by Nancy Madore
“There’s a very good reason why I’m dressed like this,” Lilith told her. Her eyes sparkled and her dimples twitched as she said it out loud for the first time. “I’m going to join the Kalag-ga!”
“The--!” Her mother looked at her as if she’d lost her mind. “You—fighting with the mighty ones?”
Lilith tried to control her rising irritation. She reminded herself that this was the response she expected. “I know I’m small for a Nephilim,” she allowed. “But I’m still far stronger than the sons of men. And that’s who we’ll be fighting, after all.”
“But…why?” her mother asked, genuinely mystified. Lilith sighed as she studied her mother’s face. The woman never understood her, not even when she was a little girl. That, Lilith supposed, was forgivable, but what hurt the most was that her mother never stood up for her. It was always Lilith who was in the wrong. Someday she’ll be proud of me, Lilith grew up thinking, but now she wasn’t so sure.
Then again, Lilith never understood her mother either. She supposed the high point of her mother’s life must have been that moment when she was seduced by the fierce and beautiful stranger who descended on their little tribe and transformed them into the prosperous village they were today. That should have been the beginning but it seemed more to Lilith like the end. And that was what was so hard for Lilith to understand. Being the wife of an angel gave her mother status and privilege that most women—including Lilith—would have to fight for. Her mother could have exerted her power and forced the village to bow at her feet! Oh, but what was the use? All her mother wanted was to fit in with the other—equally unmotivated—women of her village.
Although she knew she was wasting her breath, Lilith answered her mother’s question anyway. “I want to be a warrior and I want to be famous, and…someday, maybe…I might even want to rule my own city!”
“But…you’re a woman.”
“I plan to use that to my advantage!” Lilith shot back. She wanted so much to get her mother on her side, just once. “Think of it! I’ll be the first woman to fight with the Kalag-ga—or any respectable army for that matter.” When her mother remained unimpressed, Lilith suddenly became angry. “Perhaps you would rather I cover my head and hide, like the other girls do, to avoid being swept off my feet by any angels who might be flying overhead!” she suggested bitterly. But she regretted the spiteful words the moment she saw her mother’s blush. “I’m sorry I said that, mother,” she said with a heavy sigh. Her good mood was being contaminated by an unpleasant mixture of guilt and frustration. Stubbornly, she made another attempt to get through to her mother. “The sons of men may consider me marked because of my father, but it’s their lives that are forever marked by their idiotic and overbearing fears. It is for you as well as me that I must subjugate those men.”
The older woman remained unconvinced, but Lilith thought she detected some small measure of admiration in her expression. This soothed away Lilith’s anger like nothing else could. With her mood restored, Lilith thrust out her chest like the male warriors did and twisted her features into an exaggerated scowl. Even her mother had to laugh.
But when her laughter died down, Lilith’s mother became thoughtful again. “What if the Kalag-ga refuse you?” she asked.
Lilith shrugged, feigning indifference. “In that case I shall be forced to challenge one of them to a battle so that I can prove my capabilities as a warrior.” Although she answered her mother in a confident, matter-of-fact tone, the very idea of this made her legs tremble. Aside from being smaller and faster, she would have no advantage over the larger Nephilim males.
“Lilith!” exclaimed her mother, her brow creased with renewed anxiety. Yet aside from this brief outburst there seemed nothing more the woman could do, besides sigh in frustration. Realizing that there was no changing Lilith’s mind, she resorted to self-pity. “You should hear what they say about you, Lilith. I know you don’t care. But think of me—and Ninsun.”
Lilith’s anger returned, but she fought to keep it in check this time. “How can you sympathize with their way of thinking when they condemn me for even being born?” she protested. “The male giants are hailed as great and mighty heroes, while I’m considered an abomination. And do you want to know why that is, mother? It’s because the men aren’t ashamed to use their strength. They don’t hide it and try to shrink themselves down to size like everyone’s been trying to get me to since I was a child. Strength gets respect. You’ll see. Once I begin collecting their souls on my belt those wagging tongues will change their tune!”
