Q What sort of bird is always unhappy?
A A bluebird.
CHAPTER 13
THE LAST CHAPTER
Well, I’m glad that’s over,’ says Terry. ‘Now we can all relax. I’m going back to frolic with the lambs in our beautiful sunny meadow.’
‘And I’m going to keep tracking that high-flying, mountain-dwelling Joke Writer-snatcher,’ says Jill. ‘They are such fascinating creatures. They’re even more rare than high-flying, mountain-dwelling worm-snatchers!’
‘Hey, not so fast, you two!’ I say. ‘Aren’t you forgetting something?’
Q Why do hummingbirds hum?
A Because they can’t remember the words.
‘No, I don’t think so,’ says Terry.
‘No, I can’t think of anything either,’ says Jill.
‘Okay, then let me ask each of you a riddle,’ I say.
‘Oh, goody,’ says Terry. ‘I love riddles!’
‘All right,’ I say. ‘Terry’s riddle first. What’s big and red and gets bigger and redder the angrier it gets and then explodes if a certain writer and illustrator don’t get their book delivered by two-thirty today?’
‘Hmmm,’ says Terry, scratching his chin. ‘Beats me.’
Q What bird can write?
A A penguin.
‘MR BIG NOSE’S NOSE!’ I yell.
‘Yikes!’ says Terry. ‘But it’s already two twenty-five! How are we going to get our book to him on time?’
‘I don’t know!’ I say. ‘But we’d better figure something out... and fast!’
‘Hang on,’ says Jill. ‘What’s my riddle? You said you had one for me, too.’
‘I sure do,’ I say. ‘What has 100 heads, 400 legs, lots of fur and is about to go to sleep for six months?’
‘Oh, my goodness!’ says Jill. ‘The answer is 100 bears! We promised to read them your book before they go to sleep. You have to deliver it to Mr Big Nose or those poor bears will have to go into hibernation without their bear-time story!’
Q What has 100 heads, 400 legs and is about to go to sleep for six months?
A 100 bears.
‘I know!’ I say. ‘But how are we going to get our book to Mr Big Nose?’
‘We could ask the high-flying, mountain-dwelling worm-snatcher to take us,’ says Jill. ‘She promised she would help us whenever we were in need, and we are definitely in need right now!’
‘Let’s call her,’ I say. ‘Everybody ready? On the count of three: one ... two ... three!’
Q Two silk worms were in a race. Who won?
A It was a tie.
We’ve barely had time to close our mouths when the worm-snatcher swoops down, snatches us all up in her mighty talons ...
and carries us off to Mr Big Nose’s office.
Q What can travel around the world while staying in a corner?
A A stamp.
Luckily for us, Mr Big Nose’s office window is open. The worm-snatcher releases us at just the right moment and we all tumble into Mr Big Nose’s office at exactly 2.30 p.m.
‘At last!’ shouts Mr Big Nose as we pick ourselves up off the floor and gather up the pages of our book. ‘I was just about to cancel your contract.’
Q What has words but never speaks?
A A book.
‘Sorry, Mr Big Nose,’ I say as I hand him the pages. ‘But we’ve been very busy. You can read all about it in The 104-Storey Treehouse. Here it is!’
‘Is it as good as the last one?’ says Mr Big Nose. ‘It had better be!’
‘Oh, it is,’ says Jill. ‘It’s a great story. Possibly the greatest story ever told.’
‘Hmmm,’ says Mr Big Nose. ‘I’ll be the judge of that! Well, what are you all standing there for? You can go now. I’ve got work to do. And so have you—don’t forget you have a deadline for next year’s book.’
‘We won’t forget,’ I say. ‘But before we go, we were wondering if you would be able to do us a very special favour.’
‘That depends on what it is,’ says Mr Big Nose. ‘I’m a very busy man, you know.’
Q What’s a frog’s favourite year?
A A leap year.
