by Renea Porter
“I know. Hopefully, work slows down so we can see each other.” He cocks his head, flashing a grin at me.
“I took this week off, as a vacation. I had some time saved up so I’m free for the whole week,” I tell him.
I have on my new knee length floral dress on, paired with flat sandals and my hair up in a twisty bun because of the heat. Cole has on a pair of jeans shorts and tank top. His arms are filled out and look so strong, and of course he has on his signature baseball cap, backward.
Our relationship hasn’t moved since that day we went for ice cream and then came home and he pinned me on the bed. It’s always in the back of my mind that I hurt him that night. That can never happen again, no matter what. Inside of having sex, we have made out a lot of times and on a lot of surfaces, like the couch, counter, and the floor and everywhere in between. I want him to be my first, the one, and I’m hoping tonight we can make that happen. I went to the doctors and put myself on birth control. Cole doesn’t even know. I’m really nervous because I have never been with someone that I was in love with. My virginity was taken from me, against my will, and I’ll never get that back. But at least I saved myself for someone special, someone that means something to me and someone that cares for me and can see past my imperfections.
We pull into the parking lot and Cole leans over to kiss me. “You look so beautiful today,” he says, smiling.
“You aren’t so bad yourself,” I tell him. “Let’s go before we start our own firework show.” I push up on his chest.
He chuckles at my comment and grabs the blanket and cooler as we make our way, finding a spot to watch the fireworks. I spread the blanket out and Cole puts the cooler on the edge of it. I watch as the families start to flood around us, as well as young couples like us. My hearts swells as Cole sits against me, skin to skin, and I crave his closeness. He has helped me through so much and he doesn’t even know it, just by being who he is.
“Don’t ever change who you are. No matter what would ever happen between us, don’t change,” I tell him, interlocking my fingers with his.
He gives me a questioning look. “You have helped me through more than you know. You helped me see that there is good in the world; it’s no longer just a black and white canvas. The colors are bright and my heart is full, and I feel it beating.” I smile and look away because I just handed him my heart. Knowingly.
“Look at me.” He brings my chin to face him. “You’re the one that changed me. I never thought I would feel this way again. And I’m seriously falling for this girl that surprises me every freaking day.” He squeezes my hand, and my heart skips a beat as he leans to kiss me on the cheek. “Since we are on the subject, I wanted to ask if you would be my girlfriend.”
“Yes, I will. I only ever want you, Cole.” I smile.
A loud boom erupts and the fireworks show starts. The crowd around us oohs and ahhs at each rainbow eruption that bursts through the sky with its colors. I rest my head against Cole’s shoulder as we point to the unique designs of the fireworks. I feel so content and maybe tonight, we will become closer. He plants a few kisses on my head, and our fingers are entwined together. I close my eyes and burn this moment into my brain; I never want to forget it.
Once the fireworks stop, everyone around us grabs their things to leave as Cole and I linger a little longer enjoying the moment. I wonder if I should tell him I want to be with him tonight, or do I just let it happen naturally? I know he wanted to make it special and I don’t know what to do. So I decide to let it happen naturally. We finally manage to leave and Cole loads the truck back up.
On the way home, anticipation sets in and I realize I will probably have to make the move if I want to do this tonight. Once we step inside the house, I press my back into the door and motion for him to come here with my finger. We kiss feverishly and with need. “Now I’m the one feeling drunk from your kisses,” I whisper.
Cole grips my face into his hands and looks me in the eye. The look he is giving me is intense. “You are the most beautiful creature I have seen and I want nothing more than to have you right now, but I want it to be special for you and on your terms.”
“This is my terms and you are the special part; it’s all I need. I went and got on the pill awhile back, too,” I tell him. He pulls back and looks surprised.
“Are you sure this is what you want?” he asks.
“Absolutely.” I smile as he picks me up, and I wrap my legs around him and realize my ass is sticking out from the dress. He kisses me the whole way to the bedroom; the one I sleep in, Cole’s bed.
