It’s not a horrible feeling at all.
Emma’s right, I need to be back home by dinner. I need to see Izzy today.
Chapter 25 - Izzy
“You’re very quiet today, Isabelle.” Arthurs gravelly voice pulls me out of my reverie. I jot down his blood pressure on the chart in front of me before replying.
“Just tired I think,” I reply, forcing a smile.
Arthur nods. “Eventful day yesterday.” You don’t know the half of it, I want to tell him. He smiles and I can’t help but relax. It almost feels like he’s my own grandfather. He continues: “How are you feeling?”
The question surprises me. I can’t remember the last time someone asked me how I was feeling and sounded like they actually cared about the answer. I pause as I think of what to say.
“I’m feeling… a bit numb.” I finally say. Arthur nods. He reaches his gnarled old hand over to me and pats the back of my hand gently.
“I’m not sure if my grandson has said this to you, Isabelle,” he starts. “But you have done a very great thing for our family. My great grandfather built this house, it’s been in our family ever since we came to this country. To lose it would be unimaginable.”
I feel my chest constricting and all of a sudden I feel like I’ve been so selfish.
“I mean, Dave is paying me,” I say with a chuckle. “It’s not like I’ve done this out of the goodness of my own heart.”
Arthur grins. “It would have been easy to say no,” he says. “I know it’s not the most straightforward of situations. I just want you to know that I appreciate it, and I know that Dave does too. He might not say it in as many words, but he does.”
I smile and say nothing. I’m not sure he does appreciate this. It seems like he appreciates running away from me. I think about that notification on my phone this morning. It felt so dirty, to get that money. Almost shameful.
That’s not how I should be thinking of this. It was poor timing for the bank transfer, and I’m connecting the two events even though they’re unrelated. It’s not shameful. It’s not wrong. He wasn’t paying me for sex yesterday. It’s a business transaction to use my name as his wife for the next three months. The sex was separate. That was… I’m not sure what that was. We got carried away. It was sex. Nothing more.
I finish writing up Arthur’s vitals and put his chart away. He’s sitting in his favourite chair.
“Do you need anything Arthur? I’m just going to go write up my report at my desk.”
“I’m fine here, dear. You go do your work.”
I smile and head out towards the back of the house. I sit down at the desk and put my head in my hands, letting out a huge sigh.
I shake my head and try to focus on the paperwork in front of me. My thoughts keep drifting to yesterday. I can still see the way he was looking at me, the way he kissed me and the way he gave me pleasure so selflessly.
Was that just sex? It had to be more! I’ve never had someone touch me like that or look at me like that. Surely he felt it too?
Stop.
Stop Izzy, just stop.
These thoughts are getting me nowhere. The past week has been dizzying, it’s hard to keep up, but I need to focus on what’s important: my job, and Jess. My financial strain has been lifted and I need to focus on positives.
With a deep breath, I open up my computer and type in “Cirque du Soleil”. I might as well look up tickets. It would be a great surprise for Jess. I scroll through the website, looking at prices and dates, ticket locations in the theatre.
I smile as I look at the website. Jess is going to love this. Neither of us have ever been to anything like this, and I know she’ll be amazed. I come across a video and press play. I watch as the acrobats jump and twirl and contort their bodies in ways I never could have imagined. I’m completely entranced, breathing out sighs of amazement as I watch the screen.
I'm definitely buying the both of us tickets. I’ll tell her tonight, she’ll be so excited! The smile creeps over my face as I keep watching the video, the excitement growing inside me. I can’t wait to tell Jess.
I’m so focused on the screen and my own excitement that I don’t hear him come up behind me.
“Working hard, I see,” his deep voice calls out. I spin around and see Dave leaning casually against the doorway. “I leave for just a couple hours and this is what I come back to.”
He’s staring at me and I open and close my mouth, not knowing how to respond. His lips twitch upwards into a grin.
“I’m joking. What are you watching?”
I smile back, letting my shoulders relax. I turn back to the screen, starting the video over.
“It’s Cirque du Soleil. Watch this!” I press play and he comes to sit beside me. We watch together, oohing and ahhing as the acrobats fly all over the screen. It feels good to be here beside him. It’s like we’re old friends, just immediately comfortable with each other. As much as I try to keep my distance, whenever he’s near me I can’t help but feel happy and at ease.
Dave drapes his arm over the back of my chair, letting his fingers trail over my shoulder. I let out a sigh and lean into him as we watch the screen. The video ends and I click through to the ticket purchase page.
“My sister Jess loves gymnastics and acrobatics, she asked me if we could go. I couldn’t afford it until a couple hours ago,” I laugh. “So I’m going to take her. I’ll surprise her tonight.”
Dave smiles. It’s a different smile than usual - less stiff and more genuine.
“That’s really nice of you. How old is Jess now? She was only just born when…” his voice trails off. I nod and clear my throat.
“Eleven. She means everything to me.”
We sit in silence and I select some tickets in the cheapest section at the back. No sense burning through all this money right away, I still have to be smart about this. I might be out of trouble for now but I still have to budget if I’m going to provide for us and put Jess through college.
