by Ruth Reid
Catherine parked on the side of the brick building and hurried inside. The bell above the door jingled, alerting Melvin Yoder, the store owner, to look her direction. He waved, then resumed his conversation with the person at the register.
After tossing her handbag into a shopping cart, Catherine headed for the cough and cold aisle first. She scanned the shelves. There were so many products that all claimed to reduce fever, clear congestion, and relieve sore throats.
When Catherine was growing up, Mamm didn’t use store-bought products. Instead she lathered up her kinner with strong-scented balms that never failed to open their nasal cavities. Catherine also recalled the licorice-tasting drinks that caused her eyes to water, not to mention the cayenne pepper that sent a ball of fire down her throat with each swallow. But Gwen didn’t like using unproven remedies on the children, especially since she was convinced that Mamm’s death had something to do with the homemade concoctions interfering with her diabetes.
Catherine compared the prices on the bottles, chose the least-expensive brand, then continued shopping. As she placed the items in the cart, she mentally tallied everything together. Deciding she had enough money of her own to splurge, she selected a small bag of peppermint candy for the children while waiting in the checkout line.
“Tonight’s snowfall is supposed to double last nacht’s,” Melvin said to the Amish man he was ringing up at the register.
Catherine groaned under her breath as she placed the items from her cart onto the counter.
“Winter is mei favorite season,” the man said. “It’s yours too, isn’t it, Cat?”
Her spine stiffened as the customer glanced at her. With a scarf wrapped around the lower part of his face and his straw hat pushed down over his ears, she hadn’t recognized Elijah.
He loosened his scarf. “Do you still like to go ice skating on the pond, Catherine?”
She glanced nervously at Melvin, then narrowed her eyes at Elijah. If his memory was so keen as to recall her favorite season and her favorite pastime, then why didn’t he remember that saying anything in front of Melvin was equivalent to talking openly at a quilting bee? Men were not innocent when it came to gossip and spreading the word about her talking to Elijah—a married man.
She cleared her throat. “I haven’t skated in—” In six years. “I work full-time.”
Melvin announced Elijah’s total, which drew his attention away from her.
She unloaded the remaining items from her shopping cart, and when Elijah said goodbye to her and Melvin, she pretended not to hear.
“The temperature is dropping. I hope you’re heading straight home.” Melvin repeated the same weather predictions to her.
“Jah, I am.”
“Elijah Graber hasn’t changed much.”
Other than the beard. She waited for Melvin to give the total due, then handed him cash. “Are you hiring? The Pinkhams are closing The Amish Table until April or May, and as you know, I’ve been a cook there several years. I know how to use a cash register.”
“Business is slow this time of year, but I’ll keep you in mind.”
“Danki.” She picked up the grocery bag and headed out the door. Rounding the corner of the building, she plowed into Elijah’s chest. Catherine stifled a squeal but couldn’t calm the quiver in her voice. “What are you doing loitering by mei buggy?”
“Waiting”—he placed his hand over the left side of his rib cage—“for you.”
Chapter 4
Elijah hadn’t expected Catherine to come flying around the corner of the building, let alone plow into him and steal the air from his lungs. He held his hand against his throbbing ribs and gingerly took a deep breath. “What’s in that bag, a block of cement?”
“Flour.” She clutched the grocery bag with both arms and stepped backward. “And sugar—and why are you waiting for me?”
Another bad start. “I’m sorry I startled you, Cat. I was hoping we could talk.”
“This isn’t a gut time. There’s a storm moving in.” She went to the back of her buggy and opened the latch.
“Jah, so I heard.” As she placed the shopping bag inside the buggy, he moved closer, preventing her from being able to shut the hatch. “Catherine, couldn’t you spare a minute or two? I promise nett to keep you long.”
The woman was skittish. First scanning the area as if nervous about being alone with him, then avoiding eye contact by looking at the ground.
“Please?”
