“What wouldn't he do?” Portia asked.
“No idea.”
“You almost went home today, didn't you?”
Jim nodded.
“You know what?”
“What?” Jim asked.
“I'm glad you didn't.”
Portia had Jim's gaze for long enough that Jim felt uncomfortable and looked away.
“Forget her,” Portia said.
“I can't. She said she loved me her whole life. And she's gone for a month and she does this to me? I hate her. I can't forget her. I hate her.”
Portia's face was full of sympathy when he looked back at her.
“I felt the same way about stupid Trevor,” she said. “I mean, fuck, I lost my virginity with him.” She glanced at Jim, looking guilty. “You know, he would say things when we would hang out with our friends. Stuff like, 'Oh, I know everywhere where Portia's ticklish.' It was terrible. I couldn't understand why it couldn't have just been between us, why it couldn't just be something special for us. He had to show it off. And then, worse, he fucked stupid Monica Parker after I left. Like not even a month after I left. I guess I can't blame him. We both knew I wasn't coming back. I guess I'm glad he found someone else. But it still hurt.”
“Why are you telling me this?”
“Because I want you to know that I have feelings, too. I know what you're going through. I've had my heart broken. I've had things taken from me, that I willingly gave, and they were crushed and broken apart. That I'm falling for you and I'm scared that you won't be able to let yourself fall for me, too, and I don't want to get hurt again.”
“You're scared that I'm going to hurt you?” Jim couldn't believe it. He still thought that in the dating world, the women had all the power, that they were the gatekeepers that could grant him access or shun him. That a girl would be scared to admit that she liked him hadn't ever occurred to him.
Portia nodded. “I like you, Jim.”
“I like you, too.”
“But you're still mad at Jennifer.”
“Yeah. I am.”
“I'm not sure you can love me if you're still mad at her. I think I read on a t-shirt once that the opposite of love isn't hate. It's apathy. And you really do hate her right now,” Portia said.
“So I can't kiss you until I don't care about her anymore?” Jim asked.
“Don't be an idiot,” Portia said. “Of course you can. But you make the move when you're ready. I've been chasing you, not really knowing if you wanted me to.”
“I want you to.”
“I wasn't sure. I knew you were still hung up on Jennifer. And sometimes going after the guy who's hung up on another girl is a safe bet, because you know that when you get rejected, it's her fault, not yours.”
“You're a sophomore and I'm a freshman. Won't it, like, lower your social standings in a new school to date a freshman?”
“I don't care,” Portia said. “Fuck 'em. Besides, wouldn't it raise your 'social standings',” Portia made exaggerated air quotes, “to have a girlfriend who can drive?”
“You can't drive.”
“But I'm in drivers ed.”
“But you don't have a license!”
“Yet!” Portia laughed. “You're missing the point, dummy!”
“I'm not a dummy.”
“I know. I was just teasing.” She put her hand on top of his. “Does it bother you that I'm not a virgin?”
“Does it bother you that I am?” Jim asked.
“No.”
“Me, neither.”
“Before we do anything,” Portia said, “because I really want you to kiss me, like, right now… Before we start anything, I need to know. If she came back from boarding school right now and she tried to kiss you, what would you do?”
Jim took a deep breath and let it out slowly. He bit his lower lip and looked at the setting sun. He didn't answer her for a long time. “I hate her too much to kiss her. I'd never kiss her again after what she did to me.”
“Do you mean that, or are you just telling me that to make me feel better?”
“Until yesterday, the only person in my life who I really hated was my dad. And even him, I knew that he only ran away because he didn't know what to do with me. He needed my mom too much. But Gen… I can't forgive her. Not ever.”
They sat quietly together for a while, watching the sun go down. Portia scooted next to Jim to be close to him, to feel his warmth in the cool November evening.
“I'm on birth control, you know,” she whispered to him.
“What if I'm not ready?”
“I've never met a boy who wasn't ready.”
“I'm not.”