“Wait, before you buy them,” Dave says suddenly. I pause, turning my head towards him. I wait for him to continue but he says nothing.
“What is it?” I ask slowly.
“I… can I come?”
He sounds so shy and unsure of himself that I start laughing. “Of course! I was going to go to an afternoon show, does that work for you?”
His face relaxes and he smiles back at me. We exchange a long glance and I see a softness and a brightness in his eyes. His lips look so soft I can’t help but wish he would lean over and kiss me right now. He turns back to the screen.
“Yeah but here, let’s get better tickets.”
He reaches across me to grab the mouse and I lean back. His arm brushes against me and it sends a thrill through my entire body. He clicks a few times on the screen and chooses seats front and centre. They cost four times as much as the ones I’d chosen and my eyes widen.
“I, um, Dave,” I stammer. “I can’t afford those.”
“I’ll get them,” he says simply without looking at me. A few clicks later and he’s entered his credit card and paid for them.
“Thanks, Dave” I say. Suddenly I’m shy. “You have no idea what that means to me, what it’ll mean to Jess.” I smile.
He waves his hand. “I’ve always wanted to go but didn’t have anyone to go with. It’ll be fun! Just think of it as a wedding present,” he says with a grin.
My eyebrows shoot up in mock surprise. “Oh! I thought I already got my wedding present yesterday? Or was that just business?”
I can’t believe I’ve just said that. Dave’s eyes sparkle and his laugh is like music to my ears. “Another wedding present, then. Plenty more where yesterday’s present came from.”
“I hope so,” I say as my heart starts thumping in my chest. I’m not sure where this confident seductress is coming from, but Dave seems to like it. The room suddenly feels brighter as we stare at each other. He grins and leans towards me, c
rushing his lips against mine in the kiss I’ve been waiting for all night and all day.
Chapter 26 - Dave
Before I know what’s happening, we’re in my bed panting and sweaty, basking in the afterglow of another incredible orgasm. I trail my fingers along Izzy’s body, following the curve of her waist along her hip and down her leg as she lies on her side next to me. She shivers and sighs as I touch her.
“I should get back to work,” she says with a grin. “This is so wrong.”
“But so right,” I reply. She laughs and I feel my chest tightening. I love the way her face lights up when she laughs, especially when she laughs at something I say. We lay there in silence for a few moments.
“Do you still hate me?”
The question takes me by surprise and I don’t know how to answer. She’s searching my face, looking at me with those intelligent eyes as she waits for me to answer the question that’s hung between us for ten years.
“No,” I say simply. “I don’t hate you.”
I’m surprising myself by saying that. It’s the truth: I don’t hate her. I know that now. I can’t hate her. But I still feel like there’s a vast distance between us. There’s ten years of things unsaid after the most traumatic incident of my life, possibly the most traumatic incident of both our lives.
“I’m glad,” she says softly. Her hand reaches up and strokes the side of my face as I close my eyes to enjoy her touch. I don’t understand how we can know each other so well - I know where to touch her and she knows where to touch me. It’s electric between us and yet it feels like home. We seem to know each other so well and yet we can’t talk about the one thing that hangs between us.
“I miss her, you know,” she says. I open my eyes and see the tears gathering as her eyes mist up. “I miss her so much.”
“Me too,” I say. I know she’s talking about Hannah. “I never understood why you guys got along so well. I think I get it now.”
She smiles sadly. “When she died it was like the fire inside me dimmed. It’s like I’ve just been surviving these years instead of living them. It sounds crazy, I don’t know how to explain it. She was my best friend when we were ten but she meant more than that to me.”
A tear rolls down her cheek and she brushes it away. It looks like she’s going to keep talking but the seconds tick by and she just keeps stroking my face without saying anything. I put my hand on top of hers and give it a gentle squeeze.
“She had that effect on people,” I respond. My sister was always the light in everyone’s life.”
Izzy smiles. “She and your parents saved me from a lot of hurt.” She pauses and then lets out a sigh. I want to ask her about it, what did my family help her with? The question is on the tip of my tongue when she lets out a sigh. “Anyways, I actually do need to get back to work,” Izzy says as she shakes her head and sits up. She gathers her clothing and starts putting it back on as I watch her. I want to tell her to stay, to tell me more. I want to talk about Hannah with her but I have to let her go. She’s on her way out and the moment has passed.
“I’m looking forward to the circus,” I say as she pulls her top over her head. Her head pops through with a huge grin carved into it.
“Me too! I can’t wait to tell Jess tonight. She’s going to love you.”
“I hope so,” I respond. Izzy leans down and gives me a light kiss and then heads out the door and down the steps.
I lay back on my bed, arms folded behind my head. I woke up this morning feeling like I had to run away from her, and now only a few hours later I’m meeting her sister and going out with the two of them. I can’t keep myself away from her, and I’m not sure I want to. Everything feels better when she’s around, so maybe I should just try to embrace it?
I pull out my phone and find Emma’s number.
Hey, I’d love to come over for dinner on Saturday. Might bring someone, just need to confirm with her.
