by T L Swan
Joshua nods and puts his arm around Cameron to comfort him. Cameron is distraught and tears fill his eyes and Joshua drops his head to Cameron’s shoulder. They stand still in an embrace and the hurt in the room is so thick that you could cut it with a knife. How could she do this to her two sons? You don’t fuck around with people’s paternity, bitch.
“Let’s just go and have breakfast and we will sort out this mess when we get back to LA,” I whisper. “Until we know the facts we can’t jump to conclusions.”
They both nod as they pull away from each other.
I head out to the table and everyone cheers loudly. Oh god, not now fuckers. I rub my forehead in frustration.
Adrian raises his glass of orange juice as Joshua takes his seat next to me. “To the happy couple.” He toasts, and everyone repeats “To the happy couple”. Joshua forces a smile and kisses me gently on the cheek. Perspiration starts to burn my armpits as my uncomfortable state becomes apparent. Cameron still hasn’t returned to the table. Oh god, this is a nightmare. My eyes flick around the table and I see Bridget looking sad up the other end of the table. I frown in question and she subtly shakes her head and forces a smile. Does she know? Has she overheard what we said? Something is definitely wrong with her—I can tell from her facial expression. Cameron eventually comes out and takes a seat on the other side of me and I grab his hand. Here I sit between two men who I love, both holding my hand for comfort, all three of us having no idea what the hell is going on.
“When are you getting married?” Abbie asks, oblivious to my inner turmoil.
I squirm uncomfortably. “Not sure,” I reply.
Joshua keeps looking down at his breakfast. “Maybe in twelve months or something,” I mutter.
Joshua looks up from his breakfast and frowns. “More like a month,” he snaps. “I will not be waiting twelve months to get married. I’ve done it now, it’s happening.”
Everybody snickers over their breakfast.
I smile nervously and pick up his hand and kiss the back of it. I am so uncomfortable.
“Ok baby, whenever you want,” I reply quietly, trying to diffuse his tension. The table breaks into chatter but my mind and stomach is in turmoil. What’s going on here? What has Margaret done and how is Joshua going to react when I tell him what I know? Damn this bitch… ruining my heavenly engagement… and Joshua’s freaking life.
I stare into space throughout breakfast, trying my hardest to get the words together in my head.
“I am so being the stylist to this wedding.” Adrian smiles excitedly.
“Oh get lost, I am,” Bridget chimes in. “You can plan Cameron’s wedding.”
“Well you’ll be waiting a while. I’m not getting married until I’m forty,” Cameron sighs, defeated.
“Oh get off it. When you meet her she will wear your balls for earrings, like Natasha wears Joshua’s.” Adrian smiles.
I giggle and he clicks his juice glass with mine.
Joshua doesn’t even respond and my heart drops as my eyes flick to him. I doubt he is even hearing this conversation—he’s miles away. Oh god, what’s he thinking about? This is horrific. I glance at Cameron and he too is sitting pensive and still. I start to eat for China while I notice Joshua hasn’t eaten a thing.
After twenty minutes in this torture chamber I need to get away, I can’t handle seeing them like this. I stand and take my plate to the kitchen. “Thanks Adrian. I’m going to head back and start packing.” I smile as I gesture to the door with my thumb.
He stands and wraps his arms around me. “I’m so happy for you both.” He smiles. “I have been on Team Natasha all along you know.” He gently kisses my cheek and I melt. I really couldn’t ask for Joshua to have nicer friends. Day by day I’m coming to love Adrian just as much as he does. Unable to help it I tear up. I want to run away. I don’t want to have this damn conversation. It’s only going to cause more hurt… hurt that isn’t deserved. Adrian pulls back from our hug and frowns slightly at my tear-filled eyes.
“I’ll walk you out.” He gestures to the door and I reluctantly follow.
“I’ll be there in a minute presh,” Joshua calls after me.
“What’s wrong chick?” Adrian asks as he pulls me into an embrace and kisses my forehead.
