To Jake’s relief, they reached the line shack before dark the second day. Charlie McGee was there waiting. He’d been ordered to bring supplies up to the cabin when Jake and Lloyd left with the others to find Randy.
“Oh my God,” he muttered when the two men arrived, a bundle of something in Jake’s arms. He knew who it had to be. He was glad they’d found Randy, but the way Jake held her and the way she was silently curled against him didn’t look good. He glanced at Lloyd.
“I’ll explain when we leave,” Lloyd told him. “Did you bring everything?”
“Yes, sir. There’s plenty of wood stacked inside, lots of canned goods, pots and pans, a small barrel of water, and even flour and whatever she might need if she wants to make some of that famous bread. We didn’t know, but maybe after whatever happened she’d feel better if she could bake or something.” He shrugged. “Hell, I don’t know. We even brought up a Dutch oven. I waited here to make sure somebody showed up. I’m glad to see you and Jake are okay.”
Lloyd dismounted, and Jake handed Randy down to him. “Thanks, Charlie. Did you bring extra clothes? Blankets?”
“Yes, sir. And I’ve got a good fire goin’. I slept on the floor so’s not to mess up the—” He glanced at Jake as Jake dismounted. “Well, I just didn’t want to mess things up is all.” He hurried up the steps to open the door for Lloyd, who carried his mother inside. Jake paused to light a cigarette. “Take care of my horse, Charlie. Is there feed in that shed over there?”
“Yes, sir. We thought of pretty much everything. There’s some ammunition inside, too, both for your rifle and your .44s, just in case you need them. Hell, a storm could come over the mountains and bury you here. You might need to hunt for your food or fend off a bear.”
“Yeah, well, you might not see us for a while either way.” He took a deep drag on the cigarette. “You ride back with Lloyd. The last thing I need right now is to get home and find out something happened to him on the way home. It’s none too early for grizzlies to be out snooping around, and wolves are pretty hungry after a long winter.”
“Yes, sir. I hear them howling every night.”
Jake thought how he’d heard wolves howling before dark a time or two last fall. It wasn’t normal to hear wolves in the daytime, and the sound had seemed so ominous. Now he knew why.
“You okay, Jake? Midnight kicked you pretty hard the night of the fire, and God knows what’s happened since. Ain’t my business.”
“I’m all right…physically.” He kept the cigarette between his lips. “They’re all dead, in case you’re wondering. And they were never here. Understand?”
Charlie nodded, scratching at a several-days’-old stubble on his face. “I kinda figured that.”
Jake studied the man. Charlie wasn’t all that old. He was of medium build and inconsequential looks—just another ranch hand. “I don’t know a damn thing about you, Charlie, and I don’t want to know. You could be a damn bank robber, or maybe you ran off with some man’s wife. It doesn’t matter to me. I read a man pretty good, and I’m glad to know I was right about you being one of the good ones. I know better than anybody that a man’s past doesn’t mean a damn thing in the present. Thanks for hanging around and making sure of all this.”
Charlie grinned a little. “Actually, it’s the latter.”
“What’s that?”
“I did run off with another man’s wife, but she went back. I kept all the money we stole from him, though. Somewhere out there is a real pissed-off husband who’d like to beat the hell out of me.”
Jake grinned. “Well, you’re safe on the J&L.”
Charlie sobered. “She wasn’t nothin’ like that woman in there, Jake. Not many women are like her. The shape the missus is in, I expect somethin’ bad happened, and you gotta know that every man back home is hopin’ she’ll be okay and wishin’ they could have had a hand in dealin’ with them that hurt her. It won’t never be brought up in front of her, and nobody’s gonna say anything about them bein’ here. You don’t need no more of that kind of trouble.”
Lloyd came out onto the porch. He lit his own cigarette. “She’s already sleeping again. I laid her on the bed, and she was out like a snuffed lantern.” He came down the steps. “Charlie, let’s put up Midnight, and you and I can get some riding in yet before it’s completely dark. We can be back home by midday tomorrow. Right now, I’m real anxious to see my Katie.”
Charlie grinned again. “Sure can’t blame you there. You Harkner men sure know how to pick ’em. Are the boys okay?”
“They’re good,” Lloyd told him. “Still bruised up, but we let them help in their own way, and I think that made them feel better about this whole thing.” He came all the way down the steps. “They’re in a bit of trouble, though, that’s going to take some discipline. Little Jake decided to sneak off with one of Cole’s extra six-guns and tried to join in the shoot-out. Brian is pretty upset with him.”
“I’ll bet! That kid is Jake reborn. He’s going to be a handful for poor Brian and Evie.”
“Yeah, well, Cole isn’t happy he took that gun. I think he put the scare into Little Jake. The kid won’t be trying something like that again anytime soon.” Lloyd took a drag on his cigarette. “Go ahead and tend to Midnight, will you?”
“Oh, sure!”
Jake took his saddlebags and bedroll from Midnight, along with his rifle. Charlie walked the horse to a nearby shed, and Jake turned to Lloyd. “You be careful going back.”
