by Lucy Clark
‘Don’t get me wrong,’ he added quickly. ‘I think the work you do here is brilliant. You’re well respected, you’re highly skilled and Adelaide Mercy is lucky to have someone like you in charge of their NICU, but there’s still more you could learn.’ He leaned in a little closer, closing the distance between them, wanting to get his point cross. ‘I could teach you.’ His tone had dropped a level and the look in his eyes was more intimate than professional.
She was sure he could teach her, and not just about surgery! The way this man made her feel was something she’d never felt before. With Bradley, the love she had thought would last a lifetime had run its course in a matter of years, and even though he’d initially made her feel all special and nice, it was nothing compared to the far more adult feelings she was constantly experiencing with Miles. Just one smouldering, sexy look from his deep blue eyes and she was almost hyperventilating with repressed excitement.
She eased back in her chair, needing to put a bit more space between them. Breathing out slowly, determined to get herself back under some sort of control, Janessa nodded slowly. ‘Thank you for such a generous offer, Miles but … um … I’m fine here. Doing my job, working alongside my friends and, at present, caring for Sheena.’
Miles held her gaze for another split second and then eased away, watching her carefully. ‘Family is very important to you.’ It was a statement, not a question.
‘Very.’ She paused and then found herself saying, ‘Especially when you’re left all alone.’
‘Do you mean Sheena? I don’t mean to pry but where is the father of her twins?’
She hadn’t been referring to Sheena but she was more than relieved he hadn’t realised she’d been talking about herself. ‘Jonas? He’s long gone.’ Janessa rolled her eyes in disgust.
‘So he’s alive?’
‘Oh, yes. Alive and well and living with his new wife in Brazil or Mexico or some other sunny place where he can be selfish and demanding and ruin other people’s lives.’ Her eyes were dark, filled with intense dislike. Miles hadn’t thought it possible for her beautiful features to be marred with such emotions but it was quite clear in both her expression and the way she talked of the unknown Jonas that she didn’t like him one little bit.
‘But he knows she’s pregnant? He knows about the babies?’
‘Yes—yes, he does.’ Janessa sighed heavily, not really wanting to blurt out Sheena’s past to Miles but also knowing that anything she said to her friend’s doctor regarding the babies father would remain confidential.
‘Jonas high-tailed it out of Adelaide the instant Sheena told him she was pregnant or, more to the point, when Sheena was determined to see the pregnancy through.’
Miles raised his eyebrows, both perplexed and puzzled by this information. ‘He didn’t want to have children?’
‘Correct. It was part of the reason why they married in the first place. Sheena had been told years ago that she would never have children. Jonas didn’t want children, either. When Sheena discovered she’d actually been able to conceive, she was so happy, so ecstatic. It was like a miracle.’
‘She thought Jonas would feel the same way.’ Miles nodded.
‘He didn’t. Instead he took it as grounds to file for divorce. He told her that if she didn’t abort the pregnancy, then as far as he was concerned their marriage was over because he wasn’t throwing away any of his money or time or any part of his life on a bratty little kid. He left when six weeks later we discovered she was having twins. Another eight weeks down the line we discovered the twins were conjoined.’
‘You say “we”. Don’t you mean she?’
Janessa smiled. ‘No. I mean we. As you’ve already come to realise, Sheena is well loved, respected and protected by the staff in this hospital. What she’s going through is huge and none of us are going to let her go through it alone. That’s what family is all about, hence the we.’
‘You don’t plan on having a family of your own one day?’
Janessa was momentarily stunned by his question and the image of Connor flashed before her eyes. Her Connor. Her baby boy. The child that never was. ‘I … don’t know.’
‘Surely you’ve thought about it? Marriage? Children? Quiet weekends? School runs? Real family time?’
‘Once, perhaps, but not any more.’
‘Once? Bad experience?’
‘You could say that.’
‘You were … married?’ he fished. He knew it was wrong to delve into her past but the more time he spent with her, the more curious he became. Why wasn’t a woman as incredible as Janessa involved with someone?
‘Briefly.’ She sighed and stood, turning her back to him. ‘It didn’t work out.’
‘Do you know why?’
She laughed with a hint of irony. ‘We were young. Too young. But we were so sure that we were really in love, that we were mature enough to understand the commitment we were making to each other, and when our parents realised we weren’t going to be talked out of it, we tied the knot.’
There was sadness in her eyes and a despondent tone in her voice.
‘How young?’
‘Eighteen.’
‘Both of you?’
‘Yes. I guess we thought it was the real thing but we were wrong.’ She shook her head and sighed. ‘When things became too intense, too scary, too grown-up, I think we both knew we’d been kidding ourselves. We separated when we were twenty and were divorced by the time we turned twenty-one.’
‘Hard lessons to learn. You’ve never thought about marrying again?’
She held his gaze. ‘No. After that it was far easier to remain married to my career.’
‘Which has obviously worked out well for you?’
‘Yes.’
‘Focusing on work can take your mind off a lot of things. Work is always there to see you through, no matter what disasters life throws at you.’
‘You sound as though you’re talking from experience.’ It was her turn to fish.
