“No. I don’t talk to her.”
“I know. And that’s probably for the best. You don’t have to tell me what she did. I know you well enough to know you have a huge heart, Cassie. If you closed a door on someone, they earned it.”
Cassie looked up at the ceiling and blinked a few times. Hold it together, Cassie. No more crying.
Bonnie’s voice softened. “So it’s not your mother. It can’t be anything Luke did. You don’t look angry. You look sad, Cassie. You’ve told me several times you moved here because you wanted to be part of a community. You wanted friends. Well, this is what happens when people love you. We can’t stand to see you hurting. We get all up in your business and don’t let go until we know you’re okay.”
Cassie let out a long, sad breath. “I’m not pregnant.”
Bonnie took a few moments to process that announcement. “Was there a reason you were hoping to be?”
Cassie rubbed her cheeks with her cold hands and turned to look at herself in the mirror. “I’ve been going to a fertility clinic in Toledo for intracervical insemination or IUI. I didn’t want to tell anyone unless I had good news. I found out yesterday this cycle didn’t work any better than the first two, even though I used hormones this time. The clinic suggested I try a different donor or opt for a more invasive procedure.”
Bonnie put an arm around Cassie. “Oh, sweetie. I knew you wanted a family. I didn’t know how badly. My sister went the fertility route with her husband. I know how devastating negative news can be.”
Cassie wiped away a stray tear. “You’re not upset I didn’t tell you?”
Bonnie met her eyes in the mirror and tucked hair away from Cassie’s face. “Being friends doesn’t mean we have to tell each other everything. There are no rules.”
Cassie frowned. “Then what was all that staring about?”
Bonnie flashed a brief smile. “That was for your own good. And given the same situation, I would do it again.” The two were quiet for a moment, then Bonnie asked, “Luke doesn’t know, does he?”
Cassie shook her head and shrugged. “At first I didn’t think it would matter. I never thought he would stay. Then I told myself it was better to wait until I knew something. Now I don’t know what to say. I don’t even know how I feel. You’re right, I felt devastated the first two times the procedure didn’t work. This time was different. I didn’t cry when I got the news. I didn’t feel anything at all. I still don’t.” She turned and took one of Bonnie’s hands in hers. “What’s wrong with me?”
“There is nothing wrong with you. Fertility hormones make women loopy. I’m pretty positive if you murdered someone while on them an insanity plea would work. My family was ready to have a ‘please stop taking hormones’ intervention with my sister by the time she finally got pregnant.”
“I don’t want to murder anyone.”
“Well see, you’re better than many already.”
“The clinic asked me if I wanted to move forward with a different procedure. I told them I don’t know.”
Bonnie smiled. “And that surprised you?”
“I wanted a baby so badly. It was all I could think about for months. How could it not matter to me anymore?”
“Cassie Daiver, this is why you need to open up to your friends. You’re driving yourself crazy with questions that anyone who knows you well could easily answer. You still want a baby, but now you want to raise it with one particular sperm donor.”
Cassie’s mouth dropped open. “Luke? He’s going back to New York soon.”
“Really?” Bonnie asked drolly. “I’ll believe that when I see it. Sweetie, open your eyes. He is head-over-heels falling for you.”
“Can you really picture him living here?”
Bonnie threw up her hands. “Hello? Yes. People love him already. He’s gorgeous, nice to all the old ladies. Let’s see, he also publicly saved Irene’s life. Oh, and someone anonymously donated two hundred thousand dollars to our playground fundraiser tonight. Is there any doubt it was him? Yeah, I hate to imagine what our town would be like with him around.” There was a knock on the door. Bonnie loudly told them to try the men’s restroom.
“That’s not what I’m saying. We may want him to stay, but what’s here for him?”
Bonnie smiled confidently. “Us.”
Cassie closed her eyes for a moment. “I feel sick every time I let myself start to believe he means anything he says. My hands get sweaty. I can’t sleep. I can’t eat. I’ve never had a panic attack in my life, but sometimes my heart races so fast I can’t think. Is that normal?”
