He didn’t reply.
“Well?”
“Look, what do want me to do, lie? You’ve got my life in your hands and I don’t have any control over it.”
“You really can trust me, Rafe.”
“What’s in it for you, Terra? Besides protecting Lalie, I mean.”
She looked away. “Who knows? Anyway, turning you in would inevitably lead to Lalie—not that she isn’t breaking the law, but I can see why she is. Her motives aren’t criminal.”
“Yours aren’t, either,” he said, “if it’s Lalie you’re most concerned about.”
“I’m concerned about you, too, Rafe. If you’re innocent, you need the chance to prove it.”
He raised his eyebrows. “‘If.’ Maybe I can’t prove it. What then?”
“Maybe you can and will.”
“This is a chancy game you’re playing with my life, Terra.”
“Game!” She jumped to her feet, angered by the word. “I take back my apology to you. You’re rude, arrogant, hostile and a thousand more negatives I could think of if I wanted to waste that much time.”
“You’re not the only one who can cancel an apology,” he snapped. “I’m not sorry that I kissed you.”
“I am. It seems to be the only way you could stop losing the argument we had.”
“I wasn’t losing.”
“You are now.”
He stood slowly, painfully, but not without a comeback to her words. “Good night, then.”
“I don’t see anything good about it,” she retaliated. “You know what’s wrong with you?”
“Wrong?” He blurted out his next words before he could bite them back. “You’re my big problem—too much of everything I ever wanted in a woman.”
She went silent for what seemed like several minutes, even though the clock marked only a few seconds.
“You’re what’s wrong with me, too,” she said in a low, thrumming tone. “It’s an attraction I can’t handle.”
Rafe’s anger slammed to a stop. He felt sure he hadn’t heard her correctly. She couldn’t have said that. Not that.
“What?”
“Never mind.” She darted a skittish, evasive glance at the clock. “It’s time to get Josh.”
Rafe touched her arm. “Hold it.”
“No, I’d better leave.” She brushed him off and moved past him to leave the room. “I shouldn’t have come over here. Getting any more involved with you isn’t the answer to anything.”
Rafe caught up to her at the parlor doorway. He wrapped his hand around her elbow and stopped her there. “Wait a minute, Terra. I’m your big problem the same way you’re mine?”
“Unfortunately, you are,” she replied, her cheeks flushed with color, her eyes avoiding his. “It’s more of a problem every time I see you.”
“I had no idea,” he murmured.
Terra leaned back against the doorframe and shut her eyes. “It’s not an attraction that either of us needs.”
Rafe eased his hold on her elbow and skimmed his fingertips over the soft skin of her arm down to her hand. “It’s got a bigger grip on me than I can handle, Terra. You’re right that I don’t trust you, but the way I want you is something else.”
Eyes still shut, she gave a tremulous sigh, slipping her fingers into the spaces between his. “Rafe, I really need to go. If I stay much longer, I’ll lose all my good sense.”
Rafe knew he should let her go, hold himself back from receiving the hesitant message her touch was sending to him, yet he couldn’t force himself to release her hand. Instead, he curled his fingers tightly around hers. He heard her breath quicken. She murmured his name and it undermined his control.
“We’ll both lose,” he agreed.
She nodded, forehead against his chin. “It’s probably nothing more than sexual attraction.”
“No.” He stepped closer, needing to feel her body against his. “It’s more than lust. Terra, don’t leave just yet.”
He couldn’t release her now that he knew she had feelings so much like his. She was right that it was the last thing they needed, that they should resist what was drawing them together. Whatever it was. Even so, he was elated to discover that the feeling was mutual.
Rafe told himself he’d work up the necessary resistance, but not until after another kiss. One to go on, that was all. Then their brakes would function, they’d both stop, she’d walk out the door and that would be the end of it.
