What Goes Down: An emotional must-read of love, loss and second chances

by Natalie K. Martin

  ‘Successful?’ she asked.

  He held up a small, clear plastic bag containing a lump of hash. ‘I’d say so.’

  Nico winked and Laurel’s body surged with another rush. He somehow managed to both intrigue her and make her nervous at the same time. He was like a box with a do not open sign that she just couldn’t ignore. When Tom asked Kim to go somewhere quiet to talk, Laurel knew that it was time to hold up her end of the challenge. If Kim could get her nerves under control, then so could she. She hopped down from the counter, took a can from the sink and held it out towards Nico.

  ‘Drink?’

  ‘Cheers.’

  He smiled and his warm fingers brushed against hers. What would it feel like to hold his hand properly and have his fingers intertwined with hers? Or, even better, in her hair and on her naked skin? His dark eyes caught hers. They were magnetic, forcing her to stare back into them. She got the feeling that even if she looked into them for a whole lifetime, she’d never get bored. Added to that smile of his and those dimples, it was almost unfair. She was like a rabbit caught in the middle of the road in oncoming traffic. And she liked it. He made her nervous system jam, causing her heart to stutter and her skin to tingle. It was a new sensation and it made every second feel charged and thick with tension, just like it was with that couple off the Gold Blend advert on TV.

  Nico took a sip of his beer and nodded towards the hallway. ‘Let’s go and sit somewhere.’

  She had no objections. The kitchen was bright with no privacy, and it only added to the exposed way she felt whenever he looked at her. Laurel followed him out into the hallway. It was quieter than it had been when they’d first arrived and Nico walked halfway up the stairs before sitting on a step. He made space for her beside him and she sat, aware of the tiny gap between their legs.

  ‘Cheers for inviting me along,’ Nico said, breaking open a cigarette to spread out onto a Rizla.

  ‘Oh, it’s nothing.’ Laurel shrugged, hoping she was doing a good job of hiding the blush that threatened to creep across her cheeks every time their eyes met.

  ‘I spent the whole drive up from London convinced I’d have to sit in front of the telly with my mum and dad for Friday night entertainment,’ he replied, and pulled a face, making her laugh.

  ‘Have you still got more stuff to move?’

  He shook his head and burned the hash with his lighter. ‘I still live there.’

  ‘Oh, right.’

  That would explain why she hadn’t seen him since his parents moved in. Laurel watched as he crumbled the hash over the tobacco, as if he were sprinkling salt over food. It was silly to be disappointed that he lived miles away. She hardly knew him. If only someone would tell her stomach that, it might stop sinking like a stone. He looked at her as he licked one edge of the Rizla. His eyes were so dark she could barely see his pupils and the way he ran his tongue over the paper made her spine tingle.

  ‘But,’ he continued, ‘my dad decided that this was where he wanted to be, so for the next few weekends I’ll be here too. At least until the restaurant is up and running.’

  Laurel fought back a gleeful smile. He’d be here for the next few weekends. That gave her the chance to…what? Stare at him from her bedroom window every day like a sad case?

  ‘He’s a chef, right?’ she asked, ignoring her negative inner voice.

  ‘The best one I know.’ Nico smiled. ‘But only with Greek food. Ask him to cook anything else and he hasn’t got a clue. He’s been a chef for years but this is the first time he’s ever owned a restaurant.’

  ‘Why Bristol?’

  Nico shrugged. ‘It’s quieter. They’re not getting any younger and he loves the sea. The Thames never did quite cut it for him. I’ll be honest, I’d hated the idea of driving up and down every weekend.’ He looked at her and grinned. ‘But now I reckon it might be fun.’

  Laurel took a quick gulp of her drink, hiding her eyes behind her cup. The disappointment she’d felt just seconds ago morphed into a ball of jangling nerves. Not only would he still be around, but he’d said it might be fun now. Now, what? Now that he’d come to a party with her? Now that they’d be able to do it again? She looked at him as he lit the end of the joint, sending a thick string of dense smoke into the air in front of them. He took a long pull on it and sighed as he exhaled.

  ‘Oh, man. That’s good.’