‘We know,’ I say, ‘but would it be possible to put our new book into super-fast production so we can take a copy to read to some bears before they go into hibernation? You see, we promised them we would in exchange for them agreeing to leave the treehouse so we could write the book.’
‘Hmmm,’ says Mr Big Nose. ‘It’s highly irregular, but I suppose a promise is a promise—especially where bears are concerned. Wait there and I’ll see what I can do.’
Q What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
A Snowflakes.
‘Here you are,’ says Mr Big Nose. ‘One freshly printed copy of your new book.’
‘Thank you, Mr Big Nose,’ I say. ‘We really appreciate it—and so will the bears.’
‘Let’s call the worm-snatcher to take us to the bears’ cave,’ says Jill. ‘There’s not a moment to lose. Winter is almost here!’
Q What is the best way to win a race?
A Run faster than everyone else.
Once again the worm-snatcher appears and snatches us all up, along with our new book.
Q What do you call an angry bear?
A Nothing, just run.
When we arrive the bears are all in their pyjamas, sitting up in a 100-bear bed.
Q What did the blanket say to the mattress?
A ‘I’ve got you covered.’
They let out a huge 100-bear roar.
‘That means, “Hooray for Andy, Terry and Jill!”’ says Jill.
Terry, Jill and I sit down in a big chair, get cosy and start reading to the bears.
Q What’s the last thing you take off before bed?
A Your feet off the floor.
A few hours later I finally reach this, the last page (just like you), but nobody is listening (except for you, of course). All the bears—and Terry and Jill— are fast asleep.
I’ve got to admit I’m feeling pretty sleepy myself. I might just nap for a little while—well, probably most of winter to tell you the truth—and then Terry and I will get busy adding another thirteen new storeys to the treehouse. Goodnight!
THE END
Q What building has the most storeys?
A A library.
The 117-Storey Treehouse
ABOUT ANDY GRIFFITHS AND TERRY DENTON
Andy Griffiths lives in a 104-storey treehouse with his friend Terry and together they make funny books, just like the one you’re holding in your hands right now. Andy writes the words and Terry draws the pictures. If you’d like to know more, read this book (or visit www.andygriffiths.com.au).
Terry Denton lives in a 104-storey treehouse with his friend Andy and together they make funny books, just like the one you’re holding in your hands right now. Terry draws the pictures and Andy writes the words. If you’d like to know more, read this book (or visit www.terrydenton.com).
ALSO BY ANDY GRIFFITHS AND ILLUSTRATED BY TERRY DENTON
Just Tricking!
Just Annoying!
Just Stupid!
Just Crazy!
Just Disgusting!
Just Shocking!
Just Macbeth!
Just Doomed!
The Bad Book
The Very Bad Book
The Cat on the Mat is Flat
The Big Fat Cow That Goes Kapow
What Bumosaur is That?
What Body Part is That?
The 13-Storey Treehouse
The 26-Storey Treehouse
The 39-Storey Treehouse
The 52-Storey Treehouse
The 65-Storey Treehouse
The 78-Storey Treehouse
The 91-Storey Treehouse
Once Upon a Slime: 45 fun ways to get writing... FAST!
The Treehouse Fun Book
The Treehouse Fun Book 2
The Treehouse Fun Book 3
ALSO BY ANDY GRIFFITHS
The Day My Bum Went Psycho
Zombie Bums from Uranus
Bumageddon: The Final Pongflict
Schooling Around:
Treasure Fever!
Pencil of Doom!
Mascot Madness!
Robot Riot!
ANDY GRIFFITHS AND TERRY DENTON
ONCE UPON A SLIME
Is this the right book for you?
Take the SLIME TEST and find out.
Have you ever wondered where ideas come from and how stories are made?
Would you like to know the true stories behind some of Andy and Terry’s books and characters?
Would you like to discover 45 great ways to have fun with words and pictures?