“Rafe, I’ve got to go now, right n—”
He stopped her words by lifting her hand to his lips. Her other hand came up to his chest, to rest over his heart. His free hand found its way around her waist to where the small of her back pressed against the doorframe. She made a helpless sound and arched toward him, allowing his fingers and then his forearm into the space.
One step brought them toe-to-toe, his body against hers, and he could tell it wasn’t lost on her that he was aroused. He wished he could regret it, but he didn’t.
“Don’t go yet,” he whispered against the fragrant, silky skin on the back of her hand. “In a minute.”
“A minute,” she agreed in a faltering whisper and then a heartbeat later she was mouth-to-mouth with him, giving him open encouragement, taking in his tongue the moment he thrust it past her lips and teeth.
She made a soft, quiescent sound in the depths of her throat and Rafe realized right away that they’d both made a huge mistake. His own need was too great for him to be satisfied with only a kiss, no matter how lengthy or explicit it became. And Terra’s response was no less intemperate, no less rife with frustration.
He felt her lower body welcome the pressure of his desire for her. Shifting her hips against him, she made a soft, undulating delta of encouragement for him where his hand had nestled yesterday. If they’d both been undressed right then, he could have slipped partway into her.
The erotic awareness made him shake, made him groan as he kissed her, made him hurt even worse to make love with her. She wanted it, too, he could feel how much from the way her tongue was matching his stroke for stroke, the way she trembled in his arms and moved her hips in rhythm with his.
He touched her breast and she made another, deeper sound as his quivering fingers radiated apart to contain her full, firm shape. Against his palm, her nipple was taut, an electrifying point of sensation.
Gong! The clock struck loudly and startled them apart. They stared at each other, gasping, while it tolled four more times.
As the chimes echoed into silence, Terra drew a deep, unsteady breath and slowly pushed him away until he backed up against the opposite doorframe.
“What are we doing?”
Rafe caught his own ragged breath and replied, “Kissing goodbye, I think.”
“Goodbye,” she repeated, looking confused and flushed. “Yes, I was leaving, I—” She broke off and put her hands to her flaming cheeks. “God, why did you do that, Rafe?”
“Do what?”
“Kiss my hand like you did. Why didn’t you just—” Breaking off again, she clenched her teeth and gave a soft, frustrated groan.
“I want you,” he said frankly. “I can’t help it or hide it right now.”
She stepped away and headed toward the kitchen. “I’m not coming back here, no matter what.”
Following behind her, Rafe said nothing. He wanted her to come back and he was afraid he’d beg her to if he opened his mouth. All around, it would be best if she stayed away—best for both of them. The situation was complicated enough without stirring a heated attraction into it.
It wasn’t just sexual, either, he instinctively recognized. He couldn’t say precisely how he knew, but he had a certainty that Terra didn’t take tumbles for cheap thrills. She wasn’t the type, and he’d been around too much not to trust his instincts in that one respect. She was the type to put emotion into her passion. Quality emotion.
As to why she’d showed passion toward him, he didn’t have any instincts at all that answered the question.
On that score, he was in the dark, wondering. And hurting so bad. Jeez, he was embarrassed to be so out of control.
Terra reached the kitchen door a step ahead of him. She didn’t turn around to look at him when she got there. Eyes straight ahead of her, she spoke. “Again, I’m sorry. It wasn’t my original intention to come here and get reckless.”
He nodded, even though she had her back to him and couldn’t see. “You thought I’d be more of a gentleman than I was,” he said.
“No, that I’d be more of a lady.” Her shoulders slumped. “So much for knowing myself.”
Rafe kept silent, willing her to look over her shoulder at him. After a few seconds, she half turned and met his eyes.
“Look,” he said, “it took two to tango. Granted, it’s the last thing we should have been doing, but it happened.” He ran a hand through his hair and rubbed the back of his neck with the heel of his palm. “No more regrets, okay? We’ve got enough on both sides here.”
She nodded, then gave the security alarm keypad a glance that prompted him to enter the code and open the door for her.
