Holly leaned back in the chair. Relief was just now settling her nerves. If she could see Jake, look him in the eyes, would she be able to tell how he felt about her? They had made love, taken comfort in each other, but that didn’t guarantee that he loved her. Her heart hurt at the thought of losing him.
Marcus surprised her with a cup of coffee. He sat next to her, taking a sip from his cup. “I’m sorry that I didn’t get there in time to help. I’m just glad it’s over.”
“Is it really?”
“Just about. The police will need more statements, but Chief Santos has been on the phone providing information.” Marcus studied her. “What about you? What’s next?”
“There are so many things to decide. I have to see if I can get out of my lease. Living in my apartment isn’t an option.”
“A fresh start sometimes helps.”
“All those people died and we’re expected to just go on?”
“Yes. We have to because they died. Survivor guilt is always hard.”
“I just don’t understand the why of it all.”
“Some things aren’t explainable.” Marcus set his cup on the side table. “I have some good news.”
“Tell me.”
“Tank expects to be released from the hospital next week. Dalton will drive him and his sister to the family ranch outside of Weatherford. But he’ll be back to work as soon as possible.”
“You guys never quit coming.”
“We can’t.” Marcus stood.
Tomas returned. He crossed the room in long strides and shook hands with Marcus.
“Marcus. You’re looking good.”
“Good to see you too.”
Tomas turned to her. A frown pulled his eyebrows together. “I believe somebody is looking for you.” He nodded his head in the direction of the doorway.
Her heart skipped a beat. Jake stood just outside the waiting room. A bandage circled his head, and he wore a hospital gown over his jeans. His gaze was locked on hers.
“I convinced the nurse to let him keep that stylish top.” Marcus leaned down close to her ear. “Tell him how you feel or he’ll walk away. There are times that you women have to hit us with the truth before we see it.” He handed her a set of keys. “I’m on the second level in slot B83. Chris will pick me up.”
“Check in with Kay for me?”
“Right away.”
Holly did her best not to run to Jake. Keeping her cool wasn’t easy. She wouldn’t do as Marcus suggested. Jake had to take that first step. Until then, she’d distance herself, protect her heart.
In the middle of the corridor, Jake pulled her against his chest. Holly had been functioning on adrenaline, and now that the excitement was over, her hands shook and her knees wanted to fold under her.
“How does it feel to have delivered a baby?” His words caressed the top of her head.
“I really didn’t do anything.” She heard her own voice quiver. “Kay’s water broke and the contractions came really fast.”
“You were there for her when she needed you. Your patients are lucky to have you.”
Holly leaned back and looked at him. Aside from the white bandage around his head, he looked good. The disheveled look made his angular features, square jaw, and sultry eyes even more intense. God had been in a good mood when he’d given Jake his looks. She thought the same thing every single time she looked at him.
“How’s the head?”
“Hurts a little. Nothing to worry about.” He grinned and his eyes sparkled. “I have a bald spot, right here.” He pointed to the side of his head and winced.
“Marcus gave me his keys. I’ll drive you back to Nate’s.”
“Are you sure you don’t want to see Kay first?” he asked before they exited the hospital.
“It’s an intimate time for her and Nate. They need this time together.” She shouldn’t be jealous, but the love Nate and Kay shared had always made Holly envious. That’s what she wanted, a love that would stand the test of time.
Jake was quiet as they walked to the car. He reached around her to open her door. “You’ve been through hell. How are you doing?”
“I’m wonderful.”
“Liar.” His blue eyes seemed to pierce through her outer layers and see what she was truly feeling.
Before she could say another word, he’d pulled her into his arms again. His hands rubbed up and down her back, and she forgot she’d been trying to distance herself from him.
“I’ll bet you were cool and calm.”
“Not at all. I was terrified something would happen to you or Nate.” Inside the circle of his arms, she relaxed, her tension vanished. “You saved our lives. How you remained conscious during what was going on is a miracle.”