SCORE: If you answered YES to any of these questions, then this is definitely the right book for you! If you answered NO to all of these questions then you are an IDIOT and this is DEFINITELY the right book for you!
Crammed full of examples from Andy and Terry’s bestselling books, Once upon a Slime is designed to inspire you to have as much fun playing with ideas, words and drawings as Andy and Terry do when they get together to create their crazy cartoons, ridiculous rhymes, silly stories, comic novels and stupid guide books.
THE TREEHOUSE SERIES
ANDY GRIFFITHS AND TERRY DENTON
THE 13-STOREY TREEHOUSE
Who wouldn’t want to live in a treehouse? Especially a 13-storey treehouse that has a bowling alley, a see-through swimming pool, a tank full of sharks, a library full of comics, a secret underground laboratory, a games room, self-making beds, vines you can swing on, a vegetable vaporiser and a marshmallow machine that follows you around and automatically shoots your favourite flavoured marshmallows into your mouth whenever it discerns you’re hungry.
Two new characters – Andy and Terry – live here, make books together, and have a series of completely nutty adventures. Because: ANYTHING can happen in a 13-storey treehouse.
This is a major new series from Andy and Terry- and it’s the logical evolution of all their previous books. There are echoes of the Just stories in the Andy and Terry friendship, the breakaway stories in the Bad Book (the Adventures of Super Finger), there’s the easy readability of the Cat on the Mat and the Big Fat Cow, and like all these books, the illustrations are as much a part of the story as the story itself.
ANDY GRIFFITHS AND TERRY DENTON
THE 26-STOREY TREEHOUSE
Join Andy and Terry in their newly expanded treehouse, which now features 13 brand-new storeys, including a dodgem car rink, a skate ramp, a mud-fighting arena, an anti-gravity chamber, an ice-cream parlour with 78 flavours run by an ice-cream serving robot called Edward Scooperhands and the Maze of Doom - a maze so complicated that nobody who has gone in has ever come out again... well, not yet, anyway
Well, what are you waiting for? Come on up!
ANDY GRIFFITHS AND TERRY DENTON
THE 39-STOREY TREEHOUSE
Join Andy and Terry in their astonishing 39-storey treehouse! Jump on the world’s highest trampoline, toast marshmallows in an active volcano, swim in the chocolate waterfall, pat baby dinosaurs, go head-to-trunk with the Trunkinator, break out your best moves on the dance floor, fly in a jet-propelled swivel chair, ride a terrifying rollercoaster and meet Professor Stupido, the world’s greatest UN-inventor.
Well, what are you waiting for? Come on up!
ANDY GRIFFITHS AND TERRY DENTON
THE 52-STOREY TREEHOUSE
Andy and Terry’s incredible, ever-expanding treehouse has 13 new storeys, including a watermelon-smashing level, a wave machine, a life-size snakes and ladders game (with real ladders and real snakes), a rocket-powered carrot-launcher, a Ninja Snail Training Academy and a high-tech detective agency with all the latest high-tech detective technology, which is lucky because they have a BIG mystery to solve - where is Mr Big Nose???
Well, what are you waiting for? Come on up!
ANDY GRIFFITHS AND TERRY DENTON
THE 65-STOREY TREEHOUSE
Andy and Terry’s amazing 65-storey treehouse now has a pet-grooming salon, a birthday room where it’s always your birthday (even when it’s not), a room full of exploding eyeballs, a lollipop shop, a quicksand pit, an ant farm, a time machine and Tree-NN: a 24-hour-a-day TV news centre keeping you up to date with all the latest treehouse news, current events and gossip.
Well, what are you waiting for? Come on up!
ANDY GRIFFITHS AND TERRY DENTON
THE 78-STOREY TREEHOUSE
Join Andy and Terry in their spectacular new 78-storey treehouse. They’ve added 13 new levels including a drive-thru car wash, a combining machine, a scribbletorium, an ALL-BALL sports stadium, Andyland, Terrytown, a high-security potato chip storage facility and an open-air movie theatre.