He moves to the bed and we fall onto it with him on top of me and I let out a giggle against his lips. I feel him smile and my heart bursts. Cole takes his time and I aim my focus on him, never closing my eyes. He stops kissing me every so often and looks for reassurance in my eyes and I nod each time, to go a little farther. One of his arms is resting by my head while his calloused hand slowly moves up my bare thigh as my dress inches up. He dips his head to kiss my neck and I turn it to give him full access. Arching my back, I spread my legs wider so I can wrap them around him. My body is feeling an unbelievable sensation it’s never felt before.
Desire, I feel a desire for Cole. He kisses my shoulder and slowly slides my spaghetti straps down. Once they get far enough down, I pull my arms out of them. I bring his face forward and look deeply into his eyes. “Make love to me and make me forget that I ever hurt.” I press my lips forcefully into his and our tongues dance.
His hand reaches to my side and pulls the zipper down. I lean up and pull the dress over my head and fling it to wherever it lands. I help pull his tank over his shoulders and run my hands over his muscled chest and abs and a moan escapes his throat. This is so sensual and if this is what making love feels like then I never want to stop. My bra straps fall to my elbows and expose my swelled breasts. I lie back down and let him do what he wants to my body. It feels to damn good. Now Cole is just too overdressed while I’m in my bra and panties, so I reach down and unbutton his shorts, pushing them off as far as I can, and he kicks them off the rest of the way. I can feel him pressed against me as he cups my breasts and sucks on each nipple, giving them both equal attention.
“Your body deserves to be worshipped.” He brings his lips back up to mine and kisses me. “Are you sure this is what you want?”
“I want you, Cole,” I whisper.
I feel his erection pressing against me and I want nothing more than to feel him inside me. I move to slide off my panties and Cole removes his boxer briefs. He brings his face to mine and looks deeply into my eyes. “It’s okay,” I tell him, leaning up to suck on his neck.
Cole positions himself and slowly moves inside me, causing a moan to escape my lips. My hips ride in rhythm with his, in sync. And the sweetest bliss takes over my body, causing it to convulse with his.
He rests his forehead on mine while we catch our breath. “Are you okay?”
“I’m more than okay.” I smile, moving my eyes to meet his as my hands rest on his sides.
“I love you, Lexi Beaumont,” he says remaining on top of me.
“I love you, too, Cole Matthews,” I say, smiling.
Cole rolls off of me and holds me in his arms as we fall asleep.
Chapter Eight
THE PAST COUPLE OF WEEKS have been pure bliss with Cole. I’m happy we were able to make it through the storm. I’m getting ready to go to my third self-defense class and Cole is coming to watch me. I’m feeling more confident with each passing day and my eating disorder has nearly dissipated, although it will always be a struggle and it will always be a part of who I am.
Cole has been nothing but sweet and charming and is basically the man of my dreams. I watch as he sleeps next to me. I could stare at him for hours on end and not be bored. I’m off work for the next four days and I get to spend every waking minute with Cole.
“Whatcha thinking?” Cole asks as he squints at me.
“I didn’t realize you were awake.
” I run my hand over his stubble cheek.
He grins. “There was this weird sense someone was staring at me.”
God, he looks so sexy first thing in the morning. “I wanted to run something by you. My parents have been practically begging me to come home to visit. I haven’t been back since I left to come here.”
“You should go. I’m sure they miss their only daughter,” he says, making my heart clench.
“I’ll only go if you come with me. I can’t go there alone because it is the most terrifying thing for me to do right now. Plus, you should meet my parents, anyway.” I grin, sitting up in the bed. He grabs my hand and kisses it.
“Okay, I’ll go.”
“Good; we’ll go after my self-defense class tonight.” I swing my legs over the bed and grab a bag to start to pack.
“We’re going tonight?” Cole jumps up in the bed.
“Yes. Is that okay?”
