Andrew spent the break on his bunk sleeping. Then it was the second dive of the day. This was easier and Andrew found it much less stressful, even when they had to swim out into deeper water. The dive was navigation and they went out for a hundred metres from the edge of the reef with an instructor and had to find their way back to the boat, and then to the coral circle. They went deeper too, averaging 18- 20 metres but Andrew barely noticed that. It was that dark blue murk of ‘Shark Alley’ that held half his attention. Being a well trained navy cadet the actual use of the compass and keeping direction he found easy.
Another, longer break followed, during which they had lunch. By then Andrew was much more relaxed. He was almost resigned to Muriel flaunting herself, and was also feeling distinctly superior to the novices doing the basic course. He did feel a bit sorry for the middle-aged local who was obviously having a bit of trouble and did not look like he was enjoying himself. It was nice, Andrew decided, to sit in the lounge and eat corned beef sandwiches while listening to the foreigners talk about other places and other dives. It gave him a peculiar sense of belonging and of camaraderie. Despite his youth they obviously accepted him as a diver.
There was a long break after lunch, then the third dive of the day. This was both interesting and easy. It was the ‘Marine Naturalist’ dive. Before they went down they were given a long briefing on dangerous marine creatures: fish that bit, poisonous shellfish, sea urchins, blue-ringed octopi, stone fish, etc. They were then sent off in pairs. This time Andrew hardly noticed suiting-up, so frequently had he now done it. He was still aroused and embarrassed at the way Muriel was flaunting herself but tried to ignore it. Even jumping into the sea was no big deal. There was only a momentary hesitation, his mind focused on the technical aspects of holding mask and regulator and of breathing and signalling.
Once in the water there were a few twinges of anxiety about monsters of the deep but then he concentrated on finning to the dive buoy with Muriel. While clinging to it they discussed their dive plan and route before agreeing to slip under. They went down facing each other, just as a shower of rain swept across. Andrew expected the cloud and rain to cut visibility dramatically and was pleasantly surprised when it seemed to make little obvious difference. It became a bit gloomier, that was all.
For the next half hour the pair swam slowly along the largest of the ‘swim throughs’ and up a few small side alleys. As they went they recorded on wrist slates the different types of fish and corals they observed. Muriel was better at this than Andrew as he found he had a poor memory for the many fish types. Andrew was aware that he was coping well with the ordinary aspects of recreational diving and knew he should be enjoying himself more, but he was also aware of a niggling sense of unease. Even surfacing near the launch and climbing aboard did not dispel this.
He knew what was causing it- the fear of the night dive. The closer the time came the more anxious he grew. With it came some surprising changes in his personality. He found he was short-tempered and sarcastic and even snapped at Muriel a couple of times. She looked annoyed and was short in reply and moved to chat with Doug. That made Andrew curse himself as a fool. To allow things to settle he took himself down to his bunk and lay down.
That did not help. With nothing to do but lie and think all of his fears came squirming to the surface and he became so anxious he broke into a cold sweat. After half an hour of that he could stand it no longer and went up on deck. Most of the young people had congregated on the focsle in the afternoon sun. On arriving there Andrew got several shocks. The first was visual. The tide had gone down and a small sand cay was now showing in the middle of the reef. It was ringed with foam and the sand gleamed a pale yellow in the watery afternoon sunlight. The second was emotional when he found Muriel sitting on the cabin roof beside Doug. The pair were so close together that their legs and bodies were touching.
That really hurt but Andrew stubbornly remained to talk to her. He very quickly got the message that Doug wished him to leave but that just made him even more stubborn. For the next hour he chatted about diving and sailing, noting Muriel’s little looks of irritation and Doug’s obvious annoyance. He also found it hard not to keep glancing at the softly quivering flesh of the top half of her breasts.
‘Bitch!’ he thought. ‘She is teasing us both, and playing games.’ Then he regretted calling Muriel a bitch, even in his mind. Anxiety and jealousy gave way to anger, then remorse. But through it all the fear grew. By sunset he was almost in a cold funk, blaming it on the chilly wind. But in his heart he knew he was about to face one of life’s real tests.
