“Sure,” we both answered before Sean moved to follow her. “I like your hair down like that, by the way,” he whispered in my ear as he brushed past me and exited the room. Rachel and I had gone to the pub together a couple of times since my first week, but as per Rachel’s plan, tonight was the first time Sean was joining us. It was a shame I wasn’t really in the mood to enjoy it.
Rachel’s intranet message was the first thing I saw when I got back to my desk, after giving the itinerary to an increasingly anxious Bronwyn.
'You two looked pretty cosy in the photocopy room. Any goss?'
'We’re eloping on Saturday.'
'Very funny. I heard everything. So when’s the big date?'
'It’s not a date; we’re only friends, in case you haven’t noticed, so it’s just a lunch when Bronwyn and Ray are both away next month.'
'Sounds like a date to me.'
I got up to take the letters I had completed to Bronwyn and fixed Rachel with a pleasant yet slightly sarcastic smile.
“Come in.” Bronwyn was skimming over the latest sales figures when I entered her office, her flustered head resting on the palm of her hand as she dragged the pen down the list.
“Anything else I can do?” I asked, dropping the papers on her desk.
She waved me off without looking at me. “No, thank you. You and Rachel can go.” She appeared preoccupied as she hastily scratched her name on each letter. “I’ll pop these back on your desk, and they can be posted in the morning.”
I pretended not to notice the abruptness of her voice as she dismissed me.
“Thanks, Bronwyn. See you tomorrow,” I said brightly, forgetting her strange mood the minute I walked out the door.
The pub was a welcome distraction. “You look like you need a drink.” Sean placed a glass of wine in front of me. “Rachel told me what you like.”
“Thanks.” I took a large swig and enjoyed the slight burning down my throat, feeling like I deserved the pain.
“Want to talk about it?”
“Oh, it’s nothing. I had a fight with a friend yesterday.”
“That sucks.”
“It was my fault, so I’ve been trying to apologise, but he’s not answer-”
“He?” He raised his brow.
“Yes, he’s not answering my calls.”
“Wow.” Sean mused. “He must be insane.”
***
“So what’s he like?” Dianne asked about Sean as she and I were getting into a telephone gossip session on Wednesday night. I hadn’t heard from Scott so it seemed he was still pissed off enough to not even want to use me for sex.
“He’s nice, good looking... I don’t know... he’s about thirty, I think." I lay back on my couch. "We muck around and flirt a bit at work. He’s a mate."
“Is he your type?”
“I don’t know what my type is anymore. Remember when I liked football players?”
“Now you wouldn’t go to the football if someone paid you.”
“Exactly.”
“So is it still sexy musicians now or suited up office types?”
“What he does for a living is irrelevant.” Really it was, I added silently, shame hitting me again.
“So are you still involved with said sexy musician? You haven’t said anything about him. How did the cabin thing go?”
“It went extremely well for Kate and Nathan. They’re going out now.”
“That’s fantastic!”
“It is. I can honestly say I haven’t seen Kate like this, ever. She’s always been happy, but it’s a different kind of happy now.”
“You didn’t answer the question.”
“Well, I think I’ve messed it up now with Scott. I was such a bitch on the way home. I don’t know what came over me. We were getting along fantastically, and then I just did a complete turnaround and was being really antagonistic. I knew I was doing it, too, and just couldn’t help myself. And I pissed Kate and Nathan off as well.” I gave her the full, cringeworthy story.
“You really like Scott, don’t you? That’s why you were being a bitch.”
“Yeah, God, I’m so childish.” I sighed.
“Oh Abby. That’s so unlike you.” Dianne tutted sympathetically. “You must have it bad for this guy. You really should apologise to him.”
“Believe me, I’m trying, but he’s not answering my calls. I don’t know where he works, and even if I did, I don’t know when his shift is. Maybe I’d just be better off letting it go. I mean, he’s done that already if he’s not going to talk to me." It sounded rational in my head. But I knew I wasn’t ready to do that just yet, not until I had some sort of closure. Or at least a conversation. “Not yet though. I’m fine. I’ll see how it goes this weekend.”