Her mother was effectively silenced. Lilith turned toward the polished copper mirror and pretended to adjust her helmet, glancing surreptitiously at her mother with another twinge of remorse. She knew her mother was acting out of fear for Lilith as well as for herself. If only everyone wasn’t so afraid all the time. Lilith couldn’t let their fears get the better of her.
As usual, Lilith’s anger dissipated almost as quickly as it flared. And also as usual, it was followed by self-reproach. Her quick temper both confused and grieved her. She almost always repented her actions whenever she succumbed to it. Already she was regretting her harsh words to her mother. Lilith turned—feeling once again like the naughty little girl as she shamefacedly met her mother’s eyes. With a bashful little smile she bent down to tenderly kiss her mother’s cheek. Then she snatched up her dagger and brushed past the older woman, heading for the city of Uruk.
Chapter 14
With her first look into the startled gray eyes of the Kalag-ga’s fearsome leader, Lilith felt a sudden stab of uncertainty. But with a determined lift of her chin, she haughtily announced the purpose of her visit. She was aware that her words were coming out in a nervous rush and made a conscious effort to slow them down, even forcing herself to pause occasionally at what were (hopefully) the most effective moments for doing so.
Her host listened quietly, yet Lilith found herself growing irritated with him. He was boldly looking her up and down as she listed her abilities and accomplishments, a small smile playing around his lips.
When at last Lilith finished what she was saying there was an awkward silence, during which she strove to appear confident and dignified. It seemed an eternity before the man finally spoke.
“So you’re Lilith, the first surviving female of our race,” he remarked at last. His voice was as deep and refreshing as the water running through the Euphrates River. Lilith tried to pull her gaze away from his but she had never encountered such self-assurance in a man before. She was surprised to learn that he knew of her, but then again, it made sense. The overwhelming majority of Nephilim were born male, and the few females that occurred were usually born dead. It was said that she was the first known female to survive. Even now, there were only a handful of female giants out there. Her case was particularly notable because her mother had given birth to only two Nephilim children, and both of them were female. However, Lilith didn’t want her status as a female to dominate the conversation. She straightened her back and returned to the topic she came there to discuss.
“As a woman, I make an agile and swift warrior,” she assured him with an arrogant tilt of her head. She suddenly regretted leaving her hair down, thinking it might have been wiser to pin it up under her helmet so that she wouldn’t look so feminine. He was examining her as if she were a delectable morsel of food on a plate. But at the same time she resented being made to feel this way. How dare he look at her like that? What right did he have to make her feel awkward over her beauty? He clearly wasn’t shy about flaunting his own charms, brazenly showing off his muscular thighs in an overly short skirt, and leaving his exquisitely muscled torso completely bare, without even so much as a breastplate for protection. He’d obviously taken great pains to arrange his raven curls into neat waves all around his head, and to shave his face so that his square jaw and chiseled features were fully revealed. He stood no less than two heads taller than her. Although she was tempted to say more she forced herself to keep h
er responses short and to the point so that he would be compelled to do most of the talking from here.
“I’m sorry; you have me at a disadvantage,” he admitted after a lengthy pause. “This is an honor I wasn’t expecting.” When she didn’t return his smile he continued. “There are important matters I must attend to at the moment, but it would please me to discuss this with you at a later time, perhaps this evening. In light of your own directness just now I hope you won’t mind my being direct in return, and admitting that I find you very…intriguing. I would like to get to know you better. You just arrived in Uruk, did you say? There is much to see in our lovely…”
“Unless you’ve damaged your hearing on the battlefield, I’m guessing you heard what I just said,” Lilith interrupted. Her disappointment was pricking at her temper and she was having difficulty keeping it in check. She could hardly believe his dismissive remarks and condescending tone of voice. This would have been predicable behavior for the sons of men, but she’d expected the offspring of angels to be more enlightened. She had fully expected him to—at the very least—put her skills as a warrior to the test, out of curiosity if nothing else. All she needed was an opportunity. But this—! Her voice was now firm and strong, and she spoke slowly, emphasizing every word so there would be no misunderstanding her. “I came here to become a Kalag-ga warrior. Not to ‘get to know’ some pompous jackass who’s ill-fitting skirt looks like a discarded remnant from the sons of men!”