I shake my head, unable to speak past the lump in my throat. “I’m just really happy,” I push out.
He smiles broadly. “Me too.”
I pull out of his grip and head back to the safety of our room where I start to pace as I wait for Joshua. For fifteen minutes I pace with my stomach in knots until finally he appears.
“You ok presh?” He sighs as he flops onto the bed and holds his arm out for me to join him.
I shake my head. “No Josh. I know something.”
He frowns. “What do you mean?” he asks.
My heart starts to hammer in my chest. “I have had a conversation with your mother about paternity.”
He frowns. “What do you mean?”
I try really hard but I can’t help it and the tears of guilt break the dam.
“Answer me Natasha!” he demands
I shake my head frantically. “I don’t actually know what’s true anymore and I haven’t told you before because I didn’t know whether it was true and…” I swallow the lump in my throat again. This is coming out all wrong.
“And what!” Joshua yells, making me jump.
“Margaret told me that she had a very hard time when Scott was a baby.”
He walks over to the window and stares out to sea with his back to me. “Go on,” he murmurs.
I twist my hands together in front of me nervously. “She and your father had grown apart and your mother thought he was having an affair.” His eyes snap around to me, and I shrug. “But I don’t know if that’s true anymore,” I whisper.
He slumps back onto the bed and runs both of his hands through his hair, unable to make eye contact with me.
“She told me that she had an affair and that you were another man’s child.”
Joshua’s horrified eyes meet mine. Dear god, help me.
Chapter 4
Joshua frowns. “What do you mean?”
I swallow the huge lump in my throat. “I don’t know if it’s true.”
“What are you talking about?” he sneers.
“Just like I said,” I whisper, frightened.
“When?” he snaps.
The tears start to flow. “Your mother came to me when we were broken up.” I drop my head in shame.
Joshua stands deathly still as he inhales deeply.
“You never thought, not once, to tell me this!” he yells.
I jump at his venom as I break into full-blown tears. “Joshua, I’m so sorry,” I sob. “I didn’t know if it was true or if it was a test to see if she could trust me.”
He frowns as he listens to me. “You think this is a test?”
I shrug. “It can’t be true Joshua, you and Will have the same blood type. Her secret was a lie.”
He frowns as he drops to the bed and puts his head into his hands.
“It wasn’t my place to tell you. This is a family matter. I was so mad at your mother for telling me this.”
He looks up at me as a thought crosses his mind. “She told you this before you came to me?”
Oh shit, my stomach drops. “Yes,” I whisper.
“And that’s the only reason you came to me!” he yells, making me jump again.
I nod. “I thought I murdered my father, Joshua. She told me this so that I could forgive myself and for that I will always be grateful to her,” I whisper through tears.
He glares at me as he thinks.
“Joshua, I was dying… she was trying to help me in some fucked-up way.” My tears roll down my face as guilt eats me alive. “We don’t even know if it’s true!” I scream.
He stands and walks back over to the window as he thinks.
“I was protecting you,” I whisper.
He turns angril
y. “You were protecting my mother!” he yells. He looks at me filled with disgust and storms past me out of the room.
He’s not going to forgive me for this. What have I done? I drop to the bed in a fit of tears. All along I knew this was coming and yet I talked myself into thinking it would be all ok. This is anything but ok. I should have told him… but then it’s not even true. Wait till I get my hands on that fucking bitch. I suddenly hear Max and Ben’s voices echoing through the front door. “Natasha,” Max calls.
I jump up and wave my hands around frantically. I don’t want them to see me crying. I run to the walk-in robe and close the door behind me. For some reason I think if I squat down they won’t know I’m in here. I sit, squatting, with a deep sense of dread hanging over me and I eventually hear them. “She must be with the girls,” Ben replies as they leave through the front door.
