Nora worried her bottom lip. She opened her mouth and took a deep breath. But the words never came. She snapped her jaw closed and shook her head sadly. “Nothing. Never mind,” she mumbled miserably. “You should get back.”
I felt troubled and perplexed, but finally I nodded. “See ya.” I walked out of the room and closed the door behind me.
I flexed my fingers around the neat bandage. “Goddamn it,” I growled to myself.
I turned on my heel and burst back into the storage room.
Nora was still on the cot where I’d left her. Her eyebrows went up to her hairline in confusion. “Did you forget something?”
“I hate that you think you can’t talk to me,” I blurted out. “I know that we had a rough start, but I’ve really been trying to be nicer. And when it’s clear you have more to say, but you hold back, it makes me think all my niceness has been for nothing.”
Nora released a manic laugh. I felt momentarily confused and then my face clouded over with anger. “What’s so funny?” I demanded, folding my arms across my chest, instantly feeling self-conscious. “You don’t have to laugh at me,” I snarled.
I was quickly silenced by Nora’s warm fingertips on my lips. She was now standing in front of me, her beautiful face serious. I tried to ignore the way her hipbone felt pressed against me.
“I wasn’t laughing at you,” she murmured. “And I do recognize that you’ve been nicer, even though I don’t always make it easy on you,” she softly revealed, letting her fingers fall from my mouth.
I dropped my hands to my sides and my rigid body involuntarily relaxed. “Oh.” I felt my face flush. “Then why…” I trailed off, “why won’t you tell me why you’re crying?”
“Because it’s embarrassing.” Nora sighed deeply. She rubbed her hands roughly over her face. “And if I say it out loud, it just makes it more real.”
I stood my ground, silently indicating I wasn’t going to take no for an answer.
“Fine,” she sighed again, flapping her arms at her side. “Don’t tell anyone, but I saw my dad and Dr. Allyse kissing.”
I blinked hard. “You saw what?!”
Nora cringed at my volume. “Not so loud, geez,” she winced.
I shook my head, dumbfounded. “Your dad and the doctor were kissing? No offense, but isn’t your dad like old enough to be her father?”
Nora made a face. “I know. It’s totally gross.”
“Hey, I’m not the one snotting all over about it though,” I cheekily pointed out. “But,” I scrunched eyebrows together, “why the water works?”
Nora sighed and her face and shoulders fell. “You’re gonna laugh at me,” she lightly complained, sitting down on the cot once again.
“You may be surprised,” I grunted, falling easily beside her, “but I’m finding none of this funny right now.”
Nora looked over at me. “It’s just that…everyone’s got someone except me,” she revealed in a rush.
I took a moment to let her words sink in. “And you feel left out?” I tentatively guessed.
Nora sighed miserably. “You make it sound so petty,” she grumbled. “But everyone’s all paired up down here. It’s like Noah and the ark,” she spat out. “My dad and the doctor, you and Ryan. What if my dad won’t want to go to Eden anymore?” she worried.
I held up my hands. “Woah, slow down,” I insisted with wide eyes. “Ryan and I have just been hanging out. Nothing’s going on between us. Besides, he’s not my type.” I could have smacked myself as soon as that admittance came out.
“He’s not?” Nora’s pink tongue poked out between two lush lips. “What is your type?”
You, duh. I could feel Nora’s eyes on me. I pretended to be interested in something on the wall. “I don’t know.”
“Now I think you’re the one holding back.”
I desperately needed to change the subject. “Maybe Dr. Allyse will want to go with you guys to Eden. I’m sure they could use another doctor, right?”
As if she could sense we were talking about her, Dr. Allyse’s head popped through the doorway. “Oh hi, girls,” she said brightly. “I thought I heard voices.” She looked a little relieved and made no indication that she’d heard the content of our conversation. “I’m glad there’s actually people in here,” she chuckled. “I was worried the voices were in my head.”
