“MTV? I hate MTV!”
The senator chuckled again. “Well, in any case, you are going to be very important to my campaign. That’s why I can’t have you around people that may damage our reputation. I’ll probably have to take you out of school so you can join my campaign tour.”
“But Daddy-”
“No ‘buts’, sweetheart. Now why don’t you lie down for a few more minutes? I’m going to hop in the shower then I’ll order in some breakfast. Do you want me to lay out your uniform?”
“No, Daddy, I can-“
“It’s no problem, just relax.” He went to her closet and shuffled through her clothes. Good thing I didn’t hide there either. The senator placed her clothes on the bed, kissed her then left the room.
Maddie didn’t say anything until she heard the water running in her father’s bathroom.
“You can come out now.”
I slipped out from under the bed and jumped into my jeans as quickly as possible. I needed to get out of there before I said something I regretted. Something to the effect that Maddie didn’t think I was good enough to even come up in conversation with her father. Apparently, I was only good enough for sex. That would be fine for most teenage boys, but I wanted more. No, I needed more. I thought Maddie was the source of love and acceptance I’d been looking for, but I guess I was wrong.
“Garrett, please say something.” Maddie stood up and tried to look into my eyes.
“I have nothing to say.” I stuffed my underwear and my socks into my pockets as I stepped into my sneakers.
“I’m gonna tell him about us, I am,” she pleaded as she wrapped her arms around my waist and kissed my chest. “I just have to wait for the right time. Now is not the right time. You heard him. He’s running for President for Christ’s sake. I couldn’t let him know that-”
“That what?” I unwrapped her arms and held her wrists. “That you’re in love with a black boy? Or that my father’s a murderer? Or that my mother is a former drug addict and alcoholic? Or that I’ve stabbed a man?” Her eyes watered. “Trust me, Maddie, I completely understand. I knew when I met you I wasn’t good enough for you.”
“Garrett, don’t say that. I –” Maddie stopped abruptly as the water in her father’s room stopped running.
“It’s been fun, but, this just isn’t going to work,” I said in a controlled whisper, trying to hold back what I really felt. I kissed her forehead, slipped on my T-shirt, then headed for the door.
“Th-that’s it? It’s over?” I didn’t respond. As I made my way down the hallway, as quietly as possible, I heard her burst into inconsolable tears. My heart yearned to run back, hold her in my arms and tell her we could work it out, but my mind told me we couldn’t.
Chapter 17: Despair
Rain and sleet fell upon the windshield of Corbin’s car as I made my way home that morning. I focused on the road before me and drove as carefully as possible. The last thing I needed was to crash Corbin’s car. Then, for a brief moment, a dark thought clouded my mind. Maybe a car accident is what I needed. One jerk of the wheel over the side of a bridge and this gnawing pain in my heart would disappear. Eden’s face flashed in my mind’s eye and I quickly vanquished that thought.
What the hell is the matter with me? Maddie’s just a girl. Why am I making this into such a big deal? I could get over her. I could find someone else. I would be fine. The only problem was I didn’t want anyone else. And no matter how hard I concentrated on controlling my emotions. I wasn’t fine and I didn’t know if I would ever be.
“What are you doing here? I told you to keep the car for the day,” Corbin said as he ate cereal with Eden and my mother at the breakfast table.
“Leave me alone,” I snapped. I threw the keys at him with a little more force than I intended and knocked over a glass of milk. It crashed to the floor causing everyone to stare at me in dismay.
“Garrett, you apologize to Corbin right now!” my mother yelled while Corbin scrambled to clean up the mess. I ignored them and headed to my room.
“It’s okay, Holly. He’s obviously upset over something,” Corbin said.
“I bet it has something to do with that stupid girl,” Eden said disdainfully.
Corbin took Eden to school so she wouldn’t have to ride the metro by herself. My mother spent the next two hours trying to get me to talk and open up to her, but I couldn’t.
"Garrett, baby, please tell me what happened. I'm your mother. I want to help you," she said through the door.
"Just go away. You won't understand." She’d never understand my pain. She'd probably side more with Maddie in this situation considering the same thing kind of happened with her father and my father. She'd probably think it best that Maddie and I ended our relationship. She wouldn't want history repeating itself.
I lay in my bed staring at the ceiling trying to purge thoughts of Maddie from my mind, but to no avail. I tried to write my feelings, but found only a blank page confronted me. I tried sleeping, but sleep avoided me.
What felt like moments after I laid down, Eden knocked on my door. Reluctantly, I let her in.
“Mom says you haven’t eaten all day,” she said handing me a sandwich on a plate.
“Thanks,” I mumbled before placing it on the dresser and plopping back down on the bed.
“I went to your teachers today. You have tests in Calculus and English tomorrow, and your history teacher says you have to turn in some project before Thanksgiving break.