Well, what are you waiting for? Come on up!
ANDY GRIFFITHS AND TERRY DENTON
THE 91-STOREY TREEHOUSE
Join Andy and Terry in their latest mind-blowing ever-growing treehouse. Go for a spin in the world’s most powerful whirlpool, take a ride in a submarine sandwich, get marooned on a desert island, hang out in a giant spider web, visit the fortune teller’s tent to get your fortune told by Madam Know-it-all and decide whether or not to push the mysterious big red button ...
Well, what are you waiting for? Come on up!
THE BAD BOOKS
ANDY GRIFFITHS AND TERRY DENTON
THE BAD BOOK
WARNING! This book contains nothing but bad stories, bad illustrations, bad poems, bad cartoons and bad riddles about bad characters doing bad things. It is a very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very bad book.
BAD JACK HORNER
Bad Jack Horner
Sat in a corner
Pulling the wings off a fly.
He swore at his mum
Kicked his dad in the bum,
And said ‘Oh, what a bad boy am I’.
ANDY GRIFFITHS AND TERRY DENTON
THE VERY BAD BOOK
In a very bad wood,
There was a very bad house.
And in that very bad house,
There was a very bad room.
And in that very bad room,
There was a very bad cupboard.
And in that very bad cupboard,
There was a very bad shelf.
And on that very bad shelf,
There was a very bad box.
And in that very bad box,
There was a VERY BAD BOOK...
AND THIS IS IT!!!
ANDY GRIFFITHS AND TERRY DENTON
KILLER KOALAS FROM OUTER SPACE
This is a very silly book filled with very bad things.
There are bad ideas like eating dead flies, and silly people like the boy who unscrews his head and loses it forever. Then there are very bad things like bloodsucking grannies, rocket-stealing ants and, of course, killer koalas from outer space that come to earth and rip off your face.
A collection of stories from The Bad Book and The Very Bad Book that will make your brain EXPLODE!
ANDY AND TERRY’S WORLD OF STUPIDITY SERIES
ANDY GRIFFITHS AND TERRY DENTON
WHAT BODY PART IS THAT?
There is a lot of nonsense written about the human body, and this book is no exception. In its 68 fully illustrated, 100 per cent fact-free chapters, What Body Part is That? will explain everything you ever needed to know about your body without the boring technical jargon and scientific accuracy that normally clog up the pages of books of this type.
Never again will you be stuck for an answer when somebody comes up to you, points to a part of your body and demands to know: What Body Part is That? The crazy duo Andy Griffiths and Terry Denton have turned us all inside out in the Andy and Terry guide to the human body: What Body Part is That? is packed with incredible information on the brain, the bum, the spleen and so much more – this is one anatomical journey you don’t want to miss. This fully illustrated stupid guide to the human body features the biggest, the smallest,
the funniest, the stupidest and The Most Disgustingest parts of your body. It’s divided into anatomically comprehensive sections such as:
* The bits you can see
* The bits you can’t see
Packed with handy advice such as how to use your head as a bowling ball (the eye sockets and mouth make excellent holes for your fingers), you’ll learn more than you ever wanted to know about just what the body does, what it can do, and what you hope it never does.
ANDY GRIFFITHS AND TERRY DENTON
WHAT BUMOSAUR IS THAT?
Why was the Tyrannosore-arse Rex so angry?
Where did Bogasauruses live?
How many cheeks did a Tricerabutt have?
Was the Bumheaded idiotasaurus the most stupid bumosaur?
When did the bumosaurs become exstinkt?
Find the answers to these and many other questions in this fully-illustrated guide to prehistoric bumosaur life. Covering the Pre-Crappian era through to the Post-Crapaceous, this essential reference will thrill, amaze and inform the whole family. Never again will you look like a fool when somebody asks: “What bumosaur is that?”
The 104-Storey Treehouse Page 6