by Sarah Bates
“Mermaids.” He seemed to think on it for a moment, then a slow smile curved his lips and he nodded. “Mermaids are ultra girly. I like it.” His smile dimmed a little, sadness washing over his features. “My mother loved mermaids.”
“Oh.” Samantha grimaced. “I’m sorry, Alex. I didn’t know. We can go with another theme,”
“No.” He shook his head. “I like the idea of the mermaids. In fact,” he stopped and turned her to face him. “I think it’s perfect. I have a lamp, that was my mother’s. It has three bronze mermaids, their tails enameled in pastel colors. It was her favorite. Would you use it?”
“Oh,” Samantha swallowed at the lump that formed in her throat and nodded. “Are you sure?”
“I would be honored if you would. I know that Serena,” he hesitated, then shrugged. “It would be nice to share something of my mother with her.”
She smiled, nodded again as she leaned up and kissed him softly. “I’m sure that Serena will be glad to know someday that she has such a special piece of her grandmother.”
He swallowed, nodded, and took her hand to lead her back towards the house. After a moment he frowned softly. “Bunnies go with mermaids, right?”
She laughed, thinking of the soft pink bunny that he had bought the day of her ultrasound. “Yes. They go together perfectly.”
He grinned and pulled her closer, slipped his arm around her waist again. “Just wanted to make sure.”
Chapter Eight
They spent the next couple of days at the house, sleeping in and playing in the sand, watching old movies on TV and simply lounging.
Samantha had quickly found her favorite spot in the hammock that hung between two tall palm trees along the side of the house, and settled into it on their second afternoon there to take a nap. When she had woken up later that day in their bed inside the house Alex explained that he’d been worried about her and Serena being slowly baked under the intense heat of the sun and, not wanting her to get sick, had carried her inside.
“Oh, but I’m too heavy!” she protested.
He merely rolled his eyes and leaned forward to kiss her. “Trust me, you’re not.” And as if to prove his point, he scooped her up into his arms and carried her out to the deck, where he had set up their dinner.
Almost breathless she simply stared at him as he settled her into a chair. “No one has ever done that before,” she told him.
“Done what?” he asked as he served her a piece of fish and some steamed vegetables.
“Carried me.”
He stared at her, a soft frown furrowing his brow. “Never?”
“Never.”
He let out a slight grunt and shook his head. “Well, I’ll have to do it more often then. Here, drink.” He handed her a tall glass of ice water.
She did as she was told and took a few sips, then after he severed himself and sat across from her, took a bite of the fish. “Wow.” She hummed in pleasure and took another bite. “This is fantastic. Where did you order from?” she asked, looking back to him.
He arched a brow and swallowed. “I cooked,” he replied.
Her eyes widened slightly in surprise. “Why didn’t I know that you could cook?”
He shrugged. “Because like the house, you never asked. You just assumed.” He smiled and tipped back in his chair. “I bet there’s probably a lot we don’t actually know about each other.”
She thought that over, then slowly shook her head. “No, I’m pretty sure you know everything there is know about me,” she said.
“Really?” She nodded and he picked up his bottle of Corona, sipped it thoughtfully as he considered her. “I don’t know how old you were when you had your first kiss, or who it was with,” he said.
She smiled and forked up another bite of fish. “I was eleven and it was with you.”
He blinked in surprise and straightened a little in his chair. “I was your first kiss?”
“You sure were.” She sighed over the memory. “Your grandparents were having some kind of business luncheon and my grandparents brought me along with them. We escaped when I got there and went out to the pool house to play video games and Scrabble. I beat you at Scrabble.”
He nodded as though that was a given and tried to think back to that day. Was it raining out?” he asked.
She nodded and sipped her water.
Just then an image came to him and he smiled. “You were wearing a yellow sundress and your hair was in some kind of braid.” He went to take a sip of his beer again but lowered the bottle instead. “That was the day that we met.”
She smiled and nodded. “I was spending the summer with my grandparents. They brought me to the luncheon because they thought that you might want some company. I had an instant crush on you and was so surprised when you took my hand and ran for it. I thought that you would ignore me,” she admitted.
He grunted and took a deep pull from the glass bottle. “Are you kidding me? You were an answer to my prayers. I thought that I was going to be stuck in the house all afternoon with a bunch of old ladies pinching my cheeks. When you walked through the door I just about heard the Halleluiah chorus. I wasn’t about to have my saving grace subjected to that torture.”
He grinned, as though very proud of himself as the rest of the memory came to him. “You were the prettiest thing I’d ever seen. And the fact that you were obviously smarter than me kind of added to your appeal.”
“You thought that I was smarter than you?” she asked, swallowing some vegetables.
“Come on. You were eleven and I was thirteen. You beat me at Scrabble. Of course I thought you were smarter than me. You still are.” He grinned when she slowly nodded.
“So, who was your first kiss?” she asked, setting her fork aside.
“You.”
His grin widened when she blinked in surprise. “Well, I guess we have that in common. Alright.” He thought for a moment, then sat forward again. “First sexual encounter.”
She caught her lower lip between her teeth, then sighed and folded her hands on her belly. “You.”