I popped up from the cot, feeling guilty. We hadn’t been doing anything wrong, but I still felt like she’d caught me with my hand in the cookie jar.
“How’s that ankle doing, Sam? I see you’re off the crutches now.”
I smiled a little too brightly. It felt unnatural on my face. “It’s much better, thank you. I’ll bring the crutches by in the morning. I think another day or two with the air cast and I’ll be back to my old self.”
“Wonderful.” Dr. Allyse cleared her throat. “Um, Nora, have you seen your father recently? I need to take his stitches out.”
Nora stood up from the cot and I braced myself for an epic confrontation. “I’ll tell him you’re looking for him the next time I see him.” I was surprised by the evenness, the civility in her tone. It was absent of any warmth, but at least she hadn’t been mean. That was an improvement, right?
I gave the doctor a pained smile as Nora and I left the infirmary. Because of my extended detour, I had probably blown my chances of getting assigned kitchen duty again, but that wasn’t the worst thing that had ever happened to me. I didn’t know what I was going to do with the rest of the evening, but I had a hunch it involved listening to Nora complain.
+++++
CHAPTER TEN
The next day, there was no work to be done, so after breakfast I went to the library to read. The library doubled as the school and the children of Hot Springs, only numbering a few dozen, were in the middle of their daily lesson. I grabbed a few books from their shelves and took a seat at a vacant table on the other side of the room so as to not interrupt.
As I paged through the books I’d chosen, looking for something interesting to read, I started to think about Hot Springs and my future here. I was warm and well-fed and I had a real bed to sleep on, but to be honest, I kind of preferred life above ground when the four of us had been constantly traveling. Food might have been scarce and sleeping in a tent got old really fast, but at least there was a reason to wake up every morning. At least above ground we’d had some kind of purpose. Down here, it just felt like we were all biding our time until something happened – what that something was, I didn’t know.
I saw movement in the direction of the library doorway and frowned when I saw Ryan walk through the open door. Hot Springs wasn’t that large – only a few acres, if that – but it felt even smaller when I kept running into Ryan. I tilted my head back down and lifted my book, hoping it would obscure my face and that he’d either not notice me sitting here or wouldn’t interrupt my reading.
I jumped at the sound of solid flesh hitting the wooden table. Ryan stood on the other side of the table with one palm flat on its surface.
“This is you, isn’t it?”
I didn't know what he was talking about until I saw the sheen of photography poking out from beneath his flattened hand. He'd slapped a photograph on the table like we were engaged in a game of poker and he was showing off the cards in his hands. In a way though, he was.
I stared at the photograph and gasped when I recognized it. I smoothed over the folds and creases at the corners as if not believing what I was seeing. It was a picture of my mom, my dad, and me. I was in my high school graduation outfit and she was in a flower-patterned dress. My dad was in one of the suits he routinely wore to his job at the bank. I remembered on the day of the graduation ceremony my mom had told me over and over again how proud she was of me. She’d framed the photograph and had placed it on display on the fireplace mantle.
“How did you get this?” I whispered. It didn’t take me long to put the pieces together. A sharp cry escaped my lips and the photograph slipped from my finger
s. I watched it flutter to the ground. “Y-you.” The single word was a shaky accusation.
Ryan dropped his head.
”It’s not possible.” I shook my head hard. “Bandits killed my mother,” I said with conviction.
He looked up and grimaced. “Bandits didn’t do that, Sam. We did it – the people of Hot Springs.”
“But that’s hundreds of miles away!” I exclaimed. I couldn’t control the volume of my voice and I knew that everyone in the room was looking at us.
Ryan nodded gravely. “Paul convinced the Mayor to send a group across the state border because he knew about the oil-drilling equipment in Williston. The plan was to bring all that equipment that was just sitting around and bring it back here. We were going to use it to dig deeper and expand the compound.”
I blinked, unable to really wrap my head around what Ryan was telling me.
