, the most important thing was trust.
I woke up in the middle of the night. I had to get up for the washroom. It must have been the dessert that Nathalie had brought last night to welcome Jerry. When I got back onto the bed and lay down beside Ethan, I stole a glance at him. It must be tough for him. For him to continue to love me but at the same time, just stay as friends. I knew what I was asking for and I knew I was selfish, because what he needed most was to move on. But I didn’t want to lose him. I didn’t want our friendship to end just because of a small matter like this.
But I was wrong about trusting him, that he wouldn’t do anything to me. Because the moment I closed my eyes to get back to sleep, suddenly, Ethan turned and threw his arm and leg around me. Reflexively, I got my leg up to kick him. Before my foot landed on his dick, I stopped the moment I noticed him sweating profusely.
“Please,” Ethan mouthed, his eyes still closed. “Don’t leave me. Please. Liam… I won’t do anything to you, I promise. Don’t leave...”
My jaw hung open. Ethan was dreaming about me again. He was afraid of losing me. I sighed and put my leg down. The few days I’d left him must have made him suffer a lot. Seeing him like this, I wanted to comfort him. I didn’t know what to do except to… let him hug me. It was okay to hug as friends, right? He was just hugging me and nothing else. I allowed Ethan, assuring him that I wasn’t leaving, and went back to sleep.
I woke up in the morning before him. He was still hugging me when I woke but his sweat was gone. Not only that, he slept wearing a smile too. The nightmare must have gone away. I was glad that I could be of some help. While still letting him hold me in his arms, I reached for my phone on the night table.
It was already 10 a.m., and Joanna had sent me a few text messages.
Morning, babe. Sorry about last night. I know u’re just being responsible to ur friend, yet I didn’t understand it. I understand now n am willing to take care of Ethan with u together. Joanna had sent this at 8 a.m.. Did she just say “take care of Ethan together”? I chuckled once. She sounded like Ethan had become our baby.
U’re still sleeping, babe? This was from 8:35 a.m.
I’m sure u’re still sleeping. XOXO. This was from 9:00 a.m. She was so sweet like that.
Sorry, babe. My friends got into some trouble. I’m gonna skip my class to go over help them now. U’re gonna be at Ethan’s place the whole day, right? This was from 9:37 a.m., not long ago.
Good morning, babe. I just woke up. I quickly replied to her. Sure. Friends are important. Help them first if they’re really in deep trouble. After all, that’s what friends are for. That was what I learned from Ethan. I smiled at him before I continued to type another reply. This was to reply to her first message, an argument we had last night when I wanted to move into Ethan’s place to take care of him until he was well. U don’t have to worry about Ethan, babe. I’m glad u understand now. U can focus working on ur Pharmacokinetics assignment. I remember it’s gonna due soon, right? I’ll be fine on my own here. I sent that and placed my phone down.
I looked at Ethan again. Seeing him smiling like that, I couldn’t help but smile at him again. I was really grateful to have him. He was my brother and my protector. Now, he was also my role model. Should Joanna be in any situation like mine, getting beaten up or harmed, I would not think twice about jumping in and shielding her. Just as Ethan had done for me.
Ethan grunted, saliva dribbled down his mouth. I laughed.
Carefully, I removed his arm and leg around me, placing them gently on the bed. Then, I slipped in my blanket for him to hug instead and left the room.
The living room was a fucking mess. Beer cans were everywhere on the floor. Unfinished packets of peanuts and chips, and poker cards were all over the coffee table. Some were even soaked in beer spills. I didn’t remember us drinking last night. What happened after we went to bed?
Nathalie didn’t go home. She and Samuel were sleeping together on the floor in between the coffee table and the couch, knocked out from their drinking. Maybe Samuel was sad about his break up with Daisy, and Nathalie, Olivia, and probably our new friend, Jerry too, were there to comfort him. Olivia and Jerry were nowhere in the living room, though. They must have returned to their respective rooms—Olivia, to her apartment—or gone to school.
I sighed. Ethan wouldn’t be comfortable in an environment like this. I did a quick cleaning, throwing all the food and drinks away. I also mopped the floor. I took the air refresher spray from the storeroom, ignored the two on the floor, and sprayed the entire living room.
After I was sure the living room was clean, I went into the kitchen and began cooking. Being gym persons, Ethan and I always ate good food. In the fridge were three shelves. The first two belonged to Ethan and me which were usually stocked with fresh fruits, meats, and vegetables. The last one below was Samuel’s and it was as full as ours except that it was full of a different kind of food. Bad food. His choice of food was mostly instant and processed food. He always claimed that eating instant stuff at home saved him a lot of his time.
I knew I was no nutritionist, but I more or less knew what food could help Ethan speed up his recovery. I took out some eggs, spinach, a lemon and a dory-fish fillet that I found he’d left marinated with herbs. I sniffed the fish. The fish still smelled fresh, so it was okay to cook. Before I started cooking, I made sure to cook brown rice first, since cooking rice would take the longest time.
“Smells good, Liam,” Nathalie’s voice came from the kitchen’s entrance.
I got the shock of my life. Because when I turned around, she stood in the middle of the entrance like a ghost. Her makeup and lipstick all over her face. I was sure her face was not like that when I saw her sleeping with Samuel earlier. She must have wiped her face with her hand or something when she woke up.
“Cooking for this beautiful lady?” Nathalie pawed the air as she walked towards me.
I almost vomited. “No. Cook yourself,” I said.
She suddenly appeared right behind me, her eyes narrowed.
“What?”
She twisted my ear. “Cook for me, Liam, cook for me! I’m hungry. My stomach is growling. Please, please, please!”
“Stop, stop!” I tried to push her hand away. It was painful as fuck. “That’s not how you ask someone, Nat!”
“Cook for me!” she insisted, folding her arms across her chest now. “How come Ethan gets so much special treatment? You and I are friends too, right?”
I couldn’t refuse when she put it that way. “Okay, fine, fine. I’ll cook for you too.”
She grinned. “Thank you. Can you cook for Jerry too?”
“What?” I looked at her to see if she was serious. “You two just met.”
She held my hand with both her hands and began swinging my arm back and forth. “Please, little Liam, please?” She was suddenly so polite that I barely knew her. “I wanna impress him.”
“Hold on,” I said, flipping the fish fillet that I was searing. “You want to impress him. Not me. Cook for him yourself, Nat.”
She slapped my shoulder. “Eh, I know that. But I don’t know how to cook.”
A Monster's Love Page 10