  He tipped his head back with his eyes closed and Laurel let her eyes roam freely over his profile. He hadn’t said anything about a girlfriend so far, but that didn’t mean that there wasn’t one waiting for him back in London.

  ‘Don’t you have things to do at the weekend?’ she asked.

  He shook his head and opened his eyes. ‘Nothing that can’t wait for now. No girlfriend, wife, kids or pets. I did try with a goldfish once but he didn’t last long.’

  ‘Poor goldfish.’

  ‘I know. But he’s in U-bend heaven now, and I’m free as a bird to do whatever I want.’

  She couldn’t help but laugh, even though she’d cried and cried when her first goldfish had died. She’d only been six, and watching him get flushed down the toilet was traumatic to say the least.

  Nico held out the joint towards her. ‘Want some?’

  Laurel shook her head. She hated the stuff. She’d tried it twice before and it had made her sick to her stomach, not to mention paranoid. He shrugged with a smile and took another puff.

  ‘Mum and Dad wanted me to stay up here during the week too but…’ He pulled a face. ‘Well, let’s just say I probably couldn’t put up with living here full time. It’s a bit dead up here, you know? No offence.’

  Laurel laughed. ‘None taken. I’d feel the same. I do feel the same. If I could live anywhere else, I would.’

  ‘Where?’

  ‘Anywhere in the world?’ she asked, and he nodded.

  She closed her eyes for a few seconds, picturing herself bathed in orange sunlight on a small wrought iron balcony above a narrow, coffee scented street. Laurel opened her eyes with a smile.

  ‘Paris. I’ve always wanted to go there.’

  ‘It’s alright. A bit chaotic and the people are rude, but it’s a nice city. I’ve been a few times.’

  ‘I’ve only been to Brittany. It was nice but a bit boring. I bet Paris is way better.’

  She’d been so excited for her first trip abroad. Aged twelve, they’d crossed the Channel by ferry and instead of anything like the glamorous holiday she’d imagined, she’d ended up stuck on a campsite with only old people or toddlers for company. George was almost fifteen at the time, and able to go off with the friends he’d made. Laurel had spent the entire time wishing to come back home again.

  ‘There’s a city girl in you struggling to get out, I can tell,’ Nico said.

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘I’m a born and bred Londoner. I can sniff out a country bumpkin from a mile off, and you’re not one.’

  He moved his head a little closer towards hers and peered at her with his dark eyes. Laurel’s heart thudded in her chest. Nico was so close that the warm air rushing from his nose as he exhaled landed on her lips, making them tingle.

  ‘You don’t look like one, anyway,’ he said. He kept his eyes fixed on hers and tilted his head to one side, examining her face as if she were a specimen in a museum. ‘And I’m usually right about these things.’

  ‘Well now that you’re going to be here more often, you’ll have time to put your theory to the test and find out.’

  Someone made their way up the stairs and Laurel shuffled her bum across the step to allow them to pass. She used the opportunity to gulp down the last of her drink and hide the increasing heat in her cheeks. She hadn’t meant to sound so flirtatious, but at least she was holding her own which wasn’t easy considering her stomach did a triple somersault and pike every time she looked at him. She looked down into her empty cup and stifled a grin, hoping that Kim was feeling the same with Tom.

  ‘Do you need more drink in
that?’ Nico asked, and she turned to see him grinning back at her. ‘Mine’s finished too.’

  Laurel nodded and handed him the cup. ‘Thanks. Vodka and lemonade, easy on the vodka.’

  He grinned and took it before leaving her alone on the stairs. She peered over the banister, watching as he made his way to the kitchen. Two girls standing in the hallway stared after him and Laurel felt a triumphant stab of glee when he walked straight past, barely even noticing them. She was with the hottest guy at the party, and was sure that there’d be rumours about him at college on Monday. Okay, so nobody apart from Kim knew that they weren’t actually together, but still. Despite how she’d felt earlier that day, Steve finding a new girlfriend had worked out for the best because if he hadn’t, she might have missed this opportunity. Imagine that. She could be in the living room with everyone else right now playing Twister or spin the bottle or whatever they were doing, instead of being almost delirious from having Nico’s lips a whisper away from hers. It had felt so intimate when he’d stared into her eyes like he had.