“My stubbornness finally came in handy.”
“Don’t try to be humble with me. I knew you would keep me safe. That was the second time you threw a knife and saved my life.”
“I remember.”
“You do?” Holly’s heart soared for him. “Everything?”
“I think so.” Jake’s eyebrows pulled together.
“Get in. You need to get off your feet.” Maybe a parking garage wasn’t the ideal location to have this conversation, but if he wanted to talk…well, she’d sit here all night.
He nodded and closed her door. Her heart ached for him. His eyes had lost their usual brightness and were shadowed with pain, but talking about the kidnapping was the only way forward. Jake paused and rested his hand on the hood. Holly reached for the door handle but stopped. This mental trip had to be Jake’s decision, one only he could make. To accept his tumor had driven his actions was the path to self-forgiveness.
He straightened his shoulders, walked around to the passenger’s side, then got into the SUV. Holly turned in the seat to face him. Maybe today he’d put his demons to rest. She extended her hands and his icy cold fingers intertwined with hers. Jake’s gaze dropped and he seemed to study their joining.
Holly wasn’t a psychological counselor—maybe she had no business doing such a thing, but she refused to second-guess her ability. Jake deserved happiness, and she’d do whatever it took to help him.
“You can tell me.” She squeezed his hands gently and spoke softly. “You’re safe with me.”
His head shifted up and down in a small nod. “You’re the only one I can tell.” He lifted his gaze to meet hers and took a deep breath.
Holly smiled and waited, because now wasn’t the time for her to speak.
“I remember most of that last tour in Afghanistan when my helicopter was shot down. But not the rescue or the trip home. The next time I was cognizant of my surroundings, I’d been flown home to America and was in a hospital in Dallas. I heard male voices outside my room discussing performing surgery on my brain.”
“You had been unconscious during the few weeks prior to coming home.”
Jake closed his eyes for a long second. “My memory was a blank. I had no name. No past. I heard the doctors say that I could die on the operating table. I didn’t know about the tumor then, so nothing made sense; in my mind, they were going to kill me. I waited until I got a chance and ran. Ran into the early dawn, barefoot with my ass exposed. But I was running for my life.”
He paused, scanned the parking garage, and then pointed to the grassy area outside. “See those homeless people? Did you know some of them hang around hospitals? Lucky for me, a couple of homeless vets who’d come home as fucked up as me took me into their group. They clothed me, shared what little food they had, and I lived under the Baker overpass with them until one day, Mr. A stopped. He picked me out of the crowd and asked if I wanted to make a buck.”
“That was Anthony Walsh?”
“Yeah. He didn’t seem to care that I didn’t know my name. He liked my looks and called me Johnny Darling. All I had to do was follow orders. And I could do that. Next thing I knew, I had a new name, I had new clothes, and a fat paycheck. I became a hunter. A hunter of women. Women he and his si
ck-fuck of a son, Hank, auctioned off to the highest bidder.”
Jake’s grip on her fingers tightened. She inhaled sharply and he relaxed his hands.
“I’m sorry. Did I hurt you?”
Holly pulled a hand free, reached across, and cupped his check. “You have never hurt me. Scared the hell out of me but you never caused me pain.”
He made a sound of disgust, blowing air from his lungs and shaking his head. “Business was booming, until Hank started snorting cocaine and deciding to “sample the wares” as he called it. He raped and beat up a teenager, then left the door unlocked, assuming she was dead. But she managed to escape with his signet ring, a fancy ring his dad had designed and crafted by a jeweler who could identify its owner. I searched everywhere for that ring. I finally learned that Kay Wolfe was the last person to see her alive at the hospital.” Jake’s chest rose and fell hard. He closed his eyes and rubbed them vigorously as if trying to see into the past. “How could I have been a part of that? I should have remembered Kay. We’d been part of Wolfe’s Pack in college. Close friends. But the tumor…well, she was nothing more than a problem to be eliminated. Somehow I found her and….”
