“What’s wrong with me, Gary? Am I dying? It hurts so bad.”I crawled into bed next to her and held her just like I did when she was little.
“Shhh. Don’t cry. You’re not dying. I would never let that happen. The doctors here are going to fix you up and you’re gonna be just fine.” I stroked her dark blonde hair and stared into her brown-green eyes.
“You promise?”
“I promise. I would never let anything bad happen to you.”Eden cried harder. She cried herself into exhaustion and fell asleep in my arms.
***
“I brought you some coffee,” Maddie whispered as she entered the room. I hadn’t even noticed she left.
“You don’t have to whisper. She’s sound asleep. Eden could sleep through a tornado.”I slid out of the hospital bed then took the cup of coffee she held out to me.
“Is she okay?”
I nodded as I took a sip. It tasted wretched. I put the lid back on and placed it on the table.
Maddie hugged herself and stared down at my little sister. She was worried about her. Over the past few months, she’d grown quite attached to Eden. Unbeknownst to me, they talked nearly every day on the phone. At first, Eden just wanted to get me and Maddie back together, but after awhile I think they started to develop some sort of sisterly bond. I liked that they got along now. After that first big fight at the mall, I didn’t think a cordial relationship would ever be possible between the two of them.
With Eden asleep, I finally had a moment to focus on Maddie. I stepped behind her, put my hands on her shoulders and kissed the top of her platinum blond head. Then I remembered something.
“You called me your boyfriend. You’ve never called me your boyfriend before.”Maddie turned around and stared up at me with her blue-lake eye. She stood up straight and wrapped her arms around my neck.
Maddie ran her fingers through my long black hair and as tears welled in her eyes she said, “I love you, Garrett.”
“I know you do, Maddie. And I’m sorry for ever doubting it. I’m sorry for pushing you. I’m sorry for selfishly neglecting you at times. I’m sorry for anything I’ve ever done to make you cry. I love you, too,” I said before pressing my lips to hers.
It should’ve been the happiest moment in my life. Madison McPhee loved me and was willing to make me a part of her life. She had told her father everything and had taken a huge risk by coming to see me tonight. But I couldn’t fully enjoy the realization knowing my sister lay suffering.
I lifted her off the ground and pressed her body to mine as my mouth continued to explore hers. “What about your father? What about the election?” I asked after a breathless kiss.
“I don’t care what he says. I need you, I want you, and I can’t exist without you,” she panted. We both smiled as she repeated the exact same words I’d told her just two weeks ago. Then someone rapped softly on the door ending our bliss-filled moment.
“May we speak to you in the hall?”The doctor asked me. When I stepped out of the room and closed the door behind me, he added, “I’m sorry I didn’t introduce myself properly. I’m Dr. Shepherd and this is Rowena Smith from Child Services.”
I shook both their hands and said, “I don’t understand why Child Services is here?”I started to get nervous. I’d seen enough of Child Services for five lifetimes.“Does this have something to do with my guardianship?”
“What guardianship?” Rowena asked.
“I’m fighting for permanent guardianship of Eden. I have to prove that I can take care of her better than my mother can. Is her illness going to hurt my chances of that?”
“We spoke to your mother,” Dr. Shepherd said ignoring my question. “She faxed over a letter giving you power of attorney over Eden. She trusts you to make all the decisions concerning her welfare.”That letter was worthless in my book. I’d already been doing that for the past 12 years.
“Will you tell me what’s wrong with my sister, please?” Dr. Shepherd and Rowena Smith exchanged a look, a look of foreboding that instantly made my heart race.
“You might want to sit down, son,” the overweight black lady said as she put her hand on my shoulder.”
“I don’t want to sit down. I want to know what’s wrong with her.”
Dr. Shepherd sighed and said, “Your sister had a miscarriage.”I stared at him blankly trying to make sense of what he was saying.
“I’m sorry, you must be looking at the wrong chart. My sister is only 12. She…she just turned 12. Yesterday was her birthday.”
“It’s not a mistake, Garrett. We’ve already performed the D&C. The fetus was about 6 weeks old.” My knees gave out and I had to grab a chair for balance. The doctor kept talking, but I really couldn’t hear anything else.
“She just turned 12. We haven’t even celebrated her birthday yet. She’s just a child, a baby. Who did this? Who could do that to a child?”My mind was in a haze. I felt like I repeated myself over and over again.
“We need your help to figure that out,” Rowena said. “Because of her age, the police have to get involved. A detective will be here in the morning. Do you know anything? Something that will help the police?”
I shook my head. I knew nothing. What kind of brother was I to let something like this happen? I should’ve been paying more attention to her. This was my fault and I was going to fix it.
***
I went back in to the hospital room. There was an empty bed next to Eden’s that Maddie had dozed off on.