  Laurel took her compact mirror from her bag and flipped it open. She bared her teeth to check they were clean before breathing into her hand and sniffing her breath, just in case. She quickly applied a fresh coat of lipstick before snapping the mirror shut and running her fingers through her hair, twisting strands of it around her finger to try and keep the curls from going limp. When Nico came back, he handed her the full cup and sat next to her. She was sure he was sitting closer than he had been before.

  ‘What were we talking about again? Country bumpkin, Paris, Brittany…’ He frowned, retracing the stars of the conversation as he relit the end of his dead joint.

  ‘Our dream places to live.’

  ‘Oh, yeah, that was it.’

  ‘So, where’s yours?’

  ‘That’s easy,’ he said. ‘London. There’s no place like it.’

  ‘Really? If you could live anywhere in the world, it’d be London? Not New York or LA or Crete?’

  ‘Crete?’ Nico laughed, sending a plume of smoke stuttering into the air. ‘No chance. Maybe when I’m eighty or something, but for now I need to be somewhere with energy, you know? That’s why I love London. There’s always something happening, somewhere to go, people to meet, things to do. The place is buzzing.’

  ‘I’ve only been once, with school.’

  She hadn’t seen much more than the inside of museums on that trip, but she’d still seen the buzz that Nico was speaking about with her own eyes. She’d sat in the overheated coach with her nose pressed against the window, wishing she could stop it, get off, and go out to explore. She’d wanted to walk around the bustling streets, pause for a coffee in a small cafe and duck through the beaded curtains of Chinese restaurants. Nico was lucky to live somewhere like that.

  ‘So go again,’ he said. ‘It’s the centre of the world. I always miss it when I’m away, especially after driving around in Europe all the time.’

  ‘Sounds nice,’ she said, imagining him speeding along winding mountain roads in a flash car, maybe even the one she’d seen parked up outside his parents’ house.

  Nico snorted. ‘Hardly. It was for work. I was a driver for a drinks company.’

  ‘Was?’

  ‘I quit yesterday.’

  ‘Why? It sounds like a dream job, seeing the world and getting paid for it at the same time.’

  ‘Crap pay, long hours and it was boring as hell.’

  ‘So you just left?’

  ‘Yep.’ He grinned, puffed with pride as if he’d received a medal for it. ‘Life’s too short to do something you don’t want to do, if you ask me. So, after getting back from Belgium I delivered the lorry to the depot and walked out. After picking up my pay, of course.’

  Laurel stared at him with wide eyes. ‘You walked out of your job?’

  Nico nodded.

  ‘Just like that?’

  ‘Yep.’ He nodded again. ‘Just like that.’

  ‘So what are you going to do now?’

  ‘I’m starting my own business. I want to be my own boss, you know? Take control.’

  Laurel blinked, a little speechless. ‘Doing what?’

  ‘Selling cars. Not crappy little bangers, either. I’m talking about nice cars, BMWs, Audis, stuff like that. I plan to have a whole business empire one day. Live the good life, you know?’

  She thought of the Ford Escort she’d seen earlier. It looked new and expensive. He was only twenty-five but how many people got up and left their jobs just because they didn’t like it anymore. Nico had made it sound as easy as choosing a chicken sandwich over a ham one. To Laurel, it sounded like a crazy, over-impulsive thing to do, but on the other hand it was…well, it was impressive. He was taking control of his life, living it the way he wanted to. He was doing exactly what she wished she could do, but would never dare to. She didn’t know anyone who’d have the guts to take such a risk and act like it was the most natural thing in the world.

  ‘Are you sure you don’t want some?’ he asked, holding out the near finished spliff and Laurel shook her head again.

  ‘Really, it’s not for me. I’ll stick to the vodka, but thanks.’

  Nico shrugged and took another puff. ‘So what about you? What do you do?’

  Why couldn’t she say something more exciting than just being a student? How great would it be if she could say she did something fun and daring, like the plans he had? Something that wouldn’t make her look like the plain boring seventeen-year-old that she really was.