“Yes; I just didn’t know you meant right now,” he states running his hand through his hair.
“Well, I don’t have to be at work for another four days and I figured I might as well get it out of the way, even though I vowed never to go back there.”
“You can’t shut your parents out of your life because of what happened. They didn’t know or were too ignorant to see the signs, but you should visit. And we’ll leave after your class.”
I leave the room and step out back to call my mom and let her know I’ll be home late tonight. I ask if I can bring my boyfriend along and she says yes, that she’d love to meet him.
I meet Cole in the kitchen as he prepares a brunch of French toast, poached eggs and a fruit salad. “Mom is excited,” I say while stepping inside.
He smiles. “I bet.”
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
I just got done with my third self-defense class and we are on our way to my hometown as Cole drives.
“You were pretty bad ass in there. Remind me never to mess with you,” he jokes.
“Yeah, I can protect myself now.” I show him my fist, joking.
“So, are you nervous?” His tone turns serious.
“Nervous? I’m terrified. There are a lot of bad memories there, memories I never expected to be rehashed. But I think it is the last hurdle that needs to be done.”
After a four hour drive, we arrive in my hometown and my anxiety is shot. Cole pulls into my old driveway and the house still looks exactly the same. I look next door and see the place is up for sale. My parents meet us outside. I see the tears well up in my mother’s eyes as she stretches her arms out to me. I lean into her embrace and squeeze her tight. I see Cole and my dad shaking hands.
My mom pulls away and looks at me. “You look so good and happy.” She starts to cry. I move over to my dad and hug him. He doesn’t speak; he just smiles at me, lovingly.
I introduce Cole to both my parents.
“Nice to meet you, ma’am.” My mom brings him into an embrace.
“Please, call me Alice, and my husband, Charles.”
“Really nice to meet you both,” Cole says.
“Please come on inside and get settled in,” Mom suggests. But my feet are planted to ground and they won’t move. I just stand there staring at the house. Mom has a worried look on her face.
COLE
“It’s okay; go on in and we’ll meet you inside,” I tell her parents.
Hesitantly, they walk into the house, leaving us outside. I wrap one arm around Alexis’s shoulder and hold her hand with my other hand. “I can’t do this. I thought I could but I can’t,” she says with a panic stricken look on her face.
My heart breaks for her. I move and position myself in front of her and I bend down to her eye level. “Look at me; look into my eyes and slowly breathe.” She takes several slow deep breaths as she keeps her eyes focused on mine.
“Now, you are going to put one foot in front of the other and walk inside with me,” I instruct her. She follows my instructions and slowly walks inside. “I’m here, every step of the way,” I whisper in her ear as we step over the threshold. Her hand is tightly gripping mine and she feels so fragile right now.
Her parents watch as we enter the living room and I can see the pain in their eyes, the pain of a broken family. It’s sickening what damage one person can do, not only to the victim but to the whole family. “Go on and take her upstairs to the first room on the left; let her rest, and meet us tomorrow for breakfast,” Alice tells me.
“Thank you,” I tell her.
I help guide Alexis upstairs, one step at a time as she grips the rail on her other side. We walk into the room and I watch as Alexis takes it all in. “She changed the room. It’s completely different than I remember it.” A weak smile spreads across her face. I give her hand a light squeeze before I let go. I didn’t realize how hard this would be for her, not even a fraction. But I know, deep down she is strong and will get through this. She crawls onto the bed and I help take her clothes off and get into her pajamas. I bring her face up to mine and kiss her sweet lips.
Alexis is quiet as we get ready for bed, and then there is a knock on the door. Her mom peeks in. “I brought you both some hot chocolate. It always helped calm her when she was little.”
I offer a smile. “Thank you.”
“Goodnight, Mom,” Alexis says before I shut the door.