“That’s love, sweetie. At least, in the beginning. It morphs over time. Work through this, and you’ll enjoy the amazing honeymoon period. Savor that one because when the children do arrive there will be times when you want to smother him with a pillow while he sleeps beside you. My mother always said that’s normal. It’s usually because you’re both sleep deprived. Add incessant snoring and the pillow smothering gets tempting. That’s why Greg and I are waiting. I don’t want to want to kill him yet.”
“Bonnie, promise me you’ll never become a marriage counselor.”
Bonnie shrugged. “I didn’t say you should smother him, I just said you may want to. If you fight that urge long enough, the kids grow up, move out, and the two of you live happily ever after together.”
“According to your mother.”
“Hey, she’s been married to the same man for forty plus years. She knows her shit.”
Cassie smiled reluctantly, then she sobered. “So, what do I do now? Should I tell Luke everything?”
Bonnie hugged Cassie again. “Maybe not here at the fundraiser, but soon. He deserves to know, don’t you think? Love is hard enough. You don’t want this to be what comes between you.”
There was another knock on the bathroom door.
“What if I fall in love with him, and you’re wrong? He just leaves?” Cassie asked, as much of a question to herself as to Bonnie.
“You’re stronger than you think, Cassie. You’d survive.” Someone banged on the door again and Bonnie sighed angrily. “Oh, for cripe’s sake, we’re coming out. Do all of you have the bladders of a two-year-old?” She took one last look in the mirror and asked, “How do you feel?”
Cassie’s eyes filled with grateful tears. “Better than before you dragged me in here. Thank you, Bonnie.”
Bonnie reached up to unlock the door. “The knowing stare. It never fails.”
***
When Cassie and Bonnie returned to the dining room, Cassie was smiling. Luke sent Bonnie a grateful smile. Bonnie was a good friend to the woman he loved, and that made her one of his favorite people in the world.
Love.
The more he said it to himself, the less afraid he was of the truth. I love Cassie Daiver. I love her in my bed, across the table from me at breakfast, by my side wherever I am. I love her when she’s nervously snapping at me while we get ready for an event and when she’s whispering naughty suggestions to me in the middle of the night. I want the side of her she shows me and the side she’s still hiding. I want it all.
Greg, Bonnie’s husband, took a swig of his beer and also watched the two walk toward them. “You probably don’t need my connections, but my brother knows a lot of local hospital administrators. He sells medical supplies. He might be able to put in a good word for you if you decide to stick around.”
Luke gave Greg a grateful pat on the shoulder. The welcome the people in Defiance offered him had nothing to do with his enormous trust fund. In fact, he doubted they had a clue how wealthy he truly was. He didn’t know if the way they treated him would change if they ever discovered the truth, but somehow he doubted it. The restaurant was packed with a variety of people from the community, from the bank president to the school custodian. They mixed and swapped stories as only people who had all grown up together in a small town could. He envied that closeness.
His cell phone rang. He groaned when he saw the number. It was his oldest
brother, Gio. If he didn’t pick up, Gio would only call again. If he ignored his call, Gio would likely fly out to check on him. All Luke wanted to do was figure out what Bonnie had said to Cassie to lift her mood, but it would have to wait. He kissed Cassie briefly on the cheek and held up his phone. “I hate to do it, but I have to take this. I’m going to step outside for a minute.”
Cassie cocked her head to the side, but didn’t ask.
Luke said, “It’s one of my brothers. I’ll be right back.” He grabbed his coat from the rack beside the door, stepped out into the cold night air, and answered Gio.
Never one to waste time on pleasantries, Gio said, “Luke, Mother’s in the hospital. We need you back here.”
“What happened?”
“She had another one of her episodes, but this time, her nurse called an ambulance. She’s not coherent, so I was able to bypass her doctor. But we may not have much time. The hospital is running routine tests. I want you to come back and look over the results. We can decide where to go from there.”