“So long, Terra,” he murmured.
She smiled ruefully, pausing on the first step. “So long, yourself. Stay out of trouble, if you can.”
“Don’t send me any if you can help it,” he returned, forcing himself to sound nonchalant about not seeing her again when in truth he felt downhearted as hell about it.
She didn’t cast a backward look at him, as she continued out and disappeared around the corner of the house on her way next door.
Rafe closed the door and set the alarm. End of love story, he thought. Not that he was actually in love with Terra. He should be thankful for that, he told himself, since it would be easy to go whole heart for her. Far more than a physical chemistry, love would be the worst complication for him right now.
Love. He couldn’t imagine why the word had popped into his mind, nor did he want it there. Now that he’d thought of it, however, he couldn’t force it out.
Rafe wandered back into the parlor and found the fragrance of Terra’s perfume lingering in the air. He skimmed his fingers under his nose and smelled the scent they’d picked up from her, floral and feminine, romantic and…riveting.
It was too potent a reminder of her, and he shouldn’t be standing there breathing it in, torturing himself with every little thing he could remember about her.
The thing to remember was she wouldn’t be back. She had a life that included a precious child, a satisfying career, loving parents, a happy world of her own. She didn’t need a prison-scarred, isolated fugitive casting a shadow over it all.
So, she wouldn’t be back. She’d be near, but not here. He’d get used to it, he told himself. He’d have to.
9
FOR NEARLY A WEEK, Terra stayed strictly away from Rafe. She didn’t speak of him to Lalie, and Lalie said nothing about him either, as if she knew he was a sore subject. Only Josh brought up Kermit, far too often for Terra’s comfort.
She worked a portion of each day with Columbia and gradually the menu project began taking on the shape and unique detail they were striving to achieve. Terra used the business center’s desktop publishing equipment to work out a variety of sample menus with varying themes, color schemes and fold combinations for comparison. There were daily and seasonal menus, ones for holidays, catered affairs, special events.
In her off time, she and Josh enjoyed beachcombing, horseback riding, hiking in the forest preserve. They rode the ferry to Charleston one afternoon and took a sight-seeing bus tour of the city. Twice they picnicked with Elise and her daughter at an old lighthouse on the southern tip of the island.
Every day, Terra halfway expected Lalie to announce that Rafe had flown the coop. But the days passed without that happening.
Then, at the start of Terra’s second week there, Lalie surprised her. They’d settled Josh down for his nap and Terra was ready to leave. Lalie handed her a sealed envelope that had no writing on it, no stamp, no post-mark. “Some mail for you, Terra.”
Terra took it gingerly, knowing without having to ask who’d sent it. She turned it over and over in her hands. “What if I don’t want to hear from him?”
“Terra, if I believed that, I wouldn’t be playing pony express.”
“What does he want?”
“Good question.” Lalie tactfully turned away and busied herself with straightening a picture on the wall.
Terra hesitated, biting her lip. Then she broke the seal and opened the envelope. Inside was an invitation to a swim party. The date: any day. The time: anytime. The host: Kermit. RSVP: please.
Silently she showed it to Lalie, who said, “It would do you both good.”
“Lalie, I told him I wasn’t going back there. He agreed that I shouldn’t.”
“Then write him your regrets and I’ll see that he gets it. Or should I just hurt his feelings and tell him you refuse to change your mind?”
“What about my own feelings? He’s not taking me at my word.”
“He’s taking up trust in you. He misses seeing Josh too, I believe, after spending that little time with him.”
“I don’t want to get any more involved.”
“Okay. Do you tell him or do I tell him?”
“I will. I’ll call.”
“Do it from here while I cut some herbs you can take to Columbia when you go back.”
She went out to the garden and Terra used the wall phone in the kitchen. As before, Rafe didn’t say a word when he picked up the receiver on the other end.
“It’s me.”
“Oh. Long time.”
“About the party…”
“Well?”