An involuntary laugh burst from the giant’s lips but he prudently cut it short and made and effort to assume a more serious expression. His thinly disguised amusement infuriated Lilith. “I heard what you said before,” he acknowledged, and for the first time in her short acquaintance with him, he actually appeared to be experiencing some mild discomfort as he seemingly searched for the right words. After a moment he sighed, apparently giving up the search. “You must realize that what you’re suggesting is impossible,” he concluded at last.
“I realize no such thing.”
The warrior looked at her with interest. “Why would you even consider this?”
It was similar to the question her mother asked and Lilith’s frustration grew. “What does that have to do with anything?” she asked him. “Would you ask a man that?”
“No, but you understand that it’s unusual.”
“Unusual compared to what? I’m literally the first female of our race to ever be born alive. Even now, seventeen years later, there are still only a handful of us out there. Surely more female warriors will come forward in time.”
“Perhaps, but at the moment it is not customary.”
“Customary!” Lilith was incredulous. “Do the mighty Kalag-ga warriors submit to the customs of the sons of men now? Should our women cower and hide like the daughters of men do? And are we to follow all of their customs, or just that one?” Lilith was trying to remain calm but her outrage was getting the better of her. What’s more, no one had ever said ‘no’ to her before.
She couldn’t believe it when the man laughed again, this time unabashedly throwing back his head and revealing a full set of gleaming white teeth. “My God, you’re magnificent,” he blurted out when he had regained his composure to some degree.
Lilith saw red. Hardly realizing what she was doing, she drew her dagger. This made the giant laugh even harder, although he had the good sense to take several steps back, away from her. Lilith took a small step to the side, calculating her attack. It was a shame that she was going to have to hurt, or possibly even kill the man, but she’d come too far to simply accept defeat without a fight.
“Lilith,” warned the giant in a commanding voice. “Put down your dagger.” But he couldn’t seem to stop laughing.
“Draw yours and fight…or die a coward,” she challenged. To her utter disbelief she could see that her words still amused him and it made the blood pound in her head. She lunged forward with her dagger, coming so close to piercing him before he jerked away that he actually stumbled back and nearly fell down. Now he was on his guard, but he still didn’t draw his weapon.
“Lilith, I swear to you that this is a mistake you’ll regret.” But at least he wasn’t laughing anymore.
Lilith attacked again, but this time her opponent was ready for her and moved away in plenty of time. Lilith cursed. She shouldn’t have missed him in that first, unexpected attack.
“Lilith, this is my final warning,” he said. And yet, he still hadn’t bothered to draw his weapon. This angered Lilith more than his laughter had and she lunged at him, and then with a quickness that impressed even her, she lunged again. The second lunge caught him off guard and she came within inches of striking him. She realized that the element of surprise might be her best attack. In this warrior’s arrogance, Lilith had found a weakness. She sprung for him again, but this time when he slipped to the side, she kicked him in his exposed shin bone just as hard as she possibly could. He yelped from the pain but didn’t retreat. Instead, he spun around and grasped her dagger arm in a vice-like grip, jerking it behind her back and holding it there—just inches away from the breaking point—until she dropped the dagger and then he abruptly let her go. But Lilith was far from ready to surrender. She whirled around like a wildcat and struck him squarely in the nose with her fist. His head went back and he let out a mighty roar of anger.
“Need some help?”
The voice startled both of them, and Lilith spun around to see a handful of giants watching them with a great deal of amusement. She wondered how long the other Kalag-ga warriors had been standing there.
“Meet Lilith,” said her opponent, prudently widening the distance between them.