“And how it all goes with Sean,” Dianne added.
“Yeah, yeah. He’s nice, but I’m not sure if I’m all that interested anyway.”
“Or Josh could come back and beg for you to go back to him.”
“Ha. Somehow I doubt that. I’m definitely not holding any hope with that one.“
“Heard from him?”
“Yeah, sure,” I answered sarcastically. Bloody Josh. Arsehole.
“Prick,” Dianne volunteered as if reading my mind.
“You said it.”
“Do you think about him?”
“Sometimes. Usually when I’m reading the paper.”
She laughed. “So you’ve cancelled your subscription then?”
I managed a smile and put it into my voice. My best friend lived a practically married life and my most reliable single ally had turned to the dark side and gotten herself a serious boyfriend. I'd realised I had the hots for the guy I was only meant to be shagging and had been a complete bitch to him. On top of that, I was still angry with Josh, and the damn spell obviously hadn’t worked—not for me anyway. I wasn’t going to count Sean; I was cynically looking at the lunch as strictly business. Besides, he was cute and fun, but I wasn’t sure if I was all that interested in him. He made work a bit more enjoyable. At least I liked my job. “So anyway, enough about me,” I said with forced cheerfulness “What’s up with you?”
“Oh, nothing. Simon and I are both well. Same old, same old. What I actually called for, besides your gossip, was to see if we could catch up for lunch. Maybe in a couple of weeks? I’ll bring Troy.”
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
THE TAXI PULLED UP, my heart beating wildly as Kate and I entered the almost deserted front room. The bar looked in desperate need of a revamp. Dark red, sticky carpet clashed with the glossy, pale green walls. The pub had only just opened for the night, and besides the early few punters and the bar staff, the only people around were the crew setting up the stage in preparation for the night’s performance. I took a deep breath.
“Don’t worry.” Kate patted my back reassuringly. “He’ll forgive you; he’s not unreasonable. Anyway, Nathan said Scott’s been fine all week.”
“What I said was pretty bad. I wouldn’t forgive me,” I replied. “Besides, he’s not angry with Nathan.”
“Well, I’ll be here if you need me, okay?” Even Kate was now beginning to sound doubtful that Scott and I would reconcile. “I’ll get some drinks.” She wandered off to the bar, which looked like it belonged in the last century and not in a good way, leaving me squinting into the darkness of the stage, trying to find Scott. Finally he came out from the back stage area, laughing at something one of the crew was saying. Then he saw me, and his face darkened. He turned to go back behind the stage again, then seemed to change his mind. In the middle of the floor with nowhere to hide, I held my breath as he unsmilingly walked over to me.
“Hi, Abby.” He stopped a metre away.
It was strange to have him look at me with this much hostility. We had always been on good terms with each other, and I wanted the old Scott back, but I knew I’d foolishly brought this on to myself. I desperately searched my mind for what I should say to him. 'Scott, I was being nasty because I like you.' Who d
oes that anymore? How old was I, seven? Next I’d be punching him on the arm and sticking my tongue out at him. How about this: 'Scott, sorry, just a bad case of PMS.' No point making up excuses. There was no real excuse. The truth was I was beginning to fall for him, couldn’t handle it, and dealt with it badly. I couldn’t tell him that either. The silent tension between us seemed amplified in the echoing, almost empty room. I opened my mouth to speak.
“I don’t have much time,” he said before I found my voice, his acerbic tone bringing a lump to my throat.
“I know,” I feebly replied, shifting uncomfortably, my feet lifting the fibres of the sticky carpet. “I’m sorry about what I said. It wasn’t my place. I didn’t...”
“Could you give us a hand here, Scott?” A man I had never seen before, but instantly hated, yelled from a door leading out to the back of the pub, destroying any further apology from me.
“I’ll talk to you afterwards, okay?” Scott’s voice was only a little friendlier as he turned and left. Maybe there was solace in the fact that he was at least expecting me to stay.
Kate had positioned a couple of full shot glasses at my place at the table as she waited. “How did it go?” she asked, her blue eyes wide.