“What’s wrong, Garrett?”She asked when she noted the look on my face. I couldn’t respond. I think I shook my head or shrugged my shoulders as I silently crawled beside Maddie. She didn’t press me with further questions. She was content to fall asleep in my arms. I watched them both sleep, the two most important people in my life. I thought about what had happened to my sister and what I was going to do about it. I knew what I needed to do.
Eden began to stir around five o’clock in the morning. I asked Maddie to leave the room for a few minutes so we could talk alone. Eden cried for me and I took her hand.
“Eden, I know something bad happened to you,” I said as I tucked her hair behind her ear. “I know I let you down.”
“Gary, don’t cry. It’s not your fault.” She reached up and wiped a tear from my face.
“Tell me what happened. Tell me who hurt you.”
“I can’t, Gary. You’ll hate me.”
I crawled into bed with her again and held her in my arms. “I could never hate you. I love you more than anything in the world.”
“Do you love me more than Maddie?”
“I love her differently than I love you, but yes, if I had to choose between you and Maddie, I’d choose you.”
Eden sniffled and wiped her nose with the back of her hand. “Do you love me more than Mommy?”
“Yes, Bug, I do.”
“That’s what he said, too. But it was a lie. Everything was a lie.”
“Who is he, Eden? Who told you this?”
“He told me he loved me more than mommy and that when people love each other that they’re supposed to have sex. He said that’s what you do with Maddie.”
I felt like a boulder of guilt had been dropped on my chest and knocked the wind out of me. I couldn’t breathe.
“It hurt so bad the first time, Gary. I thought I was being torn in two. But it got better after that and he wasn’t as rough when I didn’t fight back and it didn’t hurt as bad. I started to accept it. I just lay there and pretended I was somewhere else until he finished. I couldn’t tell you, Gary. He said it was our special secret. He said I was special.”
Tears threatened to stream down my face as she spoke, but I held them back. I had to remain strong for my sister.
“One day, I went to his office expecting to have to do it again and he said we weren’t going to do it anymore. He said we had to stop. I guess he didn’t love me anymore.”
I squeezed my eyes shut and breathed in slowly trying to gain control over my emotio
ns. I think I already knew the culprit, but I had to hear it from her. “Eden, please tell me who did this.”
“It was Corbin,” she whispered before bursting into tears again. I held her tightly and let her cry on my chest. “Am I a whore, Gary?” she asked when her tears subsided.
“No, Eden. It wasn’t your fault. You’re not a whore.”
“Mommy thinks I am.”
“She was drunk. She didn’t know what she was saying.”
“No, Gary, she wasn’t drunk the first time I told her.”
I sat up and looked into her eyes. “You mean, you’ve already told mother? She knows?”
Eden nodded vigorously. “The night she started drinking again, when you left to go for a walk I went to her room to talk to her. When you wouldn’t tell me what happened in Mommy’s past I started to think maybe the same thing happened to her. I thought she could help me. I thought she would know what to do. I told her what Corbin did to me and that I thought I was pregnant and she started yelling at me and calling me a whore. Then she threw a lamp at me but she missed. The next thing I knew, she had a bottle of alcohol in her hand and she kept yelling at me. So I went outside and waited for you.”
“Why didn’t you tell me this before?”
“I didn’t want you to think I was a whore too. You’re the only person that loves me, Gary. I didn’t want you to hate me, too.” She started sobbing again.
A new anger arose in me. How could my mother do this to her own daughter? She would have to pay as well. But first I needed to take care of Corbin.
Chapter 29: Memory Lapse
“I remember picking up the gun. I went home and took it out of Corbin’s desk. I remember loading it. I remember looking around his office. I know I found a spare set of keys to his studio taped under his desk. I don’t remember driving to his studio, but I remember knowing I wanted to kill him. I know that’s why I went there. I vaguely remember pointing the gun to his head. Then the next thing I know, I’m here. I don’t remember firing the gun, but I know I did. Oh, God, I killed someone.” I placed my head in my hands and started rocking back and forth in the hard wooden chair.
“So, you’re still claiming you don’t remember the shooting? You’re still gonna play dumb?” The young black detective leaned back and folded his arms as he eyed me skeptically. I didn’t know his name. I wasn’t even sure if he was a detective. I just assumed so because he seemed like a cop even though he wasn’t wearing a uniform.
Still? Why did he say 'still'? I felt like I had just woken from a coma. My head ached and my eyes burned. My mind floated in a dense fog of uncertainty. I didn’t know where I was or how I got there. I assumed I was under arrest for Corbin’s murder so I just tried to cooperate as much as possible. That proved harder than I thought.
The detective kept staring at me waiting for me to elaborate or something. I didn’t know what else to say. I tried to jump start my memory by thinking of Eden, Maddie, and the hospital, but that just reminded me of what Corbin had done to my sister. Then the desire to kill him would arise again. I wish I could remember shooting him. I would love to see his face and the fear that no doubt consumed him, to see the bullet pierce his brain and end his life.
