What God Has For Me

by Pat Simmons

  “Let the shopping begin,” he shouted excitedly, which prompted Ashanti to clap and her brother to mimic. “They have quite a few stores here. I’m sure we can find something you like.”

  “I’m sure they will have a lot of things I’d like,” she mumbled as she stared at the entrance to the walkway that actually divided the shops.

  Despite Jonathan’s protest to be set free, Zachary kept a steady hold on him in his arms. Ashanti latched on to Halcyon and began to skip ahead, pulling her mother.

  “Let’s find a t-o-y store to get them some—” Halcyon spelled out the word.

  “Not today.” Zachary shook his head. “This is about you, Bridget.”

  He knew she liked him calling her by her middle name whenever she angled her head and smiled like now. “I was thinking something small they can carry in their hands to occupy them.”

  “Nope.” Zachary was concerned that once he got the children in there, it would be a disaster trying to get them out. Plus, Halcyon would be content watching them enjoy themselves, probably hoping he would forget about her. A double nope.

  Zachary’s compromise was to park the three on a bench while he went inside. He plucked up a miniature plastic race car for Jonathan and a mini cloth doll for Ashanti. He returned and handed them their gifts. “Problem solved. Let’s go.”

  “Smooth. Real smooth, Mr. Bishop.” Halcyon chuckled, then unexpectedly reached for his hand, linking her fingers through his.

  He couldn’t help but give her a questioning look, even though he wasn’t complaining. “Is this step one toward us?” he kept his voice low as they crossed the threshold of bebe’s clothing store, activating the customer buzzer.

  “Maybe.” Halcyon shrugged. “My thoughts are still being processed, but you’re hard to resist.”

  “That’s good to know,” he said with a jolt of confidence. The sales associate greeted them at the entrance and asked how she could help. “We’re updating her wardrobe, so any assistance you can give us, would be great,” Zachary didn’t give Halcyon time to say a word.

  When she squinted and squeeze her lips with an attitude, he whispered close to her ear, “Don’t even think about making a scene. This is my birthday gift to you.”

  For the next hour or so, Halcyon breezed in and out the dressing room, modeling everything the sales woman brought to her. The children clapped enthusiastically when they were wowed. Zachary kept silent and visually feasted on the colors that complemented Halcyon’s skin tone and curves. They could do this, he and Halcyon could make “them” work, and the children completed the package.

  When it came time to choose, that’s when the battle of wills kicked in. Zachary closed the distance between them. “Halcyon,” he began, meaning business. “Let me spend my money as I see fit, which is to treat you like a lady. Fight me on this and I’ll kiss you like I want to.” Zachary looked at her lips. He almost wanted her to protest, so he could administer his punishment.

  Stepping back, she held up her free hand in surrender and placed the garments draped over her arms on the counter. “Thank you,” she whispered with misty eyes. “I don’t think you would, but I feel like you’re trying to buy my love. I’m not use to this treatment.”

  “I can’t buy your love, Bridget. I already have it.” With that, he turned to the cashier, who seemed to be amused by their tit-for-tat, and whipped out his wallet and handed the woman his card to proceed. “We’ll take these items.”

  Although Halcyon was quiet throughout the transaction, she blinked when the bill came to one-hundred-and-ninety-something dollars. Zachary thought three skirts, four tops, two pair of slacks and one hot dress for them to go to dinner and dancing, was worth it.

  When they strolled out the store, Halcyon leaned in to him. “You make it hard for a woman not to love you,” she joked as she scooped up Jonathan in her arms to keep him from wandering off.

  “Then love me.” Zachary said softly and opened his arms and with no reluctance, she walked into them. He squeezed her, inhaling the fragrance of her hair. The moment was too brief as Ashanti patted his leg wanting in on the fun.

  Smiling down at the girl, Zachary lifted her into his arms for an impromptu group hug. It had been a good choice to take her shopping. It seemed like each minute, she was yielding to her feelings.

  “Let’s grab lunch.” Leading them toward the food court, which consisted of a handful of vendors, they decided on Taviani’s Italian food, so the children could enjoy pizza.