“I was kidding,” she said. “Sorry, it was a stupid joke.”
“I know.” He turned from the sunset to look at Portia. “I've never seen you look so nervous before.”
“That's because this is the first time I've ever been nervous with you.” She scooted closer to him, wrapped her arms around his arm and put her cheek on his shoulder. “Don't talk anymore. Let's just watch the sunset.”
Jim nodded and kissed the top of Portia's head. Her hair smelled like strawberries.
chapter 22
Hope recoiled visibly at the sight of the Bridge. She backed away from it until she bumped into the wall. “No,” she said.
Shae flew to her side. “Hope? Are you okay?”
“No.” Hope shook her head. “No.”
Herron ran over to her and put his hands on her shoulders. “Hope. Hope, look at me.”
She didn't take her eyes off the decrepit bronze oval. Neither did Gen.
Hope flew quickly from the cavern back into the tunnel. Shae and Herron shared a worried look. Shae started to go after her but Herron shook his head.
“Gen needs to talk to her,” he whispered.
“She's going to try to go back out into the storm!” Shae said.
“Is something bad going to happen to her out there?”
“No,” Shae pouted. “But she still shouldn't be out there.”
“Let her go.” Herron turned. “Gen?”
“Yeah?” Gen said absently, still staring at the Bridge. It was against the wall of the cavern, nearly to the ceiling. Six thick, tarnished copper wires were attached to each side of the frame and led up to the ceiling, through a hole, and out of sight above her.
“You okay?”
“Yeah. I'm fine.” Gen turned around slowly. “Where's Hope?”
“She left,” Shae said.
“Back out there? Back into the storm?”
Shae nodded. Gen zipped out of the cavern and down the tunnel after Hope.
She was standing at the mouth of the cave, looking out at the storm. She heard Gen approaching behind her and turned around. She shook her head. Tears poured down her face.
“Hope? What's wrong?”
Hope shook her head stubbornly. The wind outside howled and blew her hair viciously around her face. “Now that you know this is here, you're going to leave. You're going to leave me just like she did.” Hope yelled but Gen could still barely hear her over the wind.
“No,” Gen yelled back. “I'm not going anywhere without you.” She looked back up the tunnel. “I promise. I'm not going anywhere. Not without you.”
“I've heard that before.”
“You can't blame me for what she did!” Gen shouted.
“This isn't your world, Gen! And your home is on the other side of that thing!”
“My home is with you.”
“We'll see when we're done in The Void. We'll see how long it takes you to come back here.” Hope narrowed her eyes at Gen, then flew outside into the storm.
“Hope!” Gen called after her. She rushed to the mouth of the cave. The rain was so heavy, Gen couldn't see at all where Hope had gone.
Gen walked slowly through the tunnel back to the cavern. Shae and Herron were spreading their bedrolls on the ground. A pot was steaming on the heatstone.
“She'll be back,” Shae sai
d. “You'd better get her some dry clothes. She'll be completely soaked when she comes back.”
“Yeah. Good idea.” Gen's voice was flat, monotone. She opened Hope's pack and took another outfit from it and set them near the heatstone. “Like underwear fresh out of the dryer,” she said quietly.
“What?” Herron asked.
“Never mind. I'm going to bed.” Gen tucked herself into her bedroll and turned away from Shae and Herron, pulling the blanket up over her head. She faced the Bridge and she could see it through a gap in the blanket. She stared at it for a long time until she fell asleep.
When Gen woke up, Shae and Herron were each sleeping, separately, near the heatstone. She looked around the cave but Hope wasn't there. Her wet clothes were spread out next to the heatstone and the clothes Gen had lain out for her were gone.
Gen stood up and stretched and walked down the tunnel to the mouth of the cave. Hope sat on a stone with a blanket wrapped around her, looking out at the rain. Her short, white hair was wet and plastered to the sides of her face.
“Hi,” Gen said.
“Hi.” Hope didn't turn around.
