“Okay,” I said.
“Well, if you’re in the middle of contemplating the meaning of existence, and you really want a sandwich or you have to take a piss, it’s kind of annoying.”
I nodded. “All right, I can see that.”
“And if you happen to be a deep thinker, you’re going to think about how you’re annoyed, and you’ll probably come to a conclusion like, ‘Bodily functions are less cool than the functions of the mind.’ And that would be the seed of the separation of the spirit and the flesh. Over time, the more that people thought about it, the more they began to think that the spirit was pure and good and noble, and that the flesh was jealous and greedy. They began to assign everything good to the spirit and everything evil to the flesh.”
“Right,” I said. “So, they thought sex was dirty because of that.”
“Yeah,” said Hallam. “And the Brothers really thought this. We lived a very ascetic lifestyle, because the Brothers believed that denying the flesh would open up the spirit. That the less we had in terms of food or comfort, the more likely we’d be able to commune with the divine or something.”
“So, you’re saying that’s what Anton probably taught Jason as a kid,” I said.
“Yeah,” said Hallam. “And sex was a very hot-button issue. Primarily because when you deny human beings something like sex, it sort of becomes all they think about. You can’t stay alive and never eat, although that probably pissed off some of the Brothers. You can fast for a period of time and during that period of time, you definitely don’t think about sex. You think about food.”
I laughed. “I understand. Repressing themselves caused them to be obsessed.”
“Yeah,” said Hallam. “Because, of course, you weren’t supposed to think sexual thoughts. And if you did, it meant that your flesh was really strong, and of course we were trying to make our spirits strong. And there were only men in the order, so we thought of women as… I don’t know, kind of an enemy. When you refuse to let yourself think about sex, and you don’t masturbate, and you don’t engage in any sexual activity, and you never see women… well, when you do see one, you generally…”
“Start thinking about sex,” I said.
“Exactly,” said Hallam. “Some of this could be blamed on our own weaknesses, of course. But there were some women who would… well, flaunt the fact that they were desirable.”
“Like Lilith,” I said. Lilith was the queen of low-cut shirts and tight pants.
“Women couldn’t help being women, of course,” said Hallam. “But to the Sons way of thinking, they could, at the very least, not purposefully try to inflame anyone to lust.”
“Because lust is of the flesh and therefore evil.”
“You got it,” said Hallam. “Now, a prostitute? A woman who not only flaunted herself, but who profited from the weakness of the flesh? Who tempted men to give in to their base lusts and lower themselves and then forced them to pay for their degradation?”
“The Brothers thought that was pretty much the worst thing ever.”
“Pretty much,” said Hallam.
“So, that was why it was okay to kill prostitutes.” I bit my lip. “Even holy, I guess. Like you were cleansing the world.”
Hallam winced. “Yeah,” he whispered.
We were both quiet.
I ran my hands over the small protrusion of my belly. “You think Jason still thinks this?”
“No,” said Hallam.
I looked up at him.
“Of course he doesn’t think it,” said Hallam. “He left the Sons because he hated that shit. It’s very hard to force a teenage boy to swallow it. I went to it willingly, but he had no choice. And he doesn’t view you that way, does he? He doesn’t punish you for being…” He trailed off, clearing his throat. “Well, you know what I mean.”
“No,” I said. “He doesn’t.” Of course, there was the fact that he seemed to like it kind of rough. I liked it too, for that matter. But was that the way he punished me?
“I think it’s somewhere in the back of his brain,” said Hallam. “Something he can’t shake.”
“Never? He’ll never be able to shake it?”
Hallam looked up at the ceiling, sighing. “I don’t know. I’m not inside his head.”
“So, Jason’s doing this.”
“Probably,” said Hallam. “And he’s being sloppy about it too. They have a sketch of him. How could he let that happen?”
I laughed in disbelief. “That’s what you’re worried about? Not that he’s doing it? Just that he’s getting caught?”
Hallam spread his hands. “I feel responsible for him. I can’t help feeling like what he does is my fault, not his. I taught him how to kill. So, what’s your excuse?”
I bit down on my lip.
* * *
~jason~
“Look,” Boone was saying, “we’re estimating too big here. Sure, Imri has a lot of people, but of those people, how many of them are trained to fight? He did ask us to kill Fleming a few months ago. He didn’t send his own people.”
I shook my head. “I don’t think that’s because they weren’t trained, like he said. I think it was because they’d already made attempts, and they would have been recognized.”
“Or maybe he didn’t want to risk his own people,” said Grace. “Maybe he considered us expendable.”
I pointed at her. “Also a good theory.” I checked my phone. “Where’s Mina? She should be back with Chance by now.”
“How long ago did she leave?” said Boone.
“Over an hour,” I said. “Even if she hit bad traffic, there’s no way it would take that long.”
Grace made a face. “You don’t think she took Chance, do you? I mean, she was accusing you of doing that, and it was out of nowhere.”