I shrugged. “I don’t know. He was angry, I said I’m sorry, and then he had to go. He said he’d talk to me later on, but I don’t know if that will be a good thing or not.”
She patted my arm. “At least that’s something. I’m sure he wouldn’t make you wait around only to tell you he doesn’t want to see you again.”
I shook my head. “I can’t put it past him. I bet he’s doing it to make me sweat before he really digs the knife in.” Picking up one of the glasses, I downed the shot.
“But you’re going to stay, aren’t you?” She pushed the other glass towards me. “At least have a couple of drinks, maybe stay for their performance, and then see how you feel. You can always leave straight afterwards. Besides, I don’t want to sit here on my own for the next hour waiting for Nathan.” She looked embarrassed. “Especially because I’ve saved this big table for everyone." She scrunched up her nose pleadingly. "Do you mind?”
“No, of course not. It’s the least I can do after I was such a cow about you and Nathan getting together.”
She waved her hands at me in protest. “No, don’t worry about it. I completely understand. You’re a relationship kind of girl and I’m not, so it does seem a bit weird that we’ve swapped places. Besides, I know you like Scott as more than a bonk-buddy, so I don’t blame you for being a bit pissed off.”
“I'm not mad at you,” I told her. “I’m so completely happy for you. Nathan’s great, and you seem so... in love—can I say that?” She grinned ear to ear. “I guess I just miss the type of intimacy I had with Josh. It’s hard to see other people having that, but it doesn’t excuse the way I acted to you guys or to Scott. It’s not your fault, or his fault for that matter. It’s me who’s stuffed it up.”
“We could not flaunt it so much if you like.”
It was my turn to protest. “No, no, no. Don’t change things on my behalf. I’m the stupid one. It’s about me, not you. So promise me you won’t change the way you are in front of me, okay?”
“Okay. So are you going to tell me what else you said to Scott? I’m sure it’s not as bad as you think.”
I put my head in my hands. “I don’t know why I did this, but I pretty much all but told him I wouldn’t go out with him if he was the last guy on Earth. Not in those exact words, but it was just a knee-jerk reaction because of him reinforcing that he's off relationships.”
Kate frowned. “But that’s not that bad.”
“Yes but seeing as though I also had a go at his job, his music, his career... I think I well overstepped the mark.”
“Oh, I see. As Nathan said, that’s probably the place you shouldn’t have gone.”
“I know.”
“Why did you say it?”
“Because I’m a horrible, bitter, nasty bitch.”
“No, you’re not. You were only trying to protect yourself. Is it any wonder after what Josh did to you?”
I slammed the other shot down my throat. “It’s still no excuse. I thought I was better than that.” I stood up to go to the bar as the amount of people in the room was rapidly growing. “Do you want another drink?”
“Wine. Get a bottle. I think we’re going to need it.”
I recognised the pretty, dark-haired woman talking to Kate when I returned. “Hi, Linda.” I doubled back to get another glass for the newcomer. “I’m having a biggie tonight,” I explained as I poured the wine.
"I was just telling Kate that the boys have almost finished recording their album. We’re just waiting on a couple more songs,” Linda said excitedly.
“Have you heard it so far?” Kate enquired.
“Well, most of the songs are what they play live anyway...”
“So it must be great then!” I piped up, then caught a twinkle in Kate’s eye that reminded me of how I dismissed the music as being too commercial. I sipped my drink in shame.
The lights dimmed, and the crowd went quiet as the first guitar hums signalled the start of the performance.
“Let’s get up and dance.” Kate grabbed my hand.
“No, I’ll stay here and mind the table. You two go.” Although it probably would have put me more in the good books with Scott, I wasn’t in the mood for dancing, preferring to sit there and contemplate what I was going to say to him. That and drown my disgrace. I tapped my foot to the beat as I poured myself another glass. Kate and Linda returned with another bottle after a couple of songs, and we sat nursing our drinks, unable to speak over the music.
“Are you okay?” Kate whispered during a lull in the noise level.