  Halcyon and the children settled at a table while Zachary ordered. When he returned with the trays and dispersed the food, Ashanti begged to say grace.

  With her hands folded, and head bowed, Ashanti prayed, “Jesus, thank You for pizza and my Mommy and Uncle Zach and my baby brother. Amen.” She grinned, then reached for her slice.

  After a while, the children began to play with their food, leaving unfinished slices, despite Halcyon’s warnings to eat. Zachary scooted closer to Halcyon. “So where do we go from here?”

  “Absolutely nowhere.” Halcyon frowned. “You’ve bought me enough, don’t you think?”

  “I wasn’t talking about shopping, Bridget, I mean us.” Zachary rubbed his mustache as he watched her expressions. She was beautiful without trying.

  “Mommy, why does Uncle Zach always call you, Bridget?” Ashanti asked with food in her mouth.

  “Because she’s special to me,” Zachary cut in, “just like you and Jonathan. I love you all.”

  Seemingly satisfied with the answer, Ashanti reached for her kiddie cup of juice.

  Elbowing Zachary in the side, Halcyon mumbled under her breath, “Stop trying to butter up my children.”

  He grunted. “They know I love them,” then turned to Jonathan and Ashanti. “Don’t you?” When Zachary got the response he wanted, he grinned victoriously. “See, told ya.”

  They were in no rush to leave as long as the children didn’t become antsy. Finally, Halcyon suggested they head out when Jonathan began to nod.

  Zachary gathered the trash as Halcyon wiped sticky mouths and hands. She opted to carry Jonathan while Zachary picked up the shopping bags. When he noticed Ashanti looked like she was about to fall asleep too in any minute, he lifted her in one arm.

  Once outside, they strolled down the walkway that would lead to the parking lot. Suddenly, Ashanti got a second wind and began chatting away. Zachary listened, but was suddenly distracted as he zeroed in on one person coming their way—Scott.

  There was no mistaking the man’s proud walk. He had a woman beside him and a young boy between them, who looked to be about six years old. This most likely was his new family. It might not be official yet, but Zachary had his family right alongside him too.

  Evidently, Halcyon hadn’t seen Scott as she shifted Jonathan to her other shoulder. He knew the exact moment when she spotted them, because she almost stumbled in her steps, but Zachary’s steady grip saved her and Jonathan from falling.

  Of all the shopping areas in St. Louis, why this one, this day and this time? Without a test, there is no testimony, Zachary remembered the phrase from one of Pastor Reed’s recent sermons.

  He wasn’t anticipating a scene. Scott never respected Halcyon enough to fight for her. What he was concerned about was how she felt about seeing her ex. Zachary prayed and began a countdown of when their paths would cross.

  Jesus, help her, please. Now, Ashanti was looking straight ahead as well. Ten, nine, eight… Zachary paused, then resumed… seven, six….

  The expression on Scott’s face when he recognized Halcyon was priceless—he was stunned. He appeared unsure of how to react. His wife, on the other hand appeared clueless about their identities.

  They were about to intersect… three… two… Ashanti squirmed in his arms as she pointed to her father. Zachary braced himself for her to call out, and put them all in an uncomfortable situation, but the unexpected happened.

  Ashanti simply waved as they passed, then rested her head on his chest. Zachary sn
uggled her closer as he heard Scott’s wife say, “What a pretty little girl.” He nodded at Scott, while Halcyon looked straight ahead.

  For a tenth of a second, the tension was as stiff as Jell-O. “Are you okay?” he whispered as they got closer to his SUV. He could tell the encounter had shaken Halcyon up a bit, even though she nodded. Zachary wished they were alone, so he could wrap her in his arms to soothe, pray for or kiss her. Whatever it took to comfort her, Zachary was willing.

  Once he got behind the wheel and clicked his seatbelt, Zachary’s heart ached as he watched Halcyon’s head bow. “Out of sight, out of mind is overrated. I thought I was over him and I had moved on, but seeing him—happy with a family—made me flash back to all the hurt I’ve tried to overcome.”

  Glancing over his shoulder, Zachary checked on the children—both were asleep.