“The Lilith?” one of them asked. The men were eyeing her with interest, but cautiously, staying far out of her reach. She thought she saw admiration in their eyes and felt a spark of pride—and hope.
“I was just explaining to Lilith the preposterousness of her joining the Kalag-ga,” the giant told his men as he checked his nose for breaks. Turning to Lilith he added, “I’ll admit you managed to get in a few good blows, but it’s only because I wasn’t fighting back. If I had been, you’d have been killed.”
“You’re a prophet now?” She shot back, but deep down she knew he was right. Still, what did that matter? “If you were an ordinary man I’d have killed you with that first strike of my dagger.”
“That may be true, but the Kalag-ga are chosen from among the strongest Nephilim.”
“The Kalag-ga is no life for a woman,” chimed in one of the other men. He smiled sympathetically at Lilith. “We put everything else aside in order to fight, conquer and rule. There is no time for nursing babies.”
Lilith had had it. She flashed her eyes at the man and then let her gaze wander menacingly over the rest of them. “Listen well men,” she said in a shrill voice that was laced with sarcasm. “I intend to prove my right to fight, conquer and rule as a woman!” Her eyes burned with contempt as she looked the warriors up and down, precisely as they had done to her. “What are your names, so that I may know the identities of my enemies?”
A few of them gasped out loud when she said this. They all stared at Lilith in wide eyed astonishment, but she now realized that their awe was more like that of morbid curiosity—like discovering a three headed creature—than it was of admiration and respect. Her ego was crushed by the blow she’d been dealt, and in that moment she longed only for vengeance.
The first to recover from his shock appeared to be the youngest one there, aside from Lilith. He stepped forward a bit shamefacedly. He was the tallest of all the giants in the room, but his face was like that of a child. “I’m Og,” he announced in a deep voice, bowing respectfully before her. There was a humble bashfulness about him that Lilith would have found charming had she not been so upset. “But I will never be your enemy,” he added vehemently.
Lilith was too hurt to acknowledge the conciliatory remark—the only sign of respect she’d been shown up to that point—stubbornly turning toward
the rest of the men expectantly. One by one, they stepped forward and gave her their names. Some were smirking as they approached her but others, like Og, were deferential or openly admiring of her. When they were finished Lilith reluctantly turned to the warrior who had—for the moment—defeated her.
The leader of the Kalag-ga was carefully examining Lilith’s dagger, which he had picked up off the floor. He looked up and Lilith couldn’t help envying the easy, self-satisfied smile that lit up his handsome face. He approached her cautiously, bowing before her as if she were a queen, and offering her the dagger with exaggerated submissiveness.
“Your humble servant,” he murmured demurely. “Asmodeous.”
Something deep within Lilith fluttered riotously, even as thoughts of revenge still simmered hotly on the surface. She jerked her dagger from his hand and stormed out of Uruk with her tail between her legs.
Chapter 15
When she thought about it later, Lilith realized she had allowed the Kalag-ga leader to get the better of her in more ways than one. She was forced to acknowledge that she wasn’t nearly as prepared for the Kalag-ga as she thought. She lacked maturity. It wasn’t just her age; several of the warriors appeared to be every bit as young as her seventeen years. But it was clear that their experience far outweighed hers. She cursed her little village for everything it lacked. There wasn’t even another giant there for her to fight. The only other Nephilim in the entire village was her younger sister, Ninsun, and she took no interest in fighting. What had Lilith been thinking? She hadn’t even killed anyone yet! Her only real experience had come from hunting animals. Wild animals were cunning and quick, but they were no match for the Nephilim warriors. She’d been measuring her competence by the standards in her village—a low standard indeed! Those people were impressed by anything. And yet, this didn’t necessarily diminish the things she had done. She felt sure that some of her feats were indeed great. She would never forget the first time she brought home the carcass of a giant female tiger she’d single-handedly felled. The expressions on their faces! That was the day she decided to become a warrior.