They were called in to eat and then all seated in the lounge for a detailed safety brief on night diving. Listening to that did little to reassure him. It was all very well for the instructor to say that sharks hardly ever bothered divers at night. That was the nightmare Andrew was facing. The thought that the creature could just rush out of the blackness and grab him with no warning at all made him break into a cold sweat. Desperately he tried to think of a way out. ‘I could claim I am sick; or maybe that my sinuses are playing up,’ he thought. Then he despised himself as coward.
To make matters worse Muriel teamed up with Doug. Carmen gave Andrew a knowing and sympathetic look, which increased his emotional turmoil. Instead he was paired with one of the Canadian girls: Kellie, from Alberta. When told to suit up Andrew just went out in numb misery, sure he was going to throw. He barely noticed putting on the wet suit and gear or the equipment checks. All he could see was that dark water flowing by in the boat's lights. It was all so vast, and so black!
Sub Lt Sheldon handed him a torch and helped him to secure it to his gear. “Are you alright Andrew?” he asked.
“Yes sir. Just cold,” he said. Then he made a wry face, “And scared,” he admitted.
“So am I!” Kellie commented. “Here, help put this on me.” ‘This’ was a cyalume, a chemical glow stick. Andrew took it with trembling fingers and helped fasten it to her mask strap at the back. Then he turned and she did the same for him. Dave began urging them to move. Feeling sick to the pit of his stomach and shivering with fright Andrew pulled on his fins and shuffled along the side after Kellie.
There were splashes and Andrew saw divers go drifting or swimming by, their cyalumes glowing and torches shining down a metre or so into the blackness of the water. It was all terrifying and he seemed to freeze up. Then Kellie jumped in and it was his turn. With a sob he slid forward to the gap in the railings, and placed his regulator in his mouth. Out in the distance he could see the lights of the other dive boat. It was rolling wildly in the waves but there were divers jumping off it too.
‘I can’t do this!’ he thought. He took his regulator out and took several deep breaths. Then he pulled down his mask but that made it worse. His already restricted vision seemed to become just a circle of black fog with a few glimmers of shifting light. He gripped the railing and began breathing deeply.
Sub Lt Sheldon tapped his shoulder and Andrew heard him say, “When you are ready. In you go.”
Andrew glanced at him and then looked down at the dark water and fear froze him.
CHAPTER 18
CHARACTER REVEALED
From what seemed like a great way off Andrew heard Sub Lt Sheldon’s voice say, “In you go Andrew.”
But all he could do was stand and stare at that black water. Waves of chill swept over him and he trembled, gripping the railing tighter. His breathing became deeper and he heard himself say, “I’m scared sir.”
“We all are,” Sub Lt Sheldon answered. “You will be alright. In you go.”
From behind him Carmen spoke. “Let us go first Andrew.”
Andrew knew that Muriel and Doug were both behind him, waiting, watching. ‘She will be despising me for being a coward,’ he told himself. Then he thought, ‘I am despising myself!’ Waves of hot shame and humiliation swept through him. A great sob was wrenched from his gasping, tightened-up throat.
So he jumped.
It wasn’t a proper giant stride entry. He half landed on his front with a splash that would have stung if he had not been wearing the wet suit. The rush of water almost wrenched the regulator from his mouth and water flooded his mask. With the water came a gush of fear. Andrew struggled to the surface. As soon as he could glimpse the lights of the launch he spat out the regulator and pulled the mask off his face. Above him he saw a row of faint faces and he heard a voice cry, “step aside!”
There was a splash near him as a person jumped in but by then Andrew was sinking again. Panic swirled but he retained enough sense to grasp at his inflator. A quick press on the button and he heard the air hiss into his BCD. He felt the BCD tighten its grip on his back and sides as he pressed the button again. His head came up and he blinked water from his eyes- stinging, salt water. The stern of the boat slid past and he realized that the current had him.