“Thanks.” I returned to my familiar position of staring at the ceiling.
“I wrote it down for you.”
“I got it, thanks.” The finality of my tone should have made her leave, but it didn’t. She continued to stand at the foot of my bed and stare at me.
“You missed a Chemistry quiz today. Your teacher said he’d let you make it up if you bring in a doctor’s note and Richard said he’d write you one if you come see him this week.”
“When did you talk to Richard?” I sat upright in the bed.
“I didn’t. Mom called him when you wouldn’t come out of your room. He really wants to see you.”
“Well, I don’t want to see him and I don’t think you should either.” Eden grew quiet. I stared into her eyes looking for some sort of reaction. I thought her eyes would reveal the truth behind her interactions with Richard, but they didn’t. They remained blank, cold, and expressionless. Come to think of it, her eyes were like that a lot lately. I remember a time when Eden’s eyes sparkled adding light and joy whenever she entered the room, but now, that formerly innate happiness had disappeared.
“I talked to her,” she said after a few minutes. I knew she meant Maddie. I lay back down in the bed unresponsive. “I barely understood a word she said she was crying so hard.” Eden sat on the edge of my bed. “I’m sorry I was such a brat yesterday. I didn’t want you to break up with her. I just…I just wanted…I don’t know what I wanted.” She put her face in her hands.
“I didn’t break up with her because of you. It’s complicated.”
“Do you want to talk about it?” she asked hopefully. She turned away when I didn’t respond.
Eden continued sitting at the foot of my bed staring off into space for about an hour. Then she quietly left my room.
I went to school the next day, not because I wanted to, but because my mother threatened to have Richard come to the house. I didn’t want that man in my home.
I knew Maddie wouldn’t be at school. I remember her father saying he had a press conference on Tuesday. She might not be coming back to Barton Arms at all if her father decided to take her on the road. I may never see her again. Ironically, that thought comforted me. Yes, I knew I loved her, but a part of me was embarrassed for letting myself get so close to her only to be rejected. If I never saw her again, maybe I could pretend like none of it ever happened.
That turned out to be harder than I thought.
During lunch, Eden and I sat in the cafeteria eating silently. Well, actua
lly, I ate. Eden said she didn’t have much of an appetite so she just stared at her plate of food.
“Are you all right, Bug?” I asked when I noticed she hadn’t touched her food.
She nodded but didn’t start eating. “You’re not upset about Maddie are you? I told you it wasn’t your fault. We broke up because…because she doesn’t love me,” I said realizing the awful truth. Even though she said she loved me, she really didn’t. If she did, she’d be able to accept me into her life.
I wanted the conversation about Maddie to end there, but then all the TV monitors in the cafeteria clicked on and I saw Bartholomew McPhee standing at a podium. He started talking about his decision to help lead this country to greatness by running for President while Maddie stood by his side doing her best to look confident and comfortable. I knew she must have been extremely nervous though. She kept licking her lips and gently swayed from side to side. One of Senator McPhee’s advisors actually tapped her on the shoulder to make her stop.
When the press conference ended, Barton Arms students cheered riotously.
“Good job landing the next first daughter,” Troy Stanton said jokingly while patting me on the back. I don’t know how he knew about me and Maddie. I never told anyone and I was pretty positive Maddie hadn’t either. But then again, he could have just been one of the dozen kids who saw us kiss on the front steps of the building a while ago. Rumors started and traveled fast in high school. I failed to realize that as I grabbed his wrist, twisted it around his back and slammed his face into the table. Unlike public schools where a crowd would have instantly gathered and cheered on a fight, Barton Arms students just stopped and stared at me. A few started whispering and pointing as if they knew something about my past. I felt like a pariah as I let go of my history classmate’s arm and fled the cafeteria.
“Where are you going?” Eden asked as she caught up with me outside of school.
“Home.”
“Well, I wanna go with you.”
“Go back to school, Eden.”
“But, you need me.”
“I don’t need anyone,” I snapped as I quickened my pace toward the metro station.
I didn’t go straight home. Somehow I ended up at Richard’s office. Even though logically I knew he had nothing to do with what was going on with Maddie and me, for some reason my anger focused on him. Maybe it was a coping mechanism. I just needed someone to blame.
“You can’t go in there,” the receptionist Mrs. Swisher said as I stormed past her desk and straight into Richard’s office.
He looked up abruptly when I entered the room. “Garrett, what are you doing here?” He quickly shuffled some papers around trying to cover up something.
I looked at the mess on his desk and noticed pictures scattered about. I looked more closely.
“Why are you looking at pictures of my sister?” I yelled. He didn’t have a chance to respond. The last thing I remember is leaping across his desk and punching him in the face.
When I came to, I sat handcuffed in the waiting room.
“Do you want to press charges?” I heard someone say. I looked up and saw a police officer talking to Richard.