Catherine eyed him briefly, then lowered her head again. “Say what you came to say.”
“I, ah . . .” The words caught in his throat. Starting a difficult conversation with someone unwilling to look him in the eye made the situation even more awkward. Partly why he’d stayed away from Posen so long was fear of not finding the right words. You weren’t the reason I left town . . . I liked where our relationship was headed . . .
No, he couldn’t lead with that. Their relationship was in the past—buried. Until a few weeks ago when memories too difficult to ignore hounded him. As though an inner voice was urging him to come home—to make amends with Catherine—he obeyed God’s prompting. Yet here he was tongue-tied. Everything he’d rehearsed to say, he couldn’t.
“It’s snowing harder. We both need to get home,” she said.
“I’m sorry about your mamm’s passing. What happened?”
“The doktah said she had multiple organ failure from being a diabetic.”
She took a jagged breath, and his throat tightened. When she looked nervously around again, he said, “I hope I don’t make you feel uncomfortable.”
She huffed.
“When I asked for a ride home from the get-together last nacht, I didn’t realize you and Zach were . . . courting.” He’d been led to believe Catherine spent all her time cooking at The Amish Table. Elijah couldn’t put his finger on what was wrong with Zach last night, but the tension between them made it difficult even to make small talk. Now he questioned if it was God who had prompted him to return to Posen. After all, this wasn’t his home, but neither was Badger Creek.
“And you were surprised I moved on after six years?”
Her words caught him off guard, and he shook his head. “Nay. Of course I’m nett surprised. Zach’s a gut man.”
“Yes, he is.” She nodded stiffly as if affirming her words as much to herself as to him.
The image of tears budding on her lashes last night had prevented him from getting much sleep. She had tried so hard to conceal her emotions in front of him that he couldn’t help but wonder if his return had caused the friction between Zach and her. “I know you were upset last nacht. I’m sorry if it had anything to do with me.”
“You? Why would you think—never mind.” Muttering something under her breath, she marched to the front of her buggy where she untied her horse. “I’m going home, and judging by the amount of snow falling, you’d best do the same.”
He reached for her arm as she was about to climb into her buggy, the simple touch sending shocks through his system. “I know I deserve your kalt shoulder, but part of the reason I returned to Posen was . . . to see you—to find out how you’re doing.”
Catherine looked him hard in the eye, then at his hand on her arm before returning her icy glare to meet his gaze once again.
Message received. Elijah released her arm, then opened the buggy door. “I won’t be staying in Posen long.”
“I didn’t expect you to.” She took the reins in her hands but paused before releasing the brake. “Did you nett think I would read about your marriage announcement in The Budget? After reading about your nuptials, I couldn’t bring myself to pick up a newspaper again. You could have written me a letter and told me yourself.” Without giving him a chance to respond, she released the brake, clicked her tongue, and never looked back.
As her buggy disappeared down the road, Elijah sighed. Catherine might not ever give him a chance to make amends. He ambled to the back of the building where he’d parked his bu
ggy.
Lord, forgive me. I’m the reason she’s bitter. She’s stored up anger over the years, and I deserve her unleashing it on me. But, Lord, You know mei heart. I never meant to cause her pain. When I married Edwina, I didn’t even know our wedding made The Budget until her mamm pointed it out.
The road before her turned into a washed-out haze of whiteness as Catherine struggled to focus her tear-filled eyes. She’d never been one who embraced change, and recently she hadn’t been given a choice—everything had changed. For all she knew, The Amish Table was closed for good. Faith could easily decide she wanted to stay home after she and Gideon married.
Lord, mei life is unraveling. It’s as though a rug has been pulled out from under mei feet. I’ll be an old, unmarried maiden with no job— nothing to contribute to the household fund. I made a fool of myself to Zach, then bumping into Elijah, I made a fool of myself in front of him as well.