Lloyd nodded. “I’m going to send someone up here every couple of days just to make sure you and Mom are still okay.”
“I’m a big boy, Lloyd. We’ll be fine.”
“Just the same. This can be mean country this time of year. And if something happens to Midnight, you’d be on foot. Besides that, by the time you come home, you’ll need an extra horse, so I’ll have somebody bring one up, along with more supplies.”
“You reassure Evie that your mother will be all right. I hate for her to have to revisit something like this. You tell her that if anybody can make things better for Randy Harkner, it’s me. And tell her I’m okay. I’m not going to go crazy or anything.”
Lloyd smiled sadly. “You’re doing better than I thought you would. This is when you usually leave. You stay with her and be strong for her. You can’t leave this time, thinking she’s better off—and she can’t see any fear or doubt in your eyes. She has to see the man—the man. Not the terrified, sorry little boy that shows in your eyes sometimes. She knows you like a book, Pa, and if she thinks for one minute you’re blaming yourself for this or you’re going into that dark place, she’ll be devastated. When you’re like that, she’s the one who has to be strong, and right now she’s not strong, so you have to be! Do you know what I’m saying?”
Jake smiled a little. “You getting ready to hit me again?”
“I will if I have to beat some sense into you. I know how you think sometimes, but you have to rise above that…for her. This is not your fault. It’s not my fault. It’s not anyone’s fault. It just…is, and you can make it better. You’re the only one who can bring her around.”
Jake took one last drag on the cigarette, then threw it down and stepped it out. “Go home to Katie, Lloyd. Your mother and I will be fine.”
Lloyd just stood there a minute. “You’re sure?”
“I’m sure.”
Lloyd’s eyes teared. “You’ve lived one hell of a tough life, Jake Harkner. Not many men have been as beat up and dragged around their whole goddamn life like you have. Don’t think I don’t understand how sometimes it’s hard as hell to climb out of all the shit and see the good. You think Mom is your rock, but you’re the foundation of her strength. She needs you way more than you’ve ever realized. I’ve seen it in her eyes and heard it in her voice the times she thought she might lose you. And truth be known…” His voice broke on the words, and he turned away, he
ading for his horse. “I don’t know what I’d do without you either.” He mounted up. “You can be such a pain in the ass sometimes, Pa, but I’ll be damned if I can ever stay mad at you.” He turned his horse. “Tell Charlie he’ll have to catch up. You take care of my mother. And you remember that the best revenge is to love her and take her back. They couldn’t change that, Pa. Revenge can be sweet, and it doesn’t always mean needing a gun.”
Lloyd rode off, and Jake watched after him, wondering how in hell he’d produced such a wise and solid son. The last three days he’d so lovingly helped take care of Randy tore at his heart. One thing is sure, he thought. When something does happen to me, Randy Harkner will be in damn good hands.
He turned and looked at the cabin door. He was alone in this. Randy was in there, and she needed him like never before. He said a rare, quick prayer for the strength he would need. Just put the right words in my mouth, Lord. I don’t pray often, but I’m doing it now. Evie says you even listen to men like me, so I’m counting on that.
He thought about the last time they were here, how happy they were, how sweet the lovemaking was, how they’d teased each other. I don’t just love you, he’d told her. I worship you. I adore you. She’d loved hearing that. And he’d meant every damn word.
Forty-three
For four days, Randy mostly slept…and slept. Jake literally had to wake her up and make her eat and drink something, but she was unnervingly quiet. She’d turned to saying almost nothing, and when he pressed her to talk, she’d turn away and curl into the blankets. When she had to urinate, he picked her up and carried her out to the privy, which to his relief he could tell Charlie had scrubbed. It warmed his heart to think what the men thought of Randy.
Most of the time, Randy’s only words were “Don’t let go of me.” So Jake slept with her, holding her close. He dared to get up only when he was sure she was in a deep sleep and wouldn’t cry out for him. His inner struggle made his chest hurt. Lloyd was gone, and there was no one with whom to share this agony. Always before, this was about himself or someone else, and he could always turn to Randy for comfort and support.
This time it was about Randy, and there was no one to lean on. In all his years of ruthless handling of men, he’d never felt so helpless. It was up to him now to face this worst hurt and devastation on his own. It was his turn to be the emotionally strong one, and that was one area in which he’d never felt strong.
He was alone with his thoughts, alone against the blackness that tried to destroy his will. There was nothing to do but stoke the fire, make more coffee, smoke, and, once in a while, tend to Midnight. The only thing left to pass the time was to read, and his very clever, conniving, Christian daughter had made sure the only thing around for that was a Bible. Jake knew it was her way of loving him and trying to show him the only answer was to turn to God and the Good Book.