Jake pulled his hand away and wiped a bead of sweat from his forehead. Was he shutting down? As painful as this had to be, Holly couldn’t let him stop. “But Kay had protection. Nate had called Ty Castillo and Marcus Ricci to come help solve the mystery. So you kidnapped her best friend.”
“Oh God.” Jake dropped his head into his hands. “Yeah. I took you right out of your bed.”
“Not to kill me, to trade for the ring.” Tears brimmed in her eyes at the pain she was forcing on him. Still she pushed. “I never believed you’d kill me.”
“Don’t you get it? There was never going to be a swap. The minute Hank’s ring was in my possession, I was to kill you and Kay.”
“But you didn’t.”
“Somehow, someway, you reached a part of me the tumor didn’t control. The part that was still human. Still Jake Donovan. Nobody was going to hurt one hair on your head.”
Jake reached over and picked up a stray curl that had escaped her ponytail earlier. His eyes reflected pain and exhaustion. Even his smile seemed weary. Emotionally drained, he needed a break. Her heart twisted in her chest as tears slid unchecked from her eyes.
“Jake, I’m so happy for you. Maybe now you’ll stop punishing yourself.”
“I had heard it all before, back when I had to get square with the law. But fragments of what happened came and went.” He brushed the tears from her cheeks. “I have to admit that actually remembering what happened is a lot better than hearing.”
“Let’s get you back to the bunkhouse. You can rest while I clean up the safe room.”
“I’ll rest later. Maybe I’ll help you.”
“I think you’ll find that bending over isn’t an option for you. The numbness and medication will wear off soon. You will go to bed as soon as we get to the bunkhouse.”
Holly fought back the urge to confess her feelings. He needed to heal, to accept, to go forward. She’d always love the man she’d gotten to know in the country. The man who cared for his livestock with a love for all living things. The man who’d made love to her in the barn. He’d won her heart and she wanted to spend the rest of her life with him. But she tucked her emotions away and started the SUV.
****
Within the week, Jake was almost back to normal, successfully making daily runs around the indoor track without a headache. Nate was home, bossing everyone around and back to his old self. Holly kept busy helping Kay with the baby, doing the grocery shopping, and cooking for the four of them. Today she and Kay had gone apartment hunting.
Regardless of how Jake felt, he and Holly were from two different worlds. Even if he talked her into living in the country, how long would it take before she resented sweating in the sun while tending to livestock when she could be using her talent to care for the sick? He couldn’t bear seeing pain in her eyes.
Watching the nurses in the emergency room, Jake had finally understood Holly’s passion for helping people. Her soft, loving nature would flourish in a hospital setting.
The time had come to gather his belongings and go home. The investigation on Ivan Garza’s death was closed, and Jake was free to leave town. But he couldn’t just disappear on her. Tonight, he’d have the talk with her.
He waited to join her until she made her nightly trip to pet Daisy. Holly had gone inside the pen and was perched on the edge of the lounger. Daisy’s head was in her lap. He stopped and took a picture with his mind. This was the way he’d remember her.
“I wondered when you were going to give me the talk,” she said, drawing him out of the shadows.
Jake didn’t go inside the enclosure for fear he wouldn’t be able to keep his hands off her. “It’s time for me to go home.”
“It doesn’t matter that I love you?” She lifted her chin in defiance, firing a spear with her eyes.
“Sure it does. It’s something I will cherish until the day I die. But your life is here, and I can’t turn my back on the ranch. We both knew we didn’t work from the start.”
She stood and walked to the fence. “Look me in the eye and tell me that you don’t love me.”
His heart crumbled in his chest. “I can’t. I won’t. But part of loving you means I have to let you live your life.” His fingers itched to touch her cheek one last time. He didn’t. “Claude is picking up me and Daisy in the morning.”