In true Emma style, her response comes just a couple minutes later.
Great! Can’t wait to meet her. Our place at 7 xx
I read the text three or four times and the close my eyes with a sigh. I wonder if anyone else has ever had to ask their wife out on a first date.
Chapter 27 - Izzy
I’m incredibly nervous. We drive up to a nice house with tall trees lining the street. I still can’t quite believe that Dave asked me to go to a dinner party with him and his closest friends. I almost said no, but Jess was sleeping over with a friend and I didn’t want to sit at home alone all night. Now we’re here, and I re-adjust my dress as Dave opens the car door for me.
“You look beautiful,” he says as he kisses the side of my face. His hand finds the small of my back and we start walking towards the front door. He’s being so… affectionate. I don’t quite know what to think except I love the way it feels to be with him. We still haven’t talked about anything, about the past or the accident or what’s going to happen between us once this marriage is over. We’ve just been getting to know each other again.
My heart is pounding against my ribcage as I think about meeting his best friends. How will he introduce me? Surely they don’t know we’re married??
Dave rings the doorbell and it’s only a couple moments before we hear footsteps rushing towards the door. It flies open and I’m shocked to see a little girl in front of me, just about Jess’s age or maybe a little bit older.
“Davey!” She says as she flies into his arms for a hug.
“Hi, Gracie,” Dave laughs. “How have you been, kiddo?”
“I’m not a kiddo, I’m a young lady,” she says, sticking her chin out. I laugh.
“That’s right!” I say to her. She sticks her hand out towards me and I shake it solemnly. “I’m Isabelle but you can call me Izzy.”
“Nice to meet you, Izzy. I’m Grace but you can call me Gracie.” She looks from me to Dave. “So is this your girlfriend?” Her voice is dripping with pre-teen sass. I look at Dave who reaches down to ruffle Gracie’s hair.
“Something like that,” he says. I guess that’s as much of an explanation as I can expect.
I smile and turn to the adults that have materialised behind Gracie. Dave makes the introductions and I still don’t know if they know we’re married.
“Izzy, this is Emma and Elliot and their little brat, Gracie who you’ve met,” he starts.
“Hey!” Gracie says as she puts her little hands on her hips. Dave laughs and then turns to the two others.
“This is my oldest friend, Clay and his wife Valerie.”
“Val,” she corrects him with a smile. “Nice to meet you!”
“Come in, come in!” Emma says, ushering us towards the living room. She’s got bright red lipstick and a full head of curly hair. Her smile is infectious.
I glance over at Dave as he takes off his shoes. I probably should have asked him about our label, but we have a habit of not talking about important things until it gets us in awkward situations.
Within moments there’s a glass of wine in my hand and a platter of appetisers in front of me to choose from. I can’t help but smile. I feel at home already. I listen as Gracie tells us a story about her week at school and I smile. Her and Jess have the same zest for life, I can tell already. They’d love each other.
Dave is sitting next to me on the couch, sipping his beer and asking Gracie questions. I never knew he was such a natural with kids. It makes my heart swell to hear him laugh with Gracie. I just know that Jess would love him. She sticks her tongue out at him and he lunges towards her, attacking her with tickles until they’re both laughing on the floor.
“Alright, alright you two,” says Emma. “Let’s not get too excited before dinner.”
Both of them groan and reluctantly stop jostling. Dave sits down beside me, still laughing. He puts his hand on my leg and leans back, grabbing the beer he’d left on the side table. The warmth of his hand radiates through the thin fabric of my dress and I can’t
help but feel more comfortable. It feels so natural to be here with him, to be talking to his friends. It feels good to be relaxed and to not worry about what he’s thinking or what he thinks of me and what he thinks of the past. We’re just here, together.
He gives me leg a squeeze and I look over to meet his eye. He gives me a wink and my face cracks into a smile.
I feel happy.
I feel carefree for the first time in years. My heart sings and I sit back in the couch in contentment. I want this feeling to last forever.
We eat dinner together with more wine and beers and laughter. My heart feels light as I get up to help clear the table, dropping the plates next to the sink where Emma and Valerie are washing and drying.
“You outdid yourself, Emma, that was so delicious,” I tell her.
“Oh, stop,” she says, blushing. “It was mostly Val anyways.” The two of them start laughing.
“You’re hopeless in the kitchen,” Val teases. Their friendship seems so easy and comfortable and my mind quickly jumps to Hannah but I push the thought away.
“Thank you for having me. I’ve been so busy with work and life that I don’t remember the last time I actually had an evening to myself with other adults.”
“I know how that is,” Valerie says dryly, raising her eyebrows in commiseration.
“Dave was saying you have a little sister?” Emma asks. Dave’s been talking to them about me? Did he tell them we’re married?? Surely they would have mentioned that by now.
“Yeah, she’s about Gracie’s age. My parents are gone so it’s been just her and me for a while. She means everything to me.”
“Kids have that effect on people,” Emma says with a laugh. “I was staunchly child-free until I met Elliot and Gracie. Now I couldn’t imagine my life any other way.”
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