Something brushed his arm and he flinched, and almost screamed, till he realized it was the float line trailing astern. With a convulsive jerk he grasped it and hung on. By then he had enough air and was floating so that his head was clear of the bobbing waves. A person splashed towards him.
It was Sub Lt Sheldon. “Are you alright Andrew?” he called.
Andrew felt sick, and ashamed. “Yes sir. Just a bit scared,” he admitted.
“Turn your torch on,” Sub Lt Sheldon instructed.
Another wave of hot shame engulfed Andrew. ‘How could I forget something so elementary?’ he wondered. He did so and then set about cleaning his mask and placing it on. A bobbing black shape with a cyalume on top approached.
It was Kellie. “We all set to go?” she asked.
“Andrew’s just getting his torch sorted out,” Sub Lt Sheldon explained.
Andrew pulled his mask on, blinking painfully from the salt and noting that he could hardly see anything clearly, other than the bright lights on the launch. He said, “I’m Ok now,” and put his snorkel in his mouth. He put his head down and tried finning forward.
But that was more than his dissipated courage could face. Underwater it was all just gloom and blackness and a faint glow from the lights overhead. Within seconds he had begun to panic again and had to turn onto his back so that his face was out of the water. That was better, but his whole body felt like it was cringing, his legs working mechanically but very aware that they were under water, where anything- Anything- could just grab at them!
He was struggling to swim against the current past the port side of the launch by then. Other divers were jumping in, making him feel silly and ashamed. By then he had calmed down a bit and it was all just black fear, black waves, the lights of the launch getting further away by the second, the effort of breathing, gasping and coughing from water droplets in his throat, sore eyes, hurt pride. Having others swimming near him helped and he managed to keep pushing himself along.
They clustered at the dive float, bobbing black heads with glow sticks on top and torches shining down into the water. The torch did not do much to inspire Andrew. The glow of its beam seemed to die out after about a metre and he knew it was going to be infinitely worse once he was underwater.
‘I should admit I am too scared and back out now,’ Andrew thought miserably. He was afraid he would panic underwater. But pride stopped him. Instead he bobbed and swam while he recovered his breath. Dave joined them, then Doug and Muriel. Carmen came and asked if he was alright. Andrew nodded. Dave gave them a reminder to stay close together and to watch for their buddies all the time. That made Andrew blush with shame again as he wasn’t sure which of the bobbing heads was Kellie.
He found her just as Dave gave the signal to dive. ‘Oh no! I can’t do it!’ Andrew thought. But Kellie was there, facing him and smiling before she slipped her regulator in. Andrew did likewise and somehow summoned up the courage to start releasing air from his BCD. To his amazement he slipped under without any fuss. He was even more amazed to be able to see Kellie in the glow of her own torch, and to see her bubbles going up in a silvery stream.
It came to him that he had done it- he was underwater at night. He also realized he could see lights below him, grouped in pairs. The bubbles came up in clouds, looking dark and shadowy when silhouetted against a light, and silvery with the light on them. The cyalumes showed clearly and he even realized he could see the distant glow of the launch’s spotlights on the surface. Knowing where the boat was made a big difference to how he felt.
‘I am just going to endure this,’ he thought. Gritting his teeth metaphorically he resigned himself to being terrified for half an hour.
Suddenly he was grabbed. The touch was so unexpected that he almost, as the saying goes, jumped out of his skin. Then he realized it was Kellie. She had grabbed his BCD straps and he lifted his torch. In its beam he saw her face, or at least her eyes. They were wide and staring and he realized she was scared too. Quickly he lowered the beam of his torch so as not to blind her and then he reached up and took hold of her hand and gave it a squeeze. She was trembling- he could tell that much, and she put her other hand across and held his.