Catherine clamped her lips together. Not that God didn’t know her thoughts—she just didn’t wish to voice what had been swirling in her mind since Elijah’s return. Yet, try as she might, Catherine couldn’t stop the deluge of buried memories from bubbling to the surface.
The rhythmic clip-clopping of Cocoa’s hooves faded into the background as memories replayed of the last day she and Elijah had spent together.
A foot of snow crunched under their feet as they walked hand in hand down the snow-covered cow path toward the pond. Elijah was uncharacteristically quiet, and his slumped shoulders should have cued her that something was wrong. He hadn’t engaged her in a snowball fight or found a reason to kiss her once they were out of sight of the house and barn as he usually did.
“Elijah, please tell me what’s wrong.”
Wisps of cold air lingered around his mouth with each exhale. Although he wasn’t speaking, his lips moved, and then all at once his facial expression sobered—as if he’d lost a debate with himself. When they neared the edge of the water, Catherine pointed to the thin layer of ice that had formed over the surface. “Looks like it won’t be long before I can try out the ice skates you gave me for Christmas.”
Elijah smiled, but it faded all too soon. “I need to make a trip to Badger Creek.”
“When?”
He tapped his boot on the icy shoreline, breaking through the layer and soaking the toe of his boot in the process. “I’m catching the bus in the morning.”
Badger Creek, a hundred miles north in the Upper Peninsula, was the small district where he’d grown up. She’d heard him tell of how his father had worked for a local sawmill, but because work was scarce in the winter, he moved their family to Posen four years ago to become potato farmers.
“How long will you be gone?”
Elijah pulled her into his arms and, placing his hand on the back of her neck, gently brought her closer. “I’ll be back before the pond freezes over,” he said before capturing her mouth with his chapped lips.
His lingering kiss sent rippling impulses from the top of her head down to her toes and would have uprooted her had she not held on tighter when his kiss deepened. She broke from the kiss, her lips tingling and insides trembling. “You know the pond isn’t that deep. It’ll be frozen solid in another week or two.”
“And I’ll be back to watch you skate.” He leaned in to kiss her again, but Catherine pulled back.
“You promise?” She blinked back tears that threatened to fall and reveal the depth of panic over his impending departure.
He held her gaze. “Mei heart is yours forever.”
A car moved into the passing lane, splattering slush against the side of the buggy and jolting Catherine back to the present. Englischers were always in a hurry.
Cocoa jerked her neck forward, pulling more reins and increasing her pace. Pay attention to the road. If Cocoa hit a patch of black ice at this current speed, the mare would lose her footing and the buggy would end up in the ditch or worse—in front of oncoming traffic.
Catherine regained her grip on the reins, determined not to let the horse have her way again. She had to somehow push these thoughts of Elijah aside. After all, wallowing in the past—over Elijah—would only bring her trouble. And yet the more she tried not to think about him, the more she dwelled on what he had done.
Elijah lied.
His intention was never to return. She’d been a fool to think his heart belonged to her. Why he decided to come back now was of no interest to her.
Now, she’d lied—to herself.
Her body stiffened. Elijah shouldn’t have this effect on her. He chose his path. Listening to any of his explanations now was useless. Rumors would swarm. Folks would assume she was somehow tangled in his unfaithful behavior. Once Zach heard the scuttlebutt, he would assume the rumors were true. He would never change his mind about marrying her.
Had it been another baptized member of their flock, the bishop would see that the individual stood before the members of the church and made amends for his actions. Even though Elijah was no longer a member of their district, he should still be made accountable. Perhaps someone needed to bring it to Bishop Zook’s attention.
Chapter 5
Zach disregarded the bishop’s dismissal of the congregation and tried to block the noise around him as members shuffled to their feet and conversations started. His heart had been heavy since Catherine’s proposal, and he needed God to reveal why. He’d confessed to overreacting, saying hurtful things, making her cry, but even after asking God’s forgiveness, things still felt unsettled deep in his soul.