His eyes narrowed and she nodded. “My first year in college. I went to one of your frat parties. You got incredibly drunk and I helped you to your room so you didn’t do anything stupid, like fall asleep naked outside on the front lawn.” She leveled her gaze at him and he shifted in his chair.
“That only happened once,” he muttered, setting his Corona aside. “And everyone is entitled to doing something that stupid in college. It’s part of the experience.”
She chuckled and absently rubbed her belly. “Yes, well, I didn’t think you’d want it to happen again, so I helped you to your room. You decided to thank me by thinking it would be fun to make-out.”
“I have no recollection of this at all,” he said, shaking his head.
“I’m not surprised. You were seriously drunk. You didn’t show up for classes for two days. I went and checked on you every few hours to make sure you were actually still alive.”
Something flickered in his eyes then. “Oh, yeah. That I do remembered. Huh. Go figure. The fun part I forget but the pain and misery I remember. So, how far did we go?” he asked.
When she remained silent he slowly straightened. “Sami,”
She shrugged. “I’m not surprised that you don’t remember. I kind of figured that you didn’t when you never mentioned it after, so I thought it would probably be best if I didn’t mention it,” she explained.
“I’m the one who,” he couldn’t seem to get the words out and swallowed hard. “I was your first?”
By the look on his face she thought it prudent not to mention that he’d been her only, and she shifted to make herself more comfortable. A long silence passed between them, then he sighed and stood, stepped around the table and cupped her face in his hands. “I’m more sorry than you will ever know that I don’t remember it. You deserve better than that.” Then he bent and kissed her softly. When he pulled back he gently rubbed one of his thumbs over her lower
lip. “And I apologize for anything, ah, ungentlemanly, that I did.”
She chuckled and arched a brow. “Maybe it’s better that you don’t remember then.” When his face paled she tossed back her head and laughed until her sides hurt. “Oh, Alex,” she shook her head, her eyes sparkling. “You don’t have anything to worry about. You were too drunk to do anything overly creative.”
He winced and rubbed a hand over his chest as he leaned back against the table. “Wow. That was my ego deflating. Just how bad was I?”
She snickered and stood up, wrapped her arms around him and kissed him softly. “You were very sweet about it and I enjoyed myself.”
He stared at her as though he didn’t believe her, then shrugged and decided to change the subject when he thought about trying to redeem himself. “Do you want to play some Scrabble?” he asked.
She studied him for a moment, then slowly shook her head, placing her hands on his chest. “I think I’m going to take a cool shower and get ready for bed early tonight.” She waited a beat, then leaned up and pressed her mouth to his. “I don’t suppose you’d want to join me?” she whispered against his lips. She could feel his body tense against her and lifted her gaze to meet his. His eyes had gone dark, storm gray and his nostrils flared slightly.
He took a steadying breath, and eased a step back from her. “I think I should stay out here,” he replied, his voice strained.
Her eyes widened slightly and her lips parted enough to let out a pent up breath. Then she swallowed and gave one jerk of her head and turned away from him quickly. She hadn’t expected him to decline the invitation, and it hurt more then she could bare that he had. She rushed into the house and closed herself in the bathroom, locking the door behind her as the tears welled up in her eyes.
As she stood under the streaming water, crying, Alex continued to stand on the deck and stare after her, too shocked by the hurt he’d seen in her eyes to move for several minutes. Then he swore and rushed into the house and pounded on the bathroom door when he found it locked. “Sami. Sami, let me in,” he called, hitting the door in frustration when it remained closed. “Sami.” He let out a heavy breath and leaned forward to press his brow to the smooth wood. “I’m sorry,” he whispered.
Several minutes later he heard the lock turn and he stepped back when she opened the door. “Sami,”
“It’s fine, Alex. I was just joking with you.” she said as she pushed by him into their room, comfortably dressed in her newest blue silk nightgown.
“No, you weren’t,” he said, turning to watch her as she tugged down the light blanket on their bed. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean,”
“It’s fine, Alex,” she interrupted, turning to look at him. “You don’t want me. I get that. That’s fine. It was just,”
But then he was beside her, cupping her face in his hands and lifting it gently so that he could look into her eyes. “I never said that I didn’t want you, Sami,” he said softly. “I’ve told you that I do. I want you in a way I’ve never wanted anything. More than air.”
“Then why is it whenever we talk about it or even come close to it actually happening, you pull away from me?” she demanded, tears slipping down her cheeks and dampening his palms. “Why won’t you make love to me? I’m your wife now, Alex. Doesn’t that mean anything to you?”
He pulled away from her, lowering his hands to his sides. “It means everything to me,” he told her. “And that scares the hell out of me.”
She swallowed hard and looked down at her hands, her tears coming more quickly. “Love shouldn’t scare you, Alex,” she murmured.
“It killed my parents,” he said back, his voice strained.
Her brow furrowed and she slowly lifted her gaze back to his. “I don’t understand,” she whispered. “Your parents were killed in a car accident.”