“When we got there, we hopped from one house to the next until we could siphon off enough gasoline for the return trip,” he continued. “Most of the houses we raided were shabby trailers with hardly any supplies.”
I nodded, numb. “The bachelor houses,” I vocalized. “The temporary housing for transients working for the oil companies.”
“But then we found your house.”
“And my mom.” I was surprised my voice didn’t break with emotion.
“It was an accident,” he insisted. “She surprised us. We thought the house was empty – every place else had been empty up until that point. It’s like your family was the only one left in the whole damn town.”
“Who killed her, Ryan? Was it – was it you?” I wanted to know, but I was also afraid of the answer.
“No.” He shook his head. “And I didn’t see who did it. I promise. All I know is that it happened really quick – I wasn’t even in the house yet. When I got inside, the guys were all yelling at each other and freaking out.”
I felt sick, like I was going to throw up. I swallowed down the bile and clenched and unclenched my jaw, feeling my back teeth grind together. “Why do you have my picture?”
He picked up the photograph, which had remained on the floor since I’d dropped it. He ran his finger along a worn edge. “I guess…I didn’t want to forget what had happened. It seemed too weird to me that this woman would have been living all by herself in this house. I wondered what had happened to the other people in the picture. I wondered if they’d died. If they’d left her behind.”
“I was upstairs.”
He looked up suddenly. “How did you…?” he trailed off.
“My dad built an emergency escape upstairs. My grandma, my dad…we thought you were bandits.”
Ryan looked pale. “We might as well have been.”
I swallowed again. “What did you do with her body?”
“We buried her.”
“But the ground is frozen,” I noted.
“I know. But we had that excavating machinery. It made it a little easier.”
“Where is she?”
“We found a city park that had really high snow banks. The ground was softer there because of the high snow drifts.”
I was somewhat pacified to know that at least she’d been buried and not cannibalized.
A sudden thought popped into my head. “You took all our food.”
Ryan hung his head. “I know. And after we came back from North Dakota, Paul convinced the Mayor and the rest of the council that the only way we’d survive is if we leeched off of the neighboring towns like we’d done in Williston.”
My eyes widened. “You can’t steal from other people, Ryan! It’s just like killing them, taking all their supplies and leaving them to starve.”
“It’s us or them,” he said stiffly.
“Why didn’t you just shoot me and my dad and the Wests on sight when you found us the other night? We’re four more mouths to feed.”
“We’re not murderers,” he protested weakly. “We’re survivalists.” It was the second time I’d accused him of being a murderer. He sighed deeply. “I probably shouldn’t be telling you this, but they’ve planned another trip. We’re going to Kalispell in the morning. It’s a city about 60 miles north of here.”
“We have to stop them,” I asserted. “They can’t do that.”
“We can’t stop them, Sam,” Ryan countered. “And if you don’t sign on with the program, they’ll kick you out of Hot Springs or worse.”
“I can’t sit idly while you take advantage of people who have done you no harm.”
“I can’t. I’ve got my family here. My mother…my little sister.”
I nodded curtly. “I understand. But you have to understand that I can’t turn a blind eye. I can’t stay here and I doubt my dad will want to either.”
I could tell Ryan was internally battling with his conscience. I wondered why he’d told me about the raids and my mother at all.
“Let me at least get some supplies for you,” he said. “I can get back all the stuff we confiscated from your group. It’s the least I can do.”
“You’re right,” I practically snarled. “It is the least you can do.”
When Ryan left me in the library, I didn't know what to do with myself.
“Hey, Sammy.” Nora skipped into the room. “Whatcha up to? Need help sounding out any big words?” she winked playfully. Nora was in an unusually good mood. I, however, felt like puking.
“Have you seen my dad lately?” I asked.
“Yeah. He’s playing chess with my dad in the rec room. I think they’re addicted.”
I stood up shakily from my seat. “Let’s go.”
“What's wrong?”
“Just follow me,” I snapped.