Reluctantly, he picked it up and thumbed through it, grinning at knowing Evie could be as mischievous and cunning as he could—or Lloyd—or Little Jake—but in a much different way. She was so much stronger than people gave her credit for, and it was this book that gave her that strength. He wondered if it could do the same for him. For years, he’d fought the goodness Evie swore existed in his soul. His father’s railings about how worthless he was had never left him and probably never would, but it was nice to think others saw that little bit of worth in him—and no one believed in him more than Evie…and Randy. Now he didn’t know what to do with the one woman with whom he’d been so intimate for so many years—this woman who now was shutting him out when she wasn’t begging him not to let go of her.
What did that mean? Don’t let go of me. He was beginning to think she meant more than not letting go of her physically. Maybe she meant that she didn’t want him to let go of the Randy she was before all of this…the Randy who gave herself to him so willingly and freely and with such desire and pleasure…and with so much love.
Revenge is sweet, Lloyd had told him, and it doesn’t always mean needing a gun.
Jake opened the Bible, not even sure why. Damned if Evie didn’t get to him even when she wasn’t around. The Bible practically fell open to the Book of Ruth. He felt completely inept at this and didn’t want Randy to catch him reading it, but when he glanced at her, damned if she wasn’t lying there, watching him. She held his gaze.
“Perhaps what I’ve been through is making me hallucinate,” she told him, her voice weak. “I could swear my husband is reading the Bible.”
Jake grinned, wondering if he dared think she was getting some of her spunk back.
“Well, all you do is sleep, and it’s snowing out, so I’m getting restless and bored. I had to do something, and our very devious daughter made sure a Bible was the only book included in the supplies they brought up here. I’d gladly read Hawthorne or Dickens or one of those other fancy books you always talk about.”
“Is that so? Why don’t you tell me the real reason you’re reading that book?”
He watched her closely. God help me say the right things. He shrugged. “Evie always says that when she has a problem or is feeling down, she prays about it and then picks this thing up and reads the first thing she turns to. It almost always helps her find the answer.”
“You prayed?”
“Maybe.”
Randy smiled a little. “There’s no maybe to that question, Jake. You did pray.”
“You think you know everything about me, but you don’t know half of it.”
“I guess that’s one of the secrets you keep that we talked about.”
“I guess so.”
“And what’s the first Bible passage you turned to?”
He struggled not to break down. He wanted to rush over and grab her close and beg her to come back to him in spirit. “Well, I’m not so sure it was a chance thing. I can tell Evie bent this back a little too much so it would fall open to this spot, the Book of Ruth. On top of that, she underlined something.” Was she really studying him lovingly? What the hell was he supposed to do?
“Read it, Jake.”
He sighed again and ran a hand through his hair. “It’s, uh, right in the first chapter, verse sixteen.”
Randy knew the verse and spoke it for him. “And Ruth said, Intreat me not to leave thee, or to return from following after thee: for whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God. Where thou diest, will I die, and there will be buried: the Lord do so to me, and more also, if ought but death part thee and me.”
Jake closed the Bible and set it aside. He just sat there, leaning forward, saying nothing.
“That’s how I’ve always felt, Jake. All the times you tried to leave, I wanted to go with you. You’ve never understood that a hard life with you meant so much more to me than an easy one without you. I think Evie wanted you to read that because she knows that no matter what happens, we belong together. We have followed each other to hell and back, and here we are…just you and me. Some day when one of us dies, the other will die soon after, because we can’t be without each other. And we’ll be buried…right up here at this line shack…where we can see the J&L below us.” Her voice broke, and she put a shaking hand to her mouth.
“Talk about it, Randy.” Jake didn’t make a move toward her. “All these years you’ve told me I shouldn’t keep things inside—that I should talk about it. It took me years to finally open up about my father to you—years longer to open up about him to Lloyd and Evie—even longer to tell the grandkids. Don’t let this fester and change you from the vibrant, joyful, gracious woman I’ve lived with for the last thirty years.”
She jerked with sobs. “I just…want you to make it…go away.”
He still didn’t move, petrified he’d break the spell. “Tell me how. I don’t want to do one thing you aren’t ready for or one thing that will make you retreat back into that shell.”
“Randy!” He spoke her name firmly. “There is a big difference between just feeling good and feeling…I don’t know…satisfied in so many other ways. I’d never use you like that! In all these years, I’ve never used you just to feel good. It’s always been so much more. Even that first time in that wagon, I felt crazy with the want of you—all of you—the whole woman. I knew how dangerous it was to feel like that for a woman I didn’t deserve. If it was just to feel good, I could have left and done that at any brothel, but it was so much more than that. I didn’t want it to be just a good time with a lonely widow woman. That’s why I fought it. That’s why I tried to make you hate me. I knew that if I gave in to those feelings, I’d be lost forever, and you’d learn what hell is like, and you were too good and sweet for that. Hell was me! And once I gave in to that weak moment, I knew the least I could do was always make it special and beautiful and that I would never do anything with you that you wouldn’t like or anything that would make you feel used or disgraced or dishonored. Every time I touch you, it’s because I honor you and need you and adore you and love you more than my own life.”
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