Anger and frustration rose within Luke. “I went to see Mother before I left New York. She expressly told me to stay away from her medical records. She has a doctor, one she is comfortable with. Talk to him.”
“He’s not here; no one can find him. And even if he were, he wouldn’t tell us anything. I’m starting to believe he’s part of the problem. Get your ass on the next plane to New York. We’ll talk about this in person.”
“I’m not coming back, Gio.”
“I’m having trouble hearing you. Did you just say no?”
“That’s what I said.”
Gio was quiet for a moment, then said, “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine.”
“Did something happen that I don’t know about?”
“No.”
“This isn’t like you, Luke.”
“You’re a big boy, Gio. If you want to get into Mother’s medical records, throw some money at Dr. Garnert. He just weathered a divorce; he’ll do anything for the right price. He’s just as qualified as I am to diagnosis her. Probably more so considering whatever is causing what you call an episode is not my area of expertise. You don’t need me.”
“I spoke to Maddy a few days ago. She said she was flying out to Ohio. Did you see her?”
“Gio, I’m at a fundraiser tonight. If you want, I’ll call Dr. Garnert for you. That’s as far as I’m getting involved.”
“Luke—”
Luke hung up his phone and stuffed it into the breast pocket of his suit jacket. He inhaled deeply and ran his hands through his hair. A month ago, he would have run to his mother’s side. He would have poured over her test results and joined his brothers on what was sure to be an emotional rollercoaster full of drama and deceit.
The rush of concern and guilt he normally felt whenever dealing with his mother didn’t come. Instead he asked himself what possible good could come from getting involved. His mother had denied his help vehemently, viciously. She’d called him a dog that came back no matter how many times she kicked him away.
Well, this time he wasn’t rushing to her side. Her last kick still echoed too clearly in his head. And his brothers? They didn’t need him. They had each other and their supposed soul mates in their lives. More recently, they also had more than enough support from their uncles and cousins.
Cassie was his priority now, and she was waiting for him. Luke turned and started to open the restaurant door when his phone rang again. Max? His youngest brother never called him.
“Luke, I just got off the phone with Gio. You need to come home.”
Luke’s eyes met Cassie’s through the glass window of the restaurant. “I am home.”
“Okay,” Max said slowly. “He says he is home.”
“Put him on speakerphone,” Nick, Luke’s other younger brother, ordered. “Luke, it’s Nick.”
“I know.”
“You’ve got us all a little concerned.”
“There’s no need to be. I merely suggested Gio contact a colleague of mine who is a specialist in cardiology. He can determine how serious her condition is and recommend whatever treatment is necessary.”
“See,” Max said. “He doesn’t want to come back. Luke, this isn’t how our family works. I’m the one who takes off when shit like this happens. You’re the one who rallies us together.”
Nick asked, “Should I threaten to go out there and get him? It brought you home.”
“I don’t know,” Max answered slowly. “I’m not that complicated. This is Luke. You know how intense he gets.”
“I don’t have time for this right now,” Luke said impatiently. “I’ve made my decision clear. There are three of you there. You can handle this without me.”
Nick joked, “Have you met us? Luke, this is serious. We need you.”
Luke remembered a conversation Cassie and he had shared on the night of Emma’s funeral. “It’s time for you to figure out who you are without me.”
Max swore. “I told you Luke took that woman’s death hard. He’s going to kill himself.”
It sounded like there was a scuffle with the phone. Nick spoke next. “He’s not going to kill himself. Luke, tell Max you’re not considering anything like that.”
“No matter what he says, I say we fly out there.”
Luke clenched his phone in frustration. “I am not suicidal. I’m in love.”
“Oh,” his brothers said in shocked unison.
Max said, “Well, bring her with you.”
“There is no way I’m exposing her to my toxic family, not like this.”