“You know it’s not a good idea.”
Silence.
“Can you hear me?”
“I hear you’re not coming any day, anytime.” His voice cracked on the last word and he paused to clear his throat. “Right?”
“No—I mean, uh, I am, but is Josh invited, too?”
“Sure.” His words tumbled over one another. “Absolutely. Both of you, for sure.”
“Um, how about later this afternoon, then? Threethirty?”
“I’ll be here.”
“Which door?”
“Patio.”
He clicked off abruptly, as if afraid that she’d change her mind. Terra hung up the receiver and leaned her forehead against it. She closed her eyes, acknowledging to herself that she was just helpless about Rafe Jermain. The past several days had been a trial, costly to her self-control, ravaging it.
All he probably wanted was company to ease his loneliness, and a warm body to reduce his natural frustration level, she argued with herself. She was familiar enough with her own stifled libido not to blame him for having the same problem.
Taking Josh along would keep her on the straight and narrow with Rafe this afternoon. Alone with him, she wouldn’t have a chance. Josh would enjoy the indoor pool, and so would she, even though her tension level wouldn’t let up around Rafe.
Luckily, she had conquered her fear of water and learned to swim after Josh was born. He had learned along with her at the same time, and now he was a great little paddler, comfortable in any depth. He’d have great fun, especially with Rafe. Daddy.
Her thoughts were cut short as Lalie came in with a basket of fragrant, fresh-cut herbs. “What makes me think you didn’t say no to that party, Terra?”
“Maybe the worried look on my face?”
Lalie beamed. “Some things are just meant to be, I always say.”
“You’re too much of an old-style romantic, Lalie. This is serious trouble I’m getting into and you’re no help. You’re egging me on.”
“Take Josh with you if you want to keep in the shallow end at the party.”
“I’ve already arranged that little safety guard.” Terra took the basket, ready to leave. “I’ll be back to get him at three-thirty.”
“And when is the party?”
“Same time.”
Lalie chuckled, then laughed and laughed.
“It’s not that funny,” Terra grumbled, going out the front door. “Or else your sense of humor is warped.”
She couldn’t help breaking into a warped smile at herself, though. Impetuous and impatient had never been her middle names, but who would believe it today?
There was still time to call the whole thing off.
Nevertheless, Terra dressed in a buttercup yellow tank swimsuit and covered it up with a terry-cloth tunic. She packed towels and Josh’s swimsuit into a beach bag, slung it over her shoulder and left her room.
Time remained for her to change her mind as she passed through the lobby. All she’d have to do was pick up the pay phone in the rest-room alcove, plunk in a coin and hurt Rafe’s feelings.
Nevertheless, she went out to her golf cart and left the resort. In the village, she slowed down at the gas station pay phone, her next-to-last chance to cancel out. She almost came to a stop, but then quit dithering and drove on to collect her son.
Josh was beside himself with excitement when she arrived. He dug his swimsuit out of the bag and ran inside to change. Terra thought of all the explaining she’d have to do if her exhausted self-control revived before time ran out. She still had a minute or two left to call Rafe from Lalie’s phone, but Josh was so keyed up he’d throw a hellacious fit if she backed out now.
He came speeding back out in record time, a quickchange champ. She was committed. She had to face it. Lalie was humming a cheerful tune while watering radicchio lettuce, and there was nothing else to do but show up next door in a swimsuit, with a smile.
Terra gave a wave to Lalie and turned Josh loose. “Ready, set, go.”
He ran through the gate and over the lawn to the patio. Following behind him at a slower pace, Terra saw the door open and admit him into the bedroom. She drew a deep breath as she approached the entrance. A few more steps and she was inside, face-to-face with a man she was falling in love with, her son’s father, the man she couldn’t make herself leave alone.
He wasn’t wearing much, just a summer shirt, unbuttoned down the front, and slim-cut black swim trunks. He gave her a slow smile and politely took the beach bag from her.
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