Alarm shot through me. “She wouldn’t.” I got my phone out of my pocket and selected her name from my contacts. Putting my phone to my ear, I turned in a circle as I listened to it ring.
And ring.
And ring.
And go to voicemail.
I punched end without leaving a message. “She’s not answering.”
“I shouldn’t have said anything,” said Grace. “I got you worried for nothing. She’s probably driving. Does she have the hands-free thing in her car?”
I clenched my jaw, all kinds of scenarios flitting through my brain. I was panicked. She had my son. My Chance.
“You know what?” said Boone. “I can trace her cell phone. I got everybody’s phone set up. Just let me grab a laptop from upstairs, okay? Then we can see where she is, and we won’t have to worry about this.”
I breathed a sigh of relief. “Good. That would be very good.”
“Sure thing,” said Boone, heading out of the room.
* * *
We traced Mina’s car to a farmhouse about forty-five minutes outside of the bustle of Bergen County. I knew the farmhouse pretty well. It was the place that I took the girls when I cut them up.
I’d been quiet on the drive here, but Boone hadn’t seemed to notice. He seemed to think that the fact that Mina’s car was all the way out here meant that she really had taken Chance.
But I knew that there was no way that she was here coincidentally.
This was a message.
At first I thought maybe it was a message from Mina. That maybe somehow she’d followed me or figured out what I was doing, and she wanted to confront me about it.
But I knew that couldn’t be it. If Mina knew what I was doing to those girls, she’d never have let me near Chance ever again. She would have disappeared a long time ago.
So, the message had to be from someone else. Someone who knew about what I was doing.
Imri. This had Imri’s name all over it. And I was pretty sure that things were going to go from bad to worse pretty quickly.
Sure enough, when we found her car, my fears were realized.
Her car was empty.
She wasn’t in it. Chance wasn’t in it.
His backpack was in the backseat, though, tossed there carelessly.
There was blood in the car.
On the front seat. Spattered over the dashboard.
Something had happened in the car, and then the car had been moved.
Boone walked around the car, holding his tablet. “Jason, what the fuck is this? Mina didn’t do this.”
I only shook my head. I couldn’t talk, because I was filled up with warring feelings of anger and fear.
What had happened to my son? Where was he?
“This isn’t the coordinates of her phone, anyway,” said Boone, turning. “She’s in the house, or at least her phone is.”
I turned to the farmhouse. It was abandoned. Vines grew up over the front porch. The white paint peeled off the siding, hanging in long strips.
“She’s in the basement,” I said in a choked voice.
Was Chance there too?
Boone looked confused.
I clenched my hands into fists, and then I tore away from him, running for the entrance at the back of the house.
There was a set of concrete stairs that led down into the basement. I’d carried different girls down those steps more times than I liked to think about.
“Jason?” Boone called from behind me.
I raced down the stairs and threw open the door to the basement.
And I saw Mina. She was tied to a chair in the middle of the room, just like I tied up the girls.
Her head hung forward, her chin resting on her chest.
“Chance!” I yelled.
My voice echoed through the room.
There was no answer.
I ran to Mina, lifting her face.
She’d been shot in the forehead and there was a hole between her eyebrows. Dried blood streamed down her face over her features. Her eyes were still open and they bored through me, accusing me.
I dropped her body. “Chance!”
“Jason, what—” Boone broke off as he came into the basement and saw Mina. His hand went to his mouth. “Oh my god.”
I thrust my hands into my hair and turned in a circle. This was my fault.
CHAPTER NINE
~jason~
“How did you know to get into that basement?” Boone asked.
We were standing outside the farmhouse again. I’d dragged Mina’s body out of there, and I was trying to think if we should bury her here or take her back to the mansion.
“Have you been here before?” Boone said.
I was focusing on what needed to be done, not on anything else, because that was the way I kept myself together. I wanted to fall apart. My son was missing. Mina was dead. Things were bad. Very bad. And if I focused on how bad they were, I’d lose my head. The best way not to fall apart was to keep busy. Keep moving forward.
“Jason, talk to me,” said Boone.
I glared at him. “Would you shut up? I’m trying to think.”
Boone looked down at Mina. His face twisted.
My phone rang.
Right. I was going to have to tell everyone about this. I answered it without looking at who was calling.
Move forward.
Keep it together.
“Hello?”
“Jason, it’s Imri. I’ve got Chance with me.”
“Imri? You did this.”
“I don’t want to hurt anyone, Jason.”
“But you did. You killed Mina. Did… did Chance see that?”
“It was regrettable,” said Imri. “Who’d have thought she’d put up such a fight? I always thought she was the weakest link of your little group. But she really managed to be a bit of a problem. Had to be done. Surely, you understand. It was only a few months ago that you killed every single one of my people who happened to be in your way.”
My heart was pounding, but I forced myself to stay calm. “I want Chance back.”
“Of course you do,” said Imri. “And I’ll be happy to give him back to you. All I need is for you to bring Azazel to our clinic here, so the doctor can do a tiny procedure and eliminate the threat that’s growing inside her.”