“Are you okay?”
“I'm fine,” Hope said. “Please, go back to sleep. I just need some space.”
“Can I kiss you goodnight before I leave you alone?”
Hope turned to look at her. “If it will make you feel better.”
“Will it make you feel better?”
“No.”
“Why are you so mad? I didn't do anything.”
“Because it all came to me when we saw the Bridge. How you don't belong here. How once everything calmed down and you and I… How I knew that I had you and I didn't have to worry about never seeing you again.”
“You still don't have to worry about that.” Gen took a step closer.
“Please,” Hope said.
“Sorry.” Gen took a step back.
“Good night, Gen.” Hope turned away again and watched the rain.
Gen looked at Hope and felt helpless. A brilliant flash of lightning outside seemed brighter than sunlight. Gen's heart skipped when it lit illuminated Hope's features for a moment.
“You're beautiful,” Gen whispered.
Hope turned to face her. Another bright flash of lightning from outside bathed her in a brilliant blue-white glow for an instant. Hope started to say something, but the first word, “You—” left her lips, a deafening boom of thunder drowned her out.
Hope looked back outside and Gen stepped quietly next to her, being careful not to touch her or crowd her. There was another great clap of thunder. It was so loud, Gen felt it through her body.
“The lightning must be hitting pretty close to here,” Gen said.
“Gen?” Shae cried out from the tunnel behind them.
Hope and Gen both turned around. Shae's expression was fearful and her face was pale, noticeable even in the glow of the lightstone.
“You'd better come see this,” Shae said.
Gen glanced at Hope. Hope looked back at her. The anger had left her eyes. She looked tired and concerned now. Gen held her hand out and Hope took it. They hurried through the tunnel to the cavern.
The runes on the stone platform were bright enough to light up the entire chamber, but they seemed much brighter reflecting from the perfect, smooth mirror behind them. Herron stood back from the now active Bridge. He glanced at the women as they entered the cavern, then back at the Bridge.
Hope's grip tightened on Gen's hand. “It's active.”
“It must have gotten energy from the lightning,” Gen said. “One point twenty one jigawatts.”
“What?” Shae asked.
“Never mind.” Gen looked curiously at the Bridge and started to approach it. Hope didn't move and didn't let go of Gen's hand. Gen looked at Hope's reflection in the mirror. Hope's features were hard and cold. Her lips were a tight, thin line and her eyes were narrowed.
“Please don't do this,” Hope said.
Gen faced her.
“You're the only one who can bring back The Caverns, The Meadows. All those fairies need saving. They need you. Please.” Hope looked at the Bridge, then down at the ground. “Please, don't leave me.”
“If I did go through, I'd take you with me.”
“Out of my world? Into a world where I'm tiny and inconsequential and powerless to do anything for myself? You'd do that to me?” Hope shouted. She let go of Gen's hand and turned away from her. “I thought you...” She stopped talking.
Herron looked hard at Gen. “You're the only one who can save them. But this Bridge won't be active for very long, I think. I think you're right: it's powered by the storm. The Foothills don't get many storms like this. If you really are going to go back, I don't blame you at all. But she's right. You are the only one who can bring those Realms back.”
Gen turned back to Hope, but she was gone. “Hope?” Gen called after her. There was no response.
“She doesn't want to say goodbye again,” Shae said.
Another rumble of thunder boomed outside. Gen looked back at the Bridge.
“How long is this storm going to last?” Gen asked Shae.
“I don't know. At least another couple of hours.”
“Please, Gen,” Herron started.
“Just give me a god damn minute, okay?” Gen snapped. “You know what this means? It means I'm not stuck here. I'm not trapped. I can go home.”
“And now you have to make a choice about it,” Shae said. “Now that it's an option, you have to decide.”
“What do I do?” Gen asked.