I hold my hand over my mouth as I think. What have I done? I knew he would blame me and, you know what, he has a right to. I should have told him. I knew this was wrong and I should have never agreed with his mother to keep her secret. That bitch. What a liar. And now it seems that Joshua and I may in fact be cousins after all. Dad, I’m sorry, I’ve messed up again. I slump to my bottom and really let the tears flow as I wallow in self-pity.
The wardrobe door opens and Joshua towers over me. I put my head into my hands. I can’t even look up at him.
“Sweetheart, don’t cry,” he says gently as he puts his hand out to pull me up.
My haunted eyes meet his. “I’m so sorry. I should have told you.” I slowly get to my feet as I shake my head in disbelief at the ugly turn of events.
“Yes, you should have,” Cameron snaps from behind him. Oh god, not Cameron too.
“What’s going on?” Cameron demands.
My nervous eyes flick to Joshua and I swallow the lump in my throat. “I don’t actually know,” I whisper.
“What did my mother say to you?” Joshua asks gently, sensing my fear.
I swallow the nerves. “She came to me when I was blaming myself for Dad’s death.”
“And?” Cameron asks impatiently.
“She told me that when Scott was a baby your father was away a lot of the time and she was very lonely.”
Joshua crosses his arms angrily in front of him.
“And that your father had lost interest in her sexually,” I whisper.
“She said that. What—those words exactly?” Joshua frowns in disgust.
I nod nervously.
“Then what?” Cameron snaps again.
“I don’t know if the next part is true.” I shrug and pull my hands through my hair. “In fact I don’t know if any of this is true.” My eyes flick nervously between them.
“What did she say?” Joshua asks calmly as he takes my hand in his in a reassuring gesture.
“That she had a very short affair which she had deeply regretted and that she’d finished it. Both your mother and father confessed to each other their infidelities and decided to try and work on their marriage.”
Cameron and Joshua exchange looks and frown.
“Two months later she found out she was pregnant with Joshua but she never thought the baby could be the other man’s because they had always worn condoms. But then when Joshua was older he had an accident and needed a blood transfusion and it was discovered then that he was in fact the other man’s. She was devastated,” I reply.
Joshua drops to the bed as he seemingly loses his balance and Cameron puts his hand on his shoulder in support. My heart sinks.
“When you fell off the horse,” Cameron whispers.
I nod as the tears start to overfill my eyes again. “Yes then,” I reply.
“I remember something going on with my bloods,” Joshua whispers as he puts his hand over his mouth as if going to throw up.
“She said that is why she tried so hard to keep us apart from each other Joshua. She was scared that if we ended up together we would have genetic testing for our children and it would be picked up.”
Cameron holds his temples.
“She said she was scared of this man,” I whisper.
Both Cameron and Joshua’s eyes flick to me. “She is still in contact with him?” Joshua growls.
I shrug, oh crap, do I tell them it’s their dad’s friend… no, that’s going too far.
“I don’t know,” I whisper.
“What do you mean—scared?” Cameron demands.
I shake my head nervously. “I don’t know,” I cry.
“What did she say?” Cameron yells as his frustration hits another level.
“That she thought he was powerful and unstable and that he had a lot to lose if this comes out,” I reply.
Joshua stands angrily and Cameron punches the wardrobe door in anger, making me jump in fright.
“Why didn’t you fucking tell me this in the hospital that day when I asked you?” Cameron demands.
I start to cry and shake my head. “I was scared Cam, I didn’t know if she had told me this to test my loyalty to her.”
“Oh bullshit,” Cameron yells.
I hold my hands on my head. “Your mother scares me, she’s so mean… and I didn’t know if it was true,” I sob.
“You’re a fucking liar!” Cameron yells. “You should have told us.”
“Enough!” Joshua yells. “Get out, you do not speak to her like that… do you hear me?” He grabs Cameron by the T-shirt.
I hold my hands to my head. “Stop it,” I yell.
“You will show her goddamn respect.” He shoves Cameron up against the wall and I grab Joshua.
“Stop it. This isn’t going to help,” I yell. Oh my god, this is getting out of control.
“Our mother has put her through enough,” Joshua sneers.