He squeezed and patted her hand, then concentrated on equalizing pressure as they sank lower. She had to let go with one hand to do the same and then she reached down and picked up her own torch and shone it around. Andrew shone his down, noting that the clusters of lights below were getting closer and apparently not sinking deeper. Fearful that Kellie might panic and drown he kept hold of her hand and kept squeezing it.
Then they were on the bottom and Andrew gently squashed the last of the air out of his BCD to give himself negative buoyancy. Having settled firmly on the sand he helped Kellie to join him. She changed hands but he reached out and took hers and she gripped it tightly. Dave came along- or at least Andrew presumed it was Dave- and used his hands and torch to signal them to form a line. He then went along and shone his own torch on himself and made the signal for ‘OK’.
Andrew turned his torch onto himself and gave the signal, having to let go of Kellie to do that. She then made the signal but quickly reached across. He took her hand again and gave it a reassuring squeeze. To his pleasure she pressed against him and squeezed back. While waiting for Dave to check the others Andrew shone his torch on his dive computer and noted the depth- 18 metres. Then he checked his air and indicated to Kellie she should do the same. ‘Keeping busy will help her,’ he reasoned. She let go and did so, then nodded. He took her hand again and they waited.
After that it was easier- scary, but easier. They swam slowly along in a straggling group in pairs, their torches swinging around on coral and fish and black nothingness- lots of black nothingness. Andrew found it was easier to ignore the open water and to concentrate on studying the coal and fish close underneath him. A prickling sense of unease about what might be out there never left him but he was able to cope.
It was an enormous relief to surface at the end of the dive but somehow swimming on the surface back to the launch seemed even scarier. To start with there was the fear of being swept away on the current and of not being found in the dark- despite the torch and the cyalume. He knew this was silly because the safety boat was manned and close by but he still felt anxious till he was holding firmly to the trail line. Only then did Kellie let go. Then Andrew could not get out of the water fast enough and he uncharacteristically pushed his way to the front and was second out.
As he heaved himself clear of the water he sighed. ‘Safe!’ he thought.
Kellie was next up and he steadied her and then helped her to remove her BCD and tank. She gasped with relief and then said, “Oh, thank you. I was so scared own there!”
“So was I,” Andrew admitted.
They de-suited and packed away, then Andrew hurried below for a quick shower. He found it nice to wash off the sticky salt. After dressing in dry clothes he made his way back up to the saloon for debriefing. To his annoyance Muriel remained in her revealing bikini, continually leaning forward to give an even bigger show. That jealousy was fuelled again when Doug came an
d sat beside her.
Thus, when Kellie reappeared, dressed in a T-shirt and shorts and sat beside Andrew he gave her all of his attention, even though he guessed she must be ten years older than him. ‘Two can play that game!’ he thought.
They filled in dive reports and had them signed, then calculated their timings, even though they would not be diving again until the next morning. Dave then debriefed them and complimented them on coping with the fear. “You all did well,” he said. “It can be very scary diving at night.”
He then told them to get some sleep as they would be doing a dawn dive and it would be their deep dive. Suddenly that did not particularly worry Andrew. ‘I went down to 20 metres today. Another ten shouldn’t be a problem.’
Feeling a deep glow of satisfaction he went out to help Dave and Sub Lt Sheldon rearranging air tanks. The empty ones were being moved four at a time to a compressor and that kept Andrew interested and busy for an hour. It took some skill on the sharply rocking boat to lift and safely carry the heavy air tanks but Andrew knew he had good sea legs and thoroughly enjoyed helping. At the end of that time he went back to the saloon. There were a couple of people there, drinking hot drinks and reading: the middle-aged local bloke who hadn’t done the night dive and looked a bit sick, and a couple of young tourists.
Andrew made his way down to his cabin, and got a niggling surprise- Doug wasn’t there.
‘Where is he?’ he wondered. With that came the uneasy suspicion about Muriel’s whereabouts. The door to the girl’s cabin was closed and Andrew knew there was no way he could knock and check. But where could he be? The launch wasn’t very big. Unable to settle Andrew went back on deck and then outside.
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