+++++
“Sam is acting weird and she won’t tell me what's wrong,” Nora announced when we walked into the recreation room.
I didn’t know how to tell my dad the truth about my mom’s death. I could still hardly believe it myself.
“I know who killed mom.” I could feel myself shaking, but I tried to keep my voice even.
My dad’s head lifted and his attention snapped away from his chess game. “What?”
I swallowed hard. “Ryan, a boy I’ve been hanging out with,” I shot a look over at Nora. “He told me that he was part of a raid – a group of people from Hot Springs – who went to Williston looking for construction equipment so they could make this place bigger. They’re the ones who killed mom.” My mouth felt dry. I worked the muscles in my throat. “He also told me they’ve been raiding neighboring towns ever since. That’s the reason why this place is so stocked; they’ve been stealing food and supplies from other people.”
Mr. West’s eyes darted between my dad and me. “How did you…why did he tell you? Does he have proof? Maybe he was just showing off for you.”
“By telling me he killed my mother?” I spat out. “Yeah, that’s really a good way to impress a girl.” My mother would have been disappointed in my outburst, but my resolve was close to snapping.
My dad looked similarly agitated, but he wasn’t the type to raise his voice. He clenched onto a chess piece; it looked like a bishop. His knuckles had turned white and I worried he might crush the chess piece in his hand. “We have to leave,” he said gravely. “Right away.”
“We’ve got to do something!” Nora hissed. She had all the delicacy of a bull in a china shop. “We can’t let them keep robbing and killing other people!”
“There's only four of us and there’s hundreds of them,” her father said pragmatically. “You have to pick your battles.”
“So we’re in agreement, then,” I pressed. “We’re all leaving?” My father, Mr. West, and Nora all somberly nodded.
“Ryan said he'd get everything that had been confiscated from us and some extra food.”
“You trust him?” Mr. West asked.
“He came to me,” I said. “He told me about the raids. He didn't have to do that.”
“We’ll be cautious,” my dad said evenly. “Let me know when
this boy gets you the supplies back. We’re leaving right after, even if it’s in the middle of the night.” His icy blue eyes flashed in the direction of Nora and me. “But don’t be obvious about it.”
Nora and I left my father and Mr. West in the recreation room. I wanted to start packing up my backpack right away so when it was time to leave, I’d be more than ready. How our fathers could return to their chess game was beyond me.
“How are you so put together right now?” Nora demanded.
“What do you mean?” I felt shaken, rattled, by the day’s revelations. I was anything but put together.
“You’re so cavalier about death,” Nora huffed. “When your grandma left, you hardly cried. And now that you’ve found out who killed your mother, you’re about as emotional as a robot.” Her tone was accusatory.
I stopped and turned on my heels. “What's your point, Nora? Just say what you want to say to me.”
She stared me down. “Do you feel anything other than distain?”
“I have all kinds of feelings and emotions,” I defended myself. “I just...there’s no point acting out on them. Crying isn’t going to solve anything,” I clarified, lest she read into my words.
As soon as we made it back to our bunks I began shoving my few belongings into my backpack. My father had said not to be obvious, but no one really paid much attention to Nora and me. We weren’t from Hot Springs. We were outsiders and therefore not on anyone’s radar. I figured that’s how it would always be. Ryan had really been the only one to approach me or try to establish a friendship.
Ryan showed up not soon after we’d returned to the bunk. I was worried his presence in the women’s barracks might garner us some unwanted attention, but no one seemed to care that an 18 year-old-boy was in the women’s bunks.
“You have a lot of nerve,” Nora said, ice in her words. I didn’t know if she was referring to him being in the women’s quarters or chastising him for being complicit in my mother’s death.
Ryan looked justifiably uncomfortable. “I got your things back and I slipped a little something extra in there.” He shoved a canvas bag in my direction. “I’m sorry it’s not more; they’d notice if I took too much. The pantry’s basically on lockdown.”
Apophis Page 13