‘I was married.’ He spoke the words quietly, surprised to find that he wanted her to know about his past. The fact that he was becoming more and more interested in this woman with each passing hour he spent in her company, it seemed only right to tell her about Wendy.
‘Didn’t take?’ Janessa was secretly thrilled he was sharing this with her. Miles had such a knack for not making her feel as though she was the only one walking out onto a unsteady ledge all alone.
‘Quite the opposite.’
‘Oh.’ She was surprised by that statement. Was he hiding a wife somewhere? She’d always just assumed he wasn’t married. Sheena hadn’t said anything about him being married but, then, Sheena hadn’t stayed in contact with Miles during the past ten years since they’d worked together. Was Miles still married? It only confirmed how little she knew of him but before she could question him, he continued.
‘My wife, Wendy, and I worked together for years, just colleagues, just friends, and then things slowly started to change into something more. We’d been married for almost two years when she died.’ Miles stared off into the distance, remembering his past.
Janessa wasn’t quite sure what to say for a moment but she knew what she wanted to do. She wanted to go to him, to put her arms around him, to say she was sorry for the loss he had suffered and the heartbreak he must have felt. She stayed where she was, keeping her physical distance from him whilst emotionally she felt more connected to him than before. ‘You were lucky,’ she stated.
‘Yes.’ He nodded and slowly exhaled any tension he may have felt in sharing his past with Janessa. ‘Yes, I was.’
A more comfortable silence seemed to envelop them both, Janessa sighing as the tension and anxiety from her past slipped away. ‘My parents were lucky.’ She spoke the words softly, looking off into nothingness as she remembered. ‘Their marriage was real and strong and I guess Bradley and I thought we’d be the same. I thought that my marriage would be as happy and as honest and as open as that of my own
parents.’
‘Where is Bradley now?’
Janessa shrugged. ‘In Tasmania. We exchanged Christmas cards for about ten years but then it drifted off. We’re both very different people now from who we were back then.’
‘It was an amicable divorce?’
Janessa thought about the pain and heartbreak they’d both suffered when their son had died. Poor Connor. So little. Too premature to survive, and medical science hadn’t been as great back then as it was today. It was because of her son and the amazing team of specialists that had treated him that she’d entered this speciality, as though to honour his memory and to help mothers who were praying for their babies’ lives. Both she and Bradley had been stunned at Connor’s death and things had never been the same between them after that. She’d put her hope and trust in their marriage, that together, as husband and wife, they would find a way through their pain, but he simply hadn’t been able to cope.
‘I guess you could say that,’ she finally answered. ‘I certainly don’t hold any malice towards him. He wasn’t to blame for what happened to us and neither was I.’
He sensed there was probably far more to it than she was admitting. No divorce, however amicable, was ever easy. Besides, he’d pried enough for one night and finding out more about her didn’t help the way she made him feel. He still had to work alongside her, the sweet, summery scent she wore winding itself around him, drawing him in, enticing him to know more.
Living next door to her in the residential wing, knowing she was so close yet so far, sitting reading a book, overcoming the plumbing problems as she showered, sleeping peacefully in her bed … was also starting to become something of a problem and he’d started to wonder whether perhaps he should look around for a place to rent, outside the hospital grounds but close enough that he was readily available.
He would continue to tell himself that Janessa Austen was just another colleague, in another hospital, in another city that he would soon be leaving. The fact that she was the first woman who had piqued his interest since Wendy was a miracle within itself. She’d built a family for herself here and it appeared she had no intention of leaving. He needed to move, needed to be challenged with his work because that way he didn’t have to consider what might happen should he choose to, once more, spend his life alongside someone permanent … and Janessa was just the sort of woman who would fit that job description.
He’d tried the happy family road before and it had ended in loneliness. Moving around, shifting every three to six months to a different location, a different country, going where the work took him, was the life he’d chosen and one he wasn’t giving up simply because he was attracted to the intelligent and incredibly beautiful woman sitting opposite him.
‘I’m sorry if you felt I was prying into your past. I most certainly didn’t mean any offence by it,’ Miles remarked after a moment, attempting to bring their thoughts back to the here and now.
‘You were curious about me.’
He shrugged, feigning nonchalance. ‘It’s not uncommon for me to be curious about those I work with.’
‘But I’m guessing you rarely follow through on that curiosity. You’d rather keep yourself to yourself, do your job and then leave. Which piques my own curiosity. Why? Why do you move around so much, Miles? What is it that you’re running away from?’
‘Who says I’m running away from anything?’
It was her turn to shrug. The man had just told her his wife had died and perhaps that had been enough to keep him on the move. ‘I guess it appears that way when facts show that for the past six or seven years, you’ve never stayed in any one place longer than twelve months.’
‘How do you know that?’
‘Oh, come on, Miles. You’re the man that everyone wants when it comes to conjoined twins. I can look you up on the internet and find a dozen or so different photographs of you and your team celebrating another successful spate of operations to separate conjoined twins, and most of them are at different hospitals around the world.’
‘Maybe I just go where the work is.’
‘Yes, but why? I’m guessing you’re not bored with the work you’re doing so if you’re not running away, are you looking for greener pastures? A place where you fit? Where you feel comfortable? At home?’