  When she looked at him, her eyes were glazed over. Zachary hoped she wouldn’t start crying. “Do you think he’ll want custody or visitation now that he sees that I’m happy?”

  He turned the ignition, but didn’t attempt to drive off as he stared at Halcyon. “Are you… happy—really?”

  “Yes. I was…I mean I am, but that doesn’t stop me from hurting. The blame is on me. I allowed him to use me.”

  “Baby,” he reached for her hand and squeezed it. “You could allow me to abuse you, but I never would. Just because you gave Scott full access to your emotions, doesn’t give him the right to play with you. You both shared in what went wrong in that relationship. Halcyon Bridget Holland, you are one of the strongest Black women I know. You knew when to get out while some women stay in unhealthy situations for years. Give yourself some credit—you’re a renewed creature in Christ. The past is just that. The more you walk with Jesus, the farther away you’ll be from the hurt.”

  “I hear you… I just wish it would stick and sink in.” She paused. “His wife complimented his own daughter and Scott didn’t say a word. Does she know about us or not?”

  “That’s his drama. Not ours.” He shifted the gear into drive, checked his rearview mirror, and drove off toward Halcyon’s house. “Scott can be a part of the children’s lives, only if he respects you, but he will no longer control your happiness. That’s when I step in, and I’ll deal with him.”

  Chapter 10

  He loves me, he loves me not, was the old game that popped into Halcyon’s mind when she saw Scott. In that short space of time in the hemisphere, she had a man who loved her and she did love him back, and the man who never loved her. And thanks to a “Scott sighting,” her day went downhill from the there.

  It wasn’t that she hadn’t expected to see or hear from him again in her lifetime, but it had been a year. So why now when she was starting to convince herself it was okay to love again? Life wasn’t fair!

  Scott hadn’t called to check on the children, or even sent her a text to say he was getting married, and therefore moving on. Tracey was the one who saw the announcement in the St. Louis American, a Black weekly newspaper. Halcyon had cried then and she thought that was the end of it. Profanity was threatening to escape to release her frustration. She twisted her lips, trying to contain herself.

  You cannot curse and still bless Me, God whispered. Read James 3.

  The rebellion in her mouth seemed to calm down, but the urge was still present. She wished she had a Bible app on her phone, but she kept forgetting to install it. Plus, she preferred turning pages in her Bible.

  Love Me and Me alone, You cannot serve two masters, or you will be faithful to one and despise the other. My Word is true. Matthew 6. God’s voice seemed even more forceful, to the point that she actually shivered.

  Halcyon blinked to bring the passing scenery from the highway into focus. She needed God’s Word right now—desperately. Didn’t Granny Rose just tell her this morning that ‘God is our refuge, strength, and a very present help in trouble?’

  Angling her body, Halcyon watched Zachary, who drove in silence. She could tell by the stiff set of his jaw that he wasn’t happy either. “Why do you want to be involved in my mess?”

  He glanced at her. “What mess?”

  “My mess. My babies’ daddy drama.” She hated that phrase, but it was what it was.

  “Scott is an absentee dad. I’m here because there is no other woman I’d rather spend my time with, nor any other children I would rather love. Next question.”

  She didn’t have any more, but the craving to read her Bible increased, so she asked Zachary for his phone.

  “You need to call someone?” Zachary asked, but handed it over.

  “Yep. A 9-1-1 call to Jesus right now. Can I read the Bible on your phone?”

  Zachary nodded and smiled. “Yes, angels are standing by. I know you like your hard copy, but remind me to install that app on yours—in case of emergencies.”

  Halcyon nodded, then got lost in reading the passages until Zachary’s vehicle came to a stop at her front door. The children stirred in the back seat. Getting out, Zachary unbuckled them and with ease, he carried one on each shoulder up the stairs. That was one sight she would never get tired of seeing; the way he used his strength to cuddle her babies was alluring.

  “Leave the bags and car seats. Get the door. I’ll come back for those,” he advised, almost on the porch, so she raced to get ahead of him.

  Resting the children on the sofa, Zachary went back for her things. With the task done and Ashanti and Jonathan awake, but still in a daze, Zachary towered over her with his hands stationed on his waist. “Are you okay, Bridget? I mean really okay. I can stay as long as you need me to. It’s your call.”