I nodded. The last song was about to start which meant that, in a few minutes time, I would finally have to deal with what I hoped would have been dealt with by now. I had a fuzzy feeling in my head, which helped my confidence levels and slightly lifted my mood by the time we were joined at the table by Nathan, Luke, Daniel, and a few other staff members of their record company. I made small talk as I waited anxiously for Scott to sit himself down with us. Half an hour later, I had nervously guzzled another drink too quickly and was halfway through the next when I saw him through the crowd, sitting at another table. He seemed to be deep in conversation with the curly haired girl Tanya had cruelly pointed out to me, while volunteering the fact that he had left with her one night. I felt as though my heart had gotten stuck in my throat and swallowed hard in an attempt to push the lump away.
Linda had seen him, too. “Abby, are you and Scott still seeing each other?”
“We never really were.“ I could hear the vague slur in my words. “We were just fucking.” I was too late to catch the obvious edge to my voice.
“Oh, ” she dropped her gaze. “Sorry”.
“I’m just going to the ladies,” I said miserably, picking up my bag and stealing another look in Scott’s direction. He didn’t even notice.
“Looks like Scotty’s picked up.” The sound engineer snickered to Daniel as I shuffled behind them, my sweaty palms adding to the handprints along the shiny mint green wall. Great, just what I wanted to hear. I didn’t hear Daniel’s reply but knew, as he was always first to leave, he was probably not privy to the fact that I was usually the one Scott picked up. The night was going from bad to worse.
I was unaware that Linda had followed me, until I got to the ladies toilets and stumbled into the one of the stalls. “Abby, are you okay?” she asked.
“Yeah, just a bit drunk, that’s all.” I joined her at the basins.
“You seem a bit upset,” she said kindly. “Is it Scott?” A couple of girls came out of another stall together, rubbing their noses, and I was tempted to ask if I could have some of what they were having. Linda rolled her eyes as they exited the bathroom.
I stared at my bloodshot eyes in my reflection and told her the whole sad, stupid story. A tear
escaped, destroying my made up face. “Oh, bugger, my makeup’s running.” I rummaged in my bag and laid out all my cosmetics on the bench. “Shit, I forgot to pack my lipstick.”
“Here.” She calmly handed me one of hers. “You didn’t mean what you said to him, did you?”
“No,” I sighed. “It was stupid.”
“Well, you need to tell him. You don’t have to tell him how you feel. You don’t even have to admit you like him. But I’m sure he will forgive you if you say you were wrong about his career. Play dumb. Say you didn’t know what you were talking about and you were surprised he listened anyway. On the bright side, he obviously values your opinion." She gave my back a compassionate rub, "Trust me. I know how you feel.”
“You do?” I couldn’t believe for a second that Linda could have ever said the wrong thing in her entire life.
“Yes. I upset my husband once. We’d only just started dating, and I criticised something he had cooked for me.” She sorted through the makeup and began a repair job on my face. “He didn’t tell me he was a chef and wanted to impress me, but I was a meat and potatoes type of girl at the time and didn’t really get the fine food thing. I told him he didn’t have to show off and who the hell would eat this gourmet crap anyway.”
“Really?” I handed her back her lipstick.
“Yes. I was mortified when he said ‘Lots of people. Especially the ones that go to the restaurant I work at.’”
“Oh my God.” For the first time that evening, I actually felt a little better, not from knowing Linda made a mistake once but from knowing that it had all worked out. “What happened?”
“Well, I thought it was all over, but I really liked him. So when I realised all I’d hurt was his pride, I swallowed my own and told him that I wouldn’t know a good meal if it hit me in the face, which I’m sure it almost did by the look he was giving me, but that I was willing to learn and could he teach me.” She stood back and looked at my face. “There. Done. You look lovely.”
“Thank you.” I reapplied my mascara myself then put the makeup away. “Obviously it worked, because he married you.”
“Five years and two kids,” she said proudly. “And I love all sorts of food now. Look, saying the wrong thing isn’t worth falling out over. And worst case scenario? If you’ve done your part in apologising and he’s not interested in listening, then it’s his own stupid pride; he’s the one that’s lost a friend, and he wouldn’t be worth it anyway.”
Flirting With Magick Page 10