‘Why do you want to know?’ he asked after a moment. She was getting close. She was asking him questions that he hadn’t been asked by anyone in a very long time. He’d suggested that she expand her horizons, that she learn more, perhaps even travel with him so he could teach her more about the complicated and challenging world of conjoined twins. It shouldn’t be such a stretch that as a homebody she would be curious as to why he didn’t seem able to settle in one place. He couldn’t blame her. He’d pried into her life and asked questions, so it was only fair.
‘I’m … intrigued by you,’ she remarked honestly, holding his gaze for a long moment. The atmosphere between them began to intensify and after a second she breathed out slowly and walked towards the door. She opened it and leaned against it, looking out into her unit. Some babies were crying, others were sleeping and some were being fed. They didn’t understand time—they didn’t care if it was the middle of the night or the busiest part of the day. They all had needs, special needs, and she and her staff were on hand to provide them.
‘We’re a pair, Miles. Both determined to stay in control of our lives. Both wanting to focus on our careers and not risk even the slightest bit of compromise … and yet, whenever we’re in a room like this, together, intimate, quiet, the tension is so tight it would take more than the sharpest scalpel to slice through it.’
Janessa looked over at him, tipping her head back against the door, revealing her smooth long neck, her hands behind her back giving her a relaxed and open posture. Her guard was down and the look in her big, mesmerising eyes was one of complete honesty. ‘Do you think there’s any real hope for people like us, Miles?’ Her tone was free and soft and tired. ‘People who are always trying to control the world around them?’
Miles swallowed, his heart beating wildly as he drank his fill of the vision she made. He wanted to go to her, wanted to close the remaining distance between them, wanted to take her into his arms and to press his mouth firmly to hers. Didn’t she have any idea just how alluring she was right now?
He shook his head, more to steady the burning need inside him to go to her than to answer her question.
She sighed again and looked away. ‘I didn’t think so.’
Another four days passed with, both of them confused by the emotions they felt for the other hiding behind their professional personae. The special clothes that had been ordered for the twins arrived and both Janessa and Sheena had a wonderful time looking at the gorgeous little outfits. There had been meetings every day, Miles going over the finer points of what to expect once the twins were delivered.
‘The actual C-section is straightforward, but once the twins are out we’ll need to be focused on stabilising them as soon as possible,’ he’d said to Kaycee, Ray and Janessa who, along with Miles, would make up the initial postnatal care team. As far as planning for Ellie and Sarah’s arrival, things seemed to be well on track.
Tonight, though, Janessa sat in her office and looked at the mound of paperwork before her. She had planned to spend most of today out at the airfield, up in her glorious Tiger Moth biplane, whisking away the cobwebs and setting her world to rights. Instead, she’d been in the unit for almost twenty-four hours straight, desperately concerned about a little baby, Philip, who had made his appearance in this world far too early at twenty-three weeks. Now, two weeks later and after a couple of doses of indomethocin to close the hole in his heart, it appeared surgical intervention may be necessary.
‘Twenty-five weeks is not good,’ she’d murmured to Kaycee as she monitored Philip’s oxygen intake. ‘Plus he’s developed necrosis of the bowel.’
Still, the NICU staff would monitor him closely in the hope that the struggling baby wo
uld continue to fight for his life. For now, though, they’d managed to stabilise him as best they could but Janessa knew that if tiny, tiny Philip was going to survive, he would have a long and hard fight ahead of him. If he did require surgery, though, Miles, as the most experienced neonate surgeon they had, would perform it and Janessa was relieved to have him here at such a time.
While they were in the hospital things seemed to be under control, but in the evening, when she returned to her apartment in the residential wing, Janessa needed to call on all of her self-control not to think about him. Whether it be in her dreams or trying to guess what he was doing on the other side of the paper-thin walls that separated them.
She’d even taken to putting on headphones and listening to soothing music in order to help shut out images of Miles, next door … preparing food in the little kitchenette, sitting reading on the second-hand furniture, fighting with the taps to get the plumbing to work properly, lying in his bed at night … half-naked … hands behind his head, his muscles flexing, the blankets only partially covering his firm torso …
‘Nessa?’
‘Hmm? What?’ She looked up from the work at her desk and met Ray’s worried gaze. She shoved aside the ridiculous fantasies of Miles and focused her thoughts. ‘Philip?’
Ray nodded. ‘He’s not improving. His oxygen requirement is thirty-five per cent and slowly increasing.’
Janessa sighed with sad resignation. ‘I’ll call Miles. It looks as though he’ll have to operate on Philip after all.’
‘Someone say my name?’ Miles asked as he headed towards Janessa’s open office door. His eyes met hers and for a fraction of a second they gazed at each other, veiled acknowledgement of the repressed awareness still coursing between them, before shifting their focus away and back to more important matters.
‘It’s Philip.’ Janessa’s face twisted as though little Philip’s pain was her own, and in some ways it was. Philip’s mother, Violet, was a seventeen-year-old girl who hadn’t even known she was pregnant until two weeks ago. The fact that Janessa had been a young teenage mother herself meant she could empathise with poor Violet.