  The way Zachary phrased it made it sound like he wanted to make the call. “Thanks, but I need some alone time,” she said softly to lessen the blow. “Thank you for my birthday gifts.” She wrapped her arms around his waist and collapsed against his chest. Zachary trapped her in a hug. Halcyon felt secure in his embrace and wanted to linger in his cocoon, especially when she heard his whispered prayers. Stepping back, Halcyon swept her lips against his, and mumbled, “I love you too.”

  Zachary responded with the sweetest, softest and briefest kiss she had ever experienced.

  “Uncle Zach, are you going to be my daddy now?”

  Their heads whipped around as Halcyon’s lids fluttered open. She made a move to distance herself from Zachary, but he wasn’t having it as he gently restrained her. Halcyon cleared her throat. For once, Zachary had nothing to say. “Well, ah… why do you ask, sweetie?” Halcyon finally broke free and joined her daughter on the sofa.

  “Because you kissed him and he loves us. I want Uncle Zach to be my daddy!” She pouted, then leaped off the sofa and ran to him.

  Was it the kiss that brought this demand, or was she acting out from seeing Scott, who didn’t even acknowledge her? Halcyon honestly didn’t know how to handle this moment. Standing, she walked toward Zachary to comfort her daughter, but when she reached for Ashanti, she gripped onto him and started crying. Zachary’s expression looked just as clueless as she felt.

  Let me talk to her, he mouthed and sat in the nearest chair with Ashanti on his lap. He cuddled her until she was all cried out while Halcyon stood helpless. Zachary seemed to be in tune with Ashanti’s mood and placated her without one complaint.

  Taking a seat next to Jonathan, Halcyon ran her fingers through her hair. Lord, what am I going to do? This was the time she really needed Him to answer.

  God didn’t, so Halcyon let Zachary stay throughout dinner, then they watched a cartoon video before Ashanti would let him go. Before he left, Zachary led them in a prayer that catered to Ashanti’s needs and then hers. At the door, he wrapped her in a hug and she closed her eyes. He didn’t say anything, and neither did she. Finally, they said their goodbyes.

  Are you all right? Zachary texted after he got home.

  Halcyon read the message and sighed. I’m praying to get to all right.

  I’ll be praying for you too. See you tomorrow at church. Love you. Z.
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br />   We all love you too, Halcyon texted back. Ashanti seemed back to her normal self as if what happened earlier wasn’t even a memory, but she would have to talk to her daughter, but not now. Halcyon went through the routine of baths, a bedtime story, and goodnight kisses, but her heart was heavy.

  In her own bed, Halcyon stared up at the ceiling. She was emotionally exhausted, but she couldn’t sleep. She had told Zachary the truth. She did need some alone time. It was a good thing her mother and sisters weren’t at home to witness the spectacle from earlier. Getting up, Halcyon wandered downstairs and out to the screened-in patio in the back. She just sat there and listened to the crickets and other night crawlers to empty her mind.

  Seeing Scott was the least of her problems at the moment. It was her daughter’s actions that concerned her. Ashanti was a sweet child, but the girl did have a stubborn streak, which she inherited from her. Her daughter loved her Uncle Zach, and Zachary loved Ashanti—and Jonathan—unconditionally. Halcyon didn’t know whether she was relieved that Ashanti hadn’t made a scene when she saw her father, or that Ashanti unapologetically and indirectly demanded that Zachary marry her so he could be her daddy. One thing was for sure, Halcyon wanted Zachary in her life right now.

  Even though Halcyon made it clear that she would not keep the children away from Scott, she had selfishly and immaturely hoped that Ashanti would forget about him. Yes, she knew that was wrong, so now, it would be a waiting game to see if Scott would have a renewed interest in seeing his children. However, she knew based on past experience, Scott had no problem activating the “out of sight, out of mind” mindset regarding his children.

  This is your fault, the devil taunted. You made your bed, now lie in it.

  Halcyon couldn’t argue with that. She had moved in with Scott, hoping it would lead to marriage. True, almost five years and two children later, Halcyon was paying for her sins.