Father, forgive me for not paying attention to the service. I didn’t listen to any of the Scripture readings or the bishop’s message. I shouldn’t have allowed mei thoughts to wander. I feel so ashamed . . .
Elijah nudged Zach’s shoulder. “You coming?”
Zach pushed to his feet and caught a glimpse of Catherine talking with the bishop’s wife. The two women made their way to the side door of the barn and disappeared from sight.
“You look tired.” Elijah elbowed him. “Late nacht?”
“Jah,” Zach replied, determined not to share the reason. Let Elijah think what he wanted. Despite how at one time they were close like brothers, now they weren’t even good friends. For whatever reason, Elijah had distanced himself from Zach and everyone else in the district, and apparently Elijah never felt it necessary to give a reason why.
Zach craned his head to look beyond Elijah. The benches on the women’s side of the barn had emptied quickly, the women dashing off to the Pinkhams’ house to prepare the afternoon meal. But the men’s side of the barn was still congested with people blocking the aisle. None of the men seemed interested in leaving the barn, and for a good reason—the temperature outside hadn’t risen above zero. Zach looked behind him. He’d make his exit through the milking parlor.
“Hey,” Elijah said. “Where are you going?”
He stepped over the bench. “I’m going inside the haus to get in line for the meal.” And to ask Catherine what she was doing in the alley of Yoder’s Market with Elijah.
“Gut idea.” Elijah followed. “I’m looking forward to trying the tuna casserole I noticed earlier on the table.”
Zach weaved around a small group of teenagers.
Elijah continued to talk. “It’s been a long time since I heard one of Bishop Zook’s messages. It’s nice to sit under his charge again.”
Zach waited until they were inside the milking parlor and out of earshot of the other members before stopping to face Elijah. “I went by your mammi’s farm the other day to pull the buggy out of the ditch but was told you had gone into town.”
“Jah, young Paul King next door ended up helping me dig out. I should have stopped by your shop to let you know. Sorry.”
Zach shifted his stance and crossed his arms, his unspoken words burning a hole in the pit of his stomach.
“I knew you were busy,” Elijah continued. “You mentioned on Friday nacht that you were meeting a customer in the morning, and I figured—”
“Did you go into town to see Catherine?”
Elijah stiffened.
“Did you?”
Elijah’s cheek twitched. “I took a chance that The Amish Table was open and went into town thinking I’d have kaffi . . . And yes, I thought if Catherine wasn’t too busy . . . But the restaurant was closed.”
Zach furrowed his brows. “What went on in the Yoder’s alley?”
Elijah flinched, but Zach didn’t care how uncomfortable the man was feeling. He glared steadily at him.
“It’s been a long time since I’ve seen Catherine. I just wanted a chance to catch up on old times.”
“That’s inappropriate—you’re a married man.”
Elijah closed his eyes and shook his head. “Nett anymore. Mei fraa went home to be with the Lord.”
Zach’s lungs emptied in one long exhale. Again, his onetime best friend didn’t think to share that sooner. He recalled how he hadn’t found out about Elijah getting married until Catherine stormed into his shop six years ago and cornered him with the newspaper, demanding that he—Elijah’s best friend—tell her everything. Zach had nothing to share. Elijah had kept his plans hidden from them both.
But this wasn’t the time to bring up any of that. Elijah had lost his wife, and by the way Elijah’s eyes glazed over with tears, Zach could see that he wasn’t dealing with the loss very well.
“I didn’t know.” Zach softened his tone. “I’m sorry for your loss. Did she pass away recently?”
“Elijah.” The bishop stood in the entrance of the milk haus. “May I have a word with you, please?”
Elijah wiped the wetness from his eyes. He wasn’t sure how much he could talk, being choked up the way he was, but the bishop’s tone seemed urgent.
“I’ll leave you two to talk.” Zach turned to go out the opposite exit. Apparently his friend had picked up something in the bishop’s tone as well.