Richard pulled a bloody cloth away from his mouth and said, “No. He’s my patient. He needs a hospital not a jail.”
“Well, we can keep him in custody until you get the paperwork ready to have him committed.”
Richard dabbed his lip with the cloth. He didn’t respond to the officer immediately. He seemed pensive. Oh my God, he was actually contemplating putting me in a mental institution. If he had me committed, no one would believe me when I accused him of inappropriate behavior with Eden. I wanted to scream. I wanted to tell that police officer that Richard should be the one to be arrested, but I had to be extremely careful of how I proceeded. Richard held my future in his fat, grubby hands.
“No,” he said finally. “I don’t want to separate him from his sister. I don’t think she could handle that. He’s emotionally unstable, but I don’t think he’s a real threat.”
Richard had no idea how much he underestimated me.
When I got home, I tried to watch some TV, but it didn’t help. Every station seemed riveted on the fact that Bartholomew McPhee was running for president. Over and over the newscasters harped on the fact that he had lost his wife in a car accident 16 years ago and that his only daughter suffered from a debilitating heart disease resulting in a transplant two years ago. The way they focused on the tragedies in his life, I thought sure he would be elected just on sympathy alone.
“What are you doing home?” my mother asked when she came downstairs as I flipped through channels searching for anything that didn’t have ‘McPhee’ scrawled across it.
I shrugged and continued pressing buttons on the remote. Holly stared at me strangely. She probably thought it odd not only that I was home in the middle of the day, but that I was watching TV. I rarely watched TV, but I wasn’t interested in doing the things I normally enjoyed.
“What time is it?” she asked looking at her watch.
“You have the watch. Why don’t you tell me?”
My mother looked at her watch again then glanced at the door.
“Why don’t you take my car and go pick up Eden from school?”
“I just got here. Why don’t you pick her up?” My mother looked at her watch again. “Are you expecting someone? Are you trying to get rid of me?” I asked.
Holly sighed and said, “Someone is coming…and I think it might be best if you’re not here.”
I clicked off the television and looked at my mother. My curiosity had been piqued. Who was coming that made my mother so nervous? Why was I suddenly not wanted in my own house?
When the doorbell rang, my mother froze with fear giving me time to bolt off the couch and beat her to the door. I wish I hadn’t. I wish she would’ve warned me that the Devil himself had been invited over.
Chapter 18: The Devil Incarnate
“Long time no see, little buddy,” Joel said as he dropped his cigarette on the front step and snubbed it out with his foot. He said it sarcastically. It had to be sarcastically. We were never buddies. I remember him telling my mother one time that he thought I was crazy and that I would end up killing him in his sleep. He wanted her to send me back to foster care, but my mother wouldn’t do it. That’s ultimately why they broke up the second time. Looking back now, I should’ve done it. I should have killed him in his sleep.
The lit cigarette moved in slow motion from his fingers to the ground as I stared at it having lost all ability to speak. My chest ached, no, it burned. And that burning grew with each second he stood in front of me. Why was he at my door? I’d hoped to never see him again.
For a moment, I felt like I had transformed back into that powerless child that let him burn me over and over. His face looked exactly the same as it did that night. Even though now I could probably take him out with one punch, a latent fear of him resided in me. But that fear quickly morphed into anger. A fire-like anger that could only be doused by giving back to him the pain he had inflicted on me. I felt my body lean toward his to seek my revenge when my mother grabbed my arm and said, “Come in and have a seat, Joel,” as she pulled me into the kitchen.
“Garrett, let me explain,” she began. I only half listened to what she had to say. I couldn’t take my eyes off Joel in my living room. He looked almost exactly the same. Even with his coat on, I could still see some of the tattoos on his neck and hands. He was still bald by choice making him look like one of those Neo-Nazi’s or skinheads. He wasn’t as tall as I remembered, probably because I had grown so much in the five years since I’d last seen him. “When I asked Joel to relinquish his parental rights, he decided he wanted to be a part of Eden’s life and sued for joint custody. We’re in negotiations right now and I’m considering letting him take Eden for Thanksgiving.”
This caught my attention. “He’s not taking my sister anywhere.” My jaw tightened and my hands clenched into fists.
>
“Calm down, Garrett. This is why I didn’t tell you what was going on. I didn’t want to upset you.” Joel took his coat off, slung it on the back of the couch and made himself comfortable further incensing me. How dare he come into my home as if nothing happened? As if he hadn’t tortured me.
No, I wouldn’t calm down. I didn’t want to calm down. This day had been long coming, but it was finally here. Today Joel would pay for what he did.
“Damn right I’m upset! I don’t want him anywhere near Eden.” Joel heard this remark. He turned around and smiled at me. I lunged forward but my mother squeezed my arm and pulled me further into the kitchen where Joel wouldn’t be in my line of sight.
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