  ‘I’m a student,’ she replied, looking down into her cup.

  Nico laughed. ‘Yeah, well, I guessed that much.’

  She looked at him and laughed a little herself. ‘It’s pretty obvious I suppose.’

  ‘So,’ he said, ‘what do you do?’

  ‘I’m finishing my A levels, and then in September I’ll go to Bristol and start my English degree.’ Laurel shrugged. Just saying the words out loud made her feel like she’d died a little inside, like she’d just admitted defeat in a war he knew nothing about.

  Nico shook his head and turned his body towards hers. She flinched as their knees touched and looked down at their legs; hers in homemade drainpipes and his in what looked like expensive denim.

  ‘You’re misunderstanding me,’ he said. ‘What I want to know is, what do you do?’

  Laurel blinked. What did he mean, what did she do? And why was he staring at her like that? His eyes were doing that thing again, forcing her to stare back into them. She couldn’t look away, even if she wanted to.

  ‘I…’ She shook her head. Was he trying to catch her out?

  ‘You’re a student, but you’re much more than that, right? What do you do? What makes Laurel tick?’

  Nobody had ever asked her that before. Nobody had ever made her feel like this before, like she was something fascinating. It was as if he were trying to unpeel her, layer by layer. The thought made her blush and she looked down at their touching knees again. She didn’t even need to think about her answer.

  ‘Photography.’

  Nico nodded. ‘What kind?’

  She glanced at him to check if he was really interested or just being polite, but the look of intensity on his face hadn’t changed.

  ‘Black and white. Portraits, mostly.’

  ‘What do you like about it?’

  She couldn’t stop the smile spreading across her face. ‘Everything. I love the weight of a camera in my hands and the way things look through the viewfinder. I love that the camera never lies. Sometimes, it’s as if there are two sides to a person: the side they show to the world and the side the camera picks up. I love being able to capture a moment to keep forever, no matter how much time goes by afterwards. And it’s special because once a moment’s gone, it’s gone, but when you can keep it in a photograph, it’s like…’ Laurel shrugged. ‘Well, it’s like magic.’

  Silence fell between them and she took a large gulp of her drink, wishing her face would stop burning. He�
�d only asked what she loved about it but she’d answered like it was her religion and she was a fanatic. She’d obviously had too much to drink and had probably made a complete fool of herself.

  ‘That sounded really stupid.’ She laughed nervously, but he shook his head with that intense look still on his face.

  ‘No, it didn’t. It’s something you’re passionate about. I think it’s great.’

  He hadn’t said it was just taking photographs and anyone could do it, and he hadn’t said that it was just technology, not magic. If anything, he seemed to understand what she was saying, to understand her passion. And now he was staring at her in a way that made her feel naked and her heart run faster than Linford Christie.

  ‘I think you’re great,’ he added, and her heart tripped over its own fast and furious beat.

  Really? Her, Laurel, a student from the outskirts of Bristol, eight years his junior? Her stomach somersaulted. Never in a million years had she thought he’d ever tell her she was great. The corner of his mouth lifted into a smile and she swore something passed between the two of them, like the kind of electric charge she’d only ever read about before.

  ‘I…’ She gulped and shook her head. ‘Nobody’s ever said anything like that to me before.’

  ‘Who cares about anyone else? They don’t see what I do.’

  What did he see? From the way he was looking at her it had to be more than just her hazel eyes, peroxide-blonde hair and heart-shaped face.

  He put his beer can on the step below and looked at her with his head tilted to one side. ‘I like you.’

  Laurel laughed nervously. ‘You say that like you’ve been trying to make your mind up for a while.’

  ‘No chance. I knew from the minute I saw you with that cat. I think you’re fascinating.’

  Before she could say anything back, Nico leaned forward and Laurel’s eyes widened as his lips pressed against hers. She’d pictured this in her mind on repeat over the last few days but now it was really happening. His lips were warm and soft, and her whole world slowly filled with the scent of him. It was zesty and sweet, and made her feel as if her head could come floating right off her body and she’d never even notice.