“I can't make that decision for you.” Shae approached Gen and hugged her tightly. “I'm going to go be with Hope. If you leave, I wish you all the best. You've been a good friend and you did a really good thing bringing back The Marsh.” She kissed Gen on the cheek. “Good luck.” Then she flew down the tunnel.
Gen stood with Herron and started at the Bridge. “You remember when we went through the Bridge the first time?”
“I remember when I went through the Bridge with Ivy,” Herron said. “I was mostly unconscious when you brought me through.”
“I was thinking about when we... when you and Ivy, I mean... Went through. I remember it like it was me.”
“Your world is a terrifying place. Scarier than any of the Realms I've been to and nearly as bad as The Void.”
“Really?”
“Really. But it is your world.” Herron took Gen's hand and kissed it. “You do what you need to do. No one will blame you.”
“Hope will.”
“Yeah, you're right. She will. But she'll live.”
“What if I can't live without her?” Gen asked.
“Then your choice is made.”
“But what if there's not another storm for months, for years, or ever, powerful enough to turn this thing back on?”
Herron left go of her hand. “Like Shae said, you have to decide. I'll leave you alone. But, Gen?”
“Yeah?”
“I'll understand.” He left Gen alone in the cavern.
She walked up the stone steps and stood on the dais, then reached out and touched the mirror. Her fingers dipped into it and the surface of the mirror rippled. She looked at the tunnel. It was too dark for her to see into it.
She turned back to her reflection. “They've already said their goodbyes,” she said to herself. “Everyone except for Hope. And she won't.”
She continued to stare at herself in the mirror. She had changed so much that she almost didn't recognize herself. Her wings, her clothes, her features. She brushed her brown hair over the tips of her ears, looking at the new shape of them, tall and coming to a delicate point at the top.
“Who are you anymore?” she asked her reflection. No answer came, but she her decision.
-
Hope cried and watched the sun come up. It was still raining but the wind and the lightning had died away. She felt empty and alone. Herron sat on the cave floor, leaning against the wall, s
leeping. Shae sat on the floor, leaning against the stone Hope sat on. Shae's head rested on Hope's knee as she slept.
Hope wanted to go to the cavern and find out for sure that Gen was gone, but she couldn't do it. It had been a few hours since she'd come out here. If Gen was staying, she thought, she would have come and gotten me.
Hope gently moved Shae's head off of her leg. Shae murmured in her sleep and adjusted her position to rest her cheek against the smooth stone Hope was sitting on. She stood up. She was starving, but terrified to go back into the cavern.
“You have to find out some time,” she mumbled to herself. She walked slowly up the tunnel. A cold wave of fear washed through her, lingering in her hands and her stomach. When she reached the cavern, she saw that the Bridge was closed once again. Its surface was back to the dull, spotted and aged sheet of opaque silver. The brilliant, perfect mirror was gone, the runes were no longer glowing, and the cavern was mostly dark again. The only light in the room came from the heatstone and the two lightstones on the floor next to it.
Gen's bedroll was empty and Hope's breath caught in her chest.
“Don't cry.” The voice was faint. Hope turned toward it. She picked up one of the lightstones and walked into the dark corner of the cave.
Gen sat against the wall, arms wrapped around her knees. Her eyes were puffy and red.
“You've been crying,” Hope said.
Gen nodded. “So have you.”
Hope sat down next to Gen. “I thought you left us.”
“I couldn't do that.”
“But you left him.”
Gen didn't answer.
Hope scooted closer to Gen and put her arms around her. “I'm so glad you're still here. I thought I'd never see you again. I thought I'd come in here and you'd be gone forever.”
Gen leaned her head against Hope's.
“Gen?”
“Yeah?”
“How could you leave him but you couldn't leave me? I thought you loved Jim.”
“I did.”
“You don't anymore?”
Gen was silent again.
“What about leaving your world? Your home?”
“I already told you, my home is with you. This is my world. That part of my life,” Gen said, “is over. I belong here, with you. And this is where I'm going to stay.”
The Void Hunters (Realmwalker Book 2) Page 16