In his usual mocking tone, Nick said, “I’d take offense to that label, but there’s no denying we’re an acquired taste. I would also promise we’d all be on our best behavior, but honestly Gio’s already losing his mind. Max is only here because his fiancée won’t let him leave. Maybe you’re right. Maybe you should sit this one out.”
“Oh, hell no,” Max retorted. “If Luke gets to call out of this one, Tara and I are on the first plane out of here.”
“Shut up, Max,” Nick snapped.
“Just because you work with Gio doesn’t mean you need to start sounding like him, Nick.”
Luke closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. “If I thought I could actually do any good by returning—”
Max said, “Gio is buzzing in. I’m adding him.”
Gio’s voice boomed through phone. “Did you get in touch with Luke?”
“He’s on the phone with us now,” Max answered.
“Is he coming back?”
“No,” Luke answered for himself.
“He’s in love,” Nick added dryly.
“Fuck,” Gio said.
Nick joked, “That’s congratulations in Gio lingo.”
“What are we going to do?” Max asked.
Gio sighed. “Luke, whatever you have going on out there in . . . where the hell are you?”
“Ohio,” Luke supplied, rolling his eyes skyward.
“It’ll still be there a few days from now. Right now, you belong here with us.”
Max interjected, “Don’t make him say it. Please don’t make him say it.”
Gio continued, “We love you, Luke. And whoever you met and however she makes you feel, that hasn’t changed. At times like this, family duty comes first.”
Max groaned. “I have to talk Julia into easing up on pushing Gio to express himself. Am I the only one who still cringes every time he gets mushy?” A second later, Max said, “What was that for, Nick? Smack me again and see how that works out.”
In an ironic tone, Gio added, “If you like having three brothers, don’t make me sit in a waiting room alone with them. I’m only human.”
Luke met Cassie’s eyes again through the window and caved. “Okay. I’ll fly back tomorrow morning. But only for a couple days.”
His brothers all had something to say about it, but Luke had stopped listening. There was no amount of guilt or sense of duty that could conv
ince him to risk what he had with Cassie by exposing her to the darker side of his family.
He was heading back to New York.
Now all he had to figure out was how to tell Cassie he was leaving and not taking her with him.
Chapter Twelve
Cassie intended to talk to Luke after they left the fundraiser, but as soon as they entered her home, he swung her up into his arms and carried her up the stairs to her bedroom. The kiss he gave her was full of emotion as well as passion. It was an irresistible combination.
Slowly, tenderly, he unzipped her dress and let it fall to the floor at her feet. His hands cupped and worshipped her bare breasts. Cassie shivered with pleasure and started to impatiently remove his clothing.
They were soon both bare-chested, and Cassie reveled in the feel of his muscular chest beneath her hands. He had a way of touching her, holding her, that made her feel safe as well as desired. Luke was a man who knew what he wanted. He led her where he wanted to go, but made sure she was with him every step of the way.
He slid a hand beneath the lace of her panties and groaned with pleasure when she shifted so he could touch her more deeply. They continued to kiss even as Cassie undid his pants and pushed them down, freeing the evidence of how much he wanted her. He paused his intimate caress to help her step out of the last of her own coverings.
Naked before each other, they ran their hands over each other as they stood beside the bed. He took his time, tracing each of her curves. His mouth followed the tantalizing trail of his fingers. Cassie stroked his shaft with one hand while she greedily enjoyed the rest of him with her other. They had spent the last two weeks learning how to please each other, bringing almost unbearable intensity to their lovemaking.
She bent and took him into her mouth, loving how his hands dug into her hair as she went deeper. By now she knew just how to circle him, just how deeply to take him to drive him nearly out of control. His passion fed her own in a way that was new to her. His groan revealed he was close to release. Cassie would have continued to his climax, but he pulled her back up to face him and kissed her deeply.
They were both shaking with need when he picked her up and carefully tossed her on the bed with the sexiest smile she’d ever seen. He looked down at her as if she belonged to him, with him. Cassie wanted both to be true. She gave him what she hoped was an equally sexy look and beckoned him to her.
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