“Here; try to drink some,” I offer her a mug and she takes it. I scoot next to her on the bed and cross my legs. I give her time to think and I just watch her. I can imagine what is going through her head, and it kills me that I can’t make this better for her. She has to be the one to get over this hurdle. I’m only here to support and to hold her if she needs me.
Alexis takes a few sips of her cocoa before setting it on her nightstand. I finish my mug and set it on the stand as well.
“Can you hold me tonight?” Alexis asks me.
“Of course,” I tell her as she positions herself against me and I wrap my arms around her and let sleep take over.
Sometime during the night, I wake to an empty space between my arms. When I look up, I see her looking out the window with a blanket wrapped around her body. I slowly sweep the sheet off and make my way over to her. I wrap my arms around her and rest my chin on her head.
“You okay?”
“I will be. Thank you for being here for me; I could not do this alone.” She leans her head back and rests it on my chest, gripping one of my arms.
“I’m always here for you. You’d do the same for me. If I could take all this hurt away, I would. I would rather bear it than you,” I tell her in a soft whisper so we don’t wake her parents.
She shifts her position and faces me, wrapping her arms around my shoulders and letting the sheet fall to the ground. I feel her naked body against mine. “I love you,” she whispers before planting her lips on mine. She pulls back. “Sorry if it seemed like I was out of it earlier.”
“It was understandable and you don’t have to apologize.” I kiss her forehead. “Come back to bed and get some rest.” I tug on her and pull her against me once again. And I don’t fall asleep until I hear her labored breaths.
Early in the morning, I feel Lexi moving and she turns to face me, smiling and wrapping her arm around my waist. “You are one of the best things in my life. I have no idea how I got so lucky,” she says.
I lean down and kiss her small nose then move on to her kissable lips. “We should head downstairs before I change my mind and have you for myself,” I tell her with a smile.
“You’re right. Time to face the music,” she says, swinging her legs over the bed.
Chapter Nine
FINALLY DRESSED, WE MAKE our way downstairs and I can’t help but feel a little twinge in my chest, imagining what Lexi is thinking. What she went through is beyond my imagination. Who knows what lies beneath the surface?
“Good morning. I hope you two slept well,” Alice greets us as we bound down the stairs.
“We did, thank you,” I say, while Lexi gives her mom a kiss on t
he cheek and does the same to her dad as he sits at the table with his newspaper.
Alice sets the table with a spread of breakfast food and instructs us to have a seat. “Any luck with the sale of the house?” Lexi asks.
“We’ve had a few walk throughs but nothing permanent,” her dad, Charles, says.
Alice asks how Lexi and I met, and Lexi tells her through a mutual friend. And we tell her all about her self-defense classes.
“We are actually looking to buy a house closer to your campus; that way you can come visit more often, if you’d like.” Alice smiles.
“That would be awesome,” Lexi tells her.
“Eat up; I made enough for an army,” Alice says, as we dish food onto our plates.
Once breakfast is over, Charles invites me outback as he smokes a cigar. When he offers me one, I oblige so not to offend him. He laughs his ass off when I choke on it a few times.
“So tell me about yourself. I know nothing about the guy that captured my daughter’s heart,” he says, grinning.
“Your daughter is a very special girl. I’m an only child; my mom and dad are still married and run a diner in my hometown. I just transferred to OSU last fall, to keep an eye on my cousin who recently suffered a loss. I race cars for extra money and I like to fish. Actually, I took Lexi fishing the other week.” I smile at the thought.
“I bet that was a sight.” Charles chuckles.
“It wasn’t too bad once she got the hang of it, and we caught a few and took them to my house to cook,” I tell him, taking another drag of the cigar.
“She’s lucky to have you, son,” he says while patting my back.
“I think I’m the lucky one,” I say while looking off into the distance.
Lexi meets us out back, and she drags on my hand.
“Where are we going?”
“Next door,” she says, continuing to walk. But I stop in my tracks.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea. Of all ideas, this can’t be good.”
“No one is in there, and you want me to face my demons, right?” She shrugs her shoulders.