He shook his head and shifted another step away from her, his arms folded at his chest. “My mother was killed in a car accident. When the doctors told my father that they weren’t able to save her, he went home, and killed himself. He couldn’t live without her, Sami. Not that he didn’t want to, but that he couldn’t. He didn’t have enough strength to. He loved her too much. And me not enough. That’s why I never wanted to get married. Why I swore I would never have children. I didn’t want to,” he broke off and turned from her abruptly, took a deep breath and closed his eyes. “I don’t want to be like him, Sami,” he murmured.
She was quiet as she slowly took it all in. All the years that she had known him she had never known any of this. He had always joked about the whole not wanting children thing, would always just shrug and say they weren’t for him. And as far as women went, he’d always fallen back on his usual saying that there were so many out there that it was hard to not want to enjoy them all.
She’d always been told that both his parents had died in the accident, though he rarely ever spoke of his father. She took a slow, deep breath and looked down at her rounded belly, and placed her hands over it, remembering the day when they had found out she was carrying a girl, and the instant love she’d seen in his eyes. And her heart ached all the more when she realized that it was never that he didn’t want children, it was that he couldn’t bare the thought of doing to anyone what his father had done to him. She sniffled and reached up to wipe the new tears from her face.
“Alex.” She stepped forward and very gently placed one hand on his tense back. “Alex, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know.” More tears came when he slowly turned and wrapped his arms around her, when he pressed his face in her hair and she felt the dampness there.
“I’m scared, Sami. I don’t know what to do any more,” he murmured. “I love you so much. But I don’t want to be like him. I don’t want,”
She pulled back a little and reached up to cup his face in her hands. “I understand now,” she told him. “It’s okay.”
He shook his head and took a deep breath. “It’s not okay, Sami. It never has been. There are so many things that have changed between us these last few weeks. I can’t go back to the way things were. I don’t want to. I want you to be my life. I want to make love to you, to hold you. And I want Serena to be mine. I wish so much that I could say that she was, that I helped you make her. I wish that she could have my eyes or my mouth, or even my ears. Just part of me in her,” he admitted. “When you told me that you were pregnant, it so threw me for a loop. The only thing I could think of was, but it’s not mine, and I desperately wanted it to be.”
Samantha stared at him for a long moment, then swallowed hard. “Does the fact that she isn’t biologically yours make you love her any less?” she asked.
He shook his head. “No, Sami, it doesn’t. I love her, so much. I’m such a fool,” he said, pulling away from her to pace. “I never wanted these things, marriage, children, and now they’re all I want, and I’ve got them, but I can’t let myself just accept that. I’m such a complicated mess.”
“Maybe so, but I love you.” She stepped in front of him and placed her hands on his chest. “I love you, Alex. I’m in love with you,” she corrected herself so that this time he couldn’t misunderstand her. “It’s always been you, and only you. And I want to be your wife. Not just in name, but in every way. I want you to be Serena’s father, and I want you to help me give her brothers and sisters. Do you think you can handle that?” she asked.
Words caught in his throat and all he could do was nod.
She smiled and leaned up on her toes and kissed him. “Then would you please make love to me?” she murmured against his lips.
He studied her for a moment, then very carefully slipped his arms around her and lifted her, carrying her to their bed, and gently setting her down of the edge. Their eyes met and he smiled as he reached down and rested his hands on her thighs, sliding his hands over her soft, silky skin. Then he cupped them under her and pulled her closer while at the same time he gently nudged her legs apart.
Her breath caught in her throat when his fingers skimmed up under the h
em of her nightgown and she rested her hands on his chest as he settled himself comfortably between her legs.
She swallowed hard when one of his hands slid up over her, his fingers caressing the side of one of her breasts. She was so small, just enough of her to fill his hand, and he ached to touch her more thoroughly. “Do you still think I don’t want you?” he asked softly as he moved his hand up and pressed it above her breasts, over the already bared, warm flesh. Her heart pounded a wild beat. “Alex,” she let out a shuddering breath when he pulled her closer.
He stared at her with hungry eyes and she could only tremble against him. “Say it again, Sami,” he murmured, and his hand slid down, his fingers wrapped around her, flexing, carefully tightening. “Tell me you love me.”
“I love you, Alex.” She groaned and fisted the front of his shirt when he lowered his head and took her mouth with his.
He groaned in pleasure at the taste of her, the feel of her in his hand, and his other hand came up to cup the back of her head as he pressed closer to her, tilting her head back a little more so that he could taste her more deeply.
It was a whirlwind of sensation, his long, hard, hot body pressed tightly to hers, his scent and taste filling her senses as those long, clever fingers of his massaged her gently. The contrast between the heat of his hand over the thin covering of silk was exquisite and she moaned in pleasure.
Then he shifted, ever-so-slightly, lifted his hand, and then there was no silk barring him from her as he pressed his palm over that hard pink peak. She gasped, and he moved his head, lowering it to scrap his teeth along her slender neck, then down.
He dropped his other hand down her back, fisted the pale blue silk pooled there, and lifted her as he took her into his mouth.
Her hands flew up to grip his strong shoulders and she brought her legs up to wrap them about his waist.
Still holding her just off the edge of their bed he moved forward, lifting her higher as he planted a knee on the plush mattress, and then she was under him as he stretched them out over the duvet, and he brought his mouth back to hers.