Her eyebrows lifted. “So you had this all planned out before our little talk.” She held up her hand to stop him from answering. She turned away, walking back to Daisy. “Then you don’t mind if I stay out here with her for a while longer.”
“Stay as long as you like.” Jake swallowed the lump in his throat, turned on his heel, and went into the house. He’d say good-bye to Nate and Kay tonight and leave without fanfare in the morning.
****
Holly watched from the guest room window until Claude’s pickup was out of sight. Jake loved her but didn’t want her. She sank into the corner chair, pulling her knees up under her chin. Tears ran down her cheeks.
“I can’t believe you let him get away with that.” Kay entered the room, placing the baby in the middle of the bed.
“He made his choice.”
“No. He made your choice without even having a conversation with you. Since when do you let any man make your decisions?”
“What was I supposed to do? Demand he ask me to come with him?”
“He really believes that you’d come to hate him.”
“How do you know that? Did you two discuss it?”
Kay pulled the footstool over in front of the chair and sat. “You forget that Jake and I were friends long before I met you. We were the youngest of Wolfe’s Pack, so we always had each other’s backs. I think Jake filled a void made by my brother’s death.”
“I wish he’d be as comfortable talking to me.”
“Then give him a few days and go to him.”
“I sign the lease on my apartment tomorrow.”
“Take my advice,” Nate said from the door. “Don’t sign anything until Jake understands that you want to live in Murdock, Texas. That is if you do.” Nate stepped in, lifted the baby and carried him from the room.
“I’ll go too. Nobody can decide for you. But I’ve seen the way Jake looks at you. He loves you. Believe me—Kay glanced toward the hall—I know what true love looks like.”
****
Holly picked up the phone for the third time. This time, she dialed the number and waited, hoping Alice answered. She was going to see through Holly’s pretext of checking on Jake’s injury, but it was the best she could do. “Alice. This is Holly.”
“Hello, sweetheart. I’m glad you called.”
“I…” Holly’s words stuck in her throat. “How’s Jake’s head?”
“His head is fine. It’s his heart that I worry about. He’s been growling and snapping at every
thing that moves. You two must have had a whopper of a fight.”
“No fight. I love him, but…” Again words failed her.
“He loves you too. So what’s the problem?”
“He thinks I’ll hate the ranch, and in turn, I’ll eventually hate him.”
“Is he right?”
“No. Not even a little bit. I love the ranch.”
“Then do something about it. Holly, sometimes you gotta take the bull by the horns. Pardon the pun. But it’s especially true with men.”
“I keep hearing that same sermon from friends.”
“Must be something to it then.”
“Must be.” Holly’s heart was lighter just talking with Alice.
“Claude and I have moved the wedding date up a week. I was just making out your invitation. I’d like for you to come.”
“I don’t know if Jake will want me there.”
“Bull. He hasn’t been happy for one second since he got home.”
“I’ll be there.”
CHAPTER 29
Holly’s nerves were tied in knots as she battled back the fear of rejection. What if he didn’t want to see her? What if he turned her away? Would he give her a chance to prove she loved the ranch? She pulled her emotions in check. Reminded herself to tell Jake the truth and speak from the heart.
She drove across the cattle guard at the ranch with hands wet from nerves.
Alice stepped onto the porch and waved. Holly scanned the grounds but Jake was nowhere in sight. She parked in front of the house and walked into Alice’s embrace.
“Welcome home,” Alice said.
“Thank you. Does he know I’m coming?”
“Wasn’t my place to tell him. He’s in the corral behind the equipment barn. He’s riding Duchess and teaching Hollywood to lead.”
Holly frowned. “Hollywood?”
“The colt. He’s decided to keep him. He was probably planning to geld him for you as your horse.”
Tears rushed to the surface. “He named him Hollywood?”
“Yep. Wonder where he got that name?” Alice winked and took Holly’s suitcase. “Now go on. He’s due a nice surprise.”
No Greater Hell (Lost and Found, Inc. Book 4) Page 24