Cameron pulls out of his grip and glares at Joshua as he seemingly regains his composure. “Sorry Tash,” he whispers.
“No, I’m sorry,” I whisper.
They both nod and sit defeated on the bed.
“It gets worse,” I whisper.
They both look at me. “I don’t think your dad has AB blood.”
Joshua frowns. “Why do you say that?” Joshua asks.
“Because Mum told me he has O Positive, but I’m not sure if she really knows.”
Cameron frowns. “That’s my blood type.”
I nod. “I think everything your mother has told me is a lie. I don’t know even what’s true,” I whisper.
“Fuck,” Joshua whispers as he puts his head in his hands. My heart sinks… what a terrible nightmarish situation.
I sit at the airport, waiting for our flight, with my eyes fixed firmly on Joshua. I have hardly seen him alone this morning since the damning information came out. He packed in silence and the only words he said to me were when I asked why he had a suit in his bag and he replied, “Because we will be photographed when we get to LA.”
No anger, no animosity. No nothing. As if he didn’t know me. I know he has a lot going on in his head at the moment so I am just leaving him alone, but this is not exactly how I wanted to end our beautiful trip.
“Do you want coffee?” Abbie asks.
Abbie, Bridget and I are on the seats near the window. Adrian is deep in conversation with Cameron at the back of the airport, no doubt being filled in on this morning’s events and Joshua is sitting with the guards and Ben. He is still and silent. My eyes keep flicking to him.
“Yes please.” I smile. I am so very grateful my two best friends are in this with me. I would hate to be facing LA on my own.
Abbie rises and goes in search of coffee and my eyes flick to Bridget. Something is wrong with her.
“What’s wrong Didge?” I ask.
She smiles and takes my hand gently in hers as she looks around nervously. “Ben and I hooked up last night,” she whispers.
My eyes widen. “What, really!” I look around and see Ben watching us with a serious look on his face so I quickly look away. “Busted,” I whisper.
�
�What happened?” I ask. Ben’s hot, I can’t imagine he would be anything but amazing.
She shakes her head. “Christ, this is a nightmare,” she whispers.
“What do you mean?” I frown. “Oh shit, did you sleep with him?” I reply.
She screws up her face in disgust. “God no, what do you think I am?”
I wince. “Sorry, I didn’t mean… what’s the problem then?”
We are interrupted by Adrian. “We can board ladies.” He smiles down sympathetically at me and I know he knows and that Cameron has probably been whinging about me for the last hour.
I give him an awkward smile as Abbie returns without coffee. “What happened to our coffee?” I ask.
“Oh they told me we were boarding so I just went to the bathroom.”
“Oh ok,” I reply. I needed that damn caffeine fix.
Joshua comes over to us and holds out his hand. “Come on presh.” My heart skips a beat and I smile up at him. I don’t think I have ever in my life been so grateful for him calling me presh. I stand immediately and take his hand and he leads me onto the plane. We take our seats in silence and Joshua fusses about putting my handbag in the overhead bin. He then sits next to me and takes my hand in his. He is painfully quiet and I know he doesn’t want to talk. I just have to wait for him to open up to me. If I try to bring this up he is just going to close off—that’s Joshua’s way. What is going on in that head of his anyway? I put my hand over his and sit still, staring out the window as I go over this morning’s events in my head. What have you done Margaret?
Six hours into the flight Joshua goes to the bathroom and on his return slumps into the seat next to Cameron who is diagonally across the aisle from us. Adrian and Abbie are in the middle of the plane and Bridget is a couple of seats behind us on her own. Ben and the guards are at the back of the plane playing cards.
“What’s the next move?” I hear Cameron whisper to Joshua. Shit. I strain my ears to hear Joshua’s reply.
Bridget flops into the seat next to me. Oh damn it, I want to listen to what they are saying.
“So Ben and I kissed,” she whispers.
“Yes,” I answer but I am trying to strain my ears to hear what Joshua is saying to Cameron.