“If you’re trying to protect your mother-”
“My mother?” I interrupted him and looked up sharply. “What does my mother have to do with this?” The last thing I remember learning was that she’d known about Corbin abusing Eden and how she did nothing. She let her only daughter be raped and just traipsed off to North Carolina. The mention of her rekindled my urge to deal with her as well. Perhaps just as cruelly as I had dealt with Corbin. Or, at least as cruelly as I thought I dealt with Corbin. What the hell happened to me? Why couldn't I remember?
The officer’s eyes grew wider, maybe out of shock, maybe out of confusion. I couldn’t tell. He bit his lip then tilted his head as he pinched his chin. The detective stood, adjusted his suit and began to pace the interrogation room.
“So, you don’t remember that your mother was at the studio with you? The both of you were found with blood splatter on your clothing.”
"My mother?" I shook my head. I had no idea what he was talking about. "Are you sure my mother was there? She couldn't have been there. She's in North Carolina."
He stopped pacing. “Garrett, what day is it?” He placed his fists on the table and leaned toward me. He studied my face while waiting for an answer.
I paused for a moment thinking this had to be some sort of trick question. Why would he be asking me something so simple? “Monday,” I said finally, “January eighth.”
His eyes widened again. He straightened his posture then left the room. He failed to close the door completely and I overheard voices from the hallway.
“I don’t think he’s faking,” I heard him say.
“I told you that two days ago. It’s like his ego has split and the person in that studio was not him,” a female voice said. “I think we should get psych down here to evaluate him again.”
“But if he is diagnosed as crazy, we might not have a case against him or the mother. His confession is garbage.”
“Maybe there shouldn’t be a case against him at all.” The woman paused. “Let me talk to him again,” she said. A second later she entered the room. “Hi, Garrett, I’m Marcy. Do you remember me?” Marcy had long brown hair and a warm smile. She took the seat across from me then folded her hands on the table. I looked at her carefully and tried to think of where I might have seen her before, but nothing came to me. I shook my head. She nodded and continued, “I’m the officer that brought you down to the station and booked you on Monday.”
“Monday? Isn't today Monday?” I asked. “Wait a minute. What's going on? What day is it?”
“It’s Wednesday, Garrett. You were arrested Monday morning for the murder of your stepfather.”
“Why don’t I remember? What does my mother have to do with this?”
Marcy sighed. “Do you know Richard Fielding?” I nodded. “Well, he seems to think that you’ve had what’s called a psychotic break. In an effort to deal with some traumatic event, your mind has basically shut down and blocked it out.”
I thought about this for a moment. Was it possible that Corbin’s murder was so disturbing that my psyche couldn’t handle it? What had I done?
“Where are Eden and my mother?”
“Eden is currently in child protective services. Your mother is in a holding cell a few doors down.”
“I want to see her.”
“Your mother? I think I can arrange that if-”
“No, Eden. I want to talk to my sister.”
“I’m not sure if I can do that. She’s pretty…traumatized. She hasn’t spoken a word since she found out Corbin was killed.”
I put my head in my hands. I thought I was helping her. I thought by killing Corbin I could make her pain go away. Now, I bet she blamed herself for his death.
Marcy stood and walked around to my side of the table. “Garrett, I want to help you,” she said as she put a hand on my shoulder. “But you have to help me as well, okay? A lot of the officers here think you’re faking it. That's the only reason we haven't transferred you to a mental institution. But, really, I don't want to send you to an institution. I don't think you belong in one. You've been through enough. I just need you to try really hard to remember what happened, okay? Just tell me what you know. Try to remember.”
“Garrett, you don’t have to tell her anything,” a booming voice said upon entering the room.
“Senator McPhee?” Marcy asked, confused by his presence.
“I was a lawyer before I was a senator and I’ll be representing Mr. Whitman. Now, if you don’t mind, I’ll have to ask you to give me and my client some privacy.”
Marcy looked back and forth between me and the senator trying to make sense of the situation. I’m sure she tried to figure out why a presidential candidate would want to defend me in a murder trial. I guess she couldn’t come to any lo
gical conclusion as she shook her head and left the room.
“Sorry I took so long to get here. I wasn’t sure if I would do this or not.” Senator McPhee sat at the table and opened his briefcase while I stared at him in utter confusion.
“I don’t understand. Why are you…how did you…?”
“Madison has told me everything. I know about you and Eden. I know what Corbin did. And after some soul searching, I decided to help you.”
“But, I can’t pay you.”
The senator’s blue eyes warmed as he looked at me and said, “I’m not doing this for money.” He took a pen from behind his ear and tapped it on the desk while thinking of what to say. Then he smoothed the sides of his salt and pepper hair and sighed.“I’m not even doing this for you. I’m doing it for me. I am afraid of what I would have done if put into the same situation.”
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