The gears in my brain turned. “You want me to… to trade Chance for Azazel? Are you out of your mind? I would never—”
“Not Azazel. She’ll be fine. Just the fetus in her. That’s all.”
“No,” I said.
“You think it was a mistake finding Mina’s body where you found her, Jason? You think it was a mistake that the police suddenly got a sketch of the man whose been capturing and torturing prostitutes?”
“What are you saying?”
“I’m saying something simple. You bring me Azazel and let me terminate that thing inside her, and you’ll not only get your little boy back, but I’ll make your problems with the authorities go away.”
“I don’t have any problems with the—”
“You will. At least you will if you don’t cooperate with me.”
This was Imri’s game. Blackmail. He was good at it. He’d been watching all of us, and he knew all of our secrets.
Imri was still talking. “Come now, Jason. This should be an easy choice for you. You don’t really want her to be pregnant with Jude’s child, do you? Wouldn’t it be easier for all of you if that problem went away? And then you and she could have a baby together? Surely, that’s the way things are supposed to be.”
I clutched the phone, shutting my eyes.
“I know you could make it happen,” said Imri. “Azazel might be angry with you for a while, but she always forgives you, doesn’t she? No matter what you do to her.”
I hated Imri. I wanted him dead. I was going to find him, rip him apart, take Chance back, and—
“Jason?”
“Go fuck yourself.” I hung up the phone.
* * *
“I’m going to have to pretend to go along with it,” I said to the others, who were assembled in the living room. “I’ll take Azazel, but once the two of us get close to Imri, we’ll have to attack. Kill him.”
“I thought killing him wouldn’t make any difference,” said Jude.
“That was before he had my son,” I said.
“Whatever happens,” said Azazel, “we have to get Chance back.”
Hallam stood up on the other side of the room. “I’m in.”
I nodded. “Okay. We could use you.”
Marlena let out a slow breath.
Hallam turned to her. “I know you don’t like it, but we’re up against the wall, and we need everyone we can get. This isn’t like before. Before, they were on the offensive. This time, Imri’s coming after us.”
Marlena nodded. “No, you’re right. I was going to say that I’m in too.”
Azazel raised her eyebrows. “Marlena? But—”
“I know my way around a gun,” said Marlena. “I can help too.”
“We can use all the help we can get,” I said.
“I’ll have to get a sitter for Kenya,” said Marlena. “Usually Mina would do it, but…”
No one said anything.
“The Paulsons will,” said Marlena. “And I think we still have some ammunition for the Colt M4s in the basement.”
“Should we be stuffing ammo with leaves?” said Jude.
“Oh, man the M4s are huge,” I said. “I can’t carry one. I wouldn’t be able to conceal it.”
“You and I can take the Browning Hi-Powers,” said Azazel. “But if Marlena wants something with more oomph—”
“What is wrong with you people?” Grace stood up, her face red.
We all looked at her, shocked.
“Grace?” I asked.
“Mina is dead,” she said. “Why are you all just going about your business like nothing happened?”
Silence.
Grace looked at each of us, tears leaking out of the corners of her eyes. “She lived with us. She was Chance’s mother. She cooked really amazing alfredo. She was strong and funny and pretty and alive a few hours ago. Her fucking body is wrapped up in garbage bags and lying in the fo
yer. And you guys don’t even care. It’s like she never existed. Like you only want to think about the next thing we have to do. But she’s dead. Really dead. She’s never coming back.”
I rubbed my forehead.
Hallam cleared his throat.
Marlena pressed her lips together.
Grace glared at us all. “If I die, will you care?”
There were several minutes of awkward silence. No one said anything.
Then Azazel turned to Marlena and said in a soft voice, “Can you get the ammo and the guns from the basement?”
“I can.” Marlena’s voice was also quiet.
Azazel looked at Boone. “And Boone, there are security cameras at the clinic I usually go to. You think you might be able to hack into them?”
“Maybe,” said Boone.
Grace shook her head. She walked out of the room.
* * *
I tapped my earpiece as I drove down the road. “Boone?”
“I’m here,” said Boone. “I got eyes on the clinic. Imri’s there, pacing in the foyer. It looks like there are maybe twenty or thirty armed men patrolling the place.”
“Okay,” I said. “You in communication with everyone else?”
“Yeah,” he said.
“Right, so the minute that Azazel and I are in place, they come out shooting.”
“I got this Jason,” he said.
I glanced at Azazel. “Hey, we’re close. You ready to sell this?”
She was sitting in the passenger seat, her hands and feet both tied. “Should I pretend to be passed out now?”
“Whenever you’re ready,” I said.
She slumped into the seat, closing her eyes.
I sped down the road. “Boone, I’m going out. I can’t wear the earpiece in.”
“Got it, Jason,” said Boone. “See you on the other side.”
I pulled into the parking lot of the clinic. It was night—after hours. The lot was empty except for my car. I pulled to a stop and parked.
I got out and went to